How much alcohol is too much for you or your partner?

[merrygoround]

I am unbelievably fed up of this subject but the issue of how much is too much drink is dominating my life again. Just thought I'd see if anyone would be kind enough to post a reply so that I have a sense of how much variation there might be in peoples' views.

Two pieces of info would help.

1. Do you take any notice of "recommended units" when deciding how much to drink? Whether yes or no for yourself, does it affect how you react to your dp's drinking? If not, at what point do you feel your dp has had "too much", and find it winds you up?
2. Do you or your dp ever drink (and if so, how would you know when you've reached thelimit)when you are looking after your child(ren)? Or only when they are in bed?

My dp drinks 3 times the recommended amount on a weekly basis, with no day off. Something has to change or else I am going to split up with him, as I simply cannot live with it any more. Sometimes I feel like I have gone mad, and that my standards are unreasonable - I do take note of recommended amounts, but am not sure how much use they are when trying to convince someone that they drink too much. For my dp those limits look miniscule.

I don't think they drink with breakfast LOL... and I have seen it at lunch when in restaurant but when I stay with friends on a daily basis (not a special occasion) there is only wine at dinner.
A very good friend of mine lives on a very posh country club estate in the Suth of France and there are loads of Brits living there tooa nd she said she was amazed at how often and early they drank... they finish a round of golf at 2, my friend has a cup of tea and they ALL have beers or G&T!!!!! It's amusing because we talked about it only this week! She told me this the day after a dinner party at a friend (from Wimbledon) and she said when she arrived they were already on champagne, there was then lots of wine and when she left they were onto whisky! She left as she found it boring (this is why we talked about it).
These are 40yo rich adults

Caligula you're dissing WHO's stats!!!!

Seriously though I think we both sometimes overstep the mark but generally our drinking is in step with each other - which probably makes it not a problem.

Having said that we definitely both go over recommended limits regularly. Always try to not let drink interfere with routines though - if its very hard to get up in the morning for work its time to cut down.

Well the US official recommendations seem to be more moderate than the Brits too !
It's a tad easy to say the WHO is out of date !!!!!

"if its very hard to get up in the morning for work its time to cut down."

REALLY? "Very"????

I am sorry I must be the naive one !
BTW I am on my 3rd glass tonight but I don't drink every night and 3 glasses is far more than most nights !It's just that I started early.

I'm not saying the WHO is out of date, I'm saying they're out of sync with UK govt. guidelines.

And that lots of other literature (including BHF stuff) is out of date as regards UK guidelines.

Although BHF's argument may be that it prefers to accept WHO's guidelines rather than the UK govt's guidelines, and so therefore its materials are not out of date by its criteria.

Call me a pedant!

There was an item on the news about binge drinking just now and saying they are introducing the £50 on the spot fine for being on the street drunk.

The healthy drinking guidelines state that a womans allowance is 2-3 units a day with a man's at 3-4 a day. This is with 2 clear free drinking days per week. Anymore than 4 units is considered binge drinking.

My xh drank excessively - he would have the equivalent of 3-4 special brews a night which at 9% vol each amounts to 13.5 - 18 units per night. This made him alcohol dependent and I had to get shot of him especially as he was around an 18 month old child. He was violent and a monster to live with and it was the best thing ever did.

Nowadays the term is not alcoholic it is "alcohol dependent". Toothache - a bottle of wine can contain more than 8 units, they can go up to 14 units which is a bit of a shock!

If you drink 14 units of alcohol your body will not be free of it for 14 hours, which is why alot of people get done for drink driving the next day. There are websites that give information on cutting down, like keeping a drinks diary - how many drinks, how much did you spend, who you were with, why? etc.

'very hard' as in it's never easy to get up in a morning but if I've had a couple too many the night before it pulls me up a bit!

I'd agree with VB here - I don't think you need to wait until it's "very" hard to get out of bed. Just "hard" is enough. (Although actually, I find it hard every morning, but that's to do with sleep deprivation rather than booze! I suppose I ought to do a 12 step plan to reform my sleeping habits.)

Toothache,I have lived in and presently spend a lot of time in France (did a French degree and my sister is married to a French guy)and honestly,I could count on one hand the amount of people I've seen legless!!
People drink but sparingly. Remember my horror as a wild 21 year old, going to stay with a friend's parents, and one bottle of wine lasted the four of us for two meals!! I was gagging for more!!

I would think that somewhere between what you and velcrobott are discussing is reasonable. I have drunk much more in the past but not so much now although there is nothing more enjoyable to me than a nice meal with dh and/or family and friends with plenty of really good wine. I don't drink without food any more-gets me wrecked too quick.

Merrygoround, your bloke is way out of order. That sort of heavy drinking is so unattractive isn't it?
I had an unbelievably wild Irish b/friend for 4 years-the drugs (another issue I know) and booze he consumed were unbelievable.
I like dh's style-he can get riproaringly pissed on rare occasions and loves a drink, but is so measured and moderate in general. Mind you, having said that, he is wending his way home from Turkey tonight for a well earned 2 weeks off and I know that he will stumble into the bedroom in the early hours after getting into the good beer at Frankfurt airport, bless him!!

1. NO. My dp rarely drinks so I can't really answer the second part of that question.

2. Only drink when she is in bed.

I drink about once a fortnight. It depends on the circumstance as to how much, but a fortnight ago I went out w/work colleague and was steamin' - over a bottle of wine, so I sort of went off it. Had a couple of pints the other night, tho.

Moondog
I lived in France for 2 years as well and rarely saw paralytic folks. It just wasn't the done thing.

MUST get to bed, but thought I'd let U know that I've written down for dp what I think I can live with. It ends up being exactly double the (new) recommended units, which of course sounds like loads, but would be a significant drop for him. The two biggest things I'm asking for is that he has one night off per week, and doesn't binge to the point of unconsciousness. I've put in other things like eating before he drinks, sleeping first if he is shattered, and not drinking when he is likely to be pulled into rounds - that way he spends 3 times more than usual so then I have to put up with him miserable because he is broke.

When working 9as in paid work lol!!) I found that more than 2 (perhaps 3?) glasses of wine affected sleep and ability to get up in the morning, so learnt a looooong time ago that over indulgence is best left to w/ends or childless occasions (which in my case is practically never..sigh).

I think maybe people just gey used to feeling under par. There was an interesting thread a while back on 'boozy parents'. Mine definitely drink more than is good for them. Don't think they've had an alcohol free day in years.

I lived in France and I go there 3 times a year (including in 10 days) - it's totally diffferent!

2 glasses of wine and I'm gone - I'm definitely not a big drinker.

DH likes a jar though

mgr..what does he drink? Beer?
Are we talking 5-6 pints a day or what?
Apart from anything else, it costs a fortune!
Does he smoke too?

Moondog - that sounds like a comprimise to me - at least a start! An excellent point though is eating before a session. Goodnight and good luck.

Oops -cocked up names, sorry Merrygoround!

Merrygoround - I think your list sounds very reasonable and realistic! I hope he sticks to it!! Good luck, I'll be keeping an eye out for you're "My Over Drinking DH Is a Changed Man" thread!

Moondog - I used to go out with a German and spent a bit of time in Hamburg. Couldn't believe it when I went into pubs and there were people sitting playing cards and drinking COFFEE! Are these people mad???
Then again there seems to be the attitude of drinking really fast in the UK. On the continent they may consume the same units in a week, but not binging.

Chocol8 it was nice to read your post. I don't know if you remember but you posted very helpfully when I started a thread last year about whether dp is/was an "alcoholic". (Your nickname is very memorable!)Thanks for your suggestion about the drinks diary - I saw the idea on alcohol concern's website but I never thought of including things like who he is drinking with and how much he spends. If he will do it I think it would make interesting reading.

Moondog, 5-6 pints a day average during the week, but prob nearer 8 at weekends (Fri, Sat and Sun). Yes beer. He drinks Fosters which is medium strength. And yes he smokes. Surprise surprise money is the other thing we argue about all the time.....

Merrygoround
I went out w/a man who drank as much as your dp. He couldn't go a day w/o. He thought he could handle it b/c he was a 'happy' drunk. But he was a drunk just the same. It was only after I got away from him and dried out that I realise what a close shave that was!

Thanks Merrygoround, apparently the drinks diary is something they make people on the drink driving courses do - they have to fill one in honestly everyday. Then they look into the reasons why, and obviously there are all sorts of reasons - depression, bereavement etc.

Even school children are now having to learn about alcohol earlier these days as it seems more common for one or both parents to be alcohol dependent. Some agencies counsel children as young as nine, for the problems they encounter as they become their parents "carers".

I wish you the best of luck and hope your dh listens to your wish list - at least he has asked you to write it down, that's a really good thing and sounds like he wants to make the change and cut down.

Merrygoround - Ah yes... teh money thing. God that's always a touchy point here too. DH has a few triggers: cigarettes (I stopped a year ago, he won't), money, football!! All of which I have a problem with and he gets defensive. MEN EH??!?!

glug glug glug.... glass of Chardonnay anyone?< Just noticed it's 13.5%!!!!!!!!!