This morning I reluctantly went to gP's about a bruised/cracked rib that's been hurting for 10 days. I asked mum to look after ds2 as I didn't want him to be hanging around in the surgery - I am pretty sure last time we were there he picked up measles, or at least the timing was about right, and I just don't really like to expose him if I don';t have to (possibly counterproductive re immune system? Tell me if so!)
Anyway I told her I'd felt uncomfortable sitting there for an hour as the appts were running very late. When I eventually was seen, the paper on the couch hadn't been changed (was crumpled, with old tube of lubricant gel on it) and I said I would change my clothes when I got home. Maybe that wasn't necessary but I felt odd about lying on the same bit of paper that someone's bottom had been examined on.
Then I went to meet mum and ds and found he had stood in something nasty, so took his shoe off and wrapped it in tissue to take home and clean.
I felt quite upset by this time.
Mum started saying I needed to watch it and not to get too obsessed. I explained to her that recently I felt I had no resistance, have not had an illness free week since last July, basically - which might be to do with stress, not eating well, barely sleeping due to illness and teething ds, and still bfing ds which I am trying to stop.
It's been really horrible and at times I have felt like things were really falling apart because I was ill and couldn't cope with the children, have had to ask her to come round and help occasionally etc etc - and the other day she said I ought to get some 'other help' organised, in case I need help again, because she doesn't like taking time off work.
I understand she wants me to have cover in case I am ill but 1) I don't know how to organise this, do Homestart provide crisis help? Or only regular stuff?
and 2) I think it is a mark of how desperate I am not to be ill again, that I am trying to avoid Drs surgeries and don't want ds to wear a shoe which has got unmentionable substances on it.
I feel like I can't win.