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Original poster

went to my first AA meeting last night

75 replies

AlcoAnon · 04/11/2008 07:35

There are several reasons why and mainly to do with the fact that I have tried to stop drinking several times and have only managed a couple of days maximum. I have tried self-help books like Allan Carr and they didn't do anything for me.

I was incredibly nervous but everyone was lovely. I am still feeling raw and confused about facing the fact that I could be an alcoholic. I can't even admit it on here.

I have name changed as I am still coming to terms with this.

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watsthestory · 04/11/2008 07:43

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no1putsbabyinthecorner · 04/11/2008 07:46

I agree, it must have taken alot of courage to go, and you should feel proud.

I would imagine it is one step at a time too.
hope you are ok.

Original poster

AlcoAnon · 04/11/2008 08:01

Thanks

I feel raw inside. Embarrassed and ashamed that I might be considered as someone who has this disease. I know that I shouldn't but I do.

The meeting went well.I didn't speak at the meeting but spoke to a lovely lady afterwards and a lot of what she said resonated with my feelings.

I can't believe I am here.

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gokwancarr · 04/11/2008 08:06

i think you should be incredibly proud of yourself. what a lot of courage. as you said alcoholism is a disease, there is no shame in having and seeking treatment for a disease. best of luck with your recovery xxxx

watsthestory · 04/11/2008 08:22

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no1putsbabyinthecorner · 04/11/2008 08:32

sorry thought I had posted another message.
Do you have any other support from family/friends?

Everyone is right you should not feel embarrassed.
I imagine your emotions are like a rollercoaster right now.

cmotdibbler · 04/11/2008 08:39

Congratulations on taking the first step towards the rest of your life.

Just take it an hour at a time, and look forward to your next meeting. A friend of mine dealt with her dependancy issues by telling herself that she was just choosing not to have a drink this lunchtime/at dinner/this evening, as she found that easier than thinking that she was giving up all together as that was just too much.

Nothing to be embarrassed about at all btw.

Original poster

AlcoAnon · 04/11/2008 08:40

I have my DP. He is the only person I have told that is close to me and the only person in the world that I trust to be able to help me get through these first weeks and beyond.

I don't trust anyone else not to judge me or gossip. I don't want to tell my mother as I don't want to upset her and she would probably tell my sister. I had an eating disorder in my teens and my family didn't deal with it very well. They dealt with it appallingly in fact. I don't trust them to help me through this either.

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Original poster

AlcoAnon · 04/11/2008 08:43

I'm not a daytime drinker so no problems getting through the day. It is at night time that I drink.

It is all I can think about at the moment. The thought of never ever having another drink makes me feel . I suppose that is the alcoholic mentality. Stupid thought I know.

I just wish I didn't care about it.

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blinks · 04/11/2008 08:57

do you have kids? if so you're saving them years of distress and potential mental illness.

well done.

Original poster

AlcoAnon · 04/11/2008 08:59

I have one ds who is 2yrs old.

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watsthestory · 04/11/2008 09:09

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laundrylover · 04/11/2008 09:13

Well done for taking the first MASSIVE step AlcoAnon.

Good luck for the next few weeks...you can do this. AA is there to give you the support that you can't get from your family - they all know just what you're going through too.

Original poster

AlcoAnon · 04/11/2008 09:14

I don't know much about the steps to be honest. I havent had time to ingest it all yet.

Last night was an eye-opener. I can't go into details for obvious reasons but I was like WOW. Those people in there are amazing. I am welling up thinking about it and their generosity.

I might have a look to see if there is a meeting tonight. I was going to leave it for Thursday night but I need their inspiration to get me through the next few days.

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Grammaticus · 04/11/2008 09:14

I'm guessing you have posted before under another name? Good luck with your journey and well done - you will find other treats to replace the drink, once you have got your head round it a bit. One night at a time - keep going, well done.

Original poster

AlcoAnon · 04/11/2008 09:16

I have had a read over the steps but not too sure what they mean and how they relate to me.

I have a lot to learn.

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Original poster

AlcoAnon · 04/11/2008 09:18

I have posted before under a different name and still do.

I just want this part of my life to be kept seperate from the other 'normal' part of my life.

Just for now. I know this is who I am and will probably come to accept it. Until I can get my head around it I would rather just stay anon.

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watsthestory · 04/11/2008 09:18

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Original poster

AlcoAnon · 04/11/2008 09:23

lol

I understand now. There is so much reading material for me to get through I am getting confused.

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mellyfriedonionsonahotdog · 04/11/2008 09:23

wanted to say well done to you....

you must be an incredibly strong and caring person to do this.....you will do it...there will be good days, bad days and worse days i'm sure, but little by little, you will learn to live your happy life again.

take inspiration from your new friends at the aa mtgs......

i wish you shed loads of luck, and always remember your friends here on mn if you need an extra bit of support.
x

blinks · 04/11/2008 09:24

oh, your 2 year old is so lucky that his mum is strong enough to seek help. you're teaching him about REAL strength.

i think surrendering is the hardest part.

Original poster

AlcoAnon · 04/11/2008 09:27

I can't believe I turned up there last night. I had to drive 30mins to get there.

My local one is on Wednesday but I didn't want to wait until then. I knew that if I did I would have ended up drinking again last night, tonight and I just needed to see someone.

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Elibean · 04/11/2008 13:59

Good for you, AlcoAnon

I went to my first meeting (can't remember if it was AA or NA, think it was AA) well over 20 years ago and felt just the same as you...can promise you that the shame goes, well and truly, and so does the non-stop thinking about alcohol.

I do remember crying (grieving) the not having my 'friend' alcohol/drugs anymore...it was a major source of comfort to me for some years, so very natural to grieve it. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you can hold in mind that the source of comfort was also a source of destruction/depression/harm and had to go.

The more meetings you can get to in early days the better, I found...let the groups support you through this bit, you deserve it!

Original poster

AlcoAnon · 04/11/2008 14:57

Thank you Elibean.

I am thinking of going to same one on Thursday. I have to study tonight . Not sure how it will go after that.

Please give me some tips on what to do and how to keep my mind off it. I have some reading material from the meeting and I might do some reading up on the damage alcohol does. I'm just trying to do anything that will have a positive effect. Thank you so much.

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Original poster

AlcoAnon · 04/11/2008 15:18

Please can someone talk to me.

My head is in a bit of a mess. I'm up and down. Just don't know what to think.

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