Anyone else have NO sex drive?

[dontfeellikeit]

Just wondering if it was only me. I am 42.

So what is this web site then....

If you google 'free porn' quite a few come up. First one is the one I was on. It wasn't the one the MNer linked to - she was trying to link to the She Mail and obviously didn;t quite get it right .

Dont think I dare!!

ps;take it that "free" means it doesnt cost anything? Dont want to get landed with a huge phone bill!! Bet thats what my teenage DS has been looking at when I come home and the blinds are down!!

Do people with no sex drive have sex with their husbands and not orgasm? Or do you orgasm in the end?

Sorry to jump in on the dicussion (hope you don't mind...) but I can't begin to tell you how relieved I am to have discovered this thread. I thought I was abnormal and even plucked up enough courage to see a doctor (female) only to be told that I should grit my teeth and get on with it . Not helpful at all!
I too went off sex after the birth of my 1st child and have never really rediscovered my mojo! I don't fancy anyone! Not Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp....I wish I could - poor DH must be sooooo frustrated. I honestly feel like I could go without for the rest of my life, not that I want to for DH's sake. Help!

Can I join in too. Have never had much of a sex drive but it is zero since having the DCs. Dh finds it very frustrating. Am on a waiting list for counselling. As others have said, it really doesn't bother me, but it is a big problem for Dh and I owe it to him to try and regain some libido.

It is really good to hear that I'm not alone, as I was beginning to think that it was just me.

Free in that I don;t have to add any credit card details or address, etc, so I'm guessing it's completely free. It's basically like YouTube but naughty .

MP, I can't answer for anyone else but on the odd occasions where I felt I had to give DH his conjugals I didn't orgasm. I just wanted to get it over with asap.

So doesn't your DH try to help you come to orgasm?

What if George Clooney (nearly typed George Bush) were to give you cunnilingus for an hour or so? Would you not feel some STIRRINGS?

Unfortunately, a lot of doctors are not helpful WRT vanishing libido. Too many people still think that sex is unimportant and something that one 'grows out of' - if you get a doctor who has a low-ish libido him/herself, then your concerns about yours are not going to be taken seriously. Doctors are also notoriously bad about warning patients that some types of regular medication kill the sexual appetite stone dead. But if an individual has no sex drive but is otherwise happy with his/her partner (no simmering resentments or recent bad rows about other stuff) - and would like to have a libido that functions, then a thorough pphysyical check up can help as much as counselling in some cases.

I have had the physical check up and nothing wrong - I was actually hoping that they would find something wrong to 'explain' why I don't have something that everyone else seems to have. I can only assume that it's a psychological barrier in my case

So I assume you aren't taking anti-depressants or hormonal contraceptives which could explain the vanishing

Have you tried just knocking off an orgasm a day? Just sort of after the hoovering but before you go to sleep?

FFF: Counselling may help then. It's possible (don't want to pry or expect you to answer uncomfortable questions on a public message board) that your upbringing maybe taught you that sex is not quite nice for mothers who are supposed to be pure and above al that sort of thing, for instance.

Another one here, I have a 4yo, a 2 1/2yo and a breastfeeding/non sleeping 3 month old.

I'm shattered at night and on the rare night that DD3 does sleep for a bit, DP thinks we should be at it as it's the only chance we get (true) but if I get an hour or two's break from DD3 I just want to chill.

I do still want to deep down but am always so tired. I know things will get better eventually but it is driving a wedge between us just now.

Out of interest, has anyone tried viagra? It's supposed to have an effect on women...

I think in a lot of cases it is down to sleep deprivation, especially if you have under 1s - not only are you tired but you are getting a lot of physical contact all day from your LO and you get to a point where you just don't want to be touched for a bit - and even the most tentative request from the nicest and most -pulling-his-weight DP can seem like one more demand.
It is a stage that will pass - and people in that situation sometimes benefit from having a couple of nights away (ie when a BFing child has been weaned and could be left with GPs).

Agree, SGSOAS, its just nice to have my body to myself occasionally!

I have none - due, I am guessing, to a combination of depression, obesity, tiredness, a dh who lacks empathy and social skills and a myriad of aches and pains - getting old

It's a huge cause of disagreement between me and the dh, who gets horribly resentful about the lack of it, who doesn't understand that if he's spent the day snapping at me/ignoring what I'm saying, then I'm unlikely to feel sexy come bedtime and who feels rejected if I ask him not to do something to me physically that I don't like (why doesn't he understand that repeatedly doing something that is like the physical equivalent of fingernails down a blackboard, if you know what I mean) is NOT going to make me feel all warm and fuzzy towards him.

Sunnygirl: not surprising you don't feel like having sex with him in that case. I do rather think that 'partner is an arse' is one of the more common causes of failing libido: do you think there's much chance of getting him to behave better if you put it to him logically?

We are working on it - it does feel like we have the same discussion over and over again though. It's more productive if we talk when we are not upset/stressed, obviously, but with teenage kids around, it can be a bit difficult to find time and space for that sort of conversation except last thing at night when we're alone in bed - which may not be the best time for it.

Things are improving very gradually, and he does seem to understand how my sex drive is heavily influenced by my emotions and mood, and that helping me with that, and making me feel more respected and listened-to, is the right way round to tackle things - he was approaching it from the 'If I get sex, I'll be happier therefore nicer' direction, and for me, that wasn't really going to work - though I do make love with him sometimes even if I don't want to, because he needs it and it's how he feels loved by me - so it's a compromise I make.

I am also going to be joining a Psychotherapy group to help with the depression, which in turn may make it easier for me to be motivated with the weight-loss, all of which may help the relationship and the sex-life.

I agree sunnygirl that my DH doesnt realise women need to feel emotionally connected before wanting sex. In the past I have found him distanced and unsympathetic towrds me and I think this has had a negative effect on our sex life.

sweetkitty, I think this comment sums a lot of it up:

"DP thinks we should be at it as it's the only chance we get (true) but if I get an hour or two's break from DD3 I just want to chill."

A lot of men just don't understand why you wouldn't want to have sex in that hour you have to yourself. Many of them just don't understand that after giving so much of yourself all the time, you just want a bit of time for you. DH certainly gets upset that I don't want it as much as him because he feels rejected but in all honesty, it often feels like just another thing to do.

I have name changed for this. But it has been the case for years now. DH does not even want quickies. He needs me to be enjoying it too, which can be difficult if its the last thing you want. Porn did work for a bit, but it got to the stage where he was saying 'should I bring the laptop to bed tonight?' Very romantic.

There seems no reason for my state. He adores me and I love him dearly. I'm not tired, kids are teenagers. I suppose it could be hormonal - I'm 48.

That is so true about wanting a bit of physical space, solidgold. I've got 3dcs who are only 3 years apart - oldest is 4.9, so I spend an awful lot of my day being manhandled and climbed on and cuddled. By the time they go to bed I just want some space and, unfortunately for dh, that means from him too.

Deffinitely true about needing physical space. my ds is always clambering all over me, wanting picking up and carried, I love it but at the end of the day, i just feel like I want to me me again and not have someone else grabbing at me. I never really could be bothered with sex though, I would always rather eat some chocolate. It's deffinitely got worse since I was pregnant through.