Anyone else have NO sex drive?

[dontfeellikeit]

Just wondering if it was only me. I am 42.

NMC -

Can't imagine what toil that all must take on your day-to-day life, let alone your sex life

I shall take off my amateur sex therapist cap now

My main motivation is my DH and our relationship, too. He is lovely... I love him to bits...he has been very patient about all this and is still a lovely, attentive, affectionate husband and tries very hard to understand how I feel and why things are the way they are...but FFS, 4 years with only intermittent, crap sex? It's got to be hard on him.

Me? I could happily forget it forever more

Can I join this club too? I'm 33. Used to love it but no more. Doc says it might be down to the fact I've been diabetic for 30 years, so there's little chance it'll ever come back. Rubbish, isn't it. I feel like I'm not normal.

with you on this MrsMattie. And Bernard, I wish I did feel 'normal' and was shagging from the chandeliers if only to keep dh happy!
Its a real problem and I have no idea what to do. The counseller suggested more time with intimacy but you know what I thought, if my bits weren't damaged, a quickie is over and done with and much easier than 'spending time'.
I'd rather do that than fluff around

off to bed now as have to go with dd cos of her seizures but thanks for bringing this whole topic up. Its important but so many of us feel embaressed to admit we just aren't interested and we feel very alone and like we are really weird.

Yes, thank you - I feel less weird to know I'm not alone.

Me too - absolutely NO sex drive. Don't care if I never have sex again. DH and I have just separated - sex was a biggish issue as was his addiction to phone chat lines.

It's reassuring catching up on some of these posts to realise I'm not alone. I do worry about my other half as his drive is as it always has been and it must be so frustrating for him. Not just the frequency but realising that I just want it over so that I can go to sleep.

Hi all

I'm 38 and have to agree with you all. I just can't be bothered and haven't really since DS was born three years ago. Don't know what happened at first - prob just tired as DS never slept well. But now I have an entirely new reason (see Mental Health discussions if really interested ).

Oh yes and I agree agree with most of the posters - would rather curl up in bed early with a glass of wine and a good book

Nice to know I'm not the only one. I just don't see the point of it and feel completely sexless. I wouldn't get excited if Brad Pitt, George Clooney or any other attractive man flirted. I just don't feel anything anymore

... and I(and DH) thought it was just me!

Will have to show DH this, as I really thing he just thinks it's me.

I have alot of other problems with being physical..I hate being hugged or touched, but seemed to be able to keep this apart from sex until I has my ds's.

wow i had to lugh at this at first cos this is sooo true of me. hes less touchy feely since dd's and id rather sleep. We used to have a lot of sex before and loved it. Any ideas to bring it back or is that it has it gone forever?

I'm 32 and really am not interested in sex. Again, probably since the birth of my child. I have motivation to go to the gym, always make an effort with my appearance, but I can honestly say I would happily never bother with sex for the rest of my life! I love my husband, love a cuddle but would rather clean the house than have a shag. Glad to know I'm not weired after all. Problem is, hubby is getting pissed off with me and sometimes I probably take for granted that he is the loyal type and if I'm to be honest if he was to be unfaithful, I couldn't blame him. Of course I would never admit this to him...

I wish dh had no drive too then things would be fine.

I'm 29, used to be ravenous, now have to put it on my 'to do' list to make sure DH doesn't feel too neglected.

Plus, I have to get quite drunk now otherwise I clam up.

No pun intended...

where did the drive go? My fanjo isn't traumatised by childbirth, I don't have body issues, i fancy DH, we get on, I'm not ridiculously tired, wtf??

Unfortunately, if you don't want sex and you have a partner who does want/like/enjoy sex, then ignoring the issue and hoping that your partner will take the hint or lose his/her libido somehow isn't going to work and is actually rather selfish behaviour. YOu have to work out a strategy together for dealing with the mismatch in libidos: will the low-libido partner make an effort to have counselling or see the GP (sometimes loss of libido has a simple medical cause: some prescriptions drugs reduce the sex drive, or hormonal fluctuations can have an effect on it)? Is it acceptable for the partner who wants sex to get it outside the primary relationship?
SOmetimes the problem is quite simply that both partners have fallen into the trap of A asking for sex and B refusing so that A feels desperate and B feels hounded, any kind of physical affection becomes and absolute minefield as B interprets every friendly gesture as 'You are trying to get sex again' and A can't help hoping that sex might follow on from a hug or a kiss.

TBH a common problem, though, is that most people get a bit bored with the same sex with the same partner after time. People can overlook a rather uninteresting technique when they are first madly in love etc (the amount of rubbish sex peopole in love will put up with is amazing) then after a while it just gets deeply dull because it's so predictable.

well, I'm making an effort. Having broken fanjo repaired under a GA (bit nervous as convinced GA will kill me) and seeing a counseloor.
No cure for 24 hour care of brain damaged child thoguh.

I find sex a bit like an indian meal - I never really fancy it, but once I smell it then yum.

My issue is I have had my ovaries removed, so am post menopausal and just cant find the right button at the mo. I am 34 BTW

NMC: I hope things get better for you. THe surgery may help: as to the difficulties you face with caring for your DD, is there any likelihood of you getting any respite care? In general (not just WRT to a libido) having a little bit of time to yourself, to indulge yourself is essential for your mental health.

This all sounds extremely familiar. Have sent the link to DH to show him it's not just me.

I've namechanged for this because I'm not usually so open about this stuff on here and am a bit about it.

If you'd started this thread a couple of weeks ago I'd have been the first in line shouting 'ME!'. Sex drive disappeared when I got pg with ds1 5 years ago and really hasn't returned, bar when we were trying to conceive dd and there was a purpose to it, iyswim. After she was born I got pg with ds2 on the second time we'd had sex. After ds2 was born we didn't have sex for 10mo (that was last October) and hadn't done it since. I reckon (discounting ttc dd, which happened the first month anyway) we've had sex maybe 10 times max in the past 5 years.

Dh tried occasionally, and it caused a lot of tension between us because I always rejected him but even the thought of it left me cold.

A couple of weeks ago, I was on MN and someone had accidentally linked to a porn site, instead of something to do with the Daily Mail. I have never actually seen proper porn before so I had a look, just out of curiosity, to see what the fuss was about.

Bizarrely, I found it a huge turn on and was on various sites for a good couple of hours, getting more and more horny. DH was at the pub and when he came home I pretty much jumped on him .

Since then, I've been feeling much more up for it and have become much more adventurous in what we are doing too. Before it was a very predictable 'boobs, bits, missionary sex, done' routine. Now we do a bit of oral, try different positions and generally have a bit more fun.

It is definitely true that the more you do it, the more you want it. We've done it maybe every other night in the last fortnight and I feel as though I'm rediscovering a part of me that I honestly thought was dead and buried.

So there is hope yet.....

Yor DH must be thrilled. Did you own up to him about the porn? Not like he would care now he has his new raunchy wife in tow!
Things are so bad that my husband now calls me "pussy no more" instead of "pussy galore" This is from James Bond!

I did actually! Not til the following day but he didn't mind - as if he would if he gets his leg over because of it . I think he was a bit to start with because it's just not me at all but that didn't last long.

I think men are generally less repressed about porn (all those teenage years ).