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Original poster

i think i was attacked. i was drunk & can't remember. not feeling great

116 replies

superfrenchie1 · 04/10/2008 11:45

i rarely post on mn but i am so stressed about this i really need to get it off my chest. i am a wreck, shaking and shivering. sorry i will try to be as concise as possible. this is what happened to me last friday...

went out after work starting at 6pm, drank quite a lot (so did everyone else), no food, great time, got to about 11.30 and realised i was pretty drunk & wobbly and didn't need any more to drink so told a couple of colleagues and they helped me out to the cab rank (they were also v drunk) all my colleagues - i work for a very young company all aged 25 - 30 - stayed out til 2am, all very drunk. i am 29 btw and the only one with kids, not that that matters.

i remember being on the main road near my house having an argument, which is very unlike me - someone was being very aggressive and i was saying "stop! you'll kill me! i've got two little children!" that was at 1am. possibly because i had got into a cab without cash and asked the driver to stop at a cashpoint. (i did have cash and would have paid - it was payday, i had money and bank cards etc)

at 4am dp let me into our flat, he found me in the communal area with my jeans around my knees and covered in bruises and blood. turns out i have a broken cheekbone, cnojunctival haemmorhage, huge dark red black eye which is so swollen i can hardly open it, severe swelling and bruising - i look horrendous. nothing was missing / stolen.

feel so bad that my kids had to see me this way. i don't go out that often; this was a rare work night out, i had a great time in the bar and everyone says i was great fun and on good form. i remember snippets of being in the bar but have no idea what happened to me between 1 and 4am & i can't remember how i sustained these injuries. i have worked from home this week because i look so gross. my colleagues are really shocked. dp is disgusted with me and thinks it's all my fault, he hasn't been sympathetic at all, the opposite in fact.

have reported to police and they are looking for cctv footage but said that there is not really any evidence that there has been a crime. been to hospital and been x-rayed etc and have follow-up appt to drain blood from big swollen blood clot in cheek. also am in touch with victim support and am meeting one of their volunteers next week to chat for an hour.

i don't know how i feel about this. i feel so embarrassed and as though it's all my fault. i don't even know if i was attacked or not - maybe i just fell and hit my head and passed out for a bit. or maybe i was beaten and raped. i guess i'll need to do pregnancy & STD tests at some point - hopefully victim support can advise about this

i am so depressed (unlike me - i am ALWAYS happy) and feel like the worst mother in the world. plus i want dp to fall off a cliff, he's been horrid and abusive for a while and this feels like the final straw.
i have to go back into the office on monday & feel really self conscious (have been wearing sunglasses 24/7) and don't know how to answer when people ask what happened

any idea what i can do to help myself?

sorry for rambling

i'll be offline today as going out but will check back again when i can. any help really appreciated

OP posts:
InvisiblePsychomum · 05/10/2008 00:42

if you can post about it on MN, then sorry, you can go to the police about it.

it may sound harsh, and in the mornign I may think I sound harsh, but surely, you know that something is not right, so go to the police and stop posting here!!!!

blueskythinker · 05/10/2008 00:55

OP has gone to the police. And yes, you do sound harsh. Why on earth should the OP stop posting on MN? She clearly needs some understanding and support - not your version of tough love.

InvisiblePsychomum · 05/10/2008 01:06

the OP has been here once, in ever, for a 'return to work issue'. I am probably being harsh, but this week has seen many many bad posts on Mn so I am saying, GO TO THE POLICE, so not post here if you are scared or confused, as we cannot help you.

that is all!

not being mean, just telling it like it is.

x

TinkerBellesMum · 05/10/2008 01:17

zippitippitoes rohip isn't the only drug that is used. I once had an experience where I think I was spiked. I was fine in the club but as soon as I left I felt very ill. I was out with friends who just left the club and I wasn't local. Fortunately I knew some people who go to a club (not a night club) near by and one of them was the first number in my phone so he arranged someone to come and get me, I don't know how I made that call, I couldn't open my eyes or walk in a straight line it was fortunate the number was where it was. I've never been ill like that from drinking and I'm glad I was able to get help. I told some friends later what had happened and they told me exactly which drug causes that effect, it wasn't rohip and it only lasts 1.5-3 hours.

superfrenchie1 I don't know your feelings on the matter but have you thought about taking MAP?

TinkerBellesMum · 05/10/2008 01:19

She has gone to the police, it's being dealt with, she just wants to talk to people who aren't involved. That's the thing about places like this you can be anon and if people judge you you're not going to see them again. I'm sure we all make those posts.

InvisiblePsychomum · 05/10/2008 01:23

not qutie like this tho.

I hope she is in the right place then. and of not, she is heading there!!!!

TinkerBellesMum · 05/10/2008 01:28

No, I hope I never have to make a post like this. I've been spiked and I've been raped, but they were two different things. I don't think I was spiked enough (IYKWIM) because I was still in some small amount of control, I can't imagine coming round later having lost hours.

InvisiblePsychomum · 05/10/2008 01:31

I have been spiked too!!!

so have many of us.

the difference is that if after my spiking I know I would have headed to the police, not come here. and sorry if that makes me sound harsh, it is just how it is.

altho, seems she has gone to the police, so now, we can only support and hope for the best!

XXXX

zippitippitoes · 05/10/2008 01:37

i hope i havent said anything judgemental just expeieintial

NiceShoes · 05/10/2008 01:39

calm down psychomum.is this some bizzare one-upmanship?who suffered the most

different people react differently
maybe OP posting on MN was safe and cathartic

TinkerBellesMum · 05/10/2008 01:44

She went to the police before she came on here, she talks about it in her OP.

I was posting for some sort of one-up-manship, the mental state I'm already in meant that neither really bothered me. I spoke to the woman who interviewed me after the rape and she said it's a normal reaction (it's just the media that shows every rape victim as a hysterical mess, it's just one reaction). I didn't do anything about the spike because nothing happened and after the farce that was before I didn't see the point.

salsmum · 05/10/2008 02:17

OP just a thought but have you tried talkin to your nextdoor neighbours? if they are curtain twitchers friendly you could approach them with something like 'I hope I did'nt make too much noise the other night but I'd been to a works do and got slightly tipsy If neighbours were awoke by you/other person they are probably gagging for a chance to tell you exactly what happened. Shot in dark I know but it may make things clearer. If you've been to pub/club before would the doormen remember anything..[someone following you/acting wierd?] very often they have a good memory and are quite observant. I do hope you find the peace you need through VS or friends. x

Inevergivemychildrensweets · 05/10/2008 06:25

Come on pshychomum, it doesn't sound like a troll if that's what you're getting at...with a partner like that you would really feel very alone and MN is somewhere to vent and get your head around stuff you might be fortunate enough to be able to discuss with your other half - please remember not all of us have one of those. Or one of those that we feel able to trust.

SF1 I hope it all gets sorted. You are in our thoughts pet x

LackaDAISYcal · 05/10/2008 13:40

psychomum, from reading some of your posts, you have obviously had a hard time of things.

How would you feel if you were told to stop posting and go tell it to someone else?

I'm quite frankly at your attitude; like the no. of posts has anything do do with worthiness of support. I also realise that this week has been a bit crazy and that you obviously have some issues regading your support given to another poster, but please take it up with those involved and don;t come on other threads shooing people away who just need an ear, especially if they aren't being listened to at home. so off you go and yourself.

blinks · 05/10/2008 14:06

just wanted to add that it is possible you were peeing and fell over, hence the face injury... ?

did you have any physical symptoms of a sexual attack/penetration?

this must be awful for you and I hope you gain strength to deal with the issues with your partner.

Original poster
superfrenchie1 · 05/10/2008 16:41

hello! have to be quick as am supposed to be looking after ds, he is just playing with his toys on his own and i feel bad sitting here staring at the computer rather than playing with him...

i used to have a different name on mn, i was indiemummy, and posted loads of times under that name. but tbh have never got enough time to get really involved. i come on mn often if i need information. i guess i am not organised enough to look after the kids AND mn!! all power to those who do! glad that the majority are not holding it against me - the fact that i have not posted often recently i mean. was worried mn had become cliquey and would not help strangers but have been v pleasantly surprised by the amount of support.

yes i went to the police and hospital etc straight away. i came on here because my head is still a mess and i don't know how to come to terms with the fact that something might have happened to me. i do have an hour-long appt with victim support which i think will be useful, that is this friday.

anyway thanks to everyone for the supportive posts, i will re-read them tomorrow as there is lots advice there and it makes me feel less alone that there are people out there who understand.

tinkerbelle's mum - what is MAP??

thank you again xx

OP posts:
Original poster
superfrenchie1 · 05/10/2008 16:43

oh sorry morning after pill. yes i thought about it but too late now. this was fri 26 sept. 9 days ago.

sorry was having a blonde moment

OP posts:
umberella · 05/10/2008 16:43

I think she means the morning after pill SF.

Frightattendent · 05/10/2008 16:44

It's the morning after pill x

(Prob not too relevant now as I think you need to take it within 72hrs)

(should be playing with ds too! )

Original poster
superfrenchie1 · 05/10/2008 16:44

the 48 / 72 hours after it happened were a blur and it just didn't happen - it wasn't until day 3 that i even considered that something might have happened - up until then i was telling myself and everyone else that i must have fallen over and hurt myself. sounds weird but i think i was in shock.

OP posts:
Frightattendent · 05/10/2008 16:48

No I imagine you probably were...I certainly would have been I think.

You sound very composed and yes I do remember you as Indiemummy (or was it Indiemum?)

You're very welcome here anyway

Original poster
superfrenchie1 · 05/10/2008 16:50

sorry me again two more things...

salsmum - yep i've spoken to the neighbours, they didn't hear or notice anything during the night. they all suspect that dp did it though and think i am covering up for him...

secondly i am not a troll but i am not a regular on mn, i.e. it can be weeks in between visits; from the posts above maybe i should have checked out what else was happening last week, maybe there have been similar threads or much worse things happening, if so i am sorry, i do feel really lucky that i got home in one piece - in fact it's all i've been thinking and talking about in real life - i know some people are not so lucky. anyway so i hope i haven't been insensitive. didn't mean to. hope everyone's weekends are alright.

OP posts:
SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 05/10/2008 16:50

SF1 Why did your DP not call the police the minute he saw you? I have fallen over drunk before and brusied my backside. The trousers I was wearing were far too big for me and fell down as I fell down. When DH saw that i hurt myself and that my jeans must have been down at the time as they were clean but my arse was covered in mud he went to call the police. Luckily I was just sober enough to explain what happened. I can't get my head around the way your DP is behaving towards you.

Original poster
superfrenchie1 · 05/10/2008 16:52

frightattendant, i was 'indiemummy' - don't know why i chose that name - was in a hurry - but i just went off it hence the name change!! no other reason. like i say i am not often on here so didn't give it much thought.

OP posts:
Original poster
superfrenchie1 · 05/10/2008 16:54

i don't know why dp didn't call the police - think he didn't realise how bad/serious it was and thought it was just me being drunk having tried to have a wee and hurt myself somehow. he was disgusted and says i should not have had so much to drink. he does have a point and i'm not proud of the fact that i had way too much.

OP posts:
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