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Original poster

i think i was attacked. i was drunk & can't remember. not feeling great

116 replies

superfrenchie1 · 04/10/2008 11:45

i rarely post on mn but i am so stressed about this i really need to get it off my chest. i am a wreck, shaking and shivering. sorry i will try to be as concise as possible. this is what happened to me last friday...

went out after work starting at 6pm, drank quite a lot (so did everyone else), no food, great time, got to about 11.30 and realised i was pretty drunk & wobbly and didn't need any more to drink so told a couple of colleagues and they helped me out to the cab rank (they were also v drunk) all my colleagues - i work for a very young company all aged 25 - 30 - stayed out til 2am, all very drunk. i am 29 btw and the only one with kids, not that that matters.

i remember being on the main road near my house having an argument, which is very unlike me - someone was being very aggressive and i was saying "stop! you'll kill me! i've got two little children!" that was at 1am. possibly because i had got into a cab without cash and asked the driver to stop at a cashpoint. (i did have cash and would have paid - it was payday, i had money and bank cards etc)

at 4am dp let me into our flat, he found me in the communal area with my jeans around my knees and covered in bruises and blood. turns out i have a broken cheekbone, cnojunctival haemmorhage, huge dark red black eye which is so swollen i can hardly open it, severe swelling and bruising - i look horrendous. nothing was missing / stolen.

feel so bad that my kids had to see me this way. i don't go out that often; this was a rare work night out, i had a great time in the bar and everyone says i was great fun and on good form. i remember snippets of being in the bar but have no idea what happened to me between 1 and 4am & i can't remember how i sustained these injuries. i have worked from home this week because i look so gross. my colleagues are really shocked. dp is disgusted with me and thinks it's all my fault, he hasn't been sympathetic at all, the opposite in fact.

have reported to police and they are looking for cctv footage but said that there is not really any evidence that there has been a crime. been to hospital and been x-rayed etc and have follow-up appt to drain blood from big swollen blood clot in cheek. also am in touch with victim support and am meeting one of their volunteers next week to chat for an hour.

i don't know how i feel about this. i feel so embarrassed and as though it's all my fault. i don't even know if i was attacked or not - maybe i just fell and hit my head and passed out for a bit. or maybe i was beaten and raped. i guess i'll need to do pregnancy & STD tests at some point - hopefully victim support can advise about this

i am so depressed (unlike me - i am ALWAYS happy) and feel like the worst mother in the world. plus i want dp to fall off a cliff, he's been horrid and abusive for a while and this feels like the final straw.
i have to go back into the office on monday & feel really self conscious (have been wearing sunglasses 24/7) and don't know how to answer when people ask what happened

any idea what i can do to help myself?

sorry for rambling

i'll be offline today as going out but will check back again when i can. any help really appreciated

OP posts:
lou33 · 04/10/2008 13:49

How did you dp know to find you at 4am in a communal area. I am aghast at his reaction, and so very sorry this has happened to you

Notreallycoping · 04/10/2008 15:07

Yes how did he know you were there? I hate to say it but insisting you all go out and act like nothing has happened seems really,really odd and almost suspicious. Nobody likes to be reminded of something they did that was very bad.

However you might be the best person to know if thoughts like that have any potential foundation. I don't want to sound like we;re all saying 'it was him' when of course none of us knows. But he is behaving really oddly.

It's true you could have had a wee but that wouldn't be liable to break a bone in your face.

Notreallycoping · 04/10/2008 15:08

Also it would be horrific to have to contemplate such a thing after such an assault so might be best not to think about it yet. Just concentrate on gathering other support around you as he is being a twunt whatever.

Saturn74 · 04/10/2008 15:14

Sorry you're going through this - what a horrible experience.

How long have you worked with your colleagues - do you trust them all enough to know that one of them isn't involved?

Is there a chance that one of them may be able to provide more information from the night - it may help you piece things together?

mamadiva · 04/10/2008 15:17

This happened to my mum a few weeks ago she was drugged then sexually assaulted but the police saw it on CCTV and got there as the bastard was trying to get her jeans off

If you want talka nytime my email is sr86 @ hotmail dot co dot uk

My mum has been put in touch with some helplines and counsillors etc although she still can't remember a thing. Please try not to blame yourself or worry about being a bad mother YOU ARE NOT! We went through that too it's perfectly normal but please try as much as you can to move on from this.

Like I said if you want to talk just mail me I'd be happy to try and provide some support

Notreallycoping · 04/10/2008 15:17

It does sound as though you were having an argument elsewhere before returning home though which wouldn't implicate DP...very confusing. Maybe the taxi driver was involved..I wonder if they have any leads in that department, maybe the place you caught the cab from might have a camera.

I really hope you can find some closure on what happened, sorry, will stop playing amateur detective - not the most helpful thing.

Do take care of yourself xx

Ripeberry · 04/10/2008 15:23

This is why i NEVER go out late at night. I'm always home by 11pm. Sad, yes but town centers these days are full of nutters and people who want to be nasty.
Much prefer staying in with DH, bottle of wine, nice video and maybe a bit of nookie .

Notreallycoping · 04/10/2008 15:39

But it isn't OPs's fault whatever someone did to her...obviously.

Lots of people do go out late and don't get beaten up

Notreallycoping · 04/10/2008 15:41

Ripe i don't think that's v helpful really, sorry

mind you my posts probably aren't either..

umberella · 04/10/2008 15:51

Ripeberry, that was an ill judged post to say the least.

umberella · 04/10/2008 15:53

OP, I assume the police are speaking to the colleagues who put you in the taxi, and trying to locate the taxi driver?

I am disgusted by the attitude of your dp -so sorry you are going through this.

Ripeberry · 04/10/2008 16:48

I'm sorry you think i'm being funny or something, but not everyone likes to get off their head for a good time.
You must all be lucky living in nice areas.
Because there is always trouble kicking off in our town center.
Just not my idea of a good night out. Each to their own.
I'm one of those who just does not get drunk as i'm either very sick or fall asleep after 3 glasses of wine. Always have been that's why i don't like going out as i can see how everyone else is behaving and remember every little detail.

CrushWithEyeliner · 04/10/2008 16:53

Ripeberry you must feel sooo great about yourself being so clever to avoid being attacked like these stupid women who ask for it.

Just move off this thread please.

hereorthere · 04/10/2008 17:03

Oh ffs Ripeberry. Time and place. Simple.

chequers · 04/10/2008 17:06

Well done ripeberry, I'm sure you've provided the OP with the support she was looking for.

Notreallycoping · 04/10/2008 17:11

oh I wish i had been ruder now. is it worth getting those posts deleted so OP doens't come home to a scrap on here?

Don't want her to think it was something worse is the only problem..

Ripeberry that's downright inappropriate on a support thread like this. Where do you get off lady?

lou33 · 04/10/2008 17:26

speechless @ ripeberry

Lizzylou · 04/10/2008 17:37

SF1, this is the sort of thing that could happen to anyone, please don't feel bad. You've done nothing wrong and shouldn't feel guilty.
Hope you get to the bottom of wha happened.

Ripeberry, I don't get out much either these days, but when I do I do like a drink. Anyone could have their drink spiked.

Saturn74 · 04/10/2008 17:44

Notreallycoping - I saw your earlier comments to Ripeberry, and thought you were very diplomatic.

Ripeberry - you are entitled to your opinions, of course. I don't think that this thread is really the appropriate place for some of the comments you've made though.

Remotew · 04/10/2008 18:11

It's a horrible situtation to be in. It happens. If you go out drinking without eating it is easily done. One minute you are enjoying yourself and aware then cannot remember a thing for the next few hours. It happened to my quite recently and I spent the next week beating myself up about it. I must have fallen over as the back of my head was badly bleeding. I was so scared by this as it could have been much worse. Also felt embarrassed as I still have no recollection of who I was with, all I know is that my friend went home with her boyfriend and left me in a pub as I seemed OK. I can vaguley remember staggering in the street but that's all. Two hours blanked.

The thought that your drink has been spiked has crossed your mind. It might have been or just the drink that affected you so much.

It could also be that you just fell over and injured yourself. As someone else has pointed out, did you pull your jeans down to pee. Do you think you have been sexually assaulted, e.g feeling bruised or moisture on your pants. There would have been some evidence. I really hope not.

I was once walking along the road outside a club chatting to some guys, one of them was staggering, fell over and broke his cheekbone. It swelled up immediatley and I called an ambulance for him. His friend rang and thanked me the next day after spending the night in a hospital.

I hope you find out what happened and you get some support. Your partner should support you on this one.

I have vowed never let this happen to me again. Always make sure I eat, try to be aware of the amount I'm drinking and make sure I'm never left without friends to get home with.

zippitippitoes · 04/10/2008 18:15

i agree with abouteve

i think quite possibly you got your jeans undone yourself at somepoint to pee and didnt do them up properly and fell

i think if you had been raped or aggressively asaulted you would have physical marks and also know

even if you didnt remember the precise events

rohipnol is unlikely to me as it seems that you can remember from 4 am and at 1 am

i think that drug would mean a blackout memory or no memory of at least eight to twelve hours

Inevergivemychildrensweets · 04/10/2008 18:53

We are all just hoping for the best for you SF1, hoping it wasn't some awful attack but just a mishap on the stairs perhaps.

The fact you recall someone being aggressive though and the words you said about having children and that they might kill you, sounds like someone did have a go at you - that wouldn't be Ok in any circumstances.

I hope you manage to find some time to rest and take things easy among all the hubbub.

We are here for you anyway.

(cheers HC btw)

Inevergivemychildrensweets · 04/10/2008 18:54

am NRC btw

thesockmonsterofdoom · 04/10/2008 19:15

I cant really think of anything useful to say, just that it is not your fault and hopefully your memory will return, in the mean time try to look after yourself and get all the support you can.

Original poster
superfrenchie1 · 04/10/2008 21:16

thank you for all the replies... yep i need to sort this out in my head before i can move on. i don't think it was dp. it is totally possible that my trousers were round my knees because i had tried to have a wee somewhere. totally. and yes it's possible i fell and managed to hurt myself that way. i just don't know... and it is still really embarrassing, just because alcohol was involved... and you know...

i don't know how (d)p knew to find me in the communal area at 4am. i will ask him.

ripeberry's comment was a bit weird but don't worry, i'm not upset about it or anything, i'm made of tougher stuff than that... but a bit ill-judged. this was a rare night out for me, i left the bar at 11.30 to get a cab home. it's not as if i was out til 3am and tried to get a night bus or whatever (though even if i had done, i still wouldn't have deserved this?)

i am going to ask the victim support person what i need to do re tests.

i don't THINK i was 'interfered with' (to use police lingo). no. but you never know.

and no, colleagues were not involved. they are sweet.

thank you again, i am so glad i posted here. i am on the mend and will get through this. there are definitely some nutters out there and to think i grew up in london going out late from the age of about 15 and nothing bad ever happened to me or my friends - well, we've all had a wake-up call now, and about time too. none of us is invincible. yikes xx

OP posts: