Fruity is in the pie of the beholder - 10 / 10 thread

[FrannyandZooey]

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It's an appointment letter. I have agreed provisionally to the op, thinking we could always back out. I don't think many people decline it.
Hard to ask him about it. Op would mean a special sleep in hospital, waking up horribly sore and then having to have lots of eye drops for weeks afterwards.
Not having op means virtually nil vision in one eye, as now.
What would you say if you were 6? And what is right?

don't know TooT. Just don't know. Sorry.

I don't know either

I still think I'd probably have it done unless it is very risky. If there is a good chance he will have much improved eyesight I think that is worth it. A special sleep in the hospital and eye drops for a few weeks might be upsetting at the time but I don't think it would be horribly traumatic. But I don't know your DS.

FWIW, I had surgery when I was about 10 and, aside from the pain, I quite enjoyed my stay in hospital - we watched TV a lot. I was a bit older but didn't really understand why I was there or what it entailed. No-one asked me what I thought about it though. That would have been nice.

TooT very hard
I think you personally will feel wrong if you don't discuss it with him in some shape or form
not saying this is right or wrong but I think that is how you work
I reckon he will choose to have the op, and that he should choose to have it
however I would not put him in the situation of making the decision as I think it is too big a responsibility without fully understanding what it would be like to have no sight in that eye for a whole lifetime
he has the right to an opinion on it but the final decision is just too big at age 6, IMO

oh and those are just my feelings of course!
will support you whatever you decide, sorry, what I said sounded very bossy I think

Oh Toot
((((((())))))))))
I guess if it were ds,although I loathe & hate hospitals etc
If it meant nil vision I would be going for it & explaining why.
Very little point in asking one so small as they will only focus on the immediate fear,discomfort etc & not project to the future consequences.

I feel your pain,I really do.

This thread is like the Marie Celeste

Totally agree with Franny - I think you and DP need to make the decision but talk to DS about it and give him some say but not make him feel like he is making the choice.

What does DP think?

Much too young, I think. I disagree with Franny.

If it were me, and I'd decided that he was going to have the Op then I would absolutely take responsibility for that decision and only go to him with the final decision.

And I'd say, 'so this is going to happen and it will be like this, and there will be a telly and things, and it will be okay and I will be there. And all the doctors are terrific, and everyone is going to work really hard to make sure your eye works well.'

If you are all uncertain about the Op then work through your thoughts with dp/ your mum/ 10/10ers/Homeopath before you go anywhere near ds.

That's my honest whatsit. Sorry if it's a bit hardline.

Shall I read the thread or not? How is everyone?

If you talk to DS, you can say something like:

You can't see well
They can do an operation which will probably make that better
It means a stay in hospital for X nights and eyedrops for a few weeks
Mummy will stay with you in the hospital (will you?)
It might hurt a lot afterwards but that will get better

etc

Just the basic facts. If he is really terrified about it then I probably would hold off but I suspect being so young would be a good age for having eye surgery. But I know nothing about it.

But I don't think it's okay to then say 'and so do you want to do this?' I think that's a bit rubbish. Sorry.

Bet you're pleased I'm looking in

Isn't it raining just ever such a lot?

I agree that you need to be confident in your decision. Or at least appear that way. If you are not sure, or seem worried, DS will fret too. Tough one, Toot

No rain here, ahundred

Yes, really horrible TooT. I sounded unsympathetic, but I'm not. I just think you have to go with the facts and determination and it's your job to make it okay for him, as much as you can.

Work out your feelings before you talk to him, I think that's what I'm saying.

It hasn't stopped here chicago bunny. Non bloody stop. I thought that with climate change it was going to be vineyards all over England and long hot yellow grass. Not bloody rain.

Hmm, thanks all. I just wish that I knew. Anything. I may do hefty googling later for pros and cons. There is "a good chance" that with op, and subsequent patching, his vision will be improved. It may be quite good, but they can't promise anything. And then there is the risk of complications.

100x, I think you are right about not giving him the choice.

Franny, I think you are right too.

Risotto type thing with barley, rice, millet and quinoa. Carrot and onion. Baked apples and raisins.

Actually, how can I make the decision and still give him some say?

Sorry. How is everybody else?

How is Boco's flood?

Where has 100x been?

How is Franny's ds2's bum?

etc.

It really is very rainy, isn't it? A road I drove along today was surprisingly watery.

Most of my underwear is in the garden.

I think you might need to rescue your underwear, Toot.

It's too wet to wear though
Can probably scrape through tomorrow in holey knickers and iffy crop top. Do need a change of weather though!!!!

100 I said don't give him the choice either
I think we're in agreement?
TooT I would talk it through with him and let him have his say
let him give his opinions on it all
I think you need to discuss it
but I agree not let him have the decision

oh ds2's bot is much improved with evil cream
did anyone of you lovely chaps send him a parcel of lovely nappy creams today? we got a mystery parcel addressed to ds2 and with no clue as to the recipient

my mother has been
she has made me and [separate thread]

You will have to analyse the handwriting and take fingerprints. Any clues from the postmark?

Yes, you can tell him the facts, knowing what you think should happen and see how he feels. I wouldn't say, "So do you want an operation then?"

If he's terrified, he'll let you know.

It's easy for all of us to sit here and say what we think we'd do but I am sure we'd feel the same as you if it were our DC.

I can actually see his eye clouding over now. Makes it worse.