I'm 33 years old female.
For a few years now I'm feeling just "not right". There are many implications in my life which are staring at me in the face and I just need some advice or insight about how to fix it.
For a start ive always had generalised anxiety which I've never knuckled down on A.because my parents never believed in mental health and would more or less suggest anxiety was "trendy" or "made up" and B because I'm terrified of medication due to lifeling emetophobia.
I became ill in December 2017 with a virus and ever since have terrible IBS D. This illness is the bain of my life. I worsened after gallbladder removal in 2022. Since then things have gone so downhill but I'm unsure if its because shortly after removal I started working in a very intense office job. I took it on as I got dismissed from my last job due to the gallbladder removal and didnt get much success in applying to others. Ive been there for almost 4 years. The pay is pretty dreadful and the hours are unsociable (we also work every 2 weekends) however we get to work from home 3/5 days which caters well to my gut issues. I also have so many friends there and good managers.
Last year I began suffering moments out of nowhere where I'd feel foggy, lightheaded, strange, disoriented and just like something was wrong. I noticed it happened more so if I was overstimulated, under pressure or in a cinema or theatre. Im unsure but I believe it could be panic attacks as I feel nauseated also (never ever had this as a symptom). But what im also noticing is, without doubt on the weekend I feel horribly achy, burned out, sensitive in my gut and body. Right now I feel groggy even though I slept a good 8 hrs. I woke up to diarrhea and like I can feel every single body part. I look drained, old and like I need a 6 month break.
Im also getting periods that literally last 3 days tops. They are regular however, on day 27 or 28 but this month was a very short cycle. Ive been to the doctors who say it doesnt appear to be peri due to the regular periods. My libido is zero unless im ovulating also.
My parents live an hour away and always offer me to come back for a rest for a few months. I have savings but obviously wouldn't be able not to work but im paying for an apartment which is around £1200 a month until March with my partner so I cant exactly flee.
My boyfriend is incredibly supportive with my issues and if i leave i dont know what strain it will put on our relationship. I love him so much but I fear im going to implode if I dont fix things. We go away to London next week for our 4yr anniversary and these panic attacks and issues keep ruining our time.
I know this is a cryptic post, I guess im just looking for advice