Missed Smear test major anxiety

[Foolishpurple]

I don’t know why I’m writing this because jo one can help me and it’s my own fault
I went for a smear test today, I knew I was late for it - I thought I had been in 2019 and had a distinct memory of that one being awful but it turns out I haven’t been since 2016 which is TEN YEARS. I have severe health anxiety and had 2 very traumatic births in that time and I just didn’t want to deal with anything else down there.. I know, pathetic. I’ve then remembered that I did go in 2019 a year after my first child was born but the nurse couldn’t do it as she couldn’t get the speculum in properly… it was obviously very unpleasant and I’ve blocked it out and clearly it put me off rescheduling… then I had my 2nd in 2023 and I just didn’t really think about it as been sleep deprived and running on empty…
anyway I went today and I was horrified to hear I haven’t had one since 2016. The nurse was lovely and it did hurt but I was ok and kept the nerves under control and reminded myself I’ve been through way worse. However I bled which I don’t remember happening before so I’m worried that means something bad, I saw the swab was all red. Then when I’ve checked my notes at home after it says ‘nabothian follicle’ and ‘discharge present’ neither of which were mentioned at the time (prob cos I told her I have anxiety). I’ve seen a nabothian follicle is benign but I’ve also seen previous posters were referred for one of these and I’m worried the nurse got it wrong - I have a growth and I have never been told about it before
ove also read lots of posts since being home about people who missed their tests and had cancer. I’ve missed 3 tests/ 10
years. I’ve also developed crazy heavy periods since children that last a week - before mine were short light and infrequent - I didn’t realise this was a symptom until looking it up today
my last smear was normal but I’ve seen that that was with the old testing method that didn’t even check for
hpv
im going out of my mind with worry that I’ll leave my children motherless because I didn’t go for this test… it wasn’t even that conscious a choice I am usually over vigilant if anything I think
it was just the bad experience and my horrific births. And no one else can help me either. Everything says changes take 5-10 years to turn bad and im
kver 10 years. I can’t cope and it’s all my fault
add to this I haven’t really been well the last few years at all, lots of body pain, fatigue - doctors can’t find anything wrong except unexplained raised inflammation
Basically I am in free fall panic and I hate myself so much for missing the test and muddling my dates up
i just can’t cope
multiple posters saying so and ao
missed a test or they did and died / got cancer
i love
my children so much and I’ve let them
Down so badly

Sorry I’ve written this so badly as well

@Foolishpurple Breathe ❤️
You have not let your children down - you’ve been a busy pre-occupied mum who I’m sure has put her children first therefore her own appointments have fallen aside.

The important part is that you’ve been now ☺️👍🏻 hopefully all is fine and well and you can put it out of your head 🤞🏼☺️

I know I sound insane - by way of background my parent had cancer at my age (40) and it has left me with terrible health anxiety which numerous cbt courses and therapy have not resolved when something like this happens…
I also had 2 truly terrible births (all well in end and have my kids) but both emergencies for me and the thought of the smear was too much but I could have managed it I am so upset with myself for muddling up dates
i am so fastidious with everyone else’s wellbeing in the family
my anxiety has been getting progressively worse this year (a lot going on at home) and I don’t feel equipped to deal with this and it’s all my own stupid fault because I could have managed the test I just put it out of my mind because I’m stupid and now my children will have no mum

Relax! You have done the smear test, you will get the result soon and very likely it will be fine and if it isn't you will get further testing and very likely that will be fine and if it isn't you will have some treatment to sort it out. Just because you missed a test doesn't mean you have cancer.

You are significantly less likely to get ovarian cancer if you have had pregnancies, and the risk decreases further with each additional child.

Obviously nothing guaranteed but hopefully reassuring to a degree.

Take a breath OP. What mental health support are you getting for your anxiety?

If you are getting support, please let them know how this is still affecting your daily thinking.
If you aren't having any treatment at all, please speak to your GP or HV ASAP.

This should be your first priority for the sake of yourself and your children. Wishing you all the best. xxx

Whenever I go to the dr (too often as my kids have various things which require appointments) I get anxious just being thers

ive gone numerous times for issues I’m facing and always made to feel stupid and small or down to anxiety. Even when I see a good doctor who is nice nothing ever happens.. I’m still in pain and tired - just been told by rheumatology that I have hypermobility after various tests which doesn’t really help me…

anyway that is not the point and a different issue the point is I’m an idiot who missed smears for ten years despite being a raging hypochondriac … and also I just didn’t think to go to dr about heavy periods as it just sort of continued from childbirth and like I said the gp has always been a complete waste of time for me.. one even said to me ‘your pain is in your head’ - turned out I had a hernia… when I took my child because I was concerned he had communication delays the dr literally wrote on the notes that I was a neurotic mother. Turned out he had profound hearing loss. That’s before I get into pregnancy birth and miscarriage…

anyway - I didn’t even know the 2016 smear wasn’t reliable. I cannot believe I have messed up like this. Everything I see on mumsnet and Google seems disastrous and I have cyst she didn’t even mention and no one has before and I bled

Thank you I am trying to tell myself this but the problem with anxiety is the minute I have a test I am convinced there is a problem. Especially because there was bleeding and a cyst and my periods are crazy heavy now and I’ve left it ten stupid years like an idiot

Now I’ve looked up whether hpv causes raised CRP (mine raised with no explanation found for at least a year don’t know before that but was normal in 2019) and got this

Yes, high-risk HPV (human papillomavirus) infection is associated with raised C-reactive protein (CRP) levels
. Persistent HPV infection triggers chronic inflammation and immune system activation, which leads to increased production of CRP, an inflammatory marker, particularly in the context of cervical intraepithelial neoplasia (CIN) and HPV-associated cancers.
ScienceDirect.com +3
Key Findings regarding HPV and CRP:

• Cervical Lesions: Studies have shown that CRP levels are significantly higher in patients with high-risk HPV (HPV 16/18) infections compared to those with low-risk HPV or no infection.
• Cancer Progression: Elevated CRP is closely linked to the progression of cervical intraepithelial neoplasia (CIN) to invasive cancer, acting as an inflammatory mediator in this process.

I cannot cope

Cervical smear tests don't test for ovarian cancer.

OP, stop googling things, and try to distract yourself until you feel calmer. You've done the test now, so that's good. Next step, is get the result. Just take it step by step, and most likely everything will be just fine. And if not, there is treatment, and support.

I know how it feels to get totally consumed by health anxiety and nothing really helps right now.
the chances are it will be fine but even if you are recalled for further tests, it’s still usually fine; if it’s not, you can deal with it. It’s so easy to go straight to worst case scenario especially when you have children but there’s no point beating yourself up about not having the test sooner, it’s done now and chances are you’ll never be late having one again. The period changes could be hormonal, your body changes after having kids. I hope you manage to de-stress soon and try to keep telling yourself, you’ve done it now and if anything comes up you can sort it!

CRP can also be raised by a good day of exercise, an injury, all sorts of things.

Try to breathe until the results come back, OP. Chances are the results will be in soon and you will be reassured.

I do understand how you feel though. I get a bit anxious and obsessive waiting for test results. It's really quite awful to go through. Once it's done though, that's it. I did mine a couple of weeks back and now I'm good for five years. That's a decent time to not worry.

Never knew that!

At my last one, the nurse said - ‘it’s been a while!’ I asked how long, thinking maybe 4 years. It was 8! All was fine. Yours is far more likely to be fine than not.

STOP Googling!

What do you normally do to help with your health anxiety?

Thanks everyone for replying
i haven’t been to sleep
all night
i cant believe I’ve been so stupid
it wasn’t even a conscious decision even though that sounds crazy because I’ve obviously had lots of reminders and somehow my crazy brain has just ignored them and remembered dates wrong
I keep reading posts and news articles from people who missed their tests and did have cancer
its not like I’ve been well
i just cannot function
I also think having the smear itself has triggered me, the main reason I was late was due to traumatic births (massive pph). I remained very calm and relaxed body and did breathing during the smear but it really hurt like a pinching from speculum that hurt and I had to get her to pause and I bled and even though the nurse was lovely it’s just sent me into anxiety having pain there and blood.
plus I don’t think I ever bled previously or it hurt that much so that has made me feel even more worried coupled with the delay that something is wrong, then the heavy periods and being generally unwell
i even keep seeing how many people went from normal to cin 3 in 3 years
plus my last test in 2016 would not have had the hpv screen and apparently was far more likely that technique to show a false negative
no one can say anything to help I cannot believe I have done this and my children won’t have a mum because I didn’t just get on with it I cannot cope

OP, come on, big deep breath. You are absolutely spiralling and it terrible for you.

It’s common to bleed after a smear test. I have before and I specifically asked it at my most recent smear in February, to which they replied yes.

It’s common for periods to get heavier after having children. See the GP if they are affecting your life, but don’t conflate the two.

Missing smear tests does not equal getting cervical cancer. Missing smear tests does not equal you having HPV. Missing smear tests does not equal having the high risk strain of HPV.

You have fully loaded meaning everywhere. All you have done is have a smear test – nothing else is true. Keep yourself busy and wait for your result. Stop googling.

Honestly I usually have to just wait for the situation to be resolved
or when it can’t be sometimes I manage to put it away
but nothing helps
For both pregnancies I got put under antenatal mental health team and it didn’t help me at all. I’ve done cbt multiple times. The antenatal psychologist told me it just doesn’t work for some people. Then I had emergencies with both anyway.
i cannot understand how I’ve let this situation happen… my anxiety just sometimes leads to me blocking stuff and ignoring it to function and this is obviously what I’ve done here but it’s had a catastrophic result
and now I’m posting on here like a lunatic and no one can help anyway and my kids will be traumatised

You need to seek urgent mental health help OP. You’re not well.

This is such a sensible post and I know you are tight
i hate this anxiety so much
i promise i am actually a normal intelligent (!) nice person and a good mum and im very rational and practical about many things in life but the health anxiety is just horrific. It has been getting worse this year to the extent that I’ve started to wonder if I now have ocd as I’ve had horrific periods of worry about contamination related stuff.. I just don’t know where to turn and I have my youngest with me full tjme
my eldest has various medical needs and requires constant vigilance (allergy) - this is very hard for me to cope with and I suspect why I have got worse… and also why I always put myself last timewise and because I’m at capacity. Maintainig a state of constant vigilance is very difficult for someone with anxiety as the best thing I can do is not check stuff - obviously that approach has now led me here though where I’m letting my kids down and posting in the internet like a lunatic when no one can change the result

I’ve also had cramps all night
and a soreness which I expect but I don’t understand the cramps as they are above the cervix and where the test was

This level of anxiety is not healthy. I've had 1 smear test in 40 years and I've never stressed about it like that. You really need some help because living with that much anxiety is going to cause severe problems in the future. Get a different GP who doesn't ignore you and get some counselling etc because it's not healthy to live this way

You start with your GP. You explain how you feel.

OP, I feel for you because I’ve suffered crippling health anxiety in the past and it destroys your day to day life. I think you need to make an appointment with a GP you’ve seen before and liked, someone who is willing to listen to you. Your main problem right now is the health anxiety, not anything else. Yes it’s been a while since your last smear but you’ve now been and the process is underway. There is literally nothing that can be done to go back in time, so now you must occupy your mind and wait for the results.
For the record I have health anxiety too and my last smear was positive for HPV. I now have to wait until summer for a re test because no cancer was present at the time so all they do is wait. Yes, it’s scary but I have to just trust the system and wait it out.
I know for a fact that severe health anxiety produces actual physical symptoms so whatever you’re experiencing today is that. STOP googling, it is your worst enemy. Get yourself seen for your health anxiety because it is crippling your life.
Good luck.

Stop googling! I know from experience how you can get in a real anxiety loop from googling symptoms.

I can see from your life experiences why you probably have health anxiety, I have it too in that respect but it has calmed down recently (I do have multiple health issues I’ve sort of accepted my fate).
it also sounds like you’ve been fobbed off by dismissive doctors - I think we’ve all been there - abd it does shake your faith in the medical profession.
I would try and distract yourself somehow while you wait for results - keep busy w the DC etc - and then hopefully you’ll get a good result. Even if there have been changes, that can be dealt with.
I always find smears uncomfortable - they struggle to find the cervix so there’s repositioning. I’ve had 2 ceasareans so it’s all a bit tighter down there, but my cervix is tilted back so I have to put my fists under my bum! Pain and discomfort is normal.