I genuinely think stress might be killing me

[HornungTheHelpful]

I am a stressy person - always have been. Worrier as a child, teen, adult. But I think it is now causing my physical health to breakdown. No particular big stress, just the ongoing low/mid level stress for 40 years. I’ve had a difficult time in my marriage recently - and I’ve ended up finding every interaction with my partner stressful, but I don’t think that is him - think it’s me making things bigger in my mind than they are.

what have I done? I do yoga and I meditate - consistently for c 3 years. I am on 150mg sertraline and 150 mg pregabalin for also c 3 years (this is to treat PMDD). I have had physical checks and blood tests. All normal. I have done therapy. I am significantly symptomatically hypermobile and am slightly overweight (need to lose 2kg to be in “healthy” weight range by BMI - I’m trying).

But I keep getting ill. In the last two years: I have had costochondritis, a chest infection I was hospitalised for, various coughs, colds and stomach bugs - lasting up to a month at a time (most recently Feb/Mar this year). I’m always knackered. I can’t lose weight. I have aches and pains frequently - though that likely relates to the hypermobility.

My vitamin D, calcium and iron are ok.

I don’t want the rest of my life to be like this. And I think I’m doing it to myself. Not sure what I want from this thread but feel like Drs can’t find anything wrong and the drugs don’t seem to impact the stress. I can’t significantly alter my life and don’t think it would help. I seem to manufacture stress whatever my circumstances.

Any help?!

I wholly believe in exercise being the best medicine. I do yoga, Pilates etc but there is nothing more effective for my mental and physical health than aerobic exercise, where you are sweating! It raises those endorphins, you feel energised after, I have less colds and lethargy and reduces stress levels.
Start small with gentle fitness classes or the gym- even a PT to point you in the right direction, especially with your hypermobility and hopefully you will feel the difference.

Best of luck.

how okd are you? HRT might help

Perimenopause? Maybe giving hrt a try might help if you are at that time of life it can dramatically affect stress levels.

Thanks - I agree. I did a heavily aerobic sport to a high level when younger and it has always been the best mood stabiliser but I struggle with low impact options, which I now need - at least until I build up sufficient strength. Sadly I hate the gym but if you can think of any low impact options I think this is a really good shout for me so thanks for the suggestion

Nope - officially not peri I’m afraid - sorry should have said, given my age.

lots of people who are hypermobile are also on the autistic spectrum which in itself causes stress and anxiety could this be a possibility?

It could - been discussed with my psych - ADHD more likely. I decided not to go for testing because I can use techniques that would be suggested anyway. I’m at peace with that. But maybe I should revisit.

Your OP focuses on your health but what is your normal day like? Are you a student, employee, parent?

Are there external stressors in your life and could be adding to your emotional burden?

That’s because these are not significantly different to what they were 3/4 years ago and I’m unlikely to be able to change them in a timespan of less than years. Highly paid, high stress job (for last 16 years), three children 7, 5 and 3. Husband works away a lot but we have first rate live in nanny

A woman does not have to be a certain age to be in peri. It is worth investigating.

Have you ever tried horse riding? I’ve had to give up due to illness. But having to fully concentrate on the horse switched me off like nothing else.

I have horses! I should ride more. I love mumsnet - some really good answers and ones that I can action. Wish I got to spend more time with the horses - but I can spend a little more. Would be lovely to have the rhythm of their everyday care again though

Highly paid, high stress job (for last 16 years), three children 7, 5 and 3

Sorry but I don't think it's a big mystery why you're stressed?

I don't see how you can say things haven't significantly changed in the last 3-4 years, you've added a whole other child!

I think you need a more realistic appraisal of your daily life and see what you can do to reduce external stress factors, there's only so much yoga and horses can do

Hi OP.

I am also a stressed person, though I see it as a character flaw in myself so I won't admit it usually! But I can catastrophise a paper bag.

I have also found out that I am hypermobile after starting to develop pain in my 40s.

I also went through a period of time where I was getting very ill frequently.

This is what helped:
Saw an osteo and physio and got some quick exercises to do every day to heal with knee pain. I told them if it took more than 5 mins I wouldn't do them. They don't, so I do them daily. = much less pain.

Got my vitamin d up properly. I take 10000iu.daily with vitamin k2 and magnesium.

Got my Ferritin to over 100.

Do pilates once a week, strength training at home with a YouTube video 3 times a week. Walk daily. Swim.

Prioritise my health. So I make sure that the weekly shop has all the good foods that I want, before I work out what to feed everyone else. I buy the good chocolate, spend the money on the flax and kefir.

Magnesium glycinate each night, plus mirena coil, plus vaginal oestrogen which stops me weeing in the night. I now sleep 7hrs a night with no waking.

I have had therapy and counselling too. I learnt to draw some boundaries and also learnt why I get so stressed about things. I work on this all the time, even though it leaves me with a knot in my stomach.

HRT at 44. Massive help. I was on the verge of bad things when my GP suggested it. I am on a much more even keel now. Why do you think you are not in peri?

Maybe this will give you some ideas.

To answer your question about low level fitness, how about swimming? You can go at your own pace and build up.
Just seen a post suggesting horse riding and you actually have horses- this seems like an ideal option for you too!

Are you certain your not in peri?

You may not like this suggestion, but I was you once, and now I’m not.
i was going through hell, and happened to watch the Wim Hof TV series. He suggested cold therapy every day. I didn’t like the idea, but thought ‘fuck it’.
Started to switch the shower to cold at the end. Then cold water swimming. Then it escalated, and I spent a week in Poland with Wim and instructors.

i do some breathwork and meditation too (Joe Dispenza). I have a cold plunge at home.
At my worst times, I can talk myself down now. I can get in a cold shower for 2 minutes. It’s changed my attitude.

I was diagnosed with cancer in November. I removed sugar from my diet too, maybe it helped? I’ve had surgery and radiotherapy.
Everyone in my house has been ill, and I’ve caught nothing. Still plunging. Everything is ok now.

Not perfect of course, but I’m mostly happy.

That was my thing. I hope you find your thing too.

Thank you - there is some really useful stuff here and interesting that you have some of the same issues as me (I do 25000iu vit D a day because without mine is impressively low 🤣). My rheumatologist says no obvious connection but hypermobility often goes with low vit D.

Think I’m not in peri because Dr has said hormone tests say I’m not.

Thanks for your suggestion - this is something I have considered and I will look into it further.

You should read Stephen porges

https://www.stephenporges.com/books

So you may have a point about DC3 - but surely small child less stressful than baby? Job is stressful but I’ve always managed and I love it. Maybe my body just can’t cope with it anymore!

I was going to suggest opening water swimming too.

My daughter got diagnosed with adhd and started meds about 6 months ago and that has been really helpful for her - she is a lot less stressed /anxious /overthinking. More calm and relaxed.

Hormone tests can't tell you if you are in peri or not. Your doctor is well behind the time if they are relying on tests! Sounds like peri to me.

So how do you tell? It was blood tests if that makes a difference - as in several blood tests over a period of time. I’d be surprised if it were peri - my mother had a late menopause which means mine is more likely to be late than early, so I think the dr came to a conclusion based on several blood tests, my age, symptoms and family history - but it certainly can’t hurt to re-raise it!

A lot of women find that things shift around 40, even absent any medical issues, you don't have quite the same energy levels. If you're already at max capacity then even slightly less energy makes a difference.

There are a lot of good suggestions here but they might just paper over things, I think you need to look at things more structurally