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Original poster

OJ 's HUGS, RUM & CHOCCIE SUPPORT THREAD

1001 replies

bossybritches · 29/04/2008 22:34

Log in here to donate & update with OJ

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 08/05/2008 21:48

Steve has finally taken his meds, we call it the tablet challenge it goes something like, take one, spit one retrive one from light fitting/under pillow/ bottom of beaker then start from the begining.
Mike came and was fine with me which made me wonder if he had spoken to his mother
today when steves mum was here and again when his brother was here steve has shouted me and insisted i gio sit on the bed with him whilst he held my hand, i could tell his mother wasmost put out about it cos she had to move from her position on the bed for me to sat there as requested by steve

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 08/05/2008 22:11

I am so bloody proud of you. Hope you did not mind the text earlier, but I hoped it would help.

LGJ

XXXXX

onlyjoking9329 · 08/05/2008 22:18

the text was most welcome, not sure that i did anything to be proud of thou, i am just muddling throu really.

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 08/05/2008 22:21

The purpose of the text was to let you know that thousands of MNers were right behind you, mooncups and lentils at the ready if they were required.

LGJ
XXX

onlyjoking9329 · 08/05/2008 22:23

Bless you, it is nice to know we are not alone with all this crap as it sometimes feels like it, i can try to relax now knowing that there are no family vists until mike comes on monday night.

CarGirl · 08/05/2008 22:28

I am glad that Steve has demonstrated to your family that despite the state he is in that he does want you there. Have belief in yourself that you are doing the right thing by him and that is what counts.

Big hugs and a glass of rum.

onlyjoking9329 · 08/05/2008 23:07

i have never ever doubted steves love for the kids and for me, anything she says will not change what i know to be the truth

BoysAreLikeDogs · 08/05/2008 23:09

Then she has no power over you, at all.

Brilliant

feck off witch

MrsJonnyDepp · 08/05/2008 23:27

mil knows how much Steve loves you and the kids and finds it hard to deal with - its very sad to treat you like this

triflenorks · 09/05/2008 02:01

There a binch of sheep, they only kick off if they have an audience.
Karma ... it will come back and bite them.

cositjustisok · 09/05/2008 05:53

Good morninig OJ, hope you are well today and Steve & you managed a restful night. Great that you have no weekend visits from the family to contend with . Have a nice day, hope its a good day for you and the family..take care x

onlyjoking9329 · 09/05/2008 06:44

a good night, Steve slept from 11.30 and is still asleep now. I got a good few hours until beth got up at 4am, it is wear what you want day today and so she was up and dressed cos she is so excited.

WingsofaAngel · 09/05/2008 07:04

Glad Steve had a good night.

Bless Beth. Hope she enjoys her day.

susue · 09/05/2008 07:54

It sounds to me as if Steve doesn't feel relaxed or happy to be on his own with his family. Maybe for his peace of mind, and to make sure he doesn't hear these terrible verbal outbursts from his mother against the woman he loves and obviously trusts 110%, her visits should be stopped. You have been very patient and more than understanding with her [ eg she is seeing her son very ill etc] but you now need to put Steve, you and the kids first. You all need a quiet home filled with love and giggles not animosity and hate. Even when Steve won't be able to respond much he will still be able to hear everything and witness whats happening and you don't want his last weeks to be like that. I think a restraining order is needed, you have lots of carers that have witnessed what she's done and said, she has no right to ruin this time tat you all have left together. God it makes me so mad to read how disgusting she is. Hope the kids have a good day in their chosen attire!

goldpony · 09/05/2008 08:22

Oooh the excitment of 'wear what you like days'!! I so totally remember how that felt

Have never posted before OJ, so this is a strange place to start doing it, but Beth's very keen start to the day just tickled me and brought back memories. I bet she feels great going off to school today. Hope you get a chance to catch up on some sleep later.

You're a star. I think of you very often and I hope each mornign that the day ahead will bring you moments of true family time with Steve and the kids. You're doing so well under such awful circumstances. Lots of love.

Weegiemum · 09/05/2008 08:33

Morning OJ - I don't post much but am on the prayer thread and we are all thinking of you all the time.

DH does a lot of terminal care in his role as a rural GP, and says that whet you are going through with family is unfortunately incredibly common - esp mothers trying to interfere and change the dynamic of the relationship when their child (adult!) is ill.

Steve's family have no right to any info from the hospice etc as YOU are his next of kin - they will simply ignore BIL's letter, or reply saying that he has no right to info.

You are being amazing - though I am sure you think you are just doing what anyone would do. I bet you are incredibly proud of Steve as well, insisting on your presence, teaching his Mum a lesson even when he is so ill - he obviously loves you so very, very much if he can reach out through all the confusion in his head to stand with you through all the crap his family are giving you.

My mum abandoned our family when I was 12 - I wouldn't want her anywhere near me if I was even as sick as Steve is. He's an amazing man and I am proud to have "met" him through MN, as well as you.

The love and support of all of Mumsnet is behind you, I can tell!

lots of love xxxxxx

LilRedWG · 09/05/2008 09:26

Bless Beth! I hope you are going to take photos and put them on your profile

I'm glad that Steve had a good night and that you managed to get some sleep too.

onlyjoking9329 · 09/05/2008 10:25

Steve is still asleep which is just as well as i have the runs and feel terrible and don't want to pass it on to steve.
i really am in turmoil over the stuff with his family.
i feel really gutted that it has come to this and i don't see things getting any better really. For my own sanity or whats left of it i would ban her from visting, but i feel that would be heartless as she is still his mother and i will have to live with my actions.
the really sad thing is that all this family stuff is taking up all my time and emotional energy and the really difficult fact that Steve is dying i can't even begin to feel and deal with.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 09/05/2008 10:30

Aww OJ

You are doing the 'right thing', being the 'bigger person', showing with grace and by example how to behave with dignity.

Wish I could help you sweetheart

Winetimeisfinetime · 09/05/2008 10:33

Weegiemum has put it so well - the love and support of Mumsnet is behind you OJ.

Love to you and your family
xxxxx

lilyloo · 09/05/2008 10:34

OJ sorry your not feeling too well , fingers crossed it soon passes.
I know it's so hard with ils' but i really wouldn't stop them coming i don't think it's worth the grief or the guilt. You have done amazingly well coping with them up to now.
After all this you will be able to rest in the knowledge you did the best by Steve but they won't and that's what matters.

barbarianoftheuniverse · 09/05/2008 10:37

OJ if you could bear to ring MIL and say 'What about a fresh start?' do you think it would have any chance?
Her behaviour has been beyond appalling, and I am not making any excuses for her but she must feel desperate.
I cannot imagine losing a son in such bitter circumstances. Every rubbish thing she has done must be coming back to haunt her.

I wish I could help you. I hope you feel better soon.

bamamama · 09/05/2008 11:09

OJ, wishing you a speedy recovery - it's no wonder you're ill with what Steves family is putting you through.

Would the 'fresh start' idea be best expressed in a letter? Then your MIL can't spout off to your face and might, just might, see sense enough to start behaving reasonably. (although I don't have high hopes of this )

If it's any help and so it's not taking up any more of your and Steves valuable time would it help if the combined forces of MN drafted something? (not wanting to interfere at all but just wanting to help )

jes74 · 09/05/2008 12:12

OJ, i have read all of your threads but never posted before as words cannot express enough how sorry i am that you and your family are having to go through this.
Your mother in law is obviously a cruel and heartless woman.
From your threads i think we live fairly close to you (ikea nottingham frequently feeds us) and even my dh has offered to lump her one bump into her and give her a good talking too.

NotABanana · 09/05/2008 12:58

Oh love.

What is worse for you - putting up with MIL and all that that entails, or limiting
stopping her visits and feeling guilty? If you truly think you won't see her again once Steve has passed away, would you be able to live with it?

BTW Still offering to send things for Steve. (not sure if you saw my other message.)

Thinking of you all and hope you are feeling better very soon. Keep up the rum fluids.

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