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OJ 's HUGS, RUM & CHOCCIE SUPPORT THREAD

1001 replies

bossybritches · 29/04/2008 22:34

Log in here to donate & update with OJ

OP posts:
alfiesbabe · 04/05/2008 21:59

OJ you are a remarkable person. It must be so very hard, but in facing it with such a practical and realistic approach, and managing to make us smile and giggle too at the funny little things going on in your family, I have no doubt you are helping your children through this in the best way possible. You have tough times ahead - stay strong.

pooka · 04/05/2008 22:07

Oh OJ

cositjustisok · 04/05/2008 22:09

OJ...comforting hugs for you sweetie {{{hugs}}}. Hope Steve has a restful nights sleep ..and you to petal. Look after yourself, hope the kids enjoyed the Wii Fit. Love to you all XX

imaginaryfriend · 04/05/2008 22:10

OJ that timeline is so sad, it makes everything feel so inevitable.

onlyjoking9329 · 04/05/2008 22:12

well it is inevitable, Elliot told me today that he doesn't want to go to the funeral, i know how he feels

imaginaryfriend · 04/05/2008 22:14

Yes, I can imagine that. When I was a teenager I had such panic attacks prior to my father's funeral.

How are you feeling in yourself OJ?

VaginaShmergina · 04/05/2008 22:16

Ho OJ, just read thru the timelines, it makes scary reading to me, a complete outsider and stranger to you and your beautiful (immediate) family. I know many of us have said it but if there is ever anything we can do in any way you jsut gotta say.

Sending you strength and love. x

Elibean · 04/05/2008 22:17

thinking of you, OJ, xxx

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 04/05/2008 22:17

Oh sweetheart...

FWIW you are doing a great job, I looked at your profile yesterday. The girls are very pretty, but Elliot is so handsome.

Will go off find a narrative about death that may help you to help the children.

Much love

LGJ

XXXXXXXXXX

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 04/05/2008 22:26

Waterbugs and Dragonflies

Doris Stickney

Waterbugs and Dragonflies

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in a while one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about with its friends. Clinging to the stem of a lily, it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

'Look!' said one of the water bugs to another, 'One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you suppose she is going?' Up, up, up it went slowly. Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return. 'That's funny!' said one water bug to another. 'Wasn't she happy here?' asked a second water bug. 'Were do you suppose she went?' wondered a third. No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled.

Finally one of the water bugs, the leader of the colony, gathered its friends together. 'I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where she went and why.' 'We promise', they said solemnly.

One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broken through the surface of the water, and had fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings. The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly.

Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by, the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs!. There they were, scurrying about, just as he had been doing some time before. Then the dragonfly remembered his promise: 'The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why'.

Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly he could no longer go into the water. 'I can't return!' he said in dismay. 'At least I tried, but I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what happened to me, and where I went'.

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air

onlyjoking9329 · 04/05/2008 22:28

we have that book and the badger one too but for our kids it is too far removed from their dad IYKWIM they wouldn't make the connection, there is not a lot around for kids with Autism and death.

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 04/05/2008 22:29

It may be worth dropping some of the analogies into the conversation over the next few weeks.

Daddy is sleeping so much he is just like a waterbug.

It helped a friend of mine.

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 04/05/2008 22:30

Sorry cross posted.

Is there anything practical we can do ?

We are here if you need us.

onlyjoking9329 · 04/05/2008 22:33

the kids know that Daddy is going to die but they don't really understand what that means as they haven't much experience of death at close hand, neither have i, i have only been to one funeral so it is all new to me and the kids

WendyWeber · 04/05/2008 22:34

Oh, oj, I just read your timeline link...

Hugs for you and the children, sweetheart.

paddingtonbear1 · 04/05/2008 22:41

OJ I am still following your threads too.
when my mum was very ill, she wasn't herself at all - she was like a different person. I remember how she was before, and my dad and I talk about that. dd is too young to remember her but we show her photos and explain who mum was.
thinking of you all
xxxx

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 04/05/2008 22:41

OJ

I really have to go to bed, I am up since 4.30 (coughing)

I am about to send my mobile number to Lapin, and if you feel the need call me tonight please do.

Work hours Tuesday and Wednesday could be a problem, but after hours,I am all yours. (so to speak)

Much love

LGJ

onlyjoking9329 · 04/05/2008 22:43

steves mum said at the meeting that she wants to be there at the end to hold Steves hand she says that she wants steve to be laid to rest with his gran and grandad 50 miles away, i think things will be difficult there cos that is not what steve wants and not what i want either.

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 04/05/2008 22:46

Steve is married to you.

Between you and him, you have produced a family. I can understand her desire(in the absence of her) to want to place her child with her parents, but her child became an adult and on the back of that a parent.

He needs to be with you and the girls and Elliot.

onlyjoking9329 · 04/05/2008 22:49

thats our feeling on it LGJ, now get yourself off to bed

Tickle · 04/05/2008 22:50

sending love

xx

WendyWeber · 04/05/2008 22:50

What she wants is entirely irrelevant, oj - she is still trying to make this all about her

Steve is your husband, and your children's father; you are his closest and best family; these decisions must all be yours (but I so wish you didn't have to be making them)

littlelapin · 04/05/2008 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WatsTheStory · 04/05/2008 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

VaginaShmergina · 04/05/2008 22:54

TBH and brutally at that, what fecking right has she to have those things......

You will need for Steve to be laid at a place of rest so you and the children can visit easily(if thats what they want to do ?)

Cant imagine her being much help in those last few hours, can you ? You dont need to have to man handle her out of your house coz she has been the vilest of vile.

Dont want the kids to have to witness anymore than what has already happened and I'm sorry but she does not deserve to share in Steves last moments, it will be emotional enough.

Googling electrified fences as we speak !!!

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