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Original poster

Just had the phone call to say ....STEVE IS COMING HOME ON MONDAY !

1001 replies

onlyjoking9329 · 04/04/2008 14:44

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 18/04/2008 17:49

OJ - Get some Syndol - great for tension headaches! They help me sleep too.

sussies · 18/04/2008 18:13

OJ, when is Elliot's Birthday? I know it's this month.

WatsTheStory · 18/04/2008 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

trulymadlydeeply · 18/04/2008 18:36

OJ, Enough is enough! You have bent over backwards to be kind and fair to his family because of how much you love Steve.

But you can't put up with such continuous abuse in the face of how quickly Steve is deteriorating. If he no longer really understands when they are visiting and how often they have, you can withdraw their visiting rights without beating yourself up about it.

They should be supporting you and be glad and happy that you have made Steve so happy for so long. Really disappointed with Mike's behaviour - really thought he was being more supportive.

You have to look after yourself and do what is best for you and the kids. This isn't on.

But so glad you've got some real life rocks to lean on in the form of your mates. Lots of love and thanks from your virtual friends to them all.

xxx

Blandmum · 18/04/2008 18:38

OJ, i'm assuming that he is still on opaites.

Re the breathing also watch if he sort of jumps and twitches.....dh did this a lot when he was overdosing on the fentanly patches.

Hugs to you as ever

lucyellensmum · 18/04/2008 18:53

What i would really like OJ to do is Kick those fuckers to the kerb (very jeremy kyle!) and never have to set eyes on them again. But we all know she is too nice to do that - and im not sure it would be the right thing for her to do (LEM hides behind swivel chair). The only one thing i can suggest, and its a very very long shot because these people are real arseholes - but professional mediation?? I suspect that they wont hear of it, but maybe? At the end of the day, OJ has the clear concience because these people are behaving atrociously - but she clearly thinks that Steve needs to be able to see his family and that is why she is putting up with the shite???

Sorry, OJ didnt mean to talk "about" you - but i dont think my suggestion will go down too well - probably rightly so. Again, you have my admiration and respect, i wish i could be half the woman you are, Steve is lucky to have you. xx

lucyellensmum · 18/04/2008 18:55

had to give a sad little smile at the trifle intake being a guage of how steve is doing Wishing you many more trifles steve xx

Izabella · 18/04/2008 19:44

OJ, fantastic that your Mac nurse and SW are so supportive (how could they not be). It seems like you've been able to make a lot of progress today. Glad the carers will write reports documenting what they've witnessed and the agency aren't going to pull their staff out of home. I didn't think they would as this whole situation is not of your making anyway.

Sorry to hear Steve is not well and having a hard time with his breathing. I hope that eases up during the evening and night. I know with Mark, he was a lot more susceptible to catching things once he stopped his chemo. As with everything it went up and down.

Sending you lots of love. Hope the kids have a good time at the party. xxx

ChutneyMary · 18/04/2008 20:28

Sorry that today is not so good. Thinking of you all and sending love XXXX

ChutneyMary · 18/04/2008 20:28

Sorry that today is not so good. Thinking of you all and sending love XXXX

Buda · 19/04/2008 08:26

Hope you had a good night OJ and that the kids enjoyed their party.

NotABanana · 19/04/2008 09:08

littlelapin Both ideas are inspired!!!

NotABanana · 19/04/2008 09:11

OJ Are any of Steve' family planning on visiting today? If so, I would warn them at the door that if they repeat any of their unacceptable behaviour you will be calling the police and taking out an injunction. The threat may be enough.

Much love.

Original poster
onlyjoking9329 · 19/04/2008 12:19

Party went well thankfully.
Lapin great ideas i like the Bag best
Elliots 11th birthday is on weds, mils is on thursday.
steve not jumpy or twitchy just tired and confused, mind you he is still offering to share his bed with the night nurse dunno if thats confusion or wishful thinking
LEM you are spot on, i don't want to have to ban his family cos steve wants to see them i just want them to be civil and stop saying things about me to steve.
his family were due to come on monday night but SW has told them no vists until after the meeting we are having on tuesday afternoon.
mike has phoned my best mate and had a good chat with her, tracey said mike was very reasonable and wants to apologize to my other mate for his behavior on thursday night.
i am hoping that Mike will phone me so that we can sort something out.
the kids have gone out today the girls have gone out with respite family to a farm park and elliot has gone out with my mate to spend his saved up money on a thomas train. steve is now asleep. todays trifle count is 2
our mates are coming tonight with a takeaway and wine so that will be nice.
i am off to the shops to get elliots pressies he wants the Wii mario cart game.

OP posts:
WendyWeber · 19/04/2008 12:24

Is the night nurse a woman though?

I'm glad Mike has pulled himself together, hope he will stay sensible now and help you deal with the other tossers ILs.

2 trifles by lunchtime not bad, better get some more in for the evening

Have a nice day, oj XXX

lilyloo · 19/04/2008 13:59

OJ just back from our hols so catching up.
Glad the party went well.
What are you planning for Elliots birthday ?
at Steve offering to share bed with the nurse !

Original poster
onlyjoking9329 · 19/04/2008 14:42

not sure what we are doing yet for elliots birthday.
i think steve likes this one night lady, the first night she came he said to me, she says she is here all night and there is only one bed in this room do i have to share?
the next time he told me i have shuffled right over to the wall but i am still not sure theres enough room for her!
We have female staff at night and a bloke who does 8am til 8pm at the weekends then a mixture of staff in the week, we will be getting a guy coming mon-thursday soon, the very same guy thats steves family were kicking off to on thursday.

OP posts:
kay1981 · 19/04/2008 14:49

dunno why im asking, and please feel free not to answer, after all you dont know me, but are you religious OJ? Is Steve?

xx

Original poster
onlyjoking9329 · 19/04/2008 15:49

neither steve or myself are religious, thou most of our friends are, i do take the kids to church to watch their mates when they are singing/ dancing.

OP posts:
Original poster
onlyjoking9329 · 19/04/2008 19:09

had a phonecall from mike today, he was being very reasonable and apologized for his behavior, he is going over to talk to his mum tonight.
we have some mates coming very soon with a curry but steve is fast asleep now, the sound of a trifle lid being oped might wake him up

OP posts:
Klaw · 19/04/2008 19:21

OJ, Devils advocate here: maybe Mike and MIL are having difficulty in dealing with their emotions regarding Steves last days and rather than talking to you about how they feel they just end up taking it out on you. do you see what I mean? It's absolutely NO excuse for their behaviour but maybe siting down and talking about how you all feel about Steve might open the floodgates and allow MIL to say she wishe she needs to see her son more and for you to offer this and so for you all to come to some sort of peace... before it's too late

or am I just so naive and trying to see the best in people? I really hope that MIL can soften towards you in time to spend some decent time with her son

winebeforepearls · 19/04/2008 19:26

OJ, I've come late to this thread and your situation, but just wanted to say you're an inspirition, and I hope you can sort something out with Steve's family. If only they could all be as outstandingly reasonable as you!

Love, support and virtual trifle winging it's way to you xxx

Izabella · 19/04/2008 20:06

OJ, I've been thinking Elliot's birthday must be any day now. Hope you got all the present shopping and that it will be a day where you can make many memories as a family.

Glad to hear that the trifle count has gone up again . Is Steve also on complan? It will boost his calorie in-take on the days when he doesn't really want to eat.

Also very glad to hear that Mike has apologised. I hope he realises that that sort of behaviour is not acceptable and can't happen again. Maybe he will make your MIL see sense too.

Enjoy your curry. xxx

Original poster
onlyjoking9329 · 19/04/2008 22:34

You are right Klaw they are struggling with things, but getting angry with me isn't helping them at all, if they hadn't been kicking off on every vist then they would be able to vist more. The SW suggested two evening vists a week i was going to offer more but she said would be better to do two and then add more if they are reasonable, the agency workers won't be left with his family so they can only come when i am here.
Om every vist they tell steve to go and live with them and they will look after him which is very unfair as Steve has made it clear to all that he wants to be with me and the kids his family are not happy about that, i am not happy to have open house for his family to vist given that they kick off everytime and i am finding it very hard to take their abuse and also trying to protect the kids from it all.

OP posts:
triplets · 19/04/2008 23:07

Hi Oj,
You are a saint to put up with all this from the inlaws, and its a shame that they are spoiling your time at home with Steve, how very very selfish they are. We all stand in awe of you, wonderful lady, wonderful wife and wonderful mother, truly xx

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