Just had the phone call to say ....STEVE IS COMING HOME ON MONDAY !

[onlyjoking9329]

Hi OJ, nothing usefull to say really. All this with Steve's family makes me very sad for you. They are dispicable. They have no respect for you, for Steve or for your home. I do wonder if maybe they are wanting a reaction from you so that they have ammunition in their crusade to get Steve removed from your care and into theirs so, good on you for not rising to it. I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this at this time. I hope it doesn't cast too much of a shadow over the precious time you have left with Steve.

Sending you lots of love xxx

Dearest OJ,

Some relatives are absolutely dreadful when someone is dying - my Mum had to wait for my SIL to go out to see my brother, at the end of his life. My Great-Aunt banned her husband's beloved Grandchildren from their house. People do horrible, horrible things - your ILs are acting totally unreasonably. But you are handling it brilliantly. You are inspirational - and how sad are they for not making a fuss of the DCs.

oj.

what can I say? christ, steve's family are being twats!

But as others have said, you are being so dignified and lovely. I am very proud to "know" you.

xx

OJ I hope they come to realise how selfish they are.
There is just no need to be abusive to anyone.
It makes me so they should be spending time with Steve and cherishing those moments not making life harder than it already is.

I always say what goes around comes around.
Wishing you continued strength.
xx

Thinking about it OJ you have been as reasonable as any family has a right to expect & you have only got unreasonable (to put it mildly)behaviour as a reward. I know you are only maintaining contact for Steve & that's lovely of you,but if HE is getting upset about it,(because THEY don't even have the decency to leave his room before they have a go at all & sundry) then it's not in his best interests to have them visit. That's before we get on to how upset it is making you......

Quicker than a legal injunction get the lovely Mac nurse/hospice team on the case, they know what the poisonous family are like & as Isabella says it's the agency/hospice staff who will be enforcing the ban not you. If they get any grief they have more experience & authority to go down the legal route than you as I'm sure it is (sadly) not the first time they have had to deal with it.

As an aside to that if your lovely mate is getting abusive phone calls BT can put a block on any number they are using so she doesn't have to listen to that crap.

Failing all else the collective MN bodyguard will take shifts with the carers & do the strong-armed stuff with the relys as needed.....bet I'd get a rota of volunteers in minutes!!!!

OJ

I'm so sorry to hear that his family are being such unreasonable arseholes....but do you need an injunction....you do not have to let them onto your property if you do not wish to do so.

There have been some good ideas...writing a letter so they know why you feel they shouldn't be allowed in the house....getting the hospice staff / consultant to say their visits are not in Steve's best interests....I'm sure you want his last memories to be happy ones with his (immediate) family around him....not of his peripheral family bickering and being abusive.......selfish gits

I really hope you are able to sort this and you are a stronger person than me in behaving so admirably about it....I would have told them where to go long before now....

Hope today is better x

Can't believe it - have you thought of having a tape recorder to hand? Should you allow them in again.

OJ

Like everyone else I can't believe the selfishness of your ILs. How bloody dare they!!

Blimey the phone has been very busy today, the hospice consultant rang to see how things were, she has told steves family that she will be supporting me and steve
Lee the carer from last night rang to check i was ok, he has rang the agency to let them know what happened last night. He has to write an incident report.
Steves SW rang to say steves mum had rang her this morning to tell her how unreasonable i was to her and mike of course she failed to mention that Mike was waving his finger in the carers face or that she had told steve that she didn't know if she would see him again cos that fucking bitch won't let us see you
SW and Mac nurse want to have a meeting with me and MIL on tuesday, SW is going to tell steves mum there will be no more vists until after the meeting.
Ruth the agency boss has rang to tell me not to worry as they won't be pulling the carers out, she has asked all three staff that have witnessed steves family kicking off to write reports, only one of the staff says she won't come here again if family are visting and who can blame her, steves family would love it if the carers pulled out and steve had to go back to the hospice, Ruth tells me that will not happen she has had very good feedback from all the carers and just wanted me to know that she is there to support us

Well at least you seem to have the support of the proffesional staff, and you know that Steve can stay where he is loved and wants to be.
I really feel for you this is the last thing you need.
I hope the meeting goes ok but even if your MIL doesn't kick off you have lots of independant reports now, and that will only make her look stupid as well as a total bitch.

Thinking of you all
Very on your behalf that they ignored the DC as well

Oh OJ they really are a bunch of twats aren't they

Hopefully the meeting with the SW and the Mac nurse will get this sorted out one way or the other, unfortunately I don't think it'll be that easy as they seem to be like a dog with a bone at the mo.

Just remember though you are Steves wife and have given him so many happy years, if this is jealousy coming out from them now maybe they should of tried being a bigger part of your lifes before this happened and then they could of been there with you supporting you and Steve and the children through this.

Sending you all love xx

I really can't believe how horrible steve's family are being I'm glad you have the support and backing of the MAC nurse, SW and carers

sending big hugs to you and your family, i hope steve is having a better day today too xx

FFS! You know what, I think you should stop them visiting for a few days. They are acting like flipping bullies and it is not on. What is wrong with people like this? I just can not understand why they are being like this. Is it because they couldn't look after Steve as well as you, nor want to put in lots of love and effort, so they want to make out you won't/can't either and get Steve back in the hospice?

Does Steve want to see his mother?

Thats all good news OJ. I am so pleased you are getting lots of support from everyone involved. Sending you lots of love xxx

PS No talk of trifle or chocolate oranges lately, I've lost pounds!

Bossy, stick me down for a shift on the door.

OJ, really what awful behaviour from adults.

It will be them that have the regrets, and tbh I have no sympathy for them at all. To start of with I kept thinking his mum was punishing herself for giving up on Steve when he was a child but now she can just go and boil her head as far as I'm concerned.

You keep up the good work you are doing for your beloved Steve and if you do meet up with MIL and SW etc then you can hold your head high my love.

Sit her down in front of a computer and log onto Mumsnet and your threads !!!!!

That should do the trick eh......

Pouring a large rum and southern comfort for you both later.......

lovely Mac nurse rang to check how we were, she had another phonecall from MIL yesterday.
steve not so good today, trifle intake down pain level is up and his breathing is sort of different, Mac nurse says to keep an eye on it and get doctor out if it gets worse.
i have to take the kids to a party tonight i am sure they will have a great time, i will take headache tablets before i go

So glad that you a good team around you, OJ, to help you through this shit from MIL

Sorry to hear Steve is having a bad day

what more is there to say OJ, they are very foolish people, idiots and it will be to their own heartache, sadly for them.

Just concentrate on your lovely family, pretend they dont exist (as much as you can)

xxkeep strong lady xx

Sorry to hear Steve is having a bad day OJ. I hope the kids enjoy the party Thinking of you xxx

OJ, I don't post very often but I always read to see how you are getting on. You are an amazing, loving woman. Perhaps it is time to put a stop to this abuse. You must have more than enough witnesses to support taking out an injuction.

OJ has MIL tried to get in with the old keys yet???

If I were in your place I would be seriously thinking about geting a Police Community officer or whatevr they have, to sit in if they come round - for your protection. I'm pretty sure it's an offence to behave like that. And I hope the agency start proceedings against them for the abuse.