Cancer Support Thread 94 - Sweetness and light - the two noblest of things.

[LemonDrizzle10]

@tilllly and Daisy.

Thank you so much! I should've known that really but started spiralling. You're absolutely right, knowledge is power! xxx

So I went to the shop and one of the cashier's asked me why did I shave off my hair 🤦🏻‍♀️ then when I explained I just started chemo and my hair will soon fall out she wanted to know what cancer I had making me feel so uncomfortable. Like who asks those kinds of things we are not friends??

Then my GP wouldn't prescribe me anything else to help calm me down before chemo as they said meds can interfere with my treatment (didn't say this the other week when they gave me something and to get in touch if it didn't work) so I called my CNS who is going to ask my oncologist for some diazepam.

Today has just been a shit show and I'm feeling so overwhelmed and just sad. Plus I've lost my appetite and haven't eaten anything today.

@catmomof3 sorry you have had such a rough day. Please try and eat- little and often, whatever you fancy to keep your strength for treatment. So glad your nurse could help.

@catmomof3
Sorry you've had a shit day. Some people are just insensitive and nosy. In the main they are not trying to be mean or upset you but they just want to 'know'. Some people don't even bloody ask - they just do a big splurge about their experience like you're now in a special club and obviously you know all about it. It's thoughtless and it's crass. I just used to answer yes, say nothing else and stare back in silence unless they were nice or I knew them fairly well. Occasionally I would ask if they meant to be rude/upsetting if they didn't shut up. You do get used to it or you just get a big 'fuck it' bucket and shove it in there with all the other crap.

I was going to suggest that you ask your chemo unit for something to relax you for Friday but I forgot. I know that our GP surgery doesn't prescribe anything related to hospital treatment and wouldn't give me anything while I was in active treatment.
Just remember that you're on a massive learning curve. No one nowhere learns how to deal with cancer because it's like learning on the job.
Have you tried plain fruit ice lollies? It helps with the mouth and saliva glands as well as hydration and can stimulate a little bit of appetite.

Thank you all of you who have replied, it's lovely to see such a supportive community on here even though everyone are fighting these battles.
Can I ask if anyone can advise on how best to deal with anxiety, it will disappear when I'm exercising and for a while afterwards but it doesn't take it away for very long. Keeping busy helps but it's exhausting and my appetite is very low as a result of being so stressed, and I'm conscious of losing too much weight (I'd have been delighted at the weight loss 3 months back 😳).
I'd wanted to avoid anti-depressants but is it probably a case of accepting I need them?

@Daisy03 anxiety is awful. Have you tried mindfulness/ meditation? Lots of free courses available on line- https://lookgoodfeelbetter.co.uk/support/women/ do some, plus excellent free workshops on hair/ makeup which give you a real boost( and a takeaway goody bag)
macmillan can also signpost. If that isn’t enough, don’t hesitate to try anti depressants- it’s whatever gets us through.

I find stretching, breathing exercises, gardening, cooking and listening to music helpful. Also being a bit wise about who I talk to. As in I have some very caring folk who are just not great at saying the right thing, with the best will in the world so perhaps have a think about who in your support network is the best at just listening?

Beta blockers could be a fairly mild solution to try? They prevent the uptake of adrenaline so you don't feel the physical effects of anxiety and have space to think at anxious times. Also they can often be taken as and when up to a maximum daily dose and at minimum intervals, rather than a set dose so if you don't necessarily need to take them every day

My nurse has just called me to say my oncologist is going to prescribe me lorazepam which I can collect tomorrow. Has anyone used this before and does it help well for anxiety?

@catmomof3 ooh that's the good stuff!

Would it be any good for menopause anxiety I wonder?

Lorazapam isn't something you would take every day, it's more of a situational type anxiety medication as I understand it. Do keep pestering your GP till you find something that works though!

@Whatevershallidowithmylife Ah yes, just been reading up on it now.

I've got propranol, maybe will stick with that for now. I was going to start sertraline, but decided against it. Didn't want to add more drugs. But severe menopause is kicking my arse!

@Whatevershallidowithmylife Do you know how it will make me feel? Will it chill me out to a point I'm sleepy etc? I'm only taking it once a week so praying it works.

@Enigma52
How's the propranol working for you? If it's not working or doing much then trying sertraline may help. It will give you a rough ride for a few weeks then it should settle down. It's got to be better than the suffering you're going through but if it doesn't work then at least you've tried.
Have you had any contact from OH or your employer yet about going back?

Well I have two lovely infected balloons right near the opening to my V. Lovely. No idea where from and I blame everything on the covid vaccine 😀😀 Anyway I’m on antibiotics and have a date for picc line next Wednesday and chemo starts Friday, back on the bloody merry go round

@catmomof3 I hope you have a better day today and manage to eat something. Ice lollies are a good shout, if you get a sore mouth or to get rid of any nasty tastes. Don't worry about any stares, just stare harder! The human race is nosey!

@MothralovesGojira Propranol is okay for claiming the racing heart. Doesn't do much else though. Probably should have stuck with sertraline. I've bought some CBD oil, so maybe that will help.

My OH review is June 10th. Will have a load of requests for reasonable adjustments. I work in school, so my phased return I've decided, will be until the end of term at least and VERY dependent on Junes scan also. If that isn't good news, I won't be back at all this year. If it is and I'm
well, the above will apply.

How as you @MothralovesGojira How's your stomach? The DC?

@EachandEveryone Those balloon lumps sound damm painful 😣. Really hoping the anti biotics kick in soon. Good luck this week.

@catmomof3 depends on your tolerance and what you’ve to take. My sister would be as you described on half a tablet but I need a whole one. They are very good though! @Enigma52 I take 150mg sertraline and I’ve found it very helpful during this time. What’s one more pill? I’d give a go - I’m all for taking anything to make life easier tbh (although I never used to be)! @EachandEveryone abscesses? Ouchy but antibiotics should kick in really quickly. Sounds like we’re all having a bit more than a crappy time than usual just now. My big fat lymphoedema leg is seriously cruising for being amputated is so bloody debilitating grrrr

So I thought I was being sent for a liver ultrasound but they're actually going straight to biopsy. I was told by the lady making appointment that depending on how long results take and the actual results my lumpectomy a week later may be cancelled/postponed.
I am meant to be stage 1 grade 2, triple positive. Lymph nodes clear.
Does anyone have any positive stories? I can only focus on the negative and it's not looking good. I know the nodes being clear is good but that it can also travel through the bloodstream

@Daisy03
Sorry Daisy but not sure what it is that you're looking for? Someone on here may well have had similar but I can't think of anyone recent with a similar case but that doesn't mean that there isn't one positive or otherwise. What I & others can say is that your results will be rushed through because it could effect your treatment plan. The reason that you're no longer having an ultrasound first is likely because the MDT have thought that there's no point in having one separately when they will ultrasound you during a biopsy anyway and that will waste your time and theirs. You have to get your head round the fact that this is the beginning of your cancer journey. Everything is fluid & changeable because it's about gathering information so that your MDT can work out the best plan. If, and it is an if, they find that the lesion on your liver is also cancer then that changes your treatment plan. It could be that it's a non-cancerous condition but they still have to verify what it is as that could affect your treatment plan. You are still S1G2+++ regardless but it just could be that there is something else in the mix.

@Daisy03
Also, MacMillan's and Maggies both do excellent talking therapies and relaxation stuff if you're struggling. It's hard not to sink into pessimism and it's hard to keep yourself afloat but talking it through with someone unrelated to day to day life does help.

@Enigma52
That is absolutely the right way to do a return to work by doing a phased return to run to the holidays but also remember that you'll probably also need it in September when the new year starts. That's great that you've now got an OH appointment. Don't forget to think about stuff like more breaks, later start, earlier finish. You've probably got a huge amount of annual leave to take too so factor that in as well. Hopefully your scan in June will have good news or at least not worse news.

Thank you for asking after us! My stomach still hurts & is still bloated like a ball but I now have a fresh hell of a sharp pain on the left side of my groin area which is pretty constant. It's definitely not a bladder infection as weeing ok so who knows. I've already told my manager that I will not be in next week as I'm nowhere near fit enough to stand on my feet for 9 hours and I should probably wait for my test results before charging back to work.
Youngest DC's exam is over three days and seems ok so far but tomorrow is the final day and I just want it to go well for their sake. I told middle DC yesterday about the return of my cancer and he took it quite well. He said that he'd guessed something was up because of the amount of time I was at home but he gave me the longest hug which was nice as he's not a hugger. I'm seeing eldest DC on Thursday and will tell him then and then probably tell the youngest at the weekend which will be the trickiest one I think.
I'm still doing the sodding PIP form and will definitely have to phone them on Thursday for an extension!

Head is aching and sore post radio. Tried to distract myself with gardening and painfully pulled an arse muscle. Good evening's work.

Daisy I don't think I had anything on the liver but I had a 3cm tumour on the adrenals which they had as possible mets / cancel surgery and was told it was probable mets initially. It can't be biopsied in that location so they did a further CT scan and I remember had found something on a previous CT which I managed to locate from private hospital and get sent to them. And from the growth rate they worked out not cancerous. I was given lots of tests, still doing them 2 years on though postponed them in chemo so could do that. I think the odds are still on a good outcome - I know with breast biopsies its 1 in 4 is cancerous, with adrenals I later read its 95% of those picked up on CTs are not cancerous. But its absolutely terrifying waiting the 2 weeks and feel for you. I think it will come back clear but in the unlikely worst case its much better its picked up now and treated.

Once you start treatment its still a rollercoaster but at least you are fighting the cancer back then, some of it feels like you are being run over by a bus in the process (mainly chemo) but it does end and then you find a new normal and do things like go on holiday again and/or return to work. Just take it a day at a time and a stage at a time. Distract if you can. I used to watch Below Deck a lot, still do or go on imaginary holidays with YouTube videos from people on holiday visiting places like in Borneo or Australia. Then when you have finished you can go on real holidays.

@Enigma52 Venlafaxine. If you are considering an antidepressant, then ask for Venlafaxine, which is the drug of choice for... wait for it... treating menopausal symptoms. I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier. I know menopause is kicking your butt, and some antidepressants are prescribed because they not just help with anxiety/depression, but they massively help with menopausal crap like hot flashes. Citalopram, Escitalopram and sertraline are also sometimes prescribed, but they are SSRIs and can interfere with Tamoxifen and similar hormone suppressant drugs.

@KentishMama Hey, good to see you. Okay, I have ( yet another) GP appointment next Friday, so perhaps I will ask to trial venlafaxine. Yep, menopause is booting my arse so hard, it's unreal.