Doctor called me a hypochondriac

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honest replies wanted here but please be kind as I’m feeling rather vulnerable at the moment

Background - I have 5 children, we live very rurally, doctors and hospitals are quite some distance away from our home and to add to that one of my children almost died from sepsis which also took the life of their classmate due to sepsis. They both had the same infection. I have had sepsis twice, one of those times I was on my last possible antibiotic as all previously didn’t work. We cannot afford to move currently, but we are in the process of looking at options.

Because of our situation, I have an oxygen & heart rate monitor, blood pressure monitor, thermometer. If my children feel unwell, I check them over and get a general idea of how they are doing. It’s quite reassuring. It’s also helpful letting GP or NHS 24 know the stats so they can get a better picture. Normally, medical staff are relieved to have this information as it can be hard to get a picture of someone’s health without this and hard to gauge if it’s safe to travel to them or get an ambulance.

My child became unwell, I checked their stats and they seemed okay. The following day they deteriorated and so I called the doctors. A new GP joined the practice and called me back. They expressed concern that I had these monitors at home and asked how often I check my children’s vitals. I explained only when they are unwell and what has that got to do with anything? They asked me to go in with them, so I did and the conversation was more about me and my mental health than my child who was feeling really unwell by this point. They then said it sounds like I have health anxiety and possible signs of hypochondria and said there was help available! I was so pissed….i just wanted my kid checked over. I understand I am more cautious because of our rural location and previous dices with serious infections, but I thought his words were horrific and not fair.

Turns out child had a chest infection and spent a few days in hospital needing oxygen and antibiotics, but now I’m feeling like maybe they are right and should I really call doctors with concerns and wait until their illness is obvious? Should I stop monitoring?

We ended up with another bad bug after this which made us all really really poorly and my husband was wondering why I wasn’t checking everyone over like normal and saying we should call the GP but I am now questioning myself. I don’t want them to think I am a hypochondriac. It’s really knocked my self confidence in my abilities.

Am I a hypochondriac?

I do know if I didn’t monitor my child, we would have never spotted her serious deterioration with Sepsis as she just looked like she had a tummy bug, but her stats were showing serious signs of infection. Sepsis kills…am I really health anxious?

Please, be kind, I am feeling really quite hurt and vulnerable. My normal GP assured me I’m doing everything right, but that new GPs words have stuck 🙁

It can be a tricky balance between being overly concerned about a health situation, and not concerned enough.

A had a neurologist showing me an MRI image of my brain bleed, and suggesting I come back in a week for a CT scan, and when I pointed out that I wasn't happy being sent away when my brain was actively bleeding, got told, "well, if it makes you feel a little less anxious I can see if I can get you admitted to hospital and perhaps they can do a scan sooner, since you seem to be unduly worried "🙄. (Within hours of being admitted I was having brain surgery)

Trust your gut.

I think that it's a grey area. The doctor sounds overly forthright and as you say you hadn't done anything out of the ordinary - it might be interesting to know if he / she was worried you would wait too long before seeking help due to home monitoring or whether was just thinking you were being over zealous - or had he not come across this much before perhaps and is a little ' old school' .
Was it a he ?
Parents have always checked temp and general signs of illness rash etc but oximeters became household tools during covid so not unusual but obviously also I don't know if you have a child's version and accuracy etc for little children.
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Obviously you don't need to check your child's sats all the time and low sats would be a very worrying and late sign in something like asthma definitely not something you would be waiting for as a sign to seek help as that is a critical deterioration sign in asthma needing immediate intervention and possible ventilation.
It's a bit like home nebuliser machines - usually not recommend for asthma as if you are that poorly you should be in hospital.
So it may have come from a place of concern regarding the monitoring.
You / we have to be sensible and not over rely on certain things as it's hard for eg children have different heart rates to adults.

I think you felt undermined and patronised, and it sounds like you just want to do the safest thing for your children and family.

I would chat with the actual GP about this possibly first an e mail to the PM for his attention and say you felt undermined and now a little confused as to the best level of parental monitoring- you don't have health or other anxiety and did feel this was overly focused on when it was your child's health appointment.

I think the GP was right to highlight a possible concern and enquire about your mental health and anxiety.
You admit you are health anxious after your previous experiences so he wasn’t wrong was he? There’s no shame or judgement in that. It’s understandable.

Some GP surgeries don’t even have sats (oxygen) monitors for children because they are notorious inaccurate in children. It’s very different to adults. The cheap available ones are rubbish in kids. Plus you are not medically trained and will be googling levels etc to determine if it’s serious which is dangerous- GPs are trained to examine children and know when to refer to hospital.

Don’t take on too much responsibility for your children’s health. It isn’t fair on you and will make you more anxious. How will you feel if you check the pulse and sats and think they are ok but your child got very sick?

Call if you feel concern based on the usual parenting metric of floppy, off food, lethargic, very hot despite paracetamol etc etc and let the professionals assess.

I've had similar experiences of doctors being annoyed and dismissive. I used to get repeat UTIs and the urologist suggested I buy home testing strips so that i could monitor my urine and get immediate treatment when necessary. But whenever I called the GP to say I had symptoms of an infection and had tested my urine and it had blood and leukocytes in they would tell me that the home tests aren't reliable. They're the EXACT same make as the ones the GP used. But apparently i wasn't "trained" to be able to tell the difference between a green square and a red square to read the results. And they would be annoyed that I was "self-diagnosing". Of course after traipsing into the doctors for an eventual appointment where they tested my urine the results were, shock horror, the exact same as when I did them. But this meant time off work, a GP appointment taken up and a delay in getting antibiotics, which was the whole reason the consultant told me to buy them - to get antibiotics ASAP each time. I actually ended up with chronic bladder pain due to the continual delays in getting treatment.

Thankfully I have a (female) GP now who I can get a telephone appointment with, tell her I have symptoms of a UTI and she has the antibiotics ready for me at the pharmacy within an hour. She said she trusts that I know my body.

OP you're just being responsible and taking care of your family. Don't let yourself be affected by the "calm down dear" attitude of some doctors.

What would you complain about? The GP wasn't rude or cross, they were concerned about your mental health, that you were developing a health anxiety.

Honestly I think you sound sensible. We have all of those in our home, rarely used but they are there. I hardly think we can rely on the NHS to make the right judgements these days, so it's important we be vigilant with our own health and know when to advocate for ourselves.

I wouldn't complain tbh. He doesn't know you and at first consideration having that much equipment at home is not normal.

Once you explain the rural location and previous run ins with sepsis it starts to make sense but I don't think he is being unreasonable to raise the possibility that you MIGHT be suffering from health anxiety or hypochondria. He's just fulfilling his duty of care to you.

Hypochondria is simply a disorder that can be treated so no doctor would want to ignore someone who might be struggling with it when they could help them. In your case, you aren't but they'd rather have the conversation with someone who didn't need them than miss someone who does.

Ex hcp here! Do you call the doctors a lot for illness? Tbh we were always taught to not go by any "home diagnostics" and always do our own checks. I have to admit I would always internally roll my eyes when people started telling all their obs as soon as they walked in! Obviously it's different if its a specific condition that the person has had for a long time, then they know what they are looking for and why!

This

To an extent I’m quite impressed the doc asked you to come in to check (so maybe acknowledge that in your letter) but once you’d explained s/he should have acknowledged there wasn’t an issue.

😲😧

I think this could be medical negligence op. I hope you have reported him.

You've inspired me to get some more kit for home. Ds5 goes downhill very quietly very fast and is prone to bizarre accidents and illnesses, has had several stays at hospital and 1 long stay for periorbital cellulitis. Didn't even cross my mind to have more than a thermometer!

If I had 2 healthy kids like my second, I would stay as I am. But if your kids have that kind of problem history, it seems sensible to have extra bits.

Did the GP use the word "hypochondriac" first OP? Because I don't think that's a word a GP would/should use, unless referring to an area of the abdomen.

I think doing basic obs when you're isolated is sensible to help someone triage.

I am surprised at the sepsis rates in your family, though. Proper sepsis (rather than suspected) is quite rare. Do you have other socioeconomic factors making your family more prone?

Rather than complain, I would see your usual GP and discuss things. With some openness that maybe you have some health anxiety after your experiences, and maybe there are other socioeconomic factors causing an increased rate of sepsis in your family that you could address?

It does sound like you have health anxiety, but it also sounds like you are completely justified in this after the illnesses your family have experienced. Perhaps this is what the GP was alluding to? Ie, they could see you’re anxious, can they help you with anything to alleviate this anxiety?

I think we need to be more careful here with the 'Oh you're right OP, he's wrong, you're totally fine to be doing what you're doing', and keep in mind that the doctor has access to the OPs record - we don't.

I have all the equipment. DH gets a rare type of cellulitis which goes from zero to a life threatening condition in a couple of hours. I find that my readings galvanise the emergency services into acting quickly.

On the other hand, a year ago I collapsed with a heart problem. DH called 999. By the time they arrived I had improved a bit and the paramedic accused me of health anxiety. My DH explained how scary it was and with much huffing and puffing he reluctantly agreed to take me to A&E. He was so rude and nasty. I was left in the waiting room whereupon I collapsed again and scared the other patients. The doctor said what a good thing I was already in A&E as I was so unwell. I wish that he had seen it!

I wish I'd complained and I really think you should do so OP. You've been through so much and are sensible to thoroughly check your family members.

I don't think the GP did anything wrong to be honest. I wouldn't complain about him. He needs to look out for you and your kids and he needs to be satisfied you don't have any issues. To be fair to him you are nervous about your kids health which is 100% normal especially after the death of your kids classmate and their sepsis.

Please dont do this.

The home monitors are not accurate for children and could falsely reassure you.

Seek proper advice if you are worried

When I first read the OP I thought you meant a lot of specialist equipment. Then I realised you were talking about a pulse oximeter, thermometer and BP cuff. During covid I think most people in the country got pulse oximeters. This is basic stuff.
When I had a severe chest infection last year the GP asked me if I had one. When I had covid I was told to check my O2 Sats 4 times a day after I was discharged from hospital.
I think this doctor was wrong. However it is possible to spiral with fear after you've had a sick child. When DS1 was a baby he had a febrile convultion and was hospitalised several times. It was years before I could be calm whenever he spiked a fever. (He's 27 now and still gets very feverish with the slightest virus).

I would carry on. Don't check anyone unless they are ill but don't feel guilty if they are.

Refreshing. So rare on MN that anyone says "I suspect there's more to this story than OP told us" or "There's another side to this story we're not hearing".

i don’t have any of this stuff. Maybe a thermometer left over from the baby years. I would say outside an internet health board it is fairly uncommon and it is also uncommmon to have so many sepsis incidences and hospitalisations. So I think he was right to try to get to the bottom of everything.

ps: not like I should bother. this thread will go poof soon anyway.

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Hi OP, I think it sounds very shocking that there have been 3 episodes of sepsis in your family. Looking online the incidence is 360 cases per 100,000 people. To have had 3 cases in a family of 7 seems very extreme, if your understanding of sepsis is right, you have been extremely unfortunate and I wouldn’t be surprised if you did have health anxiety.

I think taking observations when you are not a medical professional is very tricky. You could be falsely reassured. Similar in that we don’t like pregnant women using home dopplers. I think as a non medical person you should keep the equipment and only use it if the GP or 111 etc ask.

Most healthcare professionals I know barely even own a thermometer for their children, symptoms always trump readings, and we need to make sure we are focused on them, not numbers on a machine.

Not to mention medical equipment needs to be calibrated yearly to ensure it is working properly.

All I have in our house is a thermometer that's never been used, but we have been lucky enough to never have experienced serious illness. Sepsis is very scary and I'm sure if I'd come in close contact with it I'd feel the same. It's nearly impossible to get a face to face doctor's appointment here so it does make sense to do what you have to when it comes to monitoring your health.

I'd agree with this. The OP reminded me very much of a family member I have, who has the most obvious extreme health anxiety.

It's carefully worded and presents as reasonable on the surface but might not tell the whole story. The person I know with health anxiety did have something serious happen (which I assume is where the anxiety stems from).