Doctor called me a hypochondriac

[starwise]

honest replies wanted here but please be kind as I’m feeling rather vulnerable at the moment

Background - I have 5 children, we live very rurally, doctors and hospitals are quite some distance away from our home and to add to that one of my children almost died from sepsis which also took the life of their classmate due to sepsis. They both had the same infection. I have had sepsis twice, one of those times I was on my last possible antibiotic as all previously didn’t work. We cannot afford to move currently, but we are in the process of looking at options.

Because of our situation, I have an oxygen & heart rate monitor, blood pressure monitor, thermometer. If my children feel unwell, I check them over and get a general idea of how they are doing. It’s quite reassuring. It’s also helpful letting GP or NHS 24 know the stats so they can get a better picture. Normally, medical staff are relieved to have this information as it can be hard to get a picture of someone’s health without this and hard to gauge if it’s safe to travel to them or get an ambulance.

My child became unwell, I checked their stats and they seemed okay. The following day they deteriorated and so I called the doctors. A new GP joined the practice and called me back. They expressed concern that I had these monitors at home and asked how often I check my children’s vitals. I explained only when they are unwell and what has that got to do with anything? They asked me to go in with them, so I did and the conversation was more about me and my mental health than my child who was feeling really unwell by this point. They then said it sounds like I have health anxiety and possible signs of hypochondria and said there was help available! I was so pissed….i just wanted my kid checked over. I understand I am more cautious because of our rural location and previous dices with serious infections, but I thought his words were horrific and not fair.

Turns out child had a chest infection and spent a few days in hospital needing oxygen and antibiotics, but now I’m feeling like maybe they are right and should I really call doctors with concerns and wait until their illness is obvious? Should I stop monitoring?

We ended up with another bad bug after this which made us all really really poorly and my husband was wondering why I wasn’t checking everyone over like normal and saying we should call the GP but I am now questioning myself. I don’t want them to think I am a hypochondriac. It’s really knocked my self confidence in my abilities.

Am I a hypochondriac?

I do know if I didn’t monitor my child, we would have never spotted her serious deterioration with Sepsis as she just looked like she had a tummy bug, but her stats were showing serious signs of infection. Sepsis kills…am I really health anxious?

Please, be kind, I am feeling really quite hurt and vulnerable. My normal GP assured me I’m doing everything right, but that new GPs words have stuck 🙁

I do understand why you’re doing it, but I think it sounds excessive if you are checking everyone this much every time they’ve got a cough or cold. I’d be worried you will lead your kids into health anxiety tbh. How often would you normally check all these things?

With 5 DC, a rural location, the state of emergency care, and your previous brushes with serious infections, I don’t think it’s at all excessive/unreasonable.

Maybe a GP who doesn’t know you, wanted to check you weren’t monitoring your DC excessively and that your knowledge of their SATS/temps etc , wasn’t a possible sign of health anxiety or other MH problems. I’d not take it personally. It’s probable that especially since COVID, GPs are finding more people who are suffering with health anxiety. They were way too quick to make (incorrect ) assumptions though and I agree with contacting the practice manager. Hope everyone is soon feeling much better. It’s been a dreadful winter for some really nasty infections, as well as covid.

I think you probably are monitoring your family‘s observations too frequently because you have health anxiety which is completely understandable after the awful experience you had.
Measuring children’s blood pressure at home is unreliable as often the arm cuff is the wrong size.
I think this GP was probably concerned about your mental health.

I imagine the answer is somewhere in the middle, in that he was particularly harsh in his language and hypochondriac is not the correct term, but that you are overly cautious with checking as a result of previous trauma around health issues. I would book an appointment with your normal gp, who knows you and your history better, to ask their honest opinion about whether you’d benefit from some cbt around health anxiety.

I was fully prepared to think your doctor was probably right, but having read all the circumstances I think you’re absolutely doing the right thing. It does sound like your poor family suffers a lot and with some serious infections you’re obviously going to be more alert. As long as you’re not calling GP at the first sign of a sniffle then just ignore new GP.

I'm starting to notice how ignorant some GPs are, which I think forces us to diagnose ourselves or at least research; especially since covid as no one has full knowledge of it. The equipment you describe is all available at Boots and not uncommon to have in the home. Your GP probably noticed you were (understandably) panicky and he was worried about how all the health issues were affecting you mentally but approached it with a sledgehammer. What kind of a mother would you be if you weren't extra vigilant after experiencing sepsis in the family. Ignore him. Once in the 90s, my GP said sarcastically: "do you believe everything you read?" I was hurt but I said: of course not! I read as much as I can and try to learn from it.

Low O2 sats - especially in kids is always a cause for alarm. You know full well that your kid ended up in hospital. Definitely complain.

Wowsers. I guess the only harm is your mental health unless you have a reason to be so paranoid about your health. Maybe just have a check up with your GP every 6 months? . Sorry. Living your life scared of being sick seems a bit of a sad way to live but each to their own I guess.

@IneedhandcreamandaNC It's sats, not stats. Two completely different things. I think that @starwise was referring to the observations of all the monitoring together, rather than just blood oxygen saturations, hence 'stats' not 'sats'. We tend to use 'obs' here, but 'stats' is an American term.

@starwise YANB except that if you are worried enough to be using the equipment, you would be better to see a GP with the child. If you just think 'ooh you look a bit under the weather, What's your sats/BP doing?", that's one thing. But it you're thinking "You look really ill" then those things on their own aren't enough to reassure.

For example, I used to run a high HR. I am now medicated, but my resting heart rate used to be around 105. So having a 'high HR' wasn't a reliable indicator of unwellness for me. I'm contrast, DH usually has a resting HR of 55 ish, which is lower that even the bottom range of normal. So if he had a resting HR of 80 and wasn't feeling well, I'd be thinking he might need to get checked out. A number is only as good as the context.

I too have all of those things: digital thermometers since DC were babies and oxygen/heart rate & blood pressure monitors because DH, we believe, had COVID months before it was a thing and it was terrifying. I can totally understand your attention to early indicators of serious illness. And with the current state of the NHS I think everyone should have them.

The GP has more of the big picture than we do, reading between the lines i suspect you call for support frequuently off the back of the readings. it doesn't sound like they were dismissing your concerns about your child but highlighting that as the monitoring was triggered by a traumatic incident it can help to get some support with coming to terms with it. I'm not sure why you'd report a GP for showing concern, its more work for them at the end of the day and a difficult conversation to have.

It is a proactive way to manage your family’s health if you think they are not well.

But as a call handler, I would probably not pay too much heed to your description of monitored observations as they can be so inaccurate for a million reasons and would be far more interested in YOUR description of that child as they are before you.
I would be very interested because you know what is normal for your child more than anyone in this world.
Call handlers are trained to ask the right questions to get to the important answers quickly and efficiently.

I have had parents begin to list to me the blood pressure, saturations, temperature and pulse from the last 24 hours, we don’t have time for that, what do they look like RIGHT NOW, pink? Warm?sleepy? Rousable? Breathing? Slow?fast? Eating? Drinking? Peeing? Pooing? Rashes?????
Sepsis as you know is fast… I want to know these things, not what a blood pressure using the wrong sized cuff was 8 hours ago…

Absolutely rotten luck in your house with all the sepsis and serious chest infections requiring admission.

It's sats, not stats. Two completely different things.

Surely it's 'Obs'?

Hypochondria isn't a term used anymore so for that alone I would be pissed off.

Health anxiety is real though, and if the doctor thinks it's a possibility you should listen to them.

Doing basic obs at home has become quite normal for some, especially since Covid, but if your GP is seeing a pattern or something of concern of course it's correct for them to raise it

The pandemic forced a lot of people into buying these medical aids. Appointments were routinely done by telephone so for somebody with high blood pressure it was impossible to monitor. I also bought an oximeter and a blood pressure machine. Unfortunately we are more and more expected to look after our own health. If you are a hypochondriac then half the nation is!

Didn't we all buy pulse oxymeters during COVID? They were cheap as chips and there was lots of publicity about checking O2 levels being a good idea.

I wouldn't be taking kids' blood pressure presumably, but at my age (60s) we're encouraged to check it regularly.

Maybe there was something in the way you expressed yourself and gave the doctor those readings, that gave him cause for concern? I don't see that simply owning those things is an indicator of problems in itself.

I was asked to take DD BP at home when she started the contraceptive pill at 13. The doctor hasn't seen her and she had been on it for almost a year now. They ask I check her BP before issuing a new prescription.

You’ve been really unlucky. I’m 52 with two adult children, lots of family and don’t know of anyone who has had sepsis. Given that history it’s no wonder you are hyper vigilant. I have blood pressure monitor and a thermometer . But I’d probably get an oxygen meter in your situation. I think it’s wise to keep an eye on your mental health given what you’ve been through. Just to talk through your experiences might be useful to you.

OP, make some notes and then write a complaint to your surgery.

Even if someone were a hyperchondriac , that doesn't make them immune to illness. And the doctor should take symptoms seriously.

I don't think you have health anxiety. Monitoring your children when unwell is perfectly reasonable. All I would say is don't necessarily rely solely on monitoring. If you feel your child is unwell but the stats are OK, still seek medical advice.

The cheek of it! We have to be vigilant, and advocate loudly for ourselves, or else end up like that poor woman dead under a coat in A&E last week!

"hypochondria" is so frequently used to dismiss women particularly. And there's a very "why do you worry your silly little head about it".

I can't abide this sort of paternalism. During my first pregnancy the midwife was put off by me asking for my blood pressure reading and asked "why do you want to know". Well it was a good thing I did pay attention because I wound up developing pre-eclampsia! If my blood pressure is high I'd like to know, thanks.

I don't have masses of equipment but I certainly have a thermometer and pulse ox. I don't have a blood pressure monitor suitable for children, but I have one for me (hypertension). And as I have diabetes I of course have a glucose meter. Who would be concerned that someone has the kind of basic things you can buy in Boots? I thought thermometers were standard home equipment!

I agree

I think you’re doing great, OP. I was in a kind of similar situation with my DS when he was about a year old. He would just go blue without warning and without reason. I took him to the GP and DH was with me. I told the male doc that DS was randomly turning blue, and this doc literally guffawed. He said it was likely my eyesight. He then asked DH his version of events - when his account matched mine the Gp actually listened. If I was by myself, I would’ve been written off as an over anxious mother.