Cancer Support Thread 89 - the best thread that no one wants to be on.

[LemonDrizzle10]

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Happy Birthday @EachandEveryone 🎂

@MyNamesGaryAndImAddictedToChips that’s brilliant - thanks for sharing your good news!

Goodness how many of us have these mothers? I think I’m an embarrassment. She has basically told me it’s my lifestyle which has been too sedate as she is one that never stops and is so competitive with everything.

@MyNamesGaryAndImAddictedToChips great news!

@ClashCityRocker I have been ogling Wild Camping Kayak trips and they look so cool! Definitely onto my list of life goals. Have faith! You will get there.
My DH always takes an eye mask and ear plugs when we go away, he likes to sleep in a dark airless quiet tomb.

@MyNamesGaryAndImAddictedToChips that is such good news but no doubt you still have a long road back to health. Good luck and you are always welcome to pop in to complain about the state of NHS healthcare.

@EachandEveryone at least you didn’t have unrealistic expectations of your DM. She is keeping to type. Hope you enjoyed your birthday anyway.

I’m exhausted but had a nice day. Made pickled cucumbers from the allotment and went to check out my poor neglected boat with a visiting friend. I could have stayed on for a BBQ but was too tired sadly. Just over six weeks more of these awful pills. Whoop! Whoop!

Have any of you ever used an eyelash serum to help promote growth? I'm wondering if it's worth trying one, or they're a waste of money & I just need to be impatient 🤔

@lucysmam

I had a very helpful phone conversation with someone from here: https://www.cancerhaircare.co.uk/
and she recommended coconut oil for eyelashes and eyebrows to help them grow back.

I don’t know I think I would worry about my eyes getting puffy.

I have decided that they eyebrows were an ease of money. Even after the top up that
have faded so quickly. Really disappointed.

Goodness I’m on a rocky Train I hope that made sense

@EachandEveryone yes, it did, thank you. & a good point considering this weeks random reaction to adhesives!

@SummerCycling thanks for the link, I'll have a look shortly. Dd1's off through town for work trousers tomorrow after college, so I might get her to have a look for me.

Sorry you have the same type of Mum Fantasea. Mine is far more sedate in lifestyle than me but she was so awful with the IVF and anything medical that I didn't bother telling her. I am sure I would be accused of attention seeking and bringing shame on the family by getting cancer, IVF was like that even though male factor. MIL isn't much better saying she is healthy as she drinks wine, and just pointed out that cancer treatment had made me fat, before cancer treatment I was always too thin and not intelligent as I couldn't drive despite having a degree from Cambridge. Thankfully have a wonderful husband.

I have been watching on Netflix how to live to 100, was a bit sceptical as thought it might be patient blaming but it's interesting, the people seem to have a vegetarian diet, exercise a lot but not always as exercise, have community groups and have a purpose. Before had cancer was quite scared of living long and alone but no longer need to worry about that. Just went swimming. So hot here today. Kitchen less but actually who wants to cook in this heat. Floof keeps trying to get in the fridge as he's so hot with all his fluff. Nuts apparently add a few years to life expectancy and a care home takes a few years so there you go.

I didn't do anything with eyebrows or eyelashes but mine were back very quickly, a few weeks after chemo ended.

The Brexit thing was strange. I remember being in a swimming pool in Essex when announced at David Lloyds and everyone was partying then going to work next day and it was like a funeral. Very regional. DH is French so he found it a little difficult though now he's very smug with his and kids French passports when we travel. Australian cancer stats look good, much better than ours. When I got cancer I was working for a man in Australia and he said about getting me treatment over there but it just wasn't feasible.

@Silkierabbit I suspect that if you removed from the stats all the weirdos that refuse chemo and insist on naturopathy and mistletoe therapy the UK statistics would be better. I can think of three people I know who didn’t follow the advice of their doctors and are all now dead. Do what the doctors say!!
I have gone along with all that is suggested for me obediently and hope that means I will live to 80 even if that means I have to be a vegan tree hugger!

@Silkie sorry your mum was so awful about IVF and I can understand why you didn't tell her about your cancer. My mother has never believed in illness of any type. We were never allowed to be ill as children and we were always accused of 'putting it on'. My sister fell down the stairs when she was about 10 and injured her foot. She complained about it for a whole week, even to the point that it was so painful she couldn't bear the sheet on it, before she was taken to the doctor and it was broken. I generally feel a lot of shame around my diagnosis and suspect this is where it stems from.

I always think it's delays in initial diagnosis and also gaps before chemo, radio etc are often out of optimal results, mine all were, only takes 5% off but it all counts. I think the French system is much superior, they see specialists much earlier on and all their records are readable by any doctor anywhere in France. I always felt for DHs boss who got stomach cancer, in his own country chances of survival where about 3 times higher. But that all requires more funding. I worry about the lack of ongoing checks, I might go private for some in time though like not knowing atm and no obvious symptoms, ones before went and they forgot the checks.

Yes Fantasea that is my mother too, she even would tell people she was an only child to eradicate the brother who died as a child. And my Dad was never allowed to talk of his Dad dying when he was 10. If pushed everyone died from smoking even though they died from unrelated things. I think it's a way of making herself immune.

@Silkie my mother feels she is immune too. I have terrible hot flushes due to menopause and one time at her house I had one. I casually asked if she had suffered like this at my age and her response was 'no, I had a JOB', which was another little dig as I'm retired. She even bypassed menopause!

Thanks for sharing your update @MyNamesGaryAndImAddictedToChips. I’m so pleased for you. All the best for your treatment.

I haven’t seen much of my mum during my treatment as she is in a care home and I decided to let my brother look after her for a change. Naturally she is full of praise for him doing the bare minimum because he’s been forced to. Everything I did by choice before getting ill has been forgotten. She’s also taken up body shaming in her old age. I’ve lost 15 kg during my treatment and every visit she comments on it and how ‘it’s been a looong time since I was last this slim’.

😂Yes whole family immunity here as well. Just remembered her telling me her best friend had died of cancer cervical early 40s and said most people will now be saying she was a promiscuous woman or her husband was cheating but I know that's untrue. Then she added that the woman dying was proof healthy eating was bad for you. She never spoke to her after the diagnosis.

@Remaker 'this slim'! I've put on a lot of weight on my front since my surgery when I was about 8 and a half stone and my mother told me recently that I'm 'not thin', so fat then....I hear you on the golden sibling and the hurt that causes.

@Silkie yes for my mother, illness is always due to blame of some sort. I've tried to work out what she thinks I've done wrong to get ovarian cancer - I was young for the diagnosis at my grade and stage, wasn't overweight, no family history, I've never smoked, hardly drank, am vegetarian and BRCA negative. I was only working very part-time though when I was diagnosed so it's probably that!

Yes mine also blames the person getting ill unless it's herself when her diabetes is in no way related to her obesity and English breakfast is healthy. I have no risk factors and no family history either. Maybe stress but really not obvious, was thin, active, no family history, hardly ever drank, never smoked, ate healthy mainly, bloods the doctor said were the most perfect he had ever seen. Ironically my Mum has quite a few risk factors and nothing. She would likely blame mine on cleaning. Probably just disown me. 😂

@SummerCycling my Dad keeps saying that he thinks I’ve had better and quicker treatment out here. I think it’s been a bit of a mixed bag. But the initial response time from diagnosis to chemo was very fast and that’s probably the most important bit.

I have my last radiotherapy appointment today which like other peoples experiences has been a lot easier than chemo etc.

I don’t know what to do. I could potentially go back to my old job but they will want me to commit to a year and I want to come back to the UK next summer at least for a long holiday. My husband also has long service leave in around August so we could both travel around that time. I don’t really want to teach anymore and I want to get fitter, teaching just turns me into a tired carb eating lump.

I sent my husband the visa info for the UK but he’s not commented on it as yet.

@FairyWren7 I agree diagnosis and treatment seems to be faster in Australia, especially if you live in a city and have easy access to a GP and major hospitals.

My mum drives me mad because she minimises her health needs. She has T2 diabetes and eats a very high sugar, high carb and high fat diet she also misses her check up appts. It got to point that I was getting so anxious about it was making me unwell.I had to take a huge step back , I now think she's an adult with capacity so she needs to make her own decisions.
Also being completely honest I feel it's so unfair I have always eaten healthy(most of the time I'm not an angel!)maintained a moderate level of activity and engaged with every health appt . Yet here I'am with a life limiting diagnosis and she carries on into her 70s with no ill effects from her poor lifestyle.
My(NHS) treatment has been very efficient both times that cancer has been detected I have been in treatment in under 4 weeks.I honestly feel confident that my oncologist is fully invested in me being well for as long as possible. I recognise that this is not everyone's experience and the postcode lottery in cancer care has shocked me and shames the UK.
That ended up being a longer post than I intended I hope everyone has a happy Monday I'm going swimming in the open air pool and then yoga this evening.
Love to everyone x

Wow, I'm so sorry so many of you have such unsupportive mothers. I didn't expect anything much from my dad tbh (mum died when I was 9), but he's actually really surprised me, and driven me a bit nuts with his daily check ins.

I've written myself a very thorough list of "get the house in order before Christmas ish" things to do & made a start this morning. It's feeling a bit blah (maybe because I'm in it so much?) so needs an overhaul. I've done 2 kitchen jobs so far, and am just about to clear under the sink. If I can be arsed after that, I'll make it up to a total of 5 with 2 easy wins!

The rest of the day is for chilling and crafting then, and maybe some bits on Vinted.

Have a good Monday all 🙂

Ooh @lucysmam I like lists! I will copy you and make a plan even if I don’t get under way till October. My bedroom really needs decorating but it is so stuffed with DHs extensive clothing hoard I may need to move him out first. ( Yes he collects bicycle related clothing, a shirt to match each bike)
I have been offered a rather nice job for the next six months editing a very famous guide book which needs updating. It means lots of fun expeditions round the West Country and DH can do some drone photography. It doesn’t pay much but will give me a great project to do. I’m very chuffed to be asked.

I can see I am just beginning to imagine life after treatment. But then @ClashCityRocker like doubts creep in. What if the cancer hasn’t gone and I’m unfit to do it? Is it unfair on the publisher to take it on? He’s an old friend and knows the score so I have been honest with him.

@Lisdeflores my DF was like your mum. He had Type 2 diabetes and ate and drank far too much and got so fat he was in constant pain from his back. He lived to 86 but was miserable due to his weight and poor sight. He would not be told! He was a doctor too which made it even more annoying. I think my siblings and I all learned a lesson watching him.

I am chasing my bone scan now. Got to poke the poor NHS machine occasionally to make sure it hasn’t gone into sleep mode.