Cancer Support Thread 89 - the best thread that no one wants to be on.

[LemonDrizzle10]

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@Podgedodge I'm sorry you need antidepressants and hope they will help you. I have read that they take a few days to start working but hope they are effective very soon.

@Florabritannica I haven't had a port but had an IVC filter inserted through my groin and then removed a couple of months later out of my neck. Both times they bruised badly but I was told an infected site would become red and inflamed and if left unchecked, would produce pus. I presumed the bruising was where they'd pushed the tube in.

@lucysmam I have reacted to all dressings since I've been on chemo and never had these issues before. Even the tape they put on for a blood test makes my skin red and angry in the half hour it takes me to get home when I take it off straight away.

@FairyWren7

I'm sorry to hear you're so far away and are homesick. I also had a longing to be back in the UK some of the time I lived abroad, especially at the beginning and also the last couple of years before we did move back. I was in Europe though, so although it meant different languages in the countries we lived in, it was very different to Australia distance wise. That huge journey must make it so hard, not to mention having cancer and the isolation of the pandemic xxx

Like yours, my husband isn't from the UK either. Brexit made it feel unwelcoming for him initially (we moved just before the vote) but he's settled in here now. We're lucky that this area is very 'Remain' and international. It took me ages to actually get us as far as moving here though: years of ever increasing persuasion.

@lucysmam

You'd better watch out or the adventure camel will have eaten all those yummy cakes!!! He's already eaten everything that was in the corner where he's standing and is now onto that Swiss roll.

I've got a tiny porcelain animal mascot and years ago I was in a job where there was a man who constantly shouted at and criticised two of us (the two females what a non-coincidence). I took the little mascot to work with me for moral support. Clever mascot worked out a way for me to leave that job soon afterwards.

@Podgedodge

I do think there's an increased likelihood of depression as a cancer patient, for sure. There are so many reasons why, the list is possibly endless once you start looking at it.

You are dealing with an awful lot, more than most cancer patients even I think, as Silkie said above. It's amazing how you're coping, I can't imagine how you are managing to work and not only that but also look after your children.

My treatment ends very soon and I've felt my mood getting lower recently, which is the opposite of what I'd have expected before treatment started.

@Silkierabbit

I'm at 3 now, W, K and M. So you're right, not A.

@lucysmam

I have a lot of allergies, and was also allergic to the dressings, including the hypoallergenic surgery dressing. I think waterproof ones are particularly likely to cause a reaction. Like @Fantasea I'd never been allergic to dressings before cancer though.

@FairyWren7 I lived in Sydney for five years a decade ago - I can relate to the homesickness as that was one of the reasons we came back. I grew up in Kent & still have family there. I love the Kent Coast & particularly like the retro Dreamland theme park - I can remember it from my childhood when it went by a different name & there used to be Mods v Rockers clashes on the seafront!

@Podgedodge You could have a form of PTSD from the whole cancer thing causing or manifesting as depression. It's a known thing unfortunately. If the meds don't fix it, you could consider therapy or counselling alongside them.

Ah @Podgedodge you are very kind but my life is relatively easy. I am now retired on a good pension living in a lovely house ( bicycle museum) with a nice man (12 years today since our first date!) and all my DC are thriving. You have many more challenges to overcome.
I remember when I was going through an unpleasant separation and divorce how unhappy I was. Sometimes you just have to give in to the feelings and identify them for what they are. Grief, rage, regret, guilt, whatever. Sit with them then let them go. I had psychotherapy for two years to help me through.
This too will pass! Is a great mantra for shitty times.

I am allergic to Tegaderm, opsite and the Dermabond skin glue they use to close wounds. I can tolerate cosmopore luckily. Everything else makes me red and itchy. I think I may be becoming allergic to hospitals like my DH too.

@lucysmam PM me your address and I’ll gift you some tarot cards. That would be fun!

@Florabritannica I have just bought Lolly Willowes for Kindle. It looks great.

@TopOfTheCliff it’s wonderful and also short.

I'm having a 'will treatment have worked?' day today.

In a blinding fit of optimism, I booked a six day kayaking and wild camping trip round the lofoten islands for June next year, on the basis I can cancel up to 50 days beforehand and only lose the deposit - I thought it would help motivate me with regards to fitness and just having something to look forward to and not feeling like my life is put on hold because of cancer. I did a lot of kayaking pre diagnosis and love being out on the water and that part of Norway is somewhere I'd love to go to.

Today I just feel like I'm an idiot and tempting fate and who even does stuff like that when they don't even know if treatment has worked. Wish I'd at least waited til after my first scan but then I guess I'd want to wait until after the next one

I just wish I could get of this bloody merry go round and be able to look forward and plan things without this dark cloud hanging over me.

That sounds amazing Clash I love kayaking. Not a wild camper but would love 6 days kayaking. It is hard to know a years time but you have to live still. I have booked all the last things a few weeks before. DD tells me I am living like a teenager. 😂I have moved the 2020 Borneo flights within Borneo to next year and would ideally like to book the flights out now but daren't with DS still needing lots of support and my reconstruction due around then. Though reconstruction would guess could move. DS is harder to move but hope he will be moving by then. He's currently cross with his rabbit and we have no idea why. So relocating rabbit is today's task.

@Fantasea @SummerCycling interestingly, I'm not usually allergic to, or have any sort of reaction to, anything 🤷‍♀️

@TopOfTheCliff are you sure? That would be amazing if you are!

@ClashCityRocker

That sounds amazing. I'd also love to visit the Lofoten islands, it's so beautiful there. I hope you get your holiday and that it's truly wonderful, you so deserve it.

Ooh @ClashCityRocker thats a place on my bucket list! My DD had a boyfriend way back in the day whose DF was the captain of the big Viking Ship there. I keep meaning to visit but DH wants to go in winter to see the aurora borealis

@HauntedDishcloth I’ve been homesick for a long time now. Are you glad you went back to the UK? I still have a house near my parents which I could live in. But I’m worried about the financial impact of the move and what jobs we could find in. Whereas here we are both fine. We can afford a decent life and I can afford to travel home every year.

@SummerCycling yes that’s just it. The journey is long and tiring. I don’t think my Dad will travel again after this time.

And it’s all the other things. My friends back into the UK I just slot back in and we get on so well. Having family meals etc.

I think politically the UK has been awful in the last few years. We were away when Brexit happened and it just seemed crazy. But I think if I lived back there I’d just stop listening to the media.

I'm finding it difficult to make this post; I have started it several times and then backspaced it all. I got my results late on Friday and I don't have cancer. I have a somewhat unusual infection and the only treatment is a very long course of antibiotics.

I feel acutely aware of how unfair it is.

Thank you for your support. This thread has been an eye opener, and an inspiration.

Delighted for you! @MyNamesGaryAndImAddictedToChips
Delighted that you’ve been lucky - and I bet you’ve learned a lot about how short life is! That’s not being negative- I wish I’d appreciated that before all this happened.
Take care xx

@MyNamesGaryAndImAddictedToChips I am so pleased for you, so please don’t waste any time feeling guilty. We celebrate good news here! But you have been through a difficult time and have every right to feel bruised by it, even though it’s good news. I hope your treatment works well.

@MyNamesGaryAndImAddictedToChips fabulous news, I'm so happy for you! I can understand your feelings completely but you don't have to feel guilty, we love good news here. Hoping your treatment goes smoothly for you.

@MyNamesGaryAndImAddictedToChips what wonderful news! Very happy for you - we've all been through the agony of waiting to see if it's cancer or something else and in many ways it is the worst bit. Don't feel guilty for one second.

Thanks for all the comments on my planned kayaking trip. Up until booking it I was all gung ho and full of positivity, immediately after my heart just sunk and I thought 'what have I done? What if it's not gone?'...but I think I'm going to be thinking that for a long time regardless of what the next scan says. Plus if things don't go well I will only lose a couple of hundred quid.

@TopOfTheCliff hopefully we will both make it there! I'm going wrong time of year for the aurora, but that's also on my bucket list. Midnight sun will make the wild camping interesting though, will have to take an eye mask I think.

@MyNamesGaryAndImAddictedToChips very pleased to see your news! Definitely don't feel guilty. I hope your treatment goes well for you!

Thank you all!

I have learned a lot of things and it would take an essay to tell you what they all are, so I won't. 😆

@MyNamesGaryAndImAddictedToChips Wonderful news! Unfair is things caused by human action or (more often) inaction. Other things are just random turns of the wheel.

I’m at home for my birthday. My mother just doesn’t get it as Ive said many times before. She has no time for illness or just doesn’t want to acknowledge it. Everyone thinks I will be fine because I look so well. They’ve no idea really,

Radiotherapy starts next week. I also have to fit in getting my dressing changed in a completely different place. Anyone have any tips on radiotherapy?

I can’t even think about what will happen after, I just keep telling myself it’s only in one place and we have to keep it there. I just do t know how.

Happy birthday Each and sympathy re the Mum. I have a similar one and I never even told her I had cancer as I know there would be zero support. I remember her once saying that no-one in the family had ever had any physical or mental health problems and my Dad piped up bravely apart from all the people who died very young like your brother, my brother, your Dad, my Dad. Then she tells him to shut up and she is talking about the alive people 🤔

@MyNamesGaryAndImAddictedToChips

Thanks for the update and that's great news! I hope the antibiotics work well.

@EachandEveryone

You asked for radiotherapy tips. I found radiotherapy the least stressful out of everything in my treatment plan, by far.

The hospital was a bit of a drive away from where I had my other treatments, but it had a massive car park and radiotherapy patients had free parking. It was spacious, and even had somewhere for a cup of tea before / after the appointments. The staff were lovely, waiting times were minimal and the treatment itself was more or less lie on the bed, hold my breath a few times then get up and go home.

I had 15 sessions and can honestly say I found it completely fine.

All the stress factors I was used to (no parking, waiting around for hours, nowhere for a sit down or cuppa, forgotten scans, unbooked treatment plan things, frantic staff etc etc etc) were gone. It was incredible.

My radiologist was lovely and so was her entire team of radiographers. The reception ladies were lovely too, and everyone was so helpful.

In the treatment room the air was cool with nice air conditioning and there was some faint music. The staff were calm and friendly, and the treatment stress-free.

I have to say though, mine was a different body part to yours. I had 5 areas around the breast done, up to my neck.

My skin was fine too. It looked reddish but didn't hurt. I put cream on twice a day. I used Blue Aveeno and La Roche Posay.

I hope you have a similar experience to my radiotherapy and not to the rest of my treatments xxx

@EachandEveryone a very happy birthday to you. Solidarity with you, @Silkie and any others over your mum, mine is the same. She has no time for illness either, never asks me how I am, how appointments which she is aware of have gone and is generally cross with me that I'm still keeping on about it 3 years later. As you say, I look quite well which is the problem. I feel so let down and hurt, but she isn't going to change. I feel so sad when I see others with normal, supportive mums. I reminded her recently that she is fortunate to get to nearly 90 without any serious health concerns and her response was 'well, I have kept busy', I just despair.

I've no experience of radiotherapy but hope yours goes smoothly with minimal side effects.

@FairyWren7

Yes, Australia is just so incredibly far away. I didn't always find it easy living abroad, but I always knew I could get back to the UK the same day or the following day and that it wouldn't be expensive. That's a huge, huge difference.

Brexit was and is so sad. How did people not see that there are lots of countries in the EU where the people share such incredibly similar values to people in this country. In our family we all have dual or triple citizenship, so that makes various things still easy for us personally, but Brexit makes me sad. Where we live though, there's no evidence of it - a very remain area with loads of people from loads of countries which I really, really like.

My husband seems to be the only EU immigrant at work, they're all Brits, but he's happy there and has great colleagues. It's scary moving countries though, I understand and especially finding work.

For cancer treatment I imagine it's better in Australia; I have constantly had to fight simply to get what was on my treatment plan, and that was after waiting 6 weeks from urgent referral to biopsy. I had insurance cover in 2 EU countries before we moved back, and I know it would have gone so much faster over there. But I don't have private insurance here - we aren't in a profession where it comes with work and we didn't realise how decimated the NHS had become.

xxx