Positive stories of being 50 + please!

[FeelingFabat50]

There have been a few threads recently in which posters have written a long list of the downsides of being “the wrong side of 50”.

I want to counter this by saying what I love about being 50+:

DC don’t need me for everything
DC can help around the house
HRT has given me a big energy lift
More time for what I enjoy, less time running around like a headless chicken
No more packed lunches, ironing school uniform, nagging about homework
No more people pleasing - I suit myself much more
Weeding out people who are energy-sappers and consciously only spending time with people whose company I genuinely enjoy

Anyone else really happy with this life stage?

@kizziee the depression probably been a combination of all of the above, it kicked off with PND after I had my eldest, but then morphed into “situational” due to the challenges I faced with my mum’s illness (early onset Alzheimer’s), then add in a worse bout of PND whn I had my ds…more challenges due to mum’s illness…and so it went on and on, whilst I was comfort eating my way through it so became morbidly obese which brought more problems and worse depression.
I’m very successfully on HRT (got lucky with the first one I tried) and the combination of that, no longer having the stress of looking after parents and the weightloss have all contributed to my improvement. I do think the weightloss has had the biggest impact though, I was off the meds within 2 months of my surgery (and I did it absolutely how you shouldn’t, by just stopping them, but luckily I was ok-I wouldn’t suggest that anyone else does what I did especially after being on them for 20 years!)

@kizziee pretty quickly after they stopped, actually. And no, I never took HRT. Two close friends had very bad reactions to it which put me off (one a heart attack, another breast cancer both directly linked by medics to the HRT they were on.) I know it's much safer now, but they were the same age as me, I just happened to go into menopause quite late at around 55. And that's when the depression lifted and stayed gone.

I thought it would be encouraging to have a positive thread, as I initially said, to counter the negativity here about life beyond menopause. I didn’t think my every word would be closely scrutinised or anticipate that anyone would jump in with a “but think of all the women who can’t take HRT!”

There’s much to be celebrated about this stage in life, HRT or not. Maybe I’m being over sensitive but it seems to me that you want to argue with me and make me feel as if I’ve made a mistake in not considering the women who can’t take HRT. That wasn’t my intention. I genuinely wanted a celebratory thread.

I don’t think you’re being overly sensitive but I do think your choice of words was very poor - ‘woe is me’ and ‘just take another brand’ comes across as very dismissive, akin to telling someone with depression to pull themselves together. I would say to anyone - kindly - who finds life much better with HRT to think about how they might feel if they weren’t able to take it. Probably not so great - so when there are posters like me on the threads about the more negative aspects of the menopause you will probably find that many of us would love to live without these, but unfortunately have to keep going without the benefit of HRT. It’s wonderful to have the collective support of MN to hold you up when you’re feeling a bit shit and to share experiences and advice.

I think women who are in their fifties and older are remarkable. We’ve lived through huge societal change, many of us combine careers and parenthood (something our mothers and grandmothers probably didn’t to nearly the same extent), we’re often caring for school aged children as a result of having children later, and we’re often dealing with elderly parents. Many of us have overcome huge challenges and we’re involved in improving our communities and our wider society. We are no longer prepared to keep quiet - we have a voice and we’re not afraid to use it. Many of us have fantastic opportunities open to us that previous generations didn’t - travel, relationships, hobbies, bring financially independent. We need to support each other through this - to recognise that everyone has their challenges and difficulties, and sometimes a hand-hold and empathy is needed to remind us that we’re not alone. Walking a mile in someone else’s shoes can remind us to be mindful of those challenges while we celebrate the positives.

@SirChenjins
You’re taking the point of this thread too personally. It’s not an attack on anyone who contributes to threads on the negative side to being 50+ but, as I said in my OP, an attempt to counter the negativity I’ve seen here recently about being at this stage in life.

There’s an irony to your request that I walk a mile in another woman’s shoes. There are several contributors to this thread who have said that they’re enjoying being able to focus on themselves, finally, after two or more decades of child rearing/ caring. Maybe - and I mean this in a respectful, not sneering way - I don’t want to walk in someone else’s shoes. Maybe I am finished with considering other people’s needs and want to put myself first after so long.

Is that okay? Can I put myself first? Or in creating this thread should I have gone through a mental check list of “considering others’ needs / differing situations”?

I think that you’ve come here to tell me off for my choice of words. I think you wanted to “rain on someone’s parade”. If you have nothing positive to add, why contribute?

No, Im not taking it too personally - please don’t presume to know what I think. I will contribute to this thread precisely for the same reason that others are - to celebrate the positives which I have done in both my posts now.

Walking a mile in someone else’s shoes is something that I hope I’ll never stop doing - to understand others and their perspectives and experiences is very important to me in order to learn, grow and adapt. There is no irony in that.

If you feel that you’re being told off for your choice of words then that’s your look out - I can’t do anything about that.

@RoseRobot @Whatthediddlyfeck thank you for answering my questions - really appreciated

Positives for me are:
No periods
No PMS
Care a lot less about wearing the 'right' thing - I just wear what I am comfortable in.
I'm nearer to retirement!
Have paid off the mortgage (I know I'm lucky to be able to do this)
I had my child late in life - he is only 10 - but this is a big positive too, as he keeps me young and up to date with things like current films and music.
I am enjoying my 50s so far x

Interesting thread.
Im 52, working with partner and two teen DC.

I kind of feel liberated in the sense that I no longer care what others think of me ( or indeed say about me) I'm far more confident in asserting myself and what I want.

DD is off to university this year ( major positive!)
DS is still in year ten ( bugger as he's a messy grumpy although essentially okay kid)

My parents are 150 miles away and I feel sad we are not closer.

Am a bit of a slave to my menopause unfortunately ( HRT in the main has come to my rescue).

Health. Well I've survived breast cancer in my thirties. Forties were great health wise. Fifties are more challenging. Lots if issues to deal with now.

Could do with a higher paid job ( working on that )

In the main, it's okay. Plenty of room for improvement though.

😀