Positive stories of being 50 + please!

[FeelingFabat50]

There have been a few threads recently in which posters have written a long list of the downsides of being “the wrong side of 50”.

I want to counter this by saying what I love about being 50+:

DC don’t need me for everything
DC can help around the house
HRT has given me a big energy lift
More time for what I enjoy, less time running around like a headless chicken
No more packed lunches, ironing school uniform, nagging about homework
No more people pleasing - I suit myself much more
Weeding out people who are energy-sappers and consciously only spending time with people whose company I genuinely enjoy

Anyone else really happy with this life stage?

50 is an age where you know yourself - what suits you, what you enjoy, what your passions are, what personalities you can engage with, what pleases you and what upsets you. Probably a lot more to add to that list. But you know yourself and can be the absolute best judge and advocate for yourself, and you know how to ask for what you need or to avoid what you don’t need or want. - so greater confidence comes with this decade and the ability to assert yourself on your own behalf. (Iyswim - sorry it was a long night shift)

great thread

I’m only early 40s but my cycling club is full of ladies age 50+ who have the spare time to dedicate to it and all seem to be loving life. We regularly have ladies age 50+ taking up cycling and recently a mid-60s lady took up mountain biking with our club - she is fearless!

@Rolloisthebestpony I think people who are into sports or some specific interest fair better tbh. Like I said I'm rebuilding my life, I was heavily into a sport in my younger days, not cycling but s popular sport. There is a very busy masters community which I'm getting back into. I'm really looking forward to it. My social life has been quiet, not because my husband discouraged it, but because I felt I had to be around to help with his mental health, I can go into my sport now with nothing holding me back. Plus lots of fitter men, lol

I've never felt better. I had a private 50+ health check which picked up a folate and vitB12 related anaemia and since I've been taking specific supplements, I feel great. I could do with losing a few kg which I must admit I keep putting off!

Definitely feels better than my 40s for sure

Good luck @WonkyPicture - you sound better off without him

I met my now Dp in my late 40s so it is definitely possible (though I then got a dog and I think if I had got a dog first, I may not have bothered with a Dp ;) )

It does feel like a decade to focus on health - I think if you can finish your 50s as healthy as is possible for you, you're setting yourself up well for the later decades. I have a little bit of arthritis in my joints but not much that can be done other than staying as active as I can so I feel positive about it all (especially once I lose those 3kg!!)

@WonkyPicture You’re far better off without this decrepit bastard. His new woman will soon be looking around for a man of her own age who doesn’t suffer from ED. In the meantime, you can start playing the dating field once you feel ready again, and find yourself a great guy who can “get it up”. You’ll feel like a new woman! Good luck 🤞

It’s heartwarming to read these positive experiences, I am really glad that I started this thread. We’re going for a 15 mile dog walk today via a pub, we’ve got gorgeous sunshine here.

Keep the positivity coming, lovely ladies! Great to see some younger women saying that it helps them feel better about getting older. I second what several of you have said - I am happier now than I ever remember being in my 20s or 30s.

Best friend is in her mid 40s and approaching the menopause with apprehension. I've told her my experience and that the doom and gloom isn't necessarily going to be her experience but the do her research and approach all the info with a critical open mind - including the awareness that meno is the latest cash cow for all the big corporations to jump on. I did warn her off the MN meno boards, I admit.

I got off pretty lightly with the menopause. I had a few hot flushes, but they weren't debilitating. My main issue was migraines, but they stopped when I was pretty much through it and I could manage them with Migraleve. I didn't get the cotton wool brain, sleep issues or anxiety that some women get.

My issues now, at 64, is my hair is much thinner and I have to epilate my moustache.

Mortgage paid so there's a bit more cash around, despite massive reduction in working hours.
Starting to feel like myself again after years of being defined by motherhood.
Even my SEN son needs me a lot less than he did.
I've worked my way into a PT job I adore, reasonable pay, with lots of time off to keep fit, pursue hobbies.
Went on holiday alone recently and bloody loved it. DH didn't mind and will do the same. But we also go on holiday together.

There are downsides, but there are downsides to every time in life. Why focus on them? I'm reasonably fit, can still hike up mountains and trek, which I love, have free time and money to go to exhibitions and shows and gigs, which I also love, to volunteer which is very rewarding. It's a good life.

I'm 50 in a few weeks and feeling a bit wobbly about it, so it's great to hear these positive stories. I agree with the pp who said that we should be grateful to reach this age - my best friend died in her early 30s and I find I think about her more and more recently. Also, my mum's mental health deteriorated appallingly after 50 and she died in her 60s after years of absolute misery - I'm detemined not to let that happen to me and I protect my mental wellbeing fiercely.

I'm in good health (could do with knocking off a stone but, meh), HRT is working, finally in a very happy marriage, no significant money worries. DC are young adults and whilst they still need some financial support, day-to-day they're not reliant on me anymore. I work with a lovely bunch of people and have a good work-life balance, with plans to go part-time in a few years. DH and I also have big plans to buy that campervan and fuck off round the world together! The only downside at the moment is that he's a teacher so we are still tied to school holidays, but we're working on that...

Life is good - not perfect, not idyllic, but really good. And I have lots to look forward to. Bring it on!

I’d like to join in with the positivity if I may?
Im 52 and fully intent on making my 50s my best “proper grown up” decade yet.
Sadly I’ve lost both parents, but that has brought peace with it, through no faults of their own my parents both needed a lot of care which sucked up most of my 30s and all my 40s. I’m not complaining, it was done with zero expectations and from a place of love, and I have zero regrets and a clear conscience, which is a pretty good place to be!

I took charge of myself 18 months ago and had surgery which has helped me lose over half my original body weight and the positives from that have been phenomenal

I’m physically fit

The depression which had defined me for over 20 years has gone

My kids are adults, and are the most amazing sorted people, despite me😂

Still have 1 at home, but we have the luxury of having a big house so we all have lots of our own space, and it’s quite nice having an all adult household

We still have a very manageable mortgage as we bought a doer upper house in a dream location, it’s now complete and it’s everything I’d hoped for

After almost 30 years dh and I still rub along together very well

I work part time which totally works for me and dh

The only very small fly in the ointment is that I need to find something to do with myself and occupy my mind…I don’t want to do the stuff I did in my fat life, and so much of my brain space was taken up with looking after parents, that I feel a bit empty sometimes, but that’s something I can do something about and I’m working on it.

😲 You know that many of us out there can’t take HRT? So no, ‘we’ don’t have agency here.

My positives are more money, greater independence, freedom and time to enjoy my hobbies now that the kids are older, more self confidence. The experience I’ve gained along the way has also made me more tolerant and understanding of others.

@SirChenjins The experience I’ve gained along the way has also made me more tolerant and understanding of others.

This is what I’ve worked hard on the last couple of years, due to my own mental issues I was always on a “hair trigger”, and the work is definitely bearing fruit now!

@MeeThree @FeelingFabat50
Thank you! I am better off without him dragging me down with his constant self pity.

I'm assuming he isn't suffering with his ED at the moment. He hasn't addressed the underlying problems though, so it'll be back. That said, I really don't care. I'd been been really down thinking good sex was in my past, I'm looking forward to being proved wrong 😉. My DS has said that when I get a BF he'll work it into the conversation with his dad. DS has already said husband will not cope with me being with someone else, he didn't think the situation through. Lol

Quite a lot of aggression here. Hope you find happiness OP 🙏

54 next month and, while life isn't perfection, my physical health is fine and I am in rude mental health. I'm nicely on the other side of peri anxiety, I've lost the self consciousness that dogged me when I was younger, will chat to anyone about anything now. I thoroughly enjoy the big and small pleasures of life. Dreading dd leaving home though...

@Whatthediddlyfeck - How did I miss out the most important thing. Your post reminded me of it:

My depression has vanished. Plagued with it from teenage years to mid-fifties. But with menopause it just lifted abnd has never returned. Muts have been hormonally linked.

@RoseRobot how long after your last period did you notice the lift. You've given me some hope (do you take HRT?)

@Whatthediddlyfeck sorry just seen your message too. Do you think the improvement in depression was due to getting through the menopause ?

@WonkyPicture what an amazing post. Wishing you lots of happiness.

My comment about “agency” was regarding looking after yourself generally, not just HRT. No need for the 😲, really.

@DonnaGiovanna I was feeling the same about my eldest two leaving home but one is at university not too far away and the other’s on an extended gap year and I actually wish they would spend a bit less time here, they make too much mess!

Thanks for continuing to add positive stories.

(could do with knocking off a stone but, meh)

Ditto. But then I look in the mirror and think gaaah, could be worse.

51, having the best sex of my life with a new partner who isn't suffering from ED at all, unlike some other men our age (though not all.) And he's kind and caring and interesting.

We're probably both fitter than we've been for over a decade, because of prioritising exercise. I definitely am. Peri for me so far has been irregular periods and not much else, and while things may get worse before it's all over, I am assuming that I won't be getting the really debilitating symptoms some friends have. (And if I do, at least I'm not spending my time worrying about it before it's here.)

Not everything is perfect (currently not working after being made redundant, which h isn't sustainable long term,) but I don't worry about things like I once did, because I know I'll get through.

Your post was primarily about HRT - and perhaps before you made comments along the lines of ‘woe is me, there’s a great invention called HRT’ ‘just get another kind of HRT’ you could have stopped and considered that not everyone can take it. There was no need for your comments either really, and yet you chose to make them - exactly as I did with my 😲.

@kizziee Oh I can't even tell you the trauma I've been through to get where I am right now. I'll still face down times I know it, but that says more about my character being loyal and true than about wanting him back.

Happiness, that's my pipe dream!!