Early 50s - is it all downhill from now on?

[ToContiOrSequi]

I feel exhausted a lot of the time. I work all week (teacher) and do very little at evenings/weekends as I'm so tired.

This week I've felt like I'm walking through porridge. I then have a UTI start up out of the blue, so got antibiotics to treat. I've had recurrent UTIs in the past and went onto HRT as felt this was due to vaginal atrophy (also hot flushes and joint pain). I've recently changed from Conti pills to Sequi patches and I think that may be why I have had the UTI occur.

I no longer have a sex life - haven't had PIV sex in about 5 years. I'm too exhausted, I just want to sleep when I get to bed. Plus the thought of a UTI just turns me off. DH isn't happy about this, but also isn't supportive - he can be resentful. One of our (adult) DC is autistic, I think DH is too as we don't socialise; he just wants to sit in his office and watch films/play games of an evening. He hates his job but won't leave it as we need the money for the DC and Uni.

I have occasional migraines that last 3 days, where I live on painkillers that dull it down a bit, but don't get rid of them. This again leaves me tired.

I've had blood tests, all within normal range. I eat a varied diet with plenty of fresh fruit and veg, lots of hydration, walking the dog is my only exercise (I'm pretty much on my feet a lot at work). I've got multivits, Vit D, just bought Optibac for intimate health, probiotics to use when the antibiotics are finished.

There is bowel cancer in the family - I lost a sibling to it - and I worry that this is what will happen to me. I am diagnosed with anxiety (been on meds and in therapy for almost 10 years) and feel it's mainly under control but I am getting anxious over my health and thinking "Is it cancer?" with every twinge.

Is it normal to feel so tired and exhausted, to have these minor ailments in my early 50s?

I turned 50 in March and feel like crap tbh.
I have had IBS since the age of 25 but since being in perimenopause it’s flared up awfully and is daily now (I too am petrified about bowel cancer, well any cancer if I’m honest).
I have constant aches and pains and something new comes alomg each and every day.
My anxiety (especially health anxiety) is through the roof, sometimes I just can’t function as it’s all consuming.
I am constantly uncomfortable down below and really hate having sex these days, dh and I manage once a month but that’s too much for me these days.
I think I have a uti this weekend, been peeing every 10-15 mins and I’ve had a really bad tummy too. I’ve been prescribed antibiotics but scared to take them as I’ve stupidly read the reviews and they are scary (thanks health anxiety!).
I am always tired and really want to crawl into bed as soon as I’ve got out of it!
I really need to take HRT but too scared to try.
Sorry, I have no answers for you, hopefully someone will come by with some suggestions but wanted to say that I feel your pain.

Sorry to hear you're not feeling great either @Thetoasterhasbroken.

This week I've been falling asleep on the sofa early evening so by 8pm I'm ready for bed. Yesterday I just came home from work early and had a catnap on the sofa just so I could see more of DH, DS and get through cooking dinner etc.

I'm tired now but forcing myself to stay awake so I have some kind of life outside work, even if it is on Mumsnet!

Hi OP, I'm 46 and relate to a lot of what you are saying. I had Shingles recently and on painkillers for that which are making me quite dopey.

I recently listened to a podcast which i think was on the website Pain Concern about Migraines which you might find interesting. Best wishes

This could be me writing it.
I'm a teacher and since turning 50 I feel like everything is going wrong. I work all the time about my health and it's making me very anxious.
I've got a colonoscopy in a week. I've had all sorts of tests that have come back clear but do have a gripy stomach a lot. I worry if there's not a toilet if I'm going somewhere.
We've got bowl cancer in the family. GP says there's nothing to suggest it but the colonoscopy might identify why the gripes are there. Or is it normal and I just overthink? I really don't know.

You don't have to keep your probiotics saved for when the antibiotics are done, you can use both at the same time. I think they recommend leaving a gap of at least two hours for taking the probiotic.

I’m 42 and could have written your post. Word for word. I do have lupus and other autoimmune issues but I suspect mine is just burn out from a stressy life. No words of wisdom but you’re definitely not alone.

Also in my early 50’s. I was feeling very tired all the time but I have done a lot of work to sort it out. I’m peri but not on HRT as I don’t get on well with hormones so I have really concentrated on sorting out my diet. Following doing a food intolerance test I have stopped eating eggs. I eat supplements like they are dinner - b vitamins, iron, collagen. Pre biotics, and fibre are also my friends. Almost no alcohol.
I’m still finding exercise difficult but I do manage yoga three times a week and walk the dogs over an hour a day.
I’m no where near as tired as I was but still crash in the evening. I don’t have a magic answer.
I can say that divorce helped me a lot!

Hey OP, thanks for this thread because I think I found my people. Turned 50 last year, fully menopausal but apart from hot flushes no major symptoms. BUT, not to be one of those people who blame everything on the menopause, a lot of what you described (and what I feel too) could be put down to MP. The tiredness, lack of energy, lack of everything really.

I'm not as healthy as you, but I try. I do aqua aerobics once a week, try to walk the minimum everyday and when I work in the office twice a week I walk about 45 min to and fro. But my appetite is gone and yet I'm not losing any weight which is weird. I take Vit C, D, selenium for my thyroid. I don't have an answer but we can all hold each other's hands and moan together if helps

Definitely agree @ToContiOrSequi I am in my mid 50s now, and am sometimes tired and weary, and just wanna chill. I also have achey joints, and IBS and struggle a bit with my tummy some days. I struggle to wake early too. 8.30am to 9am is a typical time for me. Thankfully I work from home and it's flexible.. so I can start at 9.30am to 10am...

CBA with sex either anymore. My DH is 3 years older than me, and fortunately has been off sex for a few years. I no longer want him looking at or touching my body anyway, and the thought of sex with him makes me go cold - I don't fancy it with anyone actually!

The thought of having PIV sex, or oral sex makes me feels queasy. I have not fancied sex since about 45-46, and I don't think I could if I wanted to. It's kind of closed for business down there now. IYKWIM DH still wanted it when I was in my mid 40s and he was in his late 40s, and used to keep groping me and trying to initiate it. I kept making excuses. Luckily about a year after I went off it, he did too. So we are good now.

Many women I know - men too actually - seem a little bit fucked (physically and sometimes mentally and emotionally) by their mid 50s. This is why I quite frankly, can't fathom why women have babies in their mid to late 40s! Imagine having a primary school age child in your 50s? And a secondary age one at nearly 60?! (In fact they would still be in school when you were IN your 60s!) You may have other (grown adult) children too, and grandchildren, and elderly parents. I never 'get' the 'shall I have a baby at 45' threads! Why would anyone put themselves through this?! I know nature says we can still have babies up to our late 40s, but this is a case of 'just because you CAN do something, doesn't necessarily mean you should!'

I CBA with sex, kids left home a decade ago so I don't have to look after them, both sets of parents have died now, and I have a part time job, and my life is quite chill now. I have one cat, and even she is a PITA sometimes, and I will never have any more pets when she's gone. I love her but she is so whiny sometimes. She is 16 and is so clingy now.

I just want to chill and relax and do fuck-all most of the time. No sex, no kids around me, no people most of the time, and even DH can stay away sometimes too. I like to be alone 70% of the time. I don't want to entertain, I don't want to join any groups, I don't want to stop in the street talking to people for half hour at a time, and I don't want to be put on by people taking the piss, and expecting me to do things for them. (Will help in an emergency yes, but otherwise, no.) Too weary, too old, and been used and shit on, and put on too much in my life, so am not arsed with peoples shit now.

Ooops, bit of a moany rant there! Sorry!

My decline started mid 40’s the onset of osteoarthritis followed by surgical menopause. I feel about 90.
I’m actually envious of those 90 year olds that decide to do a sky dive, I simply have no energy to contemplate any activity or social life at all let alone sex.
I’m frequently in bed by 7pm with a book. I feel life is already over and I’m only 50. Each day I hope I will soon feel better. I’m struggling to work very part time hours but, financially, I desperately need to work full time.

I am same age and have really noticed loads of health issues coming in the last 10 years - because I am very fat and unfit as well as older. Nothing major yet but if I don’t sort my health out there will be.
I do think past 50 health really needs to be taken care of. It’s quite a shock when the resilience of youth retreats, that’s for sure..

Totally hear you! I'm early fifties. I'm TATT. Two things- one is have you had Covid? I had it last year and had a real bout of post-Covid fatigue which is much better now but still lingers about. One of my children has had similar off another virus and has just not picked up. Not saying that's the main cause, but it might be contributing in amongst every other thing.

Second, I find mind/body approaches, like on the app Curable helpful for migraines as well as pills. I do the meditation/visualizations, it's about recognizing your own emotions and how that plays into your health as well. I do use medications for breakthrough migraines though, I don't believe it has to be an either or, but doing the relaxation/meditations makes me feel more in control of the situation, rather than controlled by it.

I think it's very much a try it and see situation, I know so many women in early 50's who are down, fed up, not feeling it with their marriage or sexually, wondering is this it, exhausted and so on. It does seem to be a pattern and not all are helped by HRT- although I would probably try to see someone about optimising that as well.

Do people have kids in their late 40s? I wasn't aware of that. I thought it was mainly up to about 43. Is this through ivf?

My body is broken too. I have been diagnosed with yet another auto immune disease however I have found i do feel better if I take a cocktail of vitamins. I can definitely feel a difference if I don't take them for a few days. Maybe worth trying for a month or two?

What meds are you on for anxiety? They can definitely make you feel tired

nvm, I re read your post. However what strengths are you taking and are you taking them with the right ones, ie vit c with iron and no caffeine for two hours either side, vit k and magnesium with the vit d?

@ZanzibarIsland

If some threads are to be believed on here, then yes, there does seem to be quite a number of women choosing to have a baby at 45, 46, 47+. Some by IVF yes, but some claim they fall pregnant naturally, and that many women in their 'social circle' have loads of babies in their middle age. They also claim their nan and great aunt had a baby at 48-50. (In reality, this child was very likely their grandchild.) Happened a lot back in the day, middle aged women raising their teen daughter's child as their own, and everyone thought/assumed she was the mother. (Often would tell everyone they were too!)

I know many women from all walks of life, many are professionals... Many well-educated, middle class, and upper class. I also know some working class (and middle class) stay at home mums AND working mums... Many different careers - Detective, Nurse, GP, Lawyer, Maccie D's crew worker, Coffee Shop Barista, Admin Assistant, Vicar, Counselor, Dentist, Hairdresser, Mechanic, etc etc.

Not ONE of them had a baby past 41/42. (The vast majority had their last baby by 36-37.) Many different careers, many different walks of life, various social classes etc, yet none of them had a baby after the age of 41/42. Not one. As I say, most finished in their 30s- or even their 20s.

Yet on Mumsnet, there seems to be hundreds of women having babies at nearly 50. Very strange. 😕 As I said, why would you do this to yourself - or the child?

Thanks. I wasn't aware of that. I was watching Jewish Matchmaking on netflix and there was a woman who was looking for a man who wanted a child. She was 44 so I was surprised. She had had tests showing she was fertile, but I'm not sure how reliable that is.
Sorry to derail your thread op. I'm 52 and find I get achier. I cleaned the house from top to bottom on christmas eve and was so achey it was like I'd run a marathon😳 Not on hrt

Just to add I have cleaned my house since Christmas eve, just not all in one go as well as wrapping/ preparing to host etc

I had my second at 43, pregnant immediately we tried, could have fitted in a third as I was still fertile but decided to stop at two. My Great Grandmother had her last at 46, definitely her own baby, no unmarried daughters at that point. My friend was born when her Mum was 46, no other daughters, definitely hers.
I am late fifties now and actually having two teenage school age daughters is really great . I love it.
I am on HRT, anyone not on it because of fear - the benefits generally outweigh the risks.

You need some up your fanny HRT as well.as patches to help with the UTI's. I'm on Vagisil twice a week and the UTI's have gone since I started it.

Can you increase your HRT dose?

I'm 57 and the exhaustion and lack of interest in anything are my only remaining symptoms of menopause but I hate it, I feel debilitated by ' I can't be bothered'.

I’m 56 and felt rubbish from 48-54 but am improving a bit, so perhaps there is hope. I’m menopausal now, and have a bit more energy and am a bit less achy. But I definitely do feel a massive step change older than pre menopausal me at 47/48, who felt energetic and young. I’m hoping I’ll get used to it, and my life is gradually getting less hectic as the kids grow up and are more independent, so I can rest a little more and not be a non stop chef and taxi service. I have no trouble with early mornings, my trouble is staying asleep for long enough. One good thing is my interest in my job is back, and as it’s a good decade before retirement, that’s a relief.

Can you reduce working hours?

I started to worry at about 55. I'm now 63. I was getting aches, tired, hated sex (but put that down to very careless partner) and generally run down. I changed my job, which gave me time during the day to take up running, which helped all round. Lost weight, got more energy, lost the aches and pains - so then I dumped the partner, and life got pretty hunky dory.

So now in mid sixties I can feel the energy seeping out of me and have to manage myself so I don't get knackered. But I can run 5 miles a day 5 times a week, manage two jobs, keep house and garden intact and still have time and energy for hobbies and seeing the (adult) kids. Still can't bear the thought of sex though - even reading about it or watching it on TV makes go 'FFS, get a life!'

I get it OP. I gave up work at 50 and therefore at least spend my limited energy on things I want to.
I spent a couple of years crunching the numbers to check I could stop, then did.
Also querying the amount of HRT - are you on max? Plus thyroxine helps a bit too.