Early 50s - is it all downhill from now on?

[ToContiOrSequi]

I feel exhausted a lot of the time. I work all week (teacher) and do very little at evenings/weekends as I'm so tired.

This week I've felt like I'm walking through porridge. I then have a UTI start up out of the blue, so got antibiotics to treat. I've had recurrent UTIs in the past and went onto HRT as felt this was due to vaginal atrophy (also hot flushes and joint pain). I've recently changed from Conti pills to Sequi patches and I think that may be why I have had the UTI occur.

I no longer have a sex life - haven't had PIV sex in about 5 years. I'm too exhausted, I just want to sleep when I get to bed. Plus the thought of a UTI just turns me off. DH isn't happy about this, but also isn't supportive - he can be resentful. One of our (adult) DC is autistic, I think DH is too as we don't socialise; he just wants to sit in his office and watch films/play games of an evening. He hates his job but won't leave it as we need the money for the DC and Uni.

I have occasional migraines that last 3 days, where I live on painkillers that dull it down a bit, but don't get rid of them. This again leaves me tired.

I've had blood tests, all within normal range. I eat a varied diet with plenty of fresh fruit and veg, lots of hydration, walking the dog is my only exercise (I'm pretty much on my feet a lot at work). I've got multivits, Vit D, just bought Optibac for intimate health, probiotics to use when the antibiotics are finished.

There is bowel cancer in the family - I lost a sibling to it - and I worry that this is what will happen to me. I am diagnosed with anxiety (been on meds and in therapy for almost 10 years) and feel it's mainly under control but I am getting anxious over my health and thinking "Is it cancer?" with every twinge.

Is it normal to feel so tired and exhausted, to have these minor ailments in my early 50s?

I'm turning 50 this year and have been looking at the possibility of stopping work too. I'm scared to stop altogether but my job is so full on that I'm exhausted at the end of each day and my blood pressure is too high. Weekends are maninly spent resting or cleaning. Then start all over again on a Monday. It's not even worth it for the money as it's school admin so it's quite poorly paid. Lovely colleagues and kids though so there is job satisfaction in that way. Part time wouldn't be doable from the work point of view.

Part of me imagines that if I gave up it would also be nicer for DH too as I would be doing all the domestic stuff so when he came home from his stressful job he wouldn't have much to do. I wouldn't mind being all domesticated I don't think, I hate having a scruffy garden and a house which is falling into disrepair. But then I wonder if the reality of giving up at 50 means my brain woudl really decline even quicker, if DH would get resentful at me not working while he still is etc etc. (although he tells me he wouldn't.)

Do you have a partner, @Chewbecca ? And are they still working? Just wondered about how it might work. My mum was a SAHM most of her life and I do think she wasn't able to be "herself" a lot of her life.

I’m mid 50s but went into early menopause after breast cancer at 46. I was getting UTIs and vaginal sex had become impossible but now I’m on oestrogen pessaries it’s much better.

I suspect your job is a major cause of tiredness and stress. Any chance you could fit in yoga? Or a meditation/relaxation app like “Calm”? I’m a teaching assistant but luckily I only work part time.

I felt like you in my early 50s OP. Achy, swollen joints, thinning hair, tired, everything a worry and too much trouble and a debilitating loss of confidence in things I'd always done without a thought such as driving. I couldn't even have a smear test because it had become too painful without prescribed oestrogen pessaries.

In my late 50s now and all the aches, pains and mental problems seem to have subsided. I often think it was the menopause and I thought the symptoms would last forever, but they don't seem to have. I did take a good hard look at how I was treating myself and changed lots of things - lost weight, exercised more, gave up alcohol, all of which helped.

When I read that Carol Volderman has five 'friends with benefits' I just thought WTF....how can she be bothered.

I then have a UTI start up out of the blue, so got antibiotics to treat. I've had recurrent UTIs in the past and went onto HRT as felt this was due to vaginal atrophy (also hot flushes and joint pain). I've recently changed from Conti pills to Sequi patches and I think that may be why I have had the UTI occur.

UTIs and vaginal atrophy are linked. However, HRT such as pills and patches do not do anything for either of these things. You need a topical oestrogen for your vagina which is targeted for this area alone and absorbed directly into the vaginal walls.

Ask your GP to prescribe Vagifem which is used nightly for 14 days, and then bi-weekly indefinitely. (I've been using it for almost four years now). Vagifem can also be purchased from the pharmacist without a prescription and is sold under the name Gina.

I'm 47 and have been quietly moaning about feeling broken.

Every old injury is playing up and seems to be more problematic as time goes on. Thank you hormones. 😫

@Highdaysandholidays1 I hear you. I had Covid last year and even after two doses of the vaccine it completely floored me. Since then I've been having these on and off chest infections /virus bouts that just won't shift taking ages to go away.

Stop working is not an option for me, I just need to complete my years until pension time. I've also think working keeps your brain going. For someone who's lost one grandparent to dementia and other to stroke, keeping the old grey cells as Poirot used to say is paramount.

What I really want is to found a commune of like minded women in third age where we all look after each other. Women who have zero interest in sex and value good company, exchanging experiences and interests and making each other laugh. I had a bunch of single great aunts when I was little, around 4 of them, who all lived together in a massive house until the last one carked it. That would be my ultimate goal and I've actually been talking to a friend about that. After the kids leave home, we retire and divorce the arseholes, what's left? Women are very powerful together 👊🏻

Yes, I have a DH who also gave up work - but he is 60. We are spending much less (which was needed!) as we have time to shop carefully, do stuff ourselves we would have outsourced and take advantage of less expensive holidays. He is slightly resentful he worked longer than me 😂Financially he couldn't have done it without me though which he knows!

This is why I quite frankly, can't fathom why women have babies in their mid to late 40s! Imagine having a primary school age child in your 50s? And a secondary age one at nearly 60?!

It's rather lovely having a primary school DD in your 50s and great fun having a teen who's about to go to uni as you turn 60. I sure as hell don't whinge like you do!

Maybe we just need to be thinking less about our health? I'm late 50s, not a particularly healthy lifestyle, haven't seen a GP for 20 years, bit tired sometimes but basically I'm fine. Maybe I'll drop dead tomorrow, who knows, but I'm not going to waste energy and whatever time I have left in worrying about this stuff.
Men have the right idea.... just ignore, and push on.

Men die younger and have worse health outcomes because they don't look after their health, they take more risks and aren't so good as women at attending medical appointments/health checks.

Men don't have the right idea on health.

I totally get you OP. Since my late forties it just feels like one thing after another - gynae things, boob things, can’t take HRT so have brain fog like you wouldn’t believe and though the roof anxiety, now developed a trapped nerve in my hip which means I haven’t slept properly in months. I’m off work with it at the moment but need to get back asap as the work is piling up. It just feels endless. I keep the weight off, rarely drink alcohol and exercise, but have do many health niggles ☹️

I agree. I once heard such a mindset described as ‘dying slowly’.

I would rather ‘live’ as long as I can, even if that means spending 5% of my day exercising and looking after my health.

Im mid 50s and loving life. Yes I have aches and pains but who doesn’t? I’d rather be fit and in pain than fat and in pain!

Maybe having a pre-teen helps as it makes me feel young, even if I’m not😀

Exactly this. I CBA with most stuff now. Been there done that, bought the T-shirt. Had kids, all left by the time I was mid 40s (but still live closeby.) I have travelled, had a professional career, partied, gone to concerts and shows, and had many holidays, and many friends, and had a good life.

Now I just want peace, and no responsibilities, and definitely no sex! I cannot fathom how or why women 55+ keep fucking loads of different men. How and why can they be arsed? And how DO they do it, with being so 'dry?' Do they stick KY jelly all over themselves? I couldn't think of anything worse than shagging now - Been there done that too. Spend 30 years fucking, and that's enough 😆

Like you, I can't have a cervical smear now either. My last one was at 51-52, and I don't think I would be able to have the spatula thingy go up now. Won't be having any more. I drink a bit much - maybe 2 bottles of wine a week, and eat too much cheese, and am 2 or 3 stone overweight. But I really don't give a shit anymore. I'm not out to impress anyone, or please anyone. Spent the first 50 years of my life people pleasing, and saying YES. I do it no more. Haven't for 5 or 6 years. It's SO liberating. (I mean, I help people in an emergency, and say yes sometimes, but only if it suits ME.)

Yes I am a bit selfish. I have earned that right. Raised children for almost 25 years, cared for elderly parents, and worked hard all my life. I do what suits me now. So sue me.

I can relate I'm 55 and post menopausal (probably), I have aches and pains, joint issues, and sleep very badly. I'm often tired and quite stressed with a lot on my plate. Six months ago I joined the gym and even though at times I am tired and don't feel like going, I try and go a few times a week. I can't tell you how much better I feel, I am stronger and have a lot more energy. I'm starting to feel more toned but haven't lost weight. Also take collagen, joint tablets (seven seas) iron, and silica (for my bones and hair and nails). Try to eat well with lots of fruit and veg (don't slwsys manage it) and cut right down in alcohol. I keep up with my skin care and take care of my teeth. I don't think it's all downhill but it takes more effort for sure. Constant vigilance! But I don't want to be an unfit Grandma should that happy day ever come.

I like you 😁❤️

So I put early on that i could have weekend this post, but the one thing that differs is that at 50, I'm still pre menopausal Blood tests have shown that. So I can't blame the anxiety on that.
I have that many things I'm waiting on hospital appointments for that if I ring up the gp, I need to clarify which bit I'm ringing about. I barely visited in my 40s yet from six months ago I'm on first name terms!

@SweetBirdsong I like your style 😅

There's this unwritten rule that women have to be subservient and I think as time goes by we have more selfish (but benign selfish) and not the other way round.

Sounds like you're burned out op.
Is reducing working hours an option at all?

I tend to agree with this. I'm almost 64, I can't do the things I used to do as easily, feel a bit stiff sometimes, but otherwise I'm fine. I certainly don't relate to the exhaustion and tiredness I'm reading about on here, and I don't have any ongoing illness, other than gallstones, which I've had for around 18 years anyway. I rarely see my GP, don't have a particularly healthy lifestyle either, foodwise anyway. While some women have an horrific time with menopause I didn't, and I wasn't going to treat it as some sort of illness. I walk a lot and generally just carry on with life as normal.

@Xrays and @Mars27 😃

I truly think our bodies change around 50 and can't absorb nutrients as well.

I'm tired and achy and have discovered that vitamin B complex seems to really help. I take floradix for a strong two week course.

I also find that a lower carb diet helps with sustainable energy levels. I know if I slip back to high sugar items or start eating white carbs I'm sluggish and tired again.

It can't harm to top up vitamin D within safe guidance (nhs website). Mine was low and I've been taking extra since I was 50.

Oestrogen pessaries stopped the UTIs. It keeps everything supple and functioning. Quite essential in Peri or menopause if you want to enjoy sex. They only work for 1-2 inches around the area of the little pill. So you have to be mindful of how far up they are positioned. You want the urethra to be included in that area.

My body just isn't functioning like it used to. So wishing retirement was still 60 for women. I'm so ready.

If there are any women who are not comfortable taking or using oestrogen, I found some hyolauranic acid pessaries which are great at keeping the skin around the vagina and urethra soft.

No, it's not normal. Talk it through with your GP. I was getting like that, then I had covid which made the fatigue much worse. Turned out it was ME.

While some women have an horrific time with menopause I didn't, and I wasn't going to treat it as some sort of illness

Its great you didn’t suffer, but I’m not treating it as some sort of illness . I’m not a malingerer, I genuinely feel so awful there are days I don’t know how I’m going to put one foot in front of the other.

I can relate to all the above 😁.
51, had breast cancer treatment 4 years ago. Tamoxifen plunged me off a cliff menopause-wise and I can't have HRT (hormone positive BC). But there are some things I've found that help me, so I'll share in case it can help anyone else.

1. It's all about the sleep. It seems obvious but good quality sleep is critical to combatting fatigue for me. In order to achieve this I prioritise at least 30 minutes strenuous exercise outdoors every day. I swim in an outdoor pool (front crawl- fast enough to be out of breath) but running, cycling etc works for me too.
2. I take magnesium citrate supplements at bed time which really improve the 'depth' of my sleep if that makes sense
3. I have to watch my weight - above a certain weight I snore badly - I wake myself up with it. Definitely a contributor to the tiredness. Also losing weight helped with the joint pains, and means I sleep better because I'm more comfortable
4. I avoid processed foods, in particular simple carbs, sugar and alcohol. The better my digestive system is functioning, the better I sleep.Alcohol is very disruptive to sleep so I drink only low alcohol beer and very rarely.
5. I make my bedroom as quiet and dark as I can. I sleep alone now to prioritise sleep and lack of disturbance (DH has had to get used to that I'm afraid...)

I recently had a family crisis unfold over a few months which meant that I had to travel a lot at sudden notice and my diet and exercise went out the window, I put on weight and started snoring again. I slept lightly and woke frequently. The toxic tiredness crept back. It was an awful reminder. I'm getting back on track now and regaining my energy and vitality. I feel soooo much better.
But as for sex - I have had zero urge since the breast cancer. I thought it was just me so comforting to know others feel the same. It's sad, feels like a chapter of my life has closed, but at the same time the thought repulses me!!

I'm going to have to work into my 60's. I feel so cynical about everything at work. I've seen it all before and just can't get worked up about anything. But barring a lottery win, I'm just going to have to keep going with it. Definitely dealing with the fatigue helps though. I'm sharper, less brain foggy and can at least pretend to be interested most of the time 🤣🤣🤣