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Original poster

Early 50s - is it all downhill from now on?

58 replies

ToContiOrSequi · 21/05/2023 12:02

I feel exhausted a lot of the time. I work all week (teacher) and do very little at evenings/weekends as I'm so tired.

This week I've felt like I'm walking through porridge. I then have a UTI start up out of the blue, so got antibiotics to treat. I've had recurrent UTIs in the past and went onto HRT as felt this was due to vaginal atrophy (also hot flushes and joint pain). I've recently changed from Conti pills to Sequi patches and I think that may be why I have had the UTI occur.

I no longer have a sex life - haven't had PIV sex in about 5 years. I'm too exhausted, I just want to sleep when I get to bed. Plus the thought of a UTI just turns me off. DH isn't happy about this, but also isn't supportive - he can be resentful. One of our (adult) DC is autistic, I think DH is too as we don't socialise; he just wants to sit in his office and watch films/play games of an evening. He hates his job but won't leave it as we need the money for the DC and Uni.

I have occasional migraines that last 3 days, where I live on painkillers that dull it down a bit, but don't get rid of them. This again leaves me tired.

I've had blood tests, all within normal range. I eat a varied diet with plenty of fresh fruit and veg, lots of hydration, walking the dog is my only exercise (I'm pretty much on my feet a lot at work). I've got multivits, Vit D, just bought Optibac for intimate health, probiotics to use when the antibiotics are finished.

There is bowel cancer in the family - I lost a sibling to it - and I worry that this is what will happen to me. I am diagnosed with anxiety (been on meds and in therapy for almost 10 years) and feel it's mainly under control but I am getting anxious over my health and thinking "Is it cancer?" with every twinge.

Is it normal to feel so tired and exhausted, to have these minor ailments in my early 50s?

OP posts:
Wildspace · 28/05/2023 10:35

Bundlebee has great advice - I could have written this (just swapping one cancer for another). Had an undiagnosed condition for many years and was a lot of try and see what makes me feel better.

MissyB1 · 28/05/2023 13:49

@Bundlebee Tamoxifen for me was like hitting a brick wall at immense speed and breaking every bit of me. I literally didn’t know what was happening. And no one had prepared me or warned me in any way whatsoever. I had to do all the research and slowly bit by bit work out how to help my body cope.
I have osteopenia (another delightful side effect). So I take calcium, Vit D, I’m looking for a good magnesium supplement if you can recommend one?
I walk, walk and walk some more! Also Pilates and swimming. And like you I keep my weight down. My sleep is rubbish though 🙁

Bundlebee · 28/05/2023 22:14

@MissyB1 - I'm sorry you have the tamoxifen hell going on in your life too. Nobody warned me or offered me any support for the abrupt, intense and prolonged menopausal symptoms either... overall my care and treatment for breast cancer was excellent but I'm made to feel I'm being a nuisance whenever I raise this at my follow ups. Probably because there's not much can be done about it I suppose.

I take Magnesium Glycinate at night (sorry not citrate as I said earlier). I just buy them from Amazon - I can't recommend any particular brand. There was a whole thread about the different types of magnesium a few months ago. It was very interesting. I'll post a link if I can find it.

Early 50s - is it all downhill from now on?
BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 28/05/2023 22:22

SweetBirdsong · 27/05/2023 11:43

Definitely agree @ToContiOrSequi I am in my mid 50s now, and am sometimes tired and weary, and just wanna chill. I also have achey joints, and IBS and struggle a bit with my tummy some days. I struggle to wake early too. 8.30am to 9am is a typical time for me. Thankfully I work from home and it's flexible.. so I can start at 9.30am to 10am...

CBA with sex either anymore. My DH is 3 years older than me, and fortunately has been off sex for a few years. I no longer want him looking at or touching my body anyway, and the thought of sex with him makes me go cold - I don't fancy it with anyone actually!

The thought of having PIV sex, or oral sex makes me feels queasy. I have not fancied sex since about 45-46, and I don't think I could if I wanted to. It's kind of closed for business down there now. IYKWIM Blush DH still wanted it when I was in my mid 40s and he was in his late 40s, and used to keep groping me and trying to initiate it. I kept making excuses. Luckily about a year after I went off it, he did too. So we are good now.

Many women I know - men too actually - seem a little bit fucked (physically and sometimes mentally and emotionally) by their mid 50s. This is why I quite frankly, can't fathom why women have babies in their mid to late 40s! Imagine having a primary school age child in your 50s? And a secondary age one at nearly 60?! (In fact they would still be in school when you were IN your 60s!) Shock You may have other (grown adult) children too, and grandchildren, and elderly parents. I never 'get' the 'shall I have a baby at 45' threads! Why would anyone put themselves through this?! I know nature says we can still have babies up to our late 40s, but this is a case of 'just because you CAN do something, doesn't necessarily mean you should!'

I CBA with sex, kids left home a decade ago so I don't have to look after them, both sets of parents have died now, and I have a part time job, and my life is quite chill now. I have one cat, and even she is a PITA sometimes, and I will never have any more pets when she's gone. I love her but she is so whiny sometimes. She is 16 and is so clingy now.

I just want to chill and relax and do fuck-all most of the time. No sex, no kids around me, no people most of the time, and even DH can stay away sometimes too. I like to be alone 70% of the time. I don't want to entertain, I don't want to join any groups, I don't want to stop in the street talking to people for half hour at a time, and I don't want to be put on by people taking the piss, and expecting me to do things for them. (Will help in an emergency yes, but otherwise, no.) Too weary, too old, and been used and shit on, and put on too much in my life, so am not arsed with peoples shit now.

Ooops, bit of a moany rant there! Sorry!

@SweetBirdsong
I actually love you (no sex required) 😍

CheeseDreamsTonight · 28/05/2023 22:32

I don't think 'normal range' on tests is always helpful. You can feel proper shit if something like your thyroid is starting to struggle and still be in normal range. Look up JJ Virgin and Mindy Pelz. Great advice

SweetBirdsong · 28/05/2023 22:34

BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 28/05/2023 22:22

@SweetBirdsong
I actually love you (no sex required) 😍

Show quote history

😆 😘

Itsahardnockslife · 16/07/2024 23:45

SweetBirdsong · 27/05/2023 14:32

@ZanzibarIsland

If some threads are to be believed on here, then yes, there does seem to be quite a number of women choosing to have a baby at 45, 46, 47+. Some by IVF yes, but some claim they fall pregnant naturally, and that many women in their 'social circle' have loads of babies in their middle age. They also claim their nan and great aunt had a baby at 48-50. (In reality, this child was very likely their grandchild.) Happened a lot back in the day, middle aged women raising their teen daughter's child as their own, and everyone thought/assumed she was the mother. (Often would tell everyone they were too!)

I know many women from all walks of life, many are professionals... Many well-educated, middle class, and upper class. I also know some working class (and middle class) stay at home mums AND working mums... Many different careers - Detective, Nurse, GP, Lawyer, Maccie D's crew worker, Coffee Shop Barista, Admin Assistant, Vicar, Counselor, Dentist, Hairdresser, Mechanic, etc etc.

Not ONE of them had a baby past 41/42. (The vast majority had their last baby by 36-37.) Many different careers, many different walks of life, various social classes etc, yet none of them had a baby after the age of 41/42. Not one. As I say, most finished in their 30s- or even their 20s.

Yet on Mumsnet, there seems to be hundreds of women having babies at nearly 50. Very strange. 😕 As I said, why would you do this to yourself - or the child?

Show quote history

Good god - YES I know this thread is older, but what a bigoted load of crap! WTF should it matter to ANY of you - at what age others CHOOSE to have Children - Has fuck all to do with any of the ranty twats on here - Go mind your pen (very boring, sexless and dull) lives, miserable old witches!
As a Mum of an almost 16 year old, at almost 58, - I shook my head at this shit being spouted.

You sound like a mean, bigoted and brain dead idiot - Women have a hard enough time in the world, without other women spouting this shit!

Keep your traps shut about other folks choices- from a very lively 58 yr old Single Mum, who can still hold her own, despite many health issues, thank god I am not the boring and brain dead variety - like on this thread. My almost 16 yr old thinks I’m very cool and thanks god he doesn't have a woke nitwit for a Mum 😎

Apileofballyhoo · 16/07/2024 23:57

@ToContiOrSequi localised oestrogen and increase your oestrogen dose. You might have to switch to evorel patch plus separate progestogen.

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