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Scared. Two week urgent referral

121 replies

Oneglassisnotenough · 11/05/2023 01:33

I can’t sleep for worry. I have severe anxiety as it is.

I have been referred for the urgent two week cancer pathway. Have had symptoms for a while and an internal scan has found something that doesn’t look good on my ovary.
Got to have blood tests for tumour markers on Friday. Dr sounded very serious when she called me today and apologised for telling me over the phone but due to the urgency she said that she had to. I’m seeing her tomorrow.

Please can someone hold my hand.

OP posts:
IHateLegDay · 20/05/2023 21:04

Sending you a handhold and a hug.
We're hear listening. I know it's not the same as having someone irl but we're here xx

bamboonights · 20/05/2023 21:12

Sending huge hugs OP. Not sure what strength your diazepam are but 10mg calms me when I'm really in a bad way. Plus a wine if necessary. Use them to get you through this. X

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 20/05/2023 21:16

I’m so sorry, I know that fear, when you are frozen with terror. I’m hoping and praying for the best for you x

Ninetynineflake · 20/05/2023 21:48

🤝 x

Oneglassisnotenough · 20/05/2023 22:20

You know what really hurts. My husband has gone out on a bender tonight. Abroad with his workmates. Knowing I’m here . With the children. Going through this shit in the midst of horrendous and debilitating anxiety.

I really needed him to be there for me yesterday. He wasn’t and I am really really struggling to get my head around it all.

The anxiety is on one . Big time.

OP posts:
Eurodiva · 20/05/2023 23:10

I genuinely don’t know what to say..does your husband understand what you are going through?

Oneglassisnotenough · 20/05/2023 23:15

Yes he does. I’ve tried to call and text him tonight but no answer.

I feel absolutely terrible.

Cannot stop crying. Not sure how I am going to get through the night as I am ridiculously anxious. I have an anxiety disorder too, which he knows as well. To not answer the phone is freaking me out .

I absolutely do not know what to do right now. I’ve taken one diazapam. I think I will take another one. I could quite happily take the packet in all honesty. Except I can’t and I won’t.

OP posts:
lightlypoached · 20/05/2023 23:43

Hey.
you are t a,one as the MN hive is with you.

Take a big breath.

Nights are always the worst as they seem to go on and can be isolating. My advice is don't fight it, embrace it like a kid on a sleepover. Set yourself up in the lounge, snacks, drinks, any familiar films you like,your favourite pillow and blanket. Snuggle up, and let time pass. When you get the anxiety surges let them wash over you. Cry of you need. Rant if you need (to yourself like a mad person 😬).

The hours will pass. You may doze, you may not. If you're awake when the sun rises, go out and greet it.

Have a pen and paper handy to write anything g down you need.

Yes you may be tired tomorrow but you'll manage.

And don't forget. You aren't alone. We are here for,you. Tomorrow will be here soon enough.

Xxx

Eurodiva · 20/05/2023 23:46

Hopefully OP is now in bed and husband back tomorrow to support her 🙄

Oneglassisnotenough · 21/05/2023 00:00

I am panicking. Catastrophising. Worrying myself stupid.

I am not sure I can cope or how to cope.

I’ve taken another Diazepam. Another glass of wine albeit a small one.

I feel sick. Really sick

OP posts:
Oneglassisnotenough · 21/05/2023 00:00

Please can someone keep talking to me

OP posts:
Groutyonehereagain · 21/05/2023 00:13

I’m here and I understand. Sending strength and a handhold. 💪

Emelene · 21/05/2023 00:36

Handhold OP. You are doing amazing, anyone would find the waiting and uncertainty excruciating but with anxiety on top it is even harder.

one breath at a time, one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. You can get through this.

Sending you lots of love.
Can you try things that usually help your anxiety? Distraction? Hot bath? Special treats? Just to take the edge off and give you something to look forward to.

If you need to speak to someone, have you tried Samaritans? Knowing someone is listening has helped me feel less alone and less anxious. Xxxx

jaychops · 21/05/2023 00:41

One thing I recall from doing CBT was that my therapist told me the human body is not able to maintain an extreme emotion for a long length of time. So as anxious as you are in this moment, it will get easier. I'm not saying it won't happen again, or that your anxiety will disappear, but your body won't maintain this high level for long and you will get some relief soon. We are here OP! Ground yourself - think of 5 things you can see around you, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 you can smell and one you can taste.

Oneglassisnotenough · 21/05/2023 08:12

Thank you for your kind words.

Slept atrociously. Popping Diazapam every four or so hours at the moment.

Still not heard from my husband. I refuse to think about it because having such bad anxiety is the pits and I am refusing to go there.

Just breathing slowly through each minute.

I really really need my husband but what can I do.

Fix my crown as they say and do my best for the children today. One hour at a time right now.

OP posts:
lightlypoached · 21/05/2023 08:47

Morning @Oneglassisnotenough

Nights are hard when you feel alone, even if surrounded by people.

Putting your crown on will help. Kids are a distraction.

One thing that I learned in therapy was to ask myself 'so how is this behaviour / reaction helping you? If it's not then stop doing it.

Sound simple and is hard to do, but have a real think about that. How is the catastrophising helping you to cope? I suspect it's not. You don't know what the future holds, none of us do. Each time you find yourself heading down that rabbit hole, stop.

Stop and focus on something mundane, in detail. Like chewing a piece of toast. Notice how it smells, watch the butter melt. Notice how your body reacts to the thought of the marmitey toast in your mouth (if you like marmite. I love the stuffSmile). Anticipate. Take a bite. Notice how your saliva kicks in. What taste does this trigger in terms of memories? Push away the negative spiral of thoughts just for that moment. Small restorative moments will help you to cope. Sounds a bit nuts but it does work.

Get outside today. The sun is shining here and I hope it is where you are. Pack a picnic. Get out of the house. Lie in a park and watch the clouds scoot past. Go on a swing with the kids. Look at the life bursting out in the trees and grass. Breathe it in. Being outside is so healing. Let your body absorb all of that good and sunlight. Feed your body good things.

All of these ideas may be the last thing you fell you can do but trust me, they will help to abate the anxiety. I've been there and had close friends help me through it too. This simple stuff does help you get out of your own head.

Sending calming hugs. Now get showered dressed and out !

Crikeyalmighty · 21/05/2023 15:09

@Oneglassisnotenough your H is a total disgrace to not be giving you support at this time -

It comes to something when all us mumsnetters are more supportive and don't even know you.

We are all rooting for you

jaychops · 21/05/2023 18:17

How have you been today OP? Hope you've managed to enjoy some sunshine!

MaverickSnoopy · 21/05/2023 18:39

OP I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this and feel so alone. If you're near me I'd be happy to give you so support. I too suffer with anxiety. May I suggest that when you are peak anxiety you try some YouTube relaxation. It's also worth asking your GP if they have a Mind worker who can call you for a chat. I found them really helpful for some support at a very difficult time. It's not really a constructive fix a problem type support, more just a friendly ear who will regularly call you.

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 27/05/2023 23:45

Hi @Oneglassisnotenough , I really hope you had good news and that all turned out well. X

Panda8383 · 28/05/2023 00:49

Sending big hugs, how are you getting on x

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