AIBU? Taking pics of kids in hospital?

[NaatQ968]

Now I want to know if I'm the only one...

I cannot stand when parents post pictures on social media of their sick kids in hospital... like I understand if it's an ongoing situation etc but like an A&E visit, or if the kid is clearly unwell, upset and in distress... I couldn't even think about taking pictures of my child. I think people do it for attention.

Anyone feel the same?

I had a child who had a really long NICU stay and several major surgeries. I posted about once a week on their progress, sometimes with photos and sometimes without.

I did take a photo post-surgery because

• I was so relieved he was still alive
• I used Facebook to document his NICU journey (to a limited degree)
• I was in a knife edge for so long, I think I wanted people to realise just how very poorly he was

Posting occasionally on social media was the way I coped with the whole thing & avoided the need to deal with lots of people asking questions separately. I would never judge other parents for doing a similar thing.

Its an awful thing to do, attention seeking at its worst!

This is totally different, you had a story and awareness to share. I applaud you with dealings with such a difficult and scary time in your life.

Totally agree. Dc 1 and 2 have had multiple hospital admissions and never been put on social media. I think in all the times I've only taken one photo and that was when dc1 was going to be coming home attached to some machinery and the consultant advised we take photos so younger dc could see/understand and ask questions before dc1 got home. It really helped all dc cope. When the picture comes up on my memories it still upsets me and the thought that that could be on social media for all to see (including now adult dc1) is incompressible.

I really think it depends on the situation, we’ve unfortunately spent quite a bit of time in and out of hospitals over the last few years. DD having an asthma attack and on nebs, definitely no photos taken or needed. Was too stressed to even think about photos or checking in.
DS several sporting injuries, he’s usually had a picture after he’s been patched up (shoulder back in socket in a sling, pot on type pics), his whole sports team and our family all want to know how he’s getting on, it’s the quickest way of updating them all. Photos of him on gas and air before they have fixed him up, not required. Although he often posts his own pictures of that nature on his own socials, but that’s his choice.
DD have pretty major surgery last year, we were in and out for several weeks in the run up to it. It was covid times so no visitors. Everyone was asking for updates. I posted a positive picture every couples of days to keep people updated. None of her in obvious pain or when she was out of it on drugs etc. After we were home, I did share some of the more painful ones, to kind of document her journey. It was one of the worst times of our life but the strength she showed to recover so quickly makes me so proud and emotional. It’s a journey I wanted to share with our friends and family. As I say, this was afterwards when we know if was a happy positive ending.

All of the above said, I can not stand the a&e check in with no reason, or I’ll PM you. That is just pure attention seeking and usually people that go to a&e for any minor ailment.

Sorry, should have been clearer. I took the photo in the anaesthetic room, just after he had gone to sleep.

If I hadn’t taken pictures of my baby in the NICU I wouldn’t have any photos of her. After she died, the bereavement midwife even arranged for a photographer to come in to take photographs of her. So YABU.

I didn’t post any of the pictures on social medial though.

I find it odd seeing pics of children in emergency situations. A friend once posted one of her LO laying in the back of an ambulance which had been called in an emergency. I couldn't imagine thinking to take a photo, then post it on Facebook, in that scenario.

A photo of a child, feeling better, sat up in a hospital bed, wouldn't bother me so much. My son went through chemotherapy and we took photos of the "happier days" and some I posted on Facebook - things like cuddling the therapy dog in the play room etc

This isn't what I meant. So I am not being unreasonable, I meant photos posted online!

So sorry for your loss xx

@cortisolqueen - I hear you. Needing the memories to be concrete, and also perhaps needing others to understand.

One of the difficult things about dealing with a very sick child is that sometimes people feel the need to minimise. Not many people but that knife edge feeling you are living with isn’t helped by some random family member insisting that your child looks fine (in between admissions).

Went on Instagram today and someone made it into an Instagram story...

@cortisolqueen and @BigFeelingsMoment totally agree with this. Sometimes I feel like putting signs up
"Just because it's day surgery doesn't mean it's minor"
"23 operations doesn't mean I'm used to it, the only thing that gets easier is the decision of what to order from the Costa in the hospital entrance"
"Having benign tumours does not make you lucky and it doesn't mean I should just be grateful that he doesn't have cancer"

My daughter is currently in hospital (age 19) and I've taken some photos of her. She uses photos as a journal/story board and she wanted me to take them.

They will also be used to prosecute the idiots who harmed her.

Yes ,but you don't need to put photos of SM (or share them in any other way) to "track progress".

A few years ago, the reason people weren't allowed to use their phones was because of the camera. Unfortunately now it's impossible to police. Especially as almost every child has one. Or a tablet!

This was my big fear when we were in NICU. Plus, I live in a different country to my family. I needed to share pics, because I couldn't bring him over etc. I needed him to be a real wee person and a member of our family.

I can understand/ accept if you want to keep a visual representation of your journey, to help yourself process it later, or with family, but I'll never understand the need to advertise on social media your child's pain- and I don't accept the white that gets sprouted that that is how someone processs it- by exposing their child's vulnerability to the world.

Sometimes I think this.

I've seen attention seeking photos where a picture is taken in A&E. At the same time, my dc is hospitalised a lot and I have uploaded the occasional pic of her in hosp in the same way I would a normal picture.

Like pp I also hate it when people check in to hospitals on Facebook and such.

It's grim. I saw an account run but a child's mum following the child's cancer treatment yesterday... Fair enough the nice pics of the kid doing activities and smiling for the camera but there are also pics of the kid full of tubes asleep after surgery...curled up crying in pain etc.

Have taken pics of DC smiling and proud showing off the bandage and bravery sticker after a procedure. Sent directly to close family but never shared on social media to protect their privacy and dignity.

I have posted on social media (fb - which is private set to family / friends / colleagues) one picture of my ds two weeks after he was diagnosed with meningitis. He was all wrapped up in his blanket, little gummy smile - you could see his ng tube and hand all bandage - but he was off the monitors as a way to celebrate / update everyone who had messaged that he was over the worst and he had pulled through. I found the barrage of (well meaning) texts, WhatsApp, phone calls exhausting - I couldn't process them and social media was easier to update everyone in one go....so I understand it from that point of view. I don't understand ones that are shared on public platforms though but maybe I will over time.

I find it difficult to understand any photos of children all over social media that show them very unwell or in situations that may cause embarrassment, or are humiliating.

Photos of unwell children who've thrown up in bed, photos checked in at hospital unwell, poo explosions from nappies, toddler/young child visibly upset about something the parent thinks is hilarious are all in the same broad category to me.

In my experience parents of NICU babies and parents of children with medical conditions tend to be more mindful with what they share. They give updates to friends and family but don't tend to post in the same attention seeking way.

I totally get this @Snugglemonkey