DH has had a stroke

[SunnyNights]

DH is late forties, non smoker, doesn’t drink, healthy (ish) weight and an MRI has confirmed he had a stroke following an episode two days ago.

We are in total shock and I’m putting a brave face on for him but am very scared about him having another one and it being worse. He’s lucky in that although the stroke can been seen on the MRI, he doesn’t have any lasting effects - no vision or mobility issues at all.

They will now investigate what caused the stroke. He’s had a chest scan, and will have heart monitoring also. He’s also on medication for life, blood thinners and statins.

We have two children, at senior school and haven’t yet told them it was a stroke but we will today as they need to know in case it happens again. He can’t drive for a month and is signed off for four weeks. I won’t be leaving him alone for a while.

Has anyone else has this happen to a loved one in their forties’? What could the causes be? Should he make a living will?

Yes to a will.
Is there a family history of this ?
Dont forget to ask the consultant about future consequences for his children.

Yes he has a family history. His dad had a major stroke in his late fifties, although this was after being told to stop smoking and he didn't.

My dad had a stroke when he was 42: undiagnosed high blood pressure. It affected his right side: speech, walking, writing. He had 6 months off work and used it for intensive therapy on all of these. On various medication too for life.

30 years later he's alive and well and you'd never know it happened (except he slurs and limps a little when very tired). I think we would all have been very relieved at that difficult time to know this.

Thank you, that's good to hear and glad your dad is doing so well.

The googling doesn't help to be honest, so might stop that. I'm trying to convince myself that knowing he's had one means he has the right treatment and in a way we are in a better position than we were last week.

Just so glad we went to A&E when we did. He thought it was a migraine and was trying to sleep it off.

Very frightening for you both OP.
The most important thing is for your dh to be diligent with his blood thinners and testing.
I used to test blood for warfarin patients and they became familiar faces. Those that stuck properly to their regime were very well controlled and led otherwise normal lives.
Everyone should make a will.

Definitely on the case with the medication and we have a routine set up to remember the various ones at the various times.

We have a normal will in place, sorted that before we got married but wondered about a living will. A will that dictates the care he would like if the worst happened.

My father has several mini strokes, which he ignored and then a massive stroke at 49. He had stopped taking his blood pressure medication because he thought they were making him sick. Turns out he was diabetic , so the high blood sugars and high blood pressure were a lethal combo. He had massive damage but recovered better than they thought he would. He's still driving and working part time 17 years later. Your husband needs to take this as a warning, take the meds, eat the right food etc and hopefully he won't get another stroke.

DH had a silent stroke which wasn't discovered until he was being investigated for something else. We think it happened 6 years ago.

He takes simvastatin and clopidogrel (an anticoagulant, not a blood thinner), and is on them for life.

I had a TIA (mini stroke), earlier this year. I am in my 40s.

My family history is pretty poor, my dad died in his 50s and so did his dad, and his brother died in his early 60s all heart attacks. My maternal grandad had several strokes before he died. So I am taking it seriously and taking my meds etc. But I am ok now, just getting on with my life. Losing my dad when I was 18 taught me life can be cut short, so I don't dwell, I live my life.

I hope you and your DH are ok op. It is a scary experience and you need to take time to process. I was off work for a week, then had a phased return as I was exhausted by the experience. Make sure your DH gets rest and time to recuperate.

Oh sweetheart. What a shock. Have some hugs for you, dh and the dc. Yes, write a will. Sending all of you love xx

We nearly didn't find out it was a stroke, that's the scary thing.

He woke up feeling woozy, felt really tired and was a little bit unsteady on his feet. He just wanted to sleep it off but I took him to A&E and when we got there he was leaving to the right when he walked.

He wasn't seen massively urgently, but he did have a CT scan within an hour or so which was clear.

We sat for a bit and had a lovely stroke nurse sit with us and examine him. Then as he felt totally better they were about to discharge him and I noticed his eyes looking odd and got him to walk and he banged into the wall.

He was then kept in and given the MRI the next day (yesterday) which showed stroke damage. The doctors thought it was a migraine so seemed surprised also. He's now home which is great but also a worry in a way. I will be making sure he really rests and doesn't lift a finger for at least a couple of weeks.

This happened to me a couple of years ago. Early 30s, female. No family history at all. Very healthy until that point. It is terrifying, I can not emphasise enough how much it affects your mental health. Physically I look OK but I am in constant pain down one side, mentally it is torture with the anxiety. Also very similar in that I wasn't initially believed, I was told it must be hemiplegia migraine until mri/mra proved stroke. This is despite literally presenting as every classic stroke symptom you see and completely losing all function and feeling on one side

I worry about the mental health aspects for him. He's very pragmatic and doesn't really get stressed but then there's a concern he's not processing what has happened.

It's been less than 24 hours since diagnosis so early days but will be keeping an eye on him in that regard.

Also looking up lowering cholesterol foods to make a meal plan. Just feel like I need to be doing something proactive.

Sorry to hear you are still suffering the effects @Holdontowhat x

@FlemCandango thank you. Will definitely make sure we allow ourselves to process what has happened. Doesn't quite feel real yet.

@Deckthewallswithpaintandplaydough thank you - you have a great name btw

My ex husband had one at 41 he was a smoker and drinker, he is still okay 10 years

Your husbands experience is really similar to mine. I had a stroke 18 months ago. It initially wasn't picked up and was eventually diagnosed 3 weeks (!!) later by an MRI.
I was lucky and didn't have any loss of mobility / limb movement and to look at me you wouldn't know it had happened. My biggest side effect was (and still is) fatigue. I found I needed a lot more sleep, especially the first few months and started having naps again. Even now I still tire more easily and find it takes me longer than I'd like to process complicated things.
Im on statins and anticoagulants (clopidogrel) for life.
They have not been able to determine the cause of my stroke and as a result im currently fitted with a heart loop recorder that is implanted in my chest. It will be there for several years.
As scary as it is for you and your husband, see it as a warning sign - he can make healthy lifestyles changes.
Im 41 btw.

I would make sure that you (both) have a lasting power of atourney set up for both health and financial matters. Then you will have the power to act on his behalf if he needs you to. All the time he has mental capacity though he will be asked to make his own decisions.

The living will you are talking about is a power of attorney, which you can make for health and financial matters separately. There is a fee involved, though you can do this online, but I would say your dh would need to be in a state to consent to this, so perhaps park this until he is recovered.

Having been there, I know it's very scary, try not to bottle things in and put a brave face on, it has its place of course - but do try to find someone you can voice your deepest fears too without filter - I found the shockto be profound, and working through it while your dh is out of it a but will be time well spent.

Otherwise, I did a overhaul of personal finance (forecast for only me earning), once I could see we could manage (tight but doable), that helped.

I also mapped out what a worst case could look like, could we fit a hospital bed downstairs.

All of this sounds unspeakably grim, but for me I felt better knowing that if it all went to shit we'd get through it.

Hope your dh continues to get better.

OP your wills were invalidated by getting married so you need to redo them, even if it is just a copy and paste exercise then redoing with a post marriage date.

From the Coop legal website

"The only way that a Will can remain valid after marriage is if it is made "in contemplation of marriage." Specific details will need to be given of the person that you intend to marry. This can be a good option for engaged couples who want to make Wills but don't want them to become void after they tie the knot."

I have a Living Will. I had a solicitor deal with it and it provides that if I have physical disabilities then I will be treated with all possible treatments in hospital but if I have dementia etc then in the event of illness I will not be medically treated but will be made comfortable until I die. I do not want to be left without fluids so I specified that. I hate being thirsty and I don't think this would change because I had dementia.

A Living Will must be lodged with the Bursar of your local hospital. They arrange for it to go in your notes so that it is available to medical staff. I have also told my family so they know what to expect should I lose my marbles and then fall ill.

A Power of Attorney is a different document and provides for someone else to deal with ones financial and business affairs and it means you would be able to deal with your DH's bank accounts and investments. In the event of it being invoked, you would need to provide certified copies to your DH's bank etc.

Glad he has had such a mild stroke and that it has been discovered - many good stories above of recovery. My hard drinking, smoking, salad-dodging sedentary FIL had one about 20 years ago and is still going strong now with just the slightest weakness.

But it’s a wake up call that planing for the future is good for everyone. Do you have power of attorney set up? That’s more of a priority than an advance decision. You can those (both types for both of you) online yourselves, it’s a bit of a faff but very doable. And plans for guardianship ,of children? For an advance decision compassion in dying have an excellent free template on their website that you can use for your own wishes, plus instructions on how to make it legal.

Thanks @Pashazade just double checked our wills and they were made 'in anticipation of marriage' so that's all sorted at least.

Will look into the power of attorney stuff. Sounds like that's needed.

Our accounts are joint so that hopefully makes things simpler I think.

@Timeforabiscuit that's exactly the way I think also so will be doing some financial planning on what would happen if we just had my wage in the event of DH needing to be off work for a bit.