DH has had a stroke

[SunnyNights]

DH is late forties, non smoker, doesn’t drink, healthy (ish) weight and an MRI has confirmed he had a stroke following an episode two days ago.

We are in total shock and I’m putting a brave face on for him but am very scared about him having another one and it being worse. He’s lucky in that although the stroke can been seen on the MRI, he doesn’t have any lasting effects - no vision or mobility issues at all.

They will now investigate what caused the stroke. He’s had a chest scan, and will have heart monitoring also. He’s also on medication for life, blood thinners and statins.

We have two children, at senior school and haven’t yet told them it was a stroke but we will today as they need to know in case it happens again. He can’t drive for a month and is signed off for four weeks. I won’t be leaving him alone for a while.

Has anyone else has this happen to a loved one in their forties’? What could the causes be? Should he make a living will?

I haven't read all replies but it was determined mine was caused by a hole in my heart which is fixable with surgery. He will probably undergo a lot of tests to determine the cause. As a pp above, I also have a loop recorder implanted in my chest with monitors for atrial fibrillation. It's a long hard slog going through all of the tests and procedures, mentally and physically draining. There's a fb page 'young stroke survivors' which can be helpful

Sorry to hear about your DH. I hope he makes a speedy recovery.

Atrial fibrillation is a common cause of strokes, but again can be well managed with medication. The main thing is he's getting investigated for possible causes as most can be treated to prevent another stroke.

Thank you all for the messages.

He's sleeping now, seems very tired. Trying to not poke him and check he's ok, although it is tempting.

The hospital seemed to think it could be heart related and from some of the messages on this that sounds very common.

I'm hoping the appts come through fairly quickly. He's had a chest scan, and the next thing is a heart monitoring thing - not sure what it's called. His ECG was fine, fairly low heart rate but not worryingly low by all accounts. BP was fine.

Hope it’s ok to jump on. I was just searching for helpful posts & came across your posts @SunnyNights Hope it’s ok to ask how things are?

My DH (49) had a stroke at the beginning of September. Healthy BMI, non smoker, normal
BP, recently found out he had raised cholesterol (6.7) 2 yrs ago but wasn’t informed by the GP.

The stroke was missed during his first trip to a&e. Told it was viral, likely covid and to come back in a week if no better - they didn’t do a CT or MRI. It was only when I rang 111 (despite DHs stroppy protests) that it was flagged up as urgent and investigated fully. Embarrassingly I’m a nurse so should have trusted my own instincts, I knew something wasn’t right but he kept telling me not to make a fuss. Meant to say, he took himself to a&e the first time because I was at work.

He had a clot in the cerebellum. Is on statins & clopidogrel. Has had an angiogram CT. Waiting for cardiac monitoring to check for a hole in the heart.

Physically he has no lasting effects but his mood and behaviour are different. He’s always been prone to having a negative outlook but this is extreme, I can’t say or do anything right. He’s distant & irritated by all of us (2 kids still at home - youngest is 14). Think he’s depressed, I sent him the PHQ9 mood screening a couple of weeks ago but he hasn’t done it. If I try to talk about it he gets very defensive & angry so I’ve retreated a bit to avoid the conflict. It’s very tense at home unless we brush it under the rug & stick to non-personal topics of conversation. I just feel scared and a bit lost with what to do for the best. I also feel lonely, I miss his company. He does his work, mostly stays in the office, goes to bed. So I was scrolling/reading in the hope of finding some pearls of wisdom and came across your post.

How are things? Hope you’re all doing ok.

I had a stroke 11 years ago when I was 30. Presented as full one sided paralyses, rushed in by ambulance, left in a cubicle and told I can leave when the numbness wears off, was not offered a scan. GP sent me to hospital the following evening where a CT scan was declared clear.

In 2020 I had an MRI for a different issue and they discovered it was a full blown stroke!

I do have a family history of strokes and heart attacks causing premature death. I was diagnosed with FH back in 2015 after a nurse noticed i always seemed to have high bp and then cholesterol tested high so sent me for a genetic test. So I've been on statins since then.

Preceding the stroke, I now realise I had had 2 TIA's which affected both my ability to speak and my ability to understand spoken words (both incidents didnt last long and i never had internet to check back then so got on with life) and over the week leading up to the stroke suffered the worst, heavy, baring down headache. Luckily I had no permanent damage from the stroke.

I'm glad you and your husband got to a&e. It will be a total shock as its usually something you hear about as being serious and happening to the elderly, there's not alot of awareness around it happening to younger people.

Coming in a bit late but just wanted to say my dad had his first stroke and heart attack in his late 30s. He retired at 60 and turned 85 last month.

He walks about 4 miles a day and is the same weight he was when he was 25.

He’s had some more health issues over the years (heart, TIAs and full blown stroke) but he doesn’t have any lasting affects from anything. The only real thing wrong is he’s deaf but then he’s 85 so that’s pretty much expected.

Dad takes blood pressure medication everyday and has a good balanced diet.

I hope this turns out to have been a one-off for your husband and he has a healthy a life as my dad.

Has he had Covid recently? Same thing has happened to my neighbour- 50, fit, doesn’t drink or smoke, has high Bp but not off the scale high & the only cause seems to be Covid - not the vac but actually having Covid twice in reasonably quick succession. Coupled with his high BP.

hope your DO makes a quick recovery.

A friend had a stroke and it turned out that she had a tiny hole in her heart which was surgically corrected. She must have had it since birth but it had never been detected.

I hope your DH is soon on the road to recovery. He will need a lot of rest and support - make sure you get the same too.

Thank you all for sharing your positive experiences. It does help to read these. I’m feeling a bit brighter today and have had a bit of a perspective reboot after reading your replies. Yesterday was a hard day.

@StarDolphins He’s not had covid since last Xmas so I don’t think there can be a connection. Tbh I wonder if he’d feel better about if there was a definitive reason like having a hole in the heart, or it being caused by covid. He says he feels embarrassed about it, feels like a failure and hates anyone talking about it. I think it’s dented his sense of self.

DH has had a revelation today and is wondering if the statins have affected his mood. A quick search online brought up some research that suggests statins might cause irritability, anger & depression (not listed in the official documentation) so now he’s focused on this. I’ve said to speak to the gp before stopping them. Good news though, cholesterol has come down to 4.1.

Thanks again for your replies. I was feeling very alone last night when I posted.

A positive story hoping that it helps someone. My next door neighbour had a stroke when he was 40, followed by an even bigger stroke soon after. He was seriously affected, had to relearn to walk and speak etc.

He is now in his 90s, living life to the full and ended up outliving his wife who had never had any medical issues in her life.

I hope that provides some reassurance that a stroke at a young age isn't a death sentence.

Look up the Stroke Association and Different Strokes- which is for younger stroke patients. both great sources of information. Strokes are a massive shock to begin with and it's very early days, hopefully you will get some answers after the tests. Low mood and fatigue are very common, hope all goes well

@FunnyCradock, glad you found the thread useful, it was (and still is) such a helpful source of information, as well settling my nerves when I've felt anxious. And love your name btw.

My husband also has some heart tests, this week in fact, it's an echocardiogram on Thursday. Then some heart monitoring thing at some point. The test appts have taken a little longer to be arranged than we'd anticipated to be honest.

DH is on statins and blood thinners also, there hasn't been any noticeable mood changes. We think his memory is slightly worse though, although it's hard to tell as don't we all get more forgetful in middle age?

@FunnyCradock, the mood changes must be tricky to navigate for you. Do you have a support network, people you can be honest with about how difficult things have been?

Thanks @SunnyNights Sorry I haven’t been on to answer. It’s been too difficult for me to muster up the courage or energy to put my thoughts down in writing.
I’ve been trying to put on a brave face but I’ve hit a wall over the weekend. Currently in my kitchen ugly crying by myself and having a pity party for 1.

The short version is DH has seen the gp and started antidepressants. Over the weekend he has told me that it’s me and my sons (not his children) that have caused his depression and he was depressed before the stroke. He gets cross over the mess they make (examples of this are when they do their washing and then don’t immediately hang it up to dry or leaving an x box controller out)

He says I don’t support his rules, I think he has unrealistic expectations of what it’s like to live in a family home. (for context we have been together 9 years). I have tried to ask the oldest (he’s 24) to hang up his washing and explained why but I’ve just come into the kitchen to tidy up before bed and found his washing still not hung up. This was the final straw moment - and prompted the ugly crying. Ridiculous reason I know!

Nobody irl knows. DH doesn’t want anyone to know about the stroke, let alone the depression. I am going to see a friend later in the week, she knows that things aren’t great so I’ll be able to talk but otherwise I have no support. I’m feeling so pressured atm, with Xmas coming & having to arrange all of that crap, visiting one of my sons at uni because it’s his birthday, having my parents over for Xmas because my sister won’t etc etc (oh and I work as a nurse for the nhs so don’t need to say what that’s like)

Sorry for the ramble. Once I started to let it all out I couldn’t stop!!

My dad had a TIA age 45, he didn't have another one until he was well in to his 70's.

A Power of Attorney is a different document and provides for someone else to deal with ones financial and business affairs and it means you would be able to deal with your DH's bank accounts and investments. In the event of it being invoked, you would need to provide certified copies to your DH's bank etc.

@FlipFlops4Me and @SunnyNights - I do hope your DH is okay. Huge worry for you but many people who have minor strokes recover and live long and healthy lives. Take it as a 'warning' and try not to worry too much.

Just to clarify something here.

A POA gives someone power over your finances AND your health, when you are unable to do so yourself.

So, for example, if someone was on life support and the drs wanted to continue it, but you had given POA to ask not to have life support, your 'attorney' would be able to tell the drs that.

In the past, there used to be two separate documents, (finance and health) but now there is one POA form, which covers both making financial and medical decisions if that is what you want to cover.

When you give POA to someone (which can be sole or joint - so 2 or more siblings/adult children for example) you have to be in 'sound mind' and know what legal steps you are taking.

This is why no one can start the POA process once they have (for example) dementia, ( 'incapacity') as they are not able to understand what they are doing.

The Living Will as some people are calling it, is really about end of life care and choices. So- things like Do Not Resuscitate - if you are 100 and have a heart attack, or keeping you alive on life support when there is no hope of recovery.

Wills, which cover your material goods, is something different again.
Usually, they would go to the next of kin (spouse or children) unless you state otherwise (or have no will.) And they can be contested by other people who feel they are owed a share of your assets.

In the past, there used to be two separate documents, (finance and health) but now there is one POA form, which covers both making financial and medical decisions if that is what you want to cover.

This is wrong @JinglingXmasbells . There are still 2 types: one financial and one health/welfare.

Agree that Power of Attorney is a good thing to set up just in case.
https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

did he have covid?

covid affects the cardiovascular system for some time after. a colleague (40, fit, healthy, slim, no family history) had a stroke last year after having covid a few months earlier.
he's fine(ish) now as cought early.

all the best

Conspiracy theorist much?

no. not conspiracy.

there are a few scientific observation that shows that.

any systemic inflammatory disease (which covid is) raises the risk of strokes and other cardiovascular disease.

@greenacrylicpaint no covid since January (so 8 months or so before)

Someone else mentioned covid to me but there’s no link here

(Thanks for the best wishes though)

It's been a long time since I updated on this but in case helpful for those googling like I was....the heart monitoring after the stroke showed a PFO which may not be the cause of the stroke but could have been.

A PFO is a flap over the heart which usually covers over when a person is born but for some people it doesn't.

The Drs will never know for sure what caused his stroke but it could have been the PFO so he'll have some minor surgery to correct it.

The responses to this thread really, really helped me through an awful, anxiety ridden time so I wanted to update and thank you all.

I have a new name btw, changed it recently.

I had a PFO which I didn't know about. Mine caused a heart attack out of the blue which apparently is quite rare as it usually causes a stroke.
The op is very straightforward so please don't worry. I had it as day surgery. They go in through the groin and put an umbrella type device across the hole. I had to stay on clopidogrel for a few months after but then they took me off all meds. Good luck to your DH

Thank you, that's exactly what we've been told. It's a simple operation through the thigh. Just waiting for a date now. We've been waiting two months already.

Glad yours is all sorted.