What is your dumbest ever injury?

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Fell of the middle of a slide and injured my back as a child

Was shaving my legs when I noticed there was hair in the blades. Instead of being sensible and swishing it though water, I used my thumb.

Fuck me. I had never seen so much blood. Was sore for days too

I also fell over the sign in a shop warning of a wet floor.

Put too much money in the work change bag that I had to take to the bank, as I lifted it the handle snapped and I wasn’t expecting it so my arm sprung up and I gave myself a black eye.

working in a tearoom I leaned over the (very full) soup urn to put a cheese scone on a customers tray and the boiling hot soup soaked through the tabard and scalded my boob.

jumped over a country wall desperate for a pee but it turned out to be a bridge! I ended up knocked out on the riverbank and my pals had to form a human chain to drag me up. Had a black and blue face, gash on my cheek and a fractured wrist. And I’d pissed myself!

Fell off a swing whilst standing and trying to use no hands (had been holding on with one hand and thought natural next step was no hands)

microwaved a boiled egg that I had de-shelled but was still a bit too soft. Exploded in my face when I then stuck a knife in it - hurt more than the swing did

Whacked my hand against a wall accidentally, my finger went purple and swelled up immediately, and I had to get two rings sawn off at hospital. Totally my fault for dancing in a corridor.

My brother threw a dart at me from the top of the stairs. It landed in the back of my ear.

Walked round a corner at work,and put my back out. Week off work, lots of painkillers, several,rounds of physio, and 5 years later, it still aches if I sleep in the wrong way or carry heavy things.

Trying to superglue a door handle back on but glue wouldn’t come out. So had a look at the tube, gave it a big squeeze & shot glue in my eyes! Automatically put hands to eyes & stuck hands to my face. Had to have my eyelashes cut off at A&E, had an ulcer on my cornea & ten little red marks on my face where I’d pulled the skin off pulling my fingers off my face.

raced into the dental surgery trying to cope with all the extra cleaning during Covid onto a very wet floor slipped and got a massive black bruise on the side of my bum....
punched myself in the face putting my wetsuit on...
sucked my eyes with my goggles many times...
scratched inside my nostrils blowing my nose...

Stuck a garden fork through my welly, blood everywhere.
Twisted my ankle falling into a snow covered ditch.
Took a chunk of skin off my finger trying to catch a heavy bottomed shot glass as it fell out of the cupboard.
Burnt my arm using a hot air gun, whilst having rsi problems with my wrist.
Fucked up my elbow because I banged my humerus(?), I refuse to call it the funny bone, going going my stairs.
Broke a toe changing a light bulb.
The 1st two were done as a kid, the rest have happened during my forties.
I used to regularly bounce off doorframe but since I fucked up my elbow doorways no longer shrink as I go through them.

I slipped on leaves on an outdoor stretch of stone stairs in Edinburgh (there are hundreds of them) and fractured my coccyx.

Also tripped on wool I'd been sorting out on the lounge floor, fell and got tangled in it so broke my ankle in 2 places (bone coming out of the skin!) and dislocated it as well, and the wool cut into my leg (the surgeon said it was like cheesewire!) and I was in surgery for 3 hours. Was never so pleased to see a paramedic with his gas and air!

Permanent disability after slipping in my own kitchen

Messing about with DS in the living room jumping about, jumped off the sofa on to a upturned 3promg plug, impaled all prongs in to to the bottom of my foot, it was literally "plugged in to me"

Straight to a and e, and the Dr lectured me Infront of then 6 year old DS about how playing silly games like this end up in injuries, and the little scrote didn't even back me up just agreed and said "yeah she's silly" 🤦🏻‍♀️

It was his idea to play the floor is lava!! Not mine!!! 😂😂

Jumped off a chair onto my own toe, split it open. Dickhead.

My brothers-two are twins
anyway,one day,years ago one was sat on the sofa when he suddenly told my mother that his twin had hurt himself
my mother laughed-until the door went-twin two had jumped over a sheet of metal-and landed on the edge of it-massive gash on his back which was pouring with blood
daft injury no1
a week to the day later-twin 1 fell off a low wall at school-landed on his back-leaving a massive gash,which poured with blood
and they,to this day have matching scars

Fractured my Coccyx after enthusiastic doggy sex, told the Doctor I fell off a fence and landed on a large rock 😂

Jizz in my eye from a badly timed hand hob.

Dislocated shoulder falling off stationary bike. Literally just tipped sideways onto the car then the floor. Smash. It hurt more than labour

Picked up my cat so he could get a spider off the ceiling for me, spider ran, cat jumped and use my eye ball as a spring board to get tye spider
I was so embarrassed explaining to optician why I had a puncture on my eye ball.

the razor slipped from my hand whilst shaving my armpit, went to grab it and managed to slice my nipple.

We've all done this... haven't we? more than once

Sniffed a lit scented candle close up... Could smell singed hair and skin for days

Almost brained myself and came very close to breaking my neck, after falling whilst roller skating. Managed to escape with concussion, severe whiplash and internal bruising. Although to this day 6 years down the line my neck and upper spine still juts out.

Attaching the straps of a standing hoist. Just putting the last one on, which was the most awkward one and was trying to be really careful not to trap my fingers inside it. Leant a bit too close to it and somehow managed to to trap my boob in between it instead. Don't ask! It wasn't as if I was doing it topless. It bloody hurt like fuck an all but of course being with a S/U I just had to style it out and somehow discreetly yank my tit back out of it.

Slipped on the bath Mat. I'd taken it out to have a bath. Put it back in and stuck it back down then went to grab the shower to rinse the rest of the bubbles out the bath. Shower was too high for me to reach standing out of the bath so stepped into the bath to grab it. Was only going to a one foot in, push off the floor with my other foot and grab and get the shower down. Bath mat hasn't stuck. Left foot shot forward, right foot that was still wet shot backwards and smashed into the radiator. I ended up landing fanjo first onto the side of the bath then falling and smashing my mouth on the taps. Literally the biggest purple lump on the fleshy part of the top of the inside of my thigh within seconds. By the time I woke up the following day I had a bruise from there all the way down to my knee, all the way around the back of my leg and half way up my bum cheek. I just thank my lucky stars I'm fat and have plenty of padding around my thighs and didn't break any bones.

Cuddling DCat in bed one night. Decided he was bored and turned to spring off of me to go lay at the end of the bed. As he turned he somehow managed to hook both his back claws right up into my nose and in the panic of trying to free himself gouged my nose to pieces. That one definitely made my eyes water... a lot!!

Not me...DS went to party....in white jeans....got very drunk...jeans had metal zip....went for a pee....emerged with blood over jeans....trip to A and e...admitted for circumcision.....!!!

As a teen I broke my wrist whilst trying to prove that I could stand on a football. Turns out I couldn’t 🤷‍♀️