Fear of being naked is making me want to cancel surgery

[Fearismakingmesick]

Hi MNers,

I've NCed for this as I don't want this associated with my regular username.

I'm someone who really, really struggles to cope with being undressed at all in front of others. I've only recently learned that gymnophobia is a recognised thing, and though I don't want to disrespect gymnophobic people by self-disgnosing, it really resonates with me as it goes far beyond just feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable. I'll get panicky feelings and an upset stomach for a week before a normal GP appointment, even if I don't expect to have to undress at all- just from the fear that I might.

My problem now is, I've had an inguinal hernia for 3 years, and I've finally, finally pushed myself to get it dealt with. The surgery is booked, it's less than 2 weeks away, but honestly I'm terrified, keep thinking I have to just cancel it, because I'm so scared of the inevitable moments of needing to be at least partially naked for certain things.

I had managed to gear myself up for facing having the area of my body in question on show for the surgery itself, but yesterday I read through the info given to me by the hospital, and it explained how I need to wash beforehand, and said 'a health care assistant will check your cleanliness and skin integrity'. So immediately I imagined having to strip off and be inspected prior to surgery, and the surge of stress made me panic and feel like I was going to vomit I've been feeling like I'm unravelling ever since.

I'm not in the UK, as I know over there they tend to really do all they can to preserve your dignity during procedures. I'm in a country where they always seem to expect everyone to be fine with being naked anytime they step into a hospital or doctor's office, they really don't make much effort to make any allowances for people who aren't comfortable with it- I had a bad experience before that took me years to get over, and now I'm anticipating being traumatized all over again

I know I need to have this surgery, I tell myself I have to do it to be responsible, to think of my kids and not risk myself with leaving this untreated forever, but I just don't know how I'm going to do this or how badly it's going to impact my mental and emotional health afterwards.

Does anyone understand, can anyone give me some advice of how to cope, how to get through it? If I cancel this now I'll never find the courage to try again... I need some coping mechanisms or something, anything!

And please, anyone who wants to reply to tell me I'm being silly, or doctors see naked people all the time so don't worry, or if I've given birth I must not be as unable to cope with it as I say- please just don't. I'm trying to avoid an absolutely massive post here, but believe me when I say it is that big a deal, I couldn't care less what the doctors or nurses feel, this is about how I feel, and to illustrate how big a deal it is, aside from putting this off for 3 years, these feelings are the biggest reason I opted for home birth after my first baby (horrible hospital experience, treated like a cow in a barn ) Given the choice, I'd do almost anything to avoid this

How difficult. I have had a lot of surgery and never been totally naked while awake. When they check you before surgery they ask if you have broken skin and look at your teeth, you don’t stand naked in the room. Even when checking the wound they covered the top of me and just lifted the gown slightly. Your dignity is important, or it has been when I have been hospitalised. Also, if you are uncomfortable you can tell them. Hopefully you can get it sorted.

Oh I’ve just seen you aren’t in the UK. Can you speak to the team beforehand and make them aware that you are uncomfortable? That sounds awful.

Own it! That's my advice - if a doctor tells you to strip, say I'll just remove what's necessary as I'm it comfortable with being naked
You'll obviously have to have parts of you on show but tell them they can remove the necessary when you're anaesthetised -
I had major abdominal surgery and I didn't have to derobe - I assume they did it whilst I was asleep
Goood luck and get that hernia sorted

You're not in Germany by any chance? Bedside manner is not a thing there.
You shouldn't cancel the surgery but you need to tell them how you feel. Can you speak to the anaesthetist? They normally come and see you before surgery.
They might be able to give you a valium or something like that.

I’m not sure what to advise as it depends on what country you’re in. Some will treat patients better than others, unfortunately. However you cannot expect them to make an allowance/consideration for your phobia if you don’t let them know you have it.

As it’s 2 weeks away, tell them now so they can prepare. It seems like the easiest thing would be for them to undress the area to be operated on once you’re under the anaesthetic - if you’re comfortable with that. You might feel the physical symptoms of your phobia once you come to and realise someone has seen you naked

Is there not some awful poster that says something like, 'you can be embarrassed in front of the surgeon or the coroner.'

Can you get a premed or something to relax you before hand? If I were you, I'd go and see your GP (or equivalent) and explain how you feel and discuss the options for something medicinal to help.

I also wonder of you could do some positive affirmations type things before hand to help you prepare. I know it sounds wanky, but whatever you have to do to get through it, eh?

Sounds really difficult for you. I hope you manage to get the surgery.

Thank you so, so much for all the sympathetic posts, I truly appreciate it. I'm so used to people being really dismissive of how I feel about this.

Thank you for the practical advice, too. I decided to open up to my husband about just how much stress and fear this is causing me- of course he knows about my issues but I'd been trying to hide from him the state I'm really in for this surgery- somehow it made me feel more vulnerable to tell him truly how I feel.

But he was great and we're in the process of working out a plan of action. I'm going to add to our plan some of the advice here- especially about talking to the surgeon again and making it clear how I feel.

I'm breastfeeding so I don't know if I can have a medication for the stress, but I'll ask about that too.

I'm in France, and bedside manner is very hit and miss here (mostly miss, in my experience).

There will only be a bit of exposed flesh I should imagine. Could bd anybody's as far as they are concerned.

@Viviennemary

There will only be a bit of exposed flesh I should imagine. Could bd anybody's as far as they are concerned.

That's irrelevant, as it's how the OP feels not how the surgeon feels that's relevant here.

I knew you would be in France.
The care is excellent but dignity is low on the list.
I take a scarf to my mammogram and hold it over my boobs in-between seeing the radiographer and the doctor.
How is your French?
I think you have to be quite blunt about your wishes and refuse to be fobbed off.

Any country where sticking medication up your bum is a priority will not be top of the dignity list imo.

They’re a bit like this in Germany too, and while I don’t feel quite as bad as you too, I do intensely dislike being undressed in front of others, and I have carefully selected my GP and gyno because of it. Your plan of speaking to the surgeon beforehand is a good one, it will be in everyone’s interests for you to be as relaxed and comfortable as you can be for the procedure.

@Melitza Yes, care is really very good here but I've seen firsthand time and time again, if I question why I need to undress for something, if I explain that I find it very upsetting/difficult (and my French is more than good enough to make this understood), it's rare to find a HCP willing to make any compromises. They usually look at me like I've got three heads, and tell me that's how it's done.

I'll have my DH with me to help advocate for me, as the stress usually makes me

Oops, baby hit my phone and made me post before I was finished!

-usually makes me get very easily intimidated, so I'll give up quickly and just go along with it whilst internalising all the horrible feelings

I'm determined not to let myself be put in that position this time.

So glad to know others like you don't think I'm being ridiculous or unreasonable. I don't expect them to be able to do surgery without some skin being shown, I just want to be treated with some kindness and acceptance that it is indeed traumatic for me.

But to have surgery, you don't need to undress yourself when conscious, I believe. You go in with gowns, they take off once you are unconscious, after the surgery you wake up in gown again? At least it was my experience.

Ah yes, sorry I realise that I didn't specify this but I'm having a local anesthetic- multiple reasons this is the better choice for me but one is that the anxiety of what might happen while I'm unconscious is worse than having to be conscious throughout, if that makes sense.

OP, I don't know much about the French healthcare system but is there an equivalent to what is known as PALS here, it's the patient advice and liaison service? Is there any kind of service in the hospital that you could contact beforehand for some guidance or support or who could contact the department dealing with your surgery to get you a timeline of what will be happening on the day so you know what to expect? Rather than reading the leaflet, you might feel more in control if you can talk it through with someone.

Definitely take your DH with you for backup if he's good at speaking up at the right time. I agree with the previous posters who have said that you should make sure the hospital know how you feel in advance as well. In the UK you can ask for a chaperone but I'm not sure how you'd feel about that as it may just be another extra person you wouldn't feel as comfortable with as your DH - you could ask if DH could be present as much as possible on the day (I appreciate this might be difficult with the current COVID wariness).

Hope it goes well for you, OP.

@roguetomato not sure if your familiar with French health care.
I am of an age where I have one last smear test left.
I have decided not to have it as I have been married many years so the risk of problems is low.
Added to this in France it is common to be told to remove the bottom half of all your clothing, have your feet put in stirrups and then a dr, often male, will take the swab.
No way on earth am I going through that for, what in my case, is a tiny risk.

you're

@Melitza I can definitely understand you making that decision. I finally managed to make myself get a smear done (first ever, years overdue, told myself I couldn't TTC again until it was done). I wore a long skirt to the appointment but the lab tech (a woman as I'd specified I wanted a woman to do it), just asked me take it off.

I briefly explained to her my issue and she let me keep it on, she was one of the rare ones who was actually quite sympathetic, but she still looked at me like she couldn't understand and I was bizarre. And the process really hurt, I guess because was so tense and stressed.

I've only ever had one sexual partner (DH) so my risk is minimal, I doubt I'll ever manage to make myself go through it again.

I had a premed appointment for surgery. Like you it was for an inguinal hernia (I also had a femoral hernia) but I'm in the UK.
It involved them taking bloods. As well they took swabs for MRSA. They placed one swab in my armpits, another went up my nose and the last one I had to place in my groin.

You need to think what it is that will help you.

You need the surgery. Only the bit of your skin that the surgeon will be opening will be exposed the rest is covered by drape, from a surgical perspective the less skin on show the better.

Speak to the anaesthetist or surgeon beforehand. In the UK at least there's no way you'd be made to just strip in the theatre, usually they'd be strategic blanket placement and things to help maintain your dignity. If they can do it in the UK they can do it in France. So you go into the theatre, get on the bed. Blanket over your lap and you slip up the gown so the surgical area is exposed. Then drapes will be placed over you anyway so only a small section of skin is exposed.

The HCA checking your cleanliness and skin integrity is important. So again think how this could be done that you might feel happier with, a section at a time, a female HCa, your DH in the room? Listening to a podcast or music or something? A comforting smell maybe? Like your mums perfume on a hankerchief?

I think realistically it sounds like there's a chance the HCPs may not be that sympathetic, but what you have to remember is even if they think you are being silly or irrational that doesn't change the fact that you find it difficult, as you said what they feel about the situation is irrelevant. You need what you need. And so learn to advocate for yourself, even if that means HCPe looking at you like you've got 3 heads.

@NutterflyEffect Thank you, you're right. I know I will probably have to be insistent, so I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for that. Regarding being checked over, I had thought about the idea of asking to do a section at a time, and yes there's no reasonable justification for that being refused, so I need to just find the courage to insist.

I'm hoping that I/my DH can talk to someone at the hospital in the next few days and hopefully even get some of these preferences noted down somewhere, it would really help if any 'negotiating' could be done ahead of time...

I'm really hoping they'll be reasonable and accomodating... I don't care really if they think I'm a nutcase, as long as they don't force me to do things that will screw up my mental state.

Can you remember when this started? There must have been some sort of trigger - do you know what that was? Probably not enough time now to tackle it before your operation but, for the future, some sort of therapy would be very helpful. In the meantime you should ask for a sedative while you are still fully dressed.