Fear of being naked is making me want to cancel surgery

[Fearismakingmesick]

Hi MNers,

I've NCed for this as I don't want this associated with my regular username.

I'm someone who really, really struggles to cope with being undressed at all in front of others. I've only recently learned that gymnophobia is a recognised thing, and though I don't want to disrespect gymnophobic people by self-disgnosing, it really resonates with me as it goes far beyond just feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable. I'll get panicky feelings and an upset stomach for a week before a normal GP appointment, even if I don't expect to have to undress at all- just from the fear that I might.

My problem now is, I've had an inguinal hernia for 3 years, and I've finally, finally pushed myself to get it dealt with. The surgery is booked, it's less than 2 weeks away, but honestly I'm terrified, keep thinking I have to just cancel it, because I'm so scared of the inevitable moments of needing to be at least partially naked for certain things.

I had managed to gear myself up for facing having the area of my body in question on show for the surgery itself, but yesterday I read through the info given to me by the hospital, and it explained how I need to wash beforehand, and said 'a health care assistant will check your cleanliness and skin integrity'. So immediately I imagined having to strip off and be inspected prior to surgery, and the surge of stress made me panic and feel like I was going to vomit I've been feeling like I'm unravelling ever since.

I'm not in the UK, as I know over there they tend to really do all they can to preserve your dignity during procedures. I'm in a country where they always seem to expect everyone to be fine with being naked anytime they step into a hospital or doctor's office, they really don't make much effort to make any allowances for people who aren't comfortable with it- I had a bad experience before that took me years to get over, and now I'm anticipating being traumatized all over again

I know I need to have this surgery, I tell myself I have to do it to be responsible, to think of my kids and not risk myself with leaving this untreated forever, but I just don't know how I'm going to do this or how badly it's going to impact my mental and emotional health afterwards.

Does anyone understand, can anyone give me some advice of how to cope, how to get through it? If I cancel this now I'll never find the courage to try again... I need some coping mechanisms or something, anything!

And please, anyone who wants to reply to tell me I'm being silly, or doctors see naked people all the time so don't worry, or if I've given birth I must not be as unable to cope with it as I say- please just don't. I'm trying to avoid an absolutely massive post here, but believe me when I say it is that big a deal, I couldn't care less what the doctors or nurses feel, this is about how I feel, and to illustrate how big a deal it is, aside from putting this off for 3 years, these feelings are the biggest reason I opted for home birth after my first baby (horrible hospital experience, treated like a cow in a barn ) Given the choice, I'd do almost anything to avoid this

@sarahlou63 Honestly I'm not sure when or how it started, but I do consider my extreme reaction 'not normal' so it makes sense that it's stemming from something. I don't know what, though.

I've been this way as long as I can remember though- perhaps it's got a bit worse as I've got older and had negative experiences that have just further reinforced my fear and stress.

I imagine therapy would be helpful, but I can't afford it (I'd have to pay out of pocket), and it wouldn't work unless it was a therapist fluent in English, which isn't easy to find here.

I had a baby in France and I completely get the nerves. People were very dismissive and kept saying that in the moment I wouldn't care who saw what (with hindsight, definitely BS). I spoke to my doctor and explained my nerves. He did make a joke of "oh yes, I forgot you were English" but actually he took it very seriously when I was in labour. Other staff were instructed to knock at all times and he did too. He kept numbers to a minimum where possible. It was a bit of a risky birth for me and DD so quite a few staff needed to be in the room towards the end of labour. He kept curtains drawn around the bed and they prepped medical equipment inside the room on the other side of the curtain. When DD was born the neonatal team worked on her on the other side of the curtain while the obstetric team helped me. I had passed out by that point but I really appreciated that he continued to respect my wishes even when I wouldn't have known (my ex was there but he was also french and wouldn't have objected if all sense of privacy had gone out the window).

[quote Fearismakingmesick]@sarahlou63 Honestly I'm not sure when or how it started, but I do consider my extreme reaction 'not normal' so it makes sense that it's stemming from something. I don't know what, though.

I've been this way as long as I can remember though- perhaps it's got a bit worse as I've got older and had negative experiences that have just further reinforced my fear and stress.

I imagine therapy would be helpful, but I can't afford it (I'd have to pay out of pocket), and it wouldn't work unless it was a therapist fluent in English, which isn't easy to find here.[/quote]
Yes, therapy will be helpful - the timing is a bugger though. You are articulate and very self aware so do realise you CAN cope with this. In the short term try the STOPP technique;

www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/STOPPworksheet.pdf

Hi @Fearismakingmesick

I really feel for you, I'm an anxiety sufferer so I get what it's like to really dread something 😞

I recently started compassion focused therapy and from what I've gleaned so far the main thrust is to remind yourself that it's totally human to experience fear. It's a protective mechanism which at some point served you but clearly in this situation it's unhelpful because part of you knows that the right thing to do is have the surgery.

Compassionate mind exercises have really
helped me in the past. You can practice thinking about the qualities of a compassionate friend and imagine how they might respond to how you're feeling.

Just reread your OP and this jumped out - So immediately I imagined having to strip off and be inspected prior to surgery - can you check that this is actually the case or is it your imagination that has created this scenario?

@Fearismakingmesick make sure you and your husband explain in advance, as you have done very well here, that this is a phobia you have. Not just a case of you feeling a bit embarrassed. You have used avoidant behaviour which is very common.
I would hope medical people would understand the irrational fear and anxiety that accompanies phobia and no amount of jollying along really helps.
If they can put things in place to reduce your anxiety this will help get you through it.
Then as pp has suggested, look at getting therapy to help otherwise you will just avoid again until the next time this is an issue.

Good luck

Have you considered hypnotherapy? I imagine you could do some sessions by zoom with someone in the UK. Not in a position to recommend anyone, but a google of gymnophobia and hypnotherapy will give you a starting point. Some random search results below.
Try emailing some hypnotherapists and see what they say? (Suggesting hypnotherapy as I understand it can give quite rapid improvements with phobias).

hypnomanchester.co.uk/gymnophobia-fear-of-nudity/
www.peterfieldhypnotherapy.co.uk/fear_phobia_help_treatment_hypnotherapy.html

Have you ever had a local anaesthetic before?

Thank you so much for the thoughtful and helpful posts!

@MilduraS I'm so happy for you that your doctor respected your wishes during the birth! I was not respected that way at all- in fact the doctor who came in for the delivery at the end, didn't even speak to me, just gave me an episiotomy (without even telling me, and it was in my birth plan that I did not want one), stitched me up (ignoring me when I said it hurt- apparently the epidural was less effective at that moment) and walked out again.

@sarahlou63 @coronabeer I'm now considering pushing ahead with getting therapy when this surgery is over. I'll look into what options are available to me, but I'm feeling more and more that this is something I should deal with properly, much as I'd rather just keep avoiding.

@rainbowninja I'll look into those exercises, that sounds like it could be helpful!

@latissimusdorsi I would hope medical people would understand the irrational fear and anxiety that accompanies phobia and no amount of jollying along really helps.. This is so true and exactly part of the issue- my usual reaction is to shut down and act like the 'jollying along' is good enough even though it absolutely isn't, because I can't handle the conflict of insisting on better treatment/support, but I know that just won't cut it this time.

@23andbroke Yes I had an epidural during my horrible hospital birth, and I had a little local jab for a minor dental procedure which went totally fine.

As an update, and hoping it'll be helpful to anyone who comes across this thread and is facing a similar challenge:

I had a talk about it quite openly with my DSis, DBIL and DH and they all said I needed to be brave and communicate clearly with the medical team what I need. DBIL recommended writing a kind of cover letter to put on my file, just simply stating that this is my issue, it's traumatic for me, so I need X and Y from them as far as is possible, thanks so much for your help etc.

I had the appointment with the anaesthesiologist yesterday so I took the opportunity for me and DH as my emotional support to talk to the secretary in the surgery department. When I first said I had some further questions, she was quite hurried and dismissive and just told me I could ask anything else on the day when I arrive. So I just pulled out my letter and gave it to her, and once she'd read it her attitude definitely changed, she was quite reassuring, made a copy to put on file and told me not to hesitate to show it and say it to anyone dealing with me on the day. She answered all my questions, and I was especially glad to know that I won't need to be 'inspected all over' as I'd so feared, but only the area for the surgery, and I won't need to be completely naked at any time for anything. So at least that particular worst fear isn't weighing on me anymore.

I feel much more mentally prepared- still getting the sick nervousness whenever I start thinking about it, so avoiding that! And I've got the digestive issues that I always get when stressed. But I feel as ready as I can be.

I would really recommend the cover letter to anyone else in this situation. I feel like my letter is my shield, I can hold it out in front of me and it gives some protection! All I have to do is show it, and then I don't need to find the right words or the courage to say them.

Thank you all for so many helpful comments.

@Fearismakingmesick - well done! Hope it all goes well for you.

@Fearismakingmesick I hope your surgery went well, the cover letter sounded like a great idea x

Hi again, here's my update.

Everything went as well as it could have. Every person in contact with me while at the hospital was nice and kind. I asked a couple of times if the person introducing themselves to me had seen my letter and they had, and a couple of times I noticed HCP discreetly asking/telling another HCP if they'd read it/they should read it, so I really appreciated that nice discreet attitude.

The prep done in my hospital room was just a carer indicating to me where I should shave, then she brought me the electric razor thing and left me alone to do it myself, which I much appreciated. Likewise the sticky tabs for my chest, the nurse let me put them on and clip on the wires myself, so no need to uncover anything.

The actual prep just before the surgery was upsetting for me They put up a screen so I couldn't see what was happening, and it was after the epidural thing had been done, but I could still feel touch, just not quite in the same way. The nurse explained what she needed to do first, but to know I was uncovered completely across my groin area for at least five minutes while they cleaned and prepped the area was really really difficult. I just tried to imagine I was somewhere else Likewise after the surgery was finished, it was the same thing for 5-10 minutes while they cleaned me up and put on the bandage thing. It felt like a really long 5-10 minutes. At least during the actual surgery, I had a massive blue paper sheet draping everything, with just the square hole in the surgery location (though again, couldn't see because of the screen).

Afterwards the nurse came to check my wound a few times throughout the afternoon, but it was always very quick and discreet, just pulled my underwear down a bit on the side enough for her to see.

I made sure to tell everyone how grateful I was for their kind attitude.

So overall, although there was a lot of stress and anxiety beforehand (unavoidable for me to a large extent), and yes, there were some upsetting parts to endure, I don't feel like I've been re-traumatized, the way I was on other occasions in the past. So that's a big relief.

The post op pain is far beyond what I'd expected though, and unfortunately exacerbated by the fact that I'm still breastfeeding so very limited in what painkillers I can take. The first day post op was really, really hard, but I'm three days out now and I can notice the slow improvement.

So, so glad it's over though. I never want to have to do anything like that again!

I hope some of these details could be useful to anyone looking for info about inguinal repair surgery, the process of what happens while you're in hospital, or help for anxiety similar to mine.

Overall I'd say do a cover letter, communicate clearly with your carers, and ask as many questions as you need to arm yourself with information, because the unknown adds so much to fear, for me anyway.

Thanks again to everyone who posted and was so helpful and supportive. Honestly when I posted my OP I was on the brink of cancelling the surgery, but I'm glad I didn't.

Thanks all

great news OP, glad everything went well. That must be a huge relief to you and family that you managed to go through with it

Thanks for updating us and don't forget to look into getting help for your phobia so you're not in this position again
Good luck and wishing you speedy recovery

Thanks for updating us OP and I hope the pain improves soon, must be really tough when you are breastfeeding too.

You did so well! I hadn't heard of an inguinal hernia so I'm now better informed and I'm sure anyone who has to undergo the same surgery and has anxieties about it will be helped by your post.

They will only check "skin integrity" at the area of operation.

I think it'll be normal procedure in all countries to try to keep someone's modesty as much as possible.

Also, medical staff have truly seen it all.... and don't really consider your body that much at all. It's hard to explain. Most people think of a naked body as something sexy. The naked bodies I saw while working in surgery are completely anaesthetised, have tubes coming out of a lot of places, are drooling, have their eyes taped..... it's the same as finding a corpse sexy eurgghhhhh

Oh yes we'll check out your tattoos though!!!

And make sure you wash properly. No smelly pits and bits

Hello there,

I am having gynecological surgery in 19 days and I am absolutely terrified. The idea of handing my body over to a room full of strangers, naked and positioned with legs spread and tilted in the air is debilitating. I have an extensive sexual trauma history which compounds my feelings of vulnerability powerlessness. I have mentioned this to my OB, and will ask him for extra accommodations, including letting the other staff know my history and my desire to have modesty in mind at all times possible. I read your post and am dying to know how it went, what you did to make it easier and what you would do again or change.

Thank you

@MendyH
This thread is over a year old. You should start your own new one and you will get some good advice

Just tell them you're uncomfortable with being naked and they'll do what they can to prevent it. The gowns are very loose and can be moved around quite a lot to maintain dignity.

I am a nurse and most HCP’s absolutely understand and empathise with the vulnerability of nakedness. You are absolutely not alone. The days of ignoring the dignity of the patient with the justification “I’ve seen it all before” are absolutely over.0There are very few instances that I can think of where someone would require to be 100% naked. For a skin integrity check, you can request a hospital gown and keep what is not being inspected covered up. During your surgery you will be asleep, but as they use what is known as a “Sterile Field”, everything will be covered in blankets or sheets except for the area they are operating on. (There will be a sheet with an appropriately-sized hole.) I promise you that this area is the only one anyone will be looking at except for the anaesthetist, who will be near your head. She/he will be monitoring your vital signs on screens 99% of the time.

I recently had surgery and I had the skin swabs as part of my pre op. The medic left the room while I did the groin swab myself. I also had an ecg and the medic (male) was very careful to only expose one bit of skin at a time. He didn't just expose my whole chest, even though it would have been easier for him. I was still highly uncomfortable but he was very respectful, so it wasn't him.

Many people, when disabled or debilitated in some way or in pain, simply cannot wash, so your grimace is really uncalled for. It's this kind of attitude that contributes to people feeling apprehensive about going in to hospital. I'm sure (hope) that you're compassionate towards patients IRL though.

I had an inguinal hernia operated on with a spinal anaesthetic and , yes, several young doctors saw an ‘old’ woman naked. But I was quite woozy and couldn’t have cared less. The important thing was that my hernia, which was inflamed, was being sorted out.

Thank you for all of your information. I appreciate it and it does provide some relief. Why are you not allowed to wear deodorant if it is an abdominal surgery? The comment about "pits and bits" makes this more of a concern. I understand for a Mammo or a surgical procedure in the armpit, but I don't understand for this. Would they care if I put it on? I don't want to get in trouble but I know I will be sweaty from being so nervous and I don't want to smell!! I always worry about that anyways.

You can’t wear deodorant because it traps bacteria in the surface of your skin. If they are swabbing the area it can also affect the results.

I love how on any thread - even a zombie one(!) - where someone is concerned about being (semi) naked in a medical situation there will be posters saying "I did X and I didn't care if the medics saw me naked"

I mean cool(?), that's excellent news. Now we know you had no problem with it. But in what single way is it a) relevant, b) supportive or c) helpful?

Same with medics saying "Don't worry, we've seen thousands of naked body (parts) and we don't see you as an individual person, you're just another piece of meat that we treat."

Yeah, we know. That's EXACTLY the problem!