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Original poster

HPV and high grade (severe) dyskarosis

157 replies

Helpsmearresult · 02/03/2021 09:00

Hello all

I've lurked on mumsnet for over a year now but not been brave enough to post. However I'm hoping someone can calm me down about a recent diagnosis.

As the title says I've had my smear test back with hpv and high-grade (severe) dyskarosis. And honestly it feels like I've been handed a death sentence.
I don't have my colposcopy till next week and I've been googling (probably very unwise) and all I can do is cry. I've also got a 4 month old to take care of and frankly I'm barely functioning.

I'm not scared of the colposcopy more the results.

I'm also beating myself up that 2 years ago I didn't push for further checks when I had bleeding after sex, the consultant said it was cervical erosion. But now my head is all in a spin.

I do have a husband but he's as worried as me, and now also things I put down as due to having a huge baby is bad back etc is actually cancer or something.

I'm sorry if this is so jumbled, my biggest fear is death and this is hitting me hard, despite what the letter says about almost all cases not cancer, it doesn't mean it won't be.

OP posts:
emotionalmotionsicknesss · 04/01/2023 16:39

Are you not like… happy that they’ve literally definitively told you that you don’t have cancer?

Bex4567 · 04/01/2023 17:00

I no i should be but they don't no that untill my biopsys come back and to have it on the wall now aswell on a patch thats just added more worry that's its going to spread and get worse...I can only hope they zapped both areas enough 😭...I thwn have to wait to the next smear and hope they dont come back again....

emotionalmotionsicknesss · 04/01/2023 17:08

Bex4567 · 04/01/2023 17:00

I no i should be but they don't no that untill my biopsys come back and to have it on the wall now aswell on a patch thats just added more worry that's its going to spread and get worse...I can only hope they zapped both areas enough 😭...I thwn have to wait to the next smear and hope they dont come back again....

They will have got it all. The wait for the results isn’t fun! 💐

Bex4567 · 04/01/2023 17:35

I'm hoping so I don't no how many times u can have it done 😭....she kept saying over and over its not cancer its just nuisance cells...but she saw I was in a state and didn't wsnt her just to say that coz of how I was....i suppose no phone call is good news 😭

emotionalmotionsicknesss · 04/01/2023 17:37

@Bex4567 trust me they really won’t and can’t say that if it’s not true. If there’s a reasonable concern it may be cancer they have to say really despite how upset someone might be. It’ll be sooooo good when you get the biopsy results and it proves it’s not cancer, think how nice that will be!

Bex4567 · 04/01/2023 17:53

That will be nice yeah if thats what happens...just the worry now that if I continue to have the hpv then it will spread more or bring the cells back 😭....when they say advanced cancer makes ya leg ache.. does that mean it's comes from the cervix so if I had advanced cancer they wpuld see it at colposcopy????
My buns hurting thats all and aching down my leg so worried about advanced cervical cancer which has spread

emotionalmotionsicknesss · 04/01/2023 19:23

There is literally no physical way that you could have advanced cervical cancer which would have developed to that point in 6 months and be missed by a colposcopy. Literally no physical way on this planet.

Have you had therapy for your health anxiety?

Bex4567 · 04/01/2023 19:32

I've had my medication upped yeah....
I'm now worried I'm going to get vaginal cancer coz of these cell changes on my wall 😭.....she didn't seem to concerned about them tho which I find strange....
I mean in 6 months it's obv come back and spread 😭she did zap them aswell but 😭

emotionalmotionsicknesss · 04/01/2023 19:39

You’re not a doctor, she is, so it doesn’t really matter what you find strange.

I genuinely think you should be much more concerned about your health anxiety and should seek specific counselling for it. You’re basically posting the same thing over and over again and you’re clinging to the worst case scenario of advanced cancer which is genuinely impossible and you have been repeatedly told by a specialist that you do not have cancer. This is way, way more of a threat to your health than your cell changes.

I also don’t think posting here is necessarily helping you anymore because you’re just, as I said, posting a variation on the same “but what if everything is wrong and I am dying of cancer” thought loop again and again and I think it’s feeding it. I wish you the best.

Bex4567 · 04/01/2023 19:56

Sorry if I've offended you ..not my intension I'm just worried and concerned that's all

Bex4567 · 10/04/2023 19:01

My biopsy results came back as cin 1 and cin 2 no cancer again..so I'm just worried why my last smears have been high grade moderate ,servere snd yet my biospys have only been cin1 or 2 ? Have they missed something this is ny concern is there something further up ? À..go back now in July want another baby so don't no where I stand now 😭having had 2 leetz and maybe needing more...

Bex4567 · 30/04/2023 21:55

So update..I had my 2nd leetz in Jan following my 6 month test of cure being high grade again...biopsy cin 1 ,2 ...now 4 months on I just has sex with my partner this morning and there was some blood on the paper when I went to the loo..im freaking out...I am due on in 3 days and hoping its that but I'm beside myself either worry...im think my cells have come back or I have cc even tho I had a biopsy and colposcopy only 4 months ago.do u think I could have cc and theyv missed it

YoBeaches · 01/05/2023 08:18

Any body that responds OP is going to say No.

You know you have health anxiety. You started this post over a year ago and with all the checks and treatments you have had no cancerous cells have ever been determined.

It doesn't matter what anyone says on here - it doesn't reassure you. Ever.

Bleeding after sex can happen for all sorts of reasons. Or it could be your period. If you're worried go back to your GP.

And internet forum is not helping you.

Walkaround · 01/05/2023 08:35

It’s not hpv making you ill, OP, it’s your anxiety. Get treatment for your real problem, because that is your real and very serious illness. Anxiety is bad for your health. Sort it out.

Bex4567 · 01/05/2023 08:39

That is a really horrible reply. This forum is to help people like me..with all my cell issues jm not making this up ,I'm looking for advice on people wo have been through it...im sure u woukd worry if you were me and had cin2,1 removed 4 months ago then had bleeding after sex..
What a heartless reply...its not my health anxiety causing bleeding is it ? Don't reply to the post if your going to be mean

Bex4567 · 01/05/2023 08:41

I have got help for it..but jm aloud to be worried considering I had cells removed 4 months ago and I had a bleed after sex..wouldnt u worry ?I don't wsnt things to have come back again for the 2nd time it's a genuine concern

Schnooze · 01/05/2023 08:46

Walk around isn’t being heartless.she posted many times earlier on the thread. You are back in that psychological loop again. Whatever anyone says you won’t believe them so you need to treat the anxiety, that’s all she meant.

Its 4 months. Your cervix has had treatment and is slightly damaged. The blood will be because of that. Check it out if you need to, but logically you know it’s ok. Don’t spiral like you did last time.

Bex4567 · 01/05/2023 08:49

I dont no its OK tho do I...ive had 2 leetz treatments in a year due to abnormal cells coming back im aloud and have reason to worry..its been 4 months since treatment and bleeding after sex shouldn't be normal with a history like mine..you can't put every down to anxiety..anxiety can't make me have abnormal cells...

Walkaround · 01/05/2023 09:13

Bex4567 · 01/05/2023 08:49

I dont no its OK tho do I...ive had 2 leetz treatments in a year due to abnormal cells coming back im aloud and have reason to worry..its been 4 months since treatment and bleeding after sex shouldn't be normal with a history like mine..you can't put every down to anxiety..anxiety can't make me have abnormal cells...

But anxiety is harmful to the immune system, so you really are harming your long term health by reacting in this way. And your posting history shows that reassurance and explanations do not help you, as you keep looping back round to trying to justify your extreme, unhelpful, unhealthy and pointless anxiety. Being anxious is what is harming you - your abnormal cells can be and have been easily treated, and can be treated more than once, but you are not helping yourself or your immune system by feeding your anxiety with endless questions to which you refuse to accept the rational answers.

Bex4567 · 01/05/2023 10:05

I understand what your saying however my anxiety is that they keep coming back...and what if cc had been missed from the last colposcopy and biopsy..I havnt heard of people bleeding after sex 4 months after the procedure ...only when they have had abnormal changes so I'm bound to worry especially as I've had cells removed twice now in a yesr due to them returning

Schnooze · 01/05/2023 10:23

What is it you want from posting? Because we are looping again. Going round and round. People reassuring you, you rejecting the reassurance.

Go back to the doctor and get it checked out.

Bex4567 · 01/05/2023 10:36

Thankyou for that lovely reply I hope u don't feel anxious about anything in life

Walkaround · 01/05/2023 11:24

@Bex4567 - everyone gets anxious. What is abnormal is the inability to think rationally as a result of anxiety. Your posts do not come across as remotely rational, they come across as utterly fixated on the worst case scenario, to the extent that no treatment or test will ever be sufficient to reassure you. Deal with reality, not imagined catastrophe. Ask the GP about the post-coital bleeding, but don’t talk yourself into thinking the least likely possible answer to your questions is actually your reality, or you will wake up to yourself in a few years’ time and realise that you ruined a few years of your life worrying about a fantasy, rather than living with reality. You are spoiling your enjoyment of the here and now by worrying about something that will probably never happen.

YoBeaches · 01/05/2023 13:20

Bex4567 · 01/05/2023 10:36

Thankyou for that lovely reply I hope u don't feel anxious about anything in life

@Bex4567 lots of us on here though have been in very similar situations and offer you that reassurance, but you reject it every time.

So we cannot help you feel better. Posting on here isn't healthy for you - it actually enables your anxiety further as you find a tiny detail in every post that you argue with or makes you feel worse.

You are also posting on other peoples threads asking why they aren't worried that their cell changes aren't cancerous how is that helpful to them?

You don't know why you bled. Neither does anyone on here. How possibly could we?

So please go back the to GP. For the sake of your child, go back and be seen and seek more help for your anxiety. DC is living and breathing everything around you, including your anxiety about this.

Original poster
Helpsmearresult · 01/05/2023 13:20

I've had the same issues, simply go back to the doctor's explain the issues.

The nurse had a look at my cervix and could see that I've got cervical erosion but they did a smear again to check and that's all negative given my history.

You have two options, go see the doctor and get your mind put at ease or further investigation and they will catch anything, they did the first times

Or worry yourself and do nothing.

Sorry to be blunt I know health anxiety is awful but unless you get the doctor to check you out you won't know.

OP posts: