OMFG I think that was a TAPEWORM! Help! (warning gross stuff in this post)

[madamez]

OK so went to have a quick pee and, on lifting the lid, spotted something wriggling in the pan. Oh, methinks, a caterpiller, tough luck on it... wait a minute....It was white and segmented and had a kind of long, darker tail. And I have been Googling pictures of tapeworms and now I am petrified! How did I get that? How can I cure it? Arrgh!

Innit? I heard that this one woman, yeah, she had a tapeworm, and when it came out it had eaten all of her insides and she just deflated like a balloon. Totally true.

Miserable - stop spoiling it for the rest of us. No matter how shit my life can get I can always cheer myself up with the thought:

"still, at least a doctor hasn't had to tempt a tapeworm out of my arse with a cookie".

This whole thread needs to be quote of the week... PMSL and ROFLing...

Heh.

the truth of parasitology is INFINTELY grosser than the imaginative stories told by the zoologically uninitiated public...

Results of the tapeworm diet

"zoologically uninitiated" how very dare you.

()()

I've suddenly gone all middle-aged spread, never had to diet in my life, and I have to say it has crossed my mind that a tapeworm would be a Good Thing.

I'm clearly bonkers, but come on, if you don't think about it coming out again it seems ideal, no?

I think a tapeworm would be the perfect pet. Don't have to clear up after it, feeds itself, doesn't need exercising and best of all keeps the kids entertained at the dinner table.

aside from the risk of malnutrition and the fact that you'll have a WORM in your guts ?!

But I don't really understand HOW it works. I mean, if I eat say a 32 oz steak, and the tapeworm eats the steak, wouldn't I just have a worm in my gut that weighed an additional 32 oz?

Surely it can't eat more than a baby and I put on weight with them.

Actually ...do tapeworms poo?

tapeworms are fairly dull, as parasites go. long, but dull. although you could dip it in glitter and use it as a tinsel alternative at this time of year.

That's the thing you see, I'm used to eating anything I want, so surely I'd be well nourished too!

You see? Economically friendly

tapeworms are basically long inside out guts that absorb food from their host's diet. they excrete waste, obviously, but not in noticable turd shapes

So then do you shit out their shit?

Trust me: you don't want tapeworms.

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Tapeworm-infections/Pages/Complications.aspx

WhoIsAsking: you lose weight because you're ill... you've got a long term inflammatory reaction going on, the organs where the bugger lives are malfunctioning and thus putting strain on everything else. Think of it like giving yourself cancer deliberately.

Riven: you're right but they're threadworms. Different thing, lives in a different place....

I never thought I'd get to pontificate about parasitology on MN. BTW what does mean?

It was a cookie near an arse

Damn. Diet it is then.

How long would a tapeworm live in your guts if left untreated?

madamz are you sure you didn't have one too many sherries- is this for real?

Oh! I thoght Madamez had come back and was wondering why her DS was still in nappies...surely he's at school now!