OMFG I think that was a TAPEWORM! Help! (warning gross stuff in this post)

[madamez]

OK so went to have a quick pee and, on lifting the lid, spotted something wriggling in the pan. Oh, methinks, a caterpiller, tough luck on it... wait a minute....It was white and segmented and had a kind of long, darker tail. And I have been Googling pictures of tapeworms and now I am petrified! How did I get that? How can I cure it? Arrgh!

Sell it on ebay kate moss will buy it

Helpimgrossedout, you need to start a new thread in Health to get the most help, I think.

so what are the cons of having a tapeworm than?

HAVING TO SHIT IT OUT?

Oh dear god .

Corny, people swallow them because they eat the food you eat and therefore you don't put weight on.

If you hold food near your mouth they will come up and pop their head out of your mouth and you pull them out.

I'd rather it came out my bum

[faints]

Oh that would be a pro wouldn't it?

[faints again]

Do they have 2 heads like garden worms?

NOOOOOO surely they don't do that coco?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

picure of one

'If you hold food near your mouth they will come up and pop their head out of your mouth and you pull them out.'
You could really freak people out though.

Yes it was on QI during the week [nods knowingly]

Looks like tripe. That I definitely would not swallow.

THIS IS A V OLD THREAD: HELPIMGROSSEDOUT - you need to start your own new thread if you want any sensible advice!Good luck.

Its not the Slow Worm that was in my bedroom is it?

Please tell me you are joking hoholepew! Please! Your mouth?!
[intensely sick and revolted emoticon]

I didn't realise this was an old thread. I think you can make a cut and pull them out of your skin.

[stops googling]

THis is why I love mumsnet.

Every other forum I am on deals with prissy boring stuff.

Only on here can somebody ask a question like this out loud.

I wish I could offer some constructive advice but I am now feeling ever so slightly sick!!!

OMG

Why, oh why do I always feel compelled to open these threads then spend the rest of the day regretting it.

Please tell me you made that bit up hohoholepew about them popping out your mouth. I need to sleep tonight.

"If you hold food near your mouth they will come up and pop their head out of your mouth and you pull them out." Quote of the week?

[Excuse me whilst I vomit]

cookie near your anus

I'm really going to stop now, I'm queasy.

cries quite a lot

Hehe... Ok, serious parasitological advice for those who need it is here:

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Tapeworm-infections/Pages/Introduction.aspx

including thet cons of why you really DON'T want tapeworms, for those thinking of trying to emulate Maria Callas' stupidity.

But basically, if it's really really flat and white then it's either undigested tagliatelle (very likely) or a tapeworm (very very unlikely). If it's invisible and an itchy bum it's probably a yeast infection (very likely) or roundworms (much less likely).

For any parasitology to be done properly you need to get your GP to refer your stool sample/ blood sample etc to the London School of tropical Medicine and Hygiene or the liverpool School, or Stobhill hospital lab in Glasgow.

None of the stuff about them waving their head out your mouth/anus is true. Ones that can be wound out of the skin (a la that episode of House) are mostly either in immunocompromised people preferably in Africa, or are just not true (like that one in House: it was a fish parasite)

Don't spoil it! We don't want the truth.