Sorry - TMI Question re: Bum Wiping

[ICannotBelieveIamTypingThis]

I cannot believe I am asking this but I feel I have to.

I am not the poo troll, honestly. It's just that after typing these words I really want to bleach the thoughts out of my mind and don't want it associated with my normal handle.

So I was discussing the idea of bidet hoses with DH - apparently the reason the UK gets through way more loo paper than other countries is because bidets aren't that popular. DH expressed extreme distaste for the idea saying that he "wouldn't want to stick a hose up there"

(boak) Obviously not. No one would except weird fetishists.

But on further clarification it turns out that when DH is using a good half a loo roll to clean himself up he is actually wiping around as far inside as he can reach - and he would not believe my assertions that as far as I am aware, most people content themselves with just wiping the external area around the anus. Nor did he think I was reasonable to suggest that wiping the internal piping (where it's the "mucous membrane" of the colon rather than skin) might be risking doing himself some sort of injury.

So now he thinks I am unhygienic and disgusting for being OK with my colon, on the inside of my body, having remains of fecal matter on the passageway walls after a bowel movement. Meanwhile I am shuddering at the thought of where those fingers have been. (yes I know he'll have washed his hands. But I still feel nauseous)

Which of us has fundamentally misunderstood the boundaries of reasonable personal hygiene?

[HeadintheiClouds]

on further clarification. Which included a blow by blow graphic description of how he wipes his arse?

[PancakeAndKeith]

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

There is much arguments between the stand up or sit down wipers but I think we can all agree that no one actually wipes up their arse.

And I would love a bidet too. I loved the toilets in Japan that had one setting for washing your bum and another to wash your fanny.

[SparklesandFlowers]

I have never ever heard of anyone wiping inside after a poo... I can't actually believe it's true he does this. Is he in the loo for hours? Does he wash his hands and scrub with a nail brush thoroughly every time? Does he really stick his finger in all the way up?! Don't answer that last one.

I admit to standing up to wipe. I'm aware it's unusual, I've tried changing my habit but I just can't seem to wipe properly when sitting down. I wonder if I'm too fat? (I'm a size 12-14.) Maybe having my pants up near my knees is too high, should they go by my ankles? Too many questions now.

[AliceRR]

Nope he is strange. I recently got a bidet hose / bum gun and love it. Your DH might benefit from one too!

[SimonJT]

If he wants to clean the inside of his bum out then the hose is the way to go, not paper. Paper won’t get anything out, but a bit of water would flush out anything left behind.

I’m trying to figure out how he gets the paper up his bum, wipes around with it and then takes it out.

[ThatCurlyGirl]

I'm going to say something I never thought I would say, and will regret immediately but...

How fucking big is his arsehole that he can get stuck right in like that?!

[Whereismyfigleaf]

Oh...oh
Never heard of this, can't be healthy, it is the mucous membrane he is wiping.

How does he do that?, what is wrong with him? Ask if it gives him a 'kick'.

I would love to have a Japanese toilet seat, wash and dry in one 😁.

But seriously he is not a keeper is he, think of his fingers and nails 🤮.

codename
No, you sit down and wipe (there are different schools about this, I know, I know 😁) it must be from when you were wiped by parents.

[SimonJT]

@ThatCurlyGirl You’d be surprised what you can fit up there, I’m just more curious as to how he gets the paper out in one go.

It’s like, I don’t want the details, but actually, I do. A bit like when you can’t stop looking at a car crash.

[absofuckinglutley]

I wanna bum gun

[SparklesandFlowers]

Simon Yeah, I have all these questions but I don't think I want the answers!

[codenameduchess]

I honestly thought everyone stood up. This thread is a real eye opener 😂

My parents both stand, my dh stands... we've taught DD to stand- have we set her up for a lifetime of being the odd one?
I get the naked pooping isn't for everyone but it is quite liberating and scrunchers vs folders but I've never come across the standers vs sitters debate!

[EggysMom]

I admit to standing up to wipe. I'm aware it's unusual, I've tried changing my habit but I just can't seem to wipe properly when sitting down. I wonder if I'm too fat?

Nope. I'm a size 18/20 and I sit to wipe. I kinda 'lean' on one cheek and go in from the opposite side.

[nespressowoo]

I've read it all now 😂

[Whereismyfigleaf]

codenameducess

Yy eggysmom has the technique 😀.

Genuine question - How do you stand up if you don't mind me asking?

When you sit, your cheeks are spread, when standing they squeeze together. Do you bend, like when you wipe a small child? so sorry for tmi.

[SparklesandFlowers]

Oh God, what a discussion! I should have name- changed!

I bend my knees and stick my bum out.

Going to try the cheek-lean method next time!

[SallyWD]

What your DH is doing is completely bizarre!

[Whereismyfigleaf]

Thanks sparkles 😉

[ladyratterley]

What. The fuck. He’s mental!
My DP also uses about half a loo roll when he poos. It’s so an annoying! Although now I’m too scared to ask him what he’s doing with it!

[SamBeckett]

OP your DH is bloody strange !
ThatCurlyGirl
Like he's greasing a tin before you put the cake mix in? v funny but its kinda put me of cakes now

Oh lord a bumgun that just sounds way to painful.

I sit down and go umm between my legs and reach backwards , my DH went from the back and reached forward .

AND THERE IS NO WAY I PLANED ON TELLING ANYONE THAT TONIGHT [SHOCK] !!

[SparklesandFlowers]

You're not supposed to wipe backwards though, as poo in, um, other places, can be bad. So front to back is the right method.

I can still remember reading that in a magazine as a teenager!

[Shouldbedoing]

Standing up and reaching from behind to wipe front to back is correct technique according to the Embarrassing Illnesses team.

[IncrediblySadToo]

Your DH is weird

You could book him a Chinney Sweep for his birthday!

[Whereismyfigleaf]

Quote: In an attempt to clean their rear end, some people scrub so violently that the American Society of Colon and Rectal Surgeons has given a name to the resulting tenderness: Polished Anus Syndrome, or PAS.

You better read this http://mentalfloss.com/article/541835/best-way-to-wipe-your-butt-expert-tips.

Of course not the whole truth, but informative 🤣🤣.

[Otterseatpuffinsdontthey]

q

[codenameduchess]

@Whereismyfigleaf how hard are you clenching your ass cheeks when standing?? 😂 I've never really thought about, just sort of stand and reach round, never had an issue with residue. Doesn't everyone -ahem-^^ check the bowl before sticking paper in it?