Sorry - TMI Question re: Bum Wiping

[ICannotBelieveIamTypingThis]

I cannot believe I am asking this but I feel I have to.

I am not the poo troll, honestly. It's just that after typing these words I really want to bleach the thoughts out of my mind and don't want it associated with my normal handle.

So I was discussing the idea of bidet hoses with DH - apparently the reason the UK gets through way more loo paper than other countries is because bidets aren't that popular. DH expressed extreme distaste for the idea saying that he "wouldn't want to stick a hose up there"

(boak) Obviously not. No one would except weird fetishists.

But on further clarification it turns out that when DH is using a good half a loo roll to clean himself up he is actually wiping around as far inside as he can reach - and he would not believe my assertions that as far as I am aware, most people content themselves with just wiping the external area around the anus. Nor did he think I was reasonable to suggest that wiping the internal piping (where it's the "mucous membrane" of the colon rather than skin) might be risking doing himself some sort of injury.

So now he thinks I am unhygienic and disgusting for being OK with my colon, on the inside of my body, having remains of fecal matter on the passageway walls after a bowel movement. Meanwhile I am shuddering at the thought of where those fingers have been. (yes I know he'll have washed his hands. But I still feel nauseous)

Which of us has fundamentally misunderstood the boundaries of reasonable personal hygiene?

[Ginger153]

@SamBeckett I'm assuming that was auto tagging my username? Either that or I'm v confused

[SamBeckett]

, I'm imagining flakes of loo roll stuck up there
I know that fibre(s) is meant to be good for the bowels but I think OPs DH has got the wrong idea

[SamBeckett]

@Ginger153
He can't just shove his gingers up there surely?
is there something you want to tell us ? we can keep a secret honest

[CharityDingle]

What is he lecturing in, ifoundthebread?! Sounds like massive oversharing...

Exactly.

[Omzlas]

Well


I've literally read it all now!!! Only on MN!


How big is DH's arsehole to be able to get in there and clean it out???


And agree with PP, it cannot be good to be scraping around your rectum like that, I'm imagining flakes of loo roll stuck up there

And bumgun 🤣🤣🤣

[Yellowweatherwarning]

I am never eating ginger biscuits again....
Xmas sorted though op.
Voucher for colonic irrigation....

[SimonJT]

@Monsterdogs “why would anyone clean their colon”. I’m sure you can use your imagination to answer that one.

[Monsterdogs]

Morning second coffee did the job. Conclusions of my experiment are why would anyone clean their colon. Ouch! I now have proper ring sting.
Your husband is deranged OP!

[MRex]

Why do people need to strip off to poo? I thought it wasn't healthy to strain too much and you have to be straining a LOT to get that hot, no?

[Whereismyfigleaf]

Op probably not genuine, but great thread 😂.

And they say we are more alike than we think... Nooo

[Crystal1975]

Fuck me, this is mental 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[absofuckinglutley]

My H and one DC have to remove whatever they are wearing fully at the bottom half to poo. My and my other DC are completely normal and just pull trousers/pants down

[absofuckinglutley]

Omg if it wasn't bad enough someone fingering their arse when they wipe we have one that puts the bidet pipe up it. Actual tears at this

[Jeremybearimybaby]

Get him a nice bottle of toilet duck, with the shaped neck, so he can get right up in there. Chemical burns are soooooo sexy

[ThatCurlyGirl]

One of my mates takes her shoes and socks off when she needs to go to the toilet. Not for wee, reserved for number twos.

We used to work together and on my first day I could see someone kicking off their boots in the (inappropriately) big gap between the floor and bottom of the door.

For some reason I find it SO much more disturbing because it's the socks too.

She's a Fucking weirdo but I love her.

[Monsterdogs]

Im looking forward to my next jobbie so i can do some experimental cleaning 😂

[EyeDrops]

EXTERNAL. ONLY.

I stand, squat and bend over a bit.

Also - I never thought anything of this until MN told me it was weird - I quite often undress while I'm on the toilet. Not every time, just sometimes I feel hot and restricted so things come off! I think that makes me weird

[AwdBovril]

Your DH is clearly an arse. He needs to embrace the bidet if he's not happy with the limitations of external wiping.

I have bidet envy. Much nicer than loo roll, IMHO.

[HeadintheiClouds]

What is he lecturing in, ifoundthebread?! Sounds like massive oversharing...

[SkydivingKittyCat]

Finally, an appropriate mid-thread advert!

[oyoyoy]

Like he's greasing a tin before you put the cake mix in?

Hahahahahah!

[ifoundthebread]

My college lecturer, ex army told us this is how they wipe- Finger up and scoop around. Not my type of wiping but not my bum hole not my business 😂

[HeadintheiClouds]

Why is everyone treating this as if it’s real? Nobody with more than 3 brain cells imagines you need to actually shove the tap up your arse.

[DickZillaofTheVilla]

I’ve never heard of anyone doing that OP

[sheshootssheimplores]

I don’t think you sit on the spout of the bidet!! Don’t you just angle yourself so the water hits your arse abd cleans it?