I can't believe I'm going to type this but ...

[excruciatinglyembarrassing]

Last night was the second night I wet the bed. I mean actual peed. In the bed.

I wasn't drunk (I don't drink at all), but I had had a glass of coke, a big glass of sparkling water and about four cups of tea during the day.

I have been experiencing some type of incontinence (fuck) I guess during the day , where I have the sudden urge to pee and then just about make it to the toilet or sometimes have to change my underwear.

So as not to dripfeed, I've had two vaginal births (one ten years ago and one 2 years ago) and one section.

I am so so horrified and ashamed of the night time stuff though... well both times it's not been in the middle of the night actually, its been about 30 minutes before the fucking alarm went off! I mean couldn't my bastard bladder wait abit ? it's the second time it's happened ... each time I've dreamt that I am sat on the toilet and I am having a wee, hence my brain tells me during my sleep that it's ok to let go and I literally have a massive wee. My dh woke up in a puddle of piss the first time and asked me what it actually was (died inside quite a lot that morning!) he spoke no more of it though after or after today because I told him I would leave him if her ever spoke about it again .

I am so fucking upset , I have no idea why this is happening. I've been to see my Gp and she said it sounds like an overactive bladder , has booked me in for an ultrasound and done an internal herself from which she has said that there is some muscle weakness but not major. I've been advised to do kegal exercises and switch to decaf, the latter of which I have done and the former as and when I can remember.

It's just something no one ever talks about I guess. But maybe if you have , please please do advise ... I'm worried sick and so so embarrassed!

I know this is not the same as the OP but I used to do a small wee if I coughed or sneezed. Had to start wearing pads because of the leakage. If I got a cold I had to wear industrial sized pads (not the technical term but can't find a better descriptor) because of the risk. One time I did a succession of violent sneezes and wet myself on the sofa, leaving a massive wet patch on me and the sofa. My DH was sitting next to me at the time.

After that I became really anxious (and my DH looked a bit worried too!). I had a coughing fit in work once and I just about made it to the loo. Lots of different incidences.

However in the last few years I have been losing weight slowly, lost about 43 pounds. One of the benefits has been no more leaking. The fat must have been pressing on my bladder. I have just had a cold with sneezing and coughing, no leaking. It's a miracle. In fact out of all the health benefits of losing weight, that has been my top one. I no longer leak!

Only putting this here in case it helps somebody else with the same circumstances.

Hope OP gets the right help and advice.

I can second betting a referral to an expert continence clinic. The female staff where I went were really fabulous and knowledgeable. They gave me exercises that worked, much better than any I found online, and also gave me loads of advice and tips. Please don’t feel embarrassed, OP, this is very common in women after childbirth and also after the menopause. It can also be sorted out with the right advice.

I had this, at 32 😭😭 turned out I had a small prolapse. All ok few dietary changes and physio and I'm mainly ok now. Urgency still there but no incontience. Get to the GP x

You need a referral to gynae physio. Don't be fobbed off. There are things to help, don't panic!

Might be worth getting a waterproof sheet, lovehoney sell them, and I hope you get things sorted soon

Omg 32 😭 what the actual fuck I've made it to 35 unscathed then 🤦🏻‍♀️

I am making notes I promise. Had no idea there was such a thing as an incontinence clinic *🤢 but yknow. You learn something every day ! 😩

Also I don't think weight is an issue for me, I'm a size 10 😩

Right so far :

No drinks past 6pm or 4pm or ever
Decaf the shit out of everything (will try Yorkshire tea decaf)
Go back to gp for clinic referral . She did mention urology - is that the same thing I think?
Wear some bottoms/leggings to bed instead of tiny knickers 🤦🏻‍♀️😩
Kiss goodbye to my sex life

Have I missed anything ?

@CherryPavlova ah. Thanks for explaining that. I thought pelvic floor was just at the front what's this weights thing you mention?

Please don't be worried and I am sure it can be sorted!!! Many more women than you think have this problem, especially after childbirth. If it's financially possible or if you have private health insurance, I would straight away go to a specialist. I am happy to recommend one to you (based in London). Good luck and 💐.

Speak to your dr. It is called urge in continence. It can be controlled with drugs very effectively. It is more common who gave birth vaginally.
If it is severe you may have to have an operation to cure it but that’s the last stop!
Sorry that it has upset you. But not the end of the world!
Hope you get it sorted!

www.amazon.co.uk/Intimate-Rose-Kegel-Exercise-Weights/dp/B014GMBDQ2?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I second the pelvic floor issue. You are dismissing this out of complete ignorance of anatomy. Sorry to sound harsh. Get a referral to a women's physio who specialises in pelvic floor issues.
Also, do you do exercise? If so this can seriously affect this issue too.

I had this problem 2 out of the four times I was pregnant. What fixed it was setting an alarm for 3 in the morning and getting up to go then.

Adioseadipose I have exactly that dream and wake up busting for a wee! I think if I managed to wee in the dream I'd wee the bed. DH has done it once.
Op there's probably a lot of different things combining to cause this and sounds like your gp has a good plan. Try not to worry, easier said than done x

Another tip for 100% emptying your bladder is to "tickle your tail" (I have no idea how I discovered this!!!) but if you lightly tickle above your bum crack where your tail once was at the base of your spine, it can bring on a wee! I completely lost the urge to go after having a catheter in and was dangerously close to bursting my bladder when I did this and it worked a treat!

Sometimes I dream about not being able to find a clean or private toilet. Often its a changing room type bathroom and none of the stalls have doors or there is a door and I go in and close it but then notice there is a whole side of the stall exposed

This is exactly my dream as well! So strange but also reassuring it’s such a common issue. I hope you get it sorted OP, try not to worry unnecessarily.

If you're not good at doing your levels you should buy a machine, it's really important and the one I use has special bladder settings.

Damn autocorrect, levels = kegels

I had exactly this happen to me a few months back OP! 2 or 3 incidents of 'the dream' and I wet the bed each time. I've had urgency for a year or so now, and also low level uti type symptoms which flare up every so often and then die down again before I can get a GP appointment Anyway it happened those few times and then just stopped and hasn't happened since. Obviously if it carries on it needs treating but I just thought it might help to know there are cases where it just stops on its own

@Seaweed42 I did mention that I had no knowledge of pelvic muscles, and @CherryPavlova has very kindly and succinctly explained it in a previous post. Without calling me ignorant

@CherryPavlova wow at the kegal Weights, I had no idea they even existed ! 🥴 ordered!!!

I've had the wee dream a few times!
I've found that whenever I have tea I'm coming constantly weeing. Maybe cutting the caffeine out will help? I'd try that whilst waiting on tests from your GP.

Yes cut out caffeine and all diuretic (squash etc).

DH has a weak bladder (not to this extent, no accidents (then again he's never given birth) but he used to wake a few times a night to wee and also gets the urge all of a sudden). The GP said to keep up a larger intake of fluids in the day (it doesn't sound like you're drinking much? And no proper water? Ditch the sparkling water and have at least 8 glasses of still water) as it trains the bladder, and then to limit fluids after a certain time in the evening. It's worked as he no longer needs to go during the night.

OMG I have had this dream. Awful! Hope it stops for u op.

put a towel under your sheet cross wise - it will at least catch some -

@excruciatinglyembarrassing Apologies, I phrased my answer really badly, didn't mean to imply you were ignorant. I've no excuse really, except taking a superior attitude and being ignorant myself of someone else's feelings. Hope you make some progress soon.

OP I feel your pain . I'd strongly recommend asking for a referral to a women's physio. Most women can't do kegels effectively without input from a physio. (In France this is standard for all mums). if you can get the technique right they can make a massive difference to issues like this now and in the future. All the best.

Sorry for all the words in bold by the way, I seem to have lost my ability to compose a post alongside control over my bladder 😭

@Seaweed42 no hard feelings and thank you ☺️

Dreading going to sleep tonight !