Cancer Support Thread #71 - here to help if you’re dealing with cancer in any shape or form, come in and say hello.

[Brassica]

Hi again everyone and welcome to the 71st new thread for cancer support.

All those who are currently being treated, have been treated in the past, have worries and concerns and/or are having tests are very welcome to pull up a chair and chat, vent, rant, pour hearts out, share milestones and anything else! We are a very friendly and all-too experienced bunch on here and there are no questions too small or silly to ask.

Our previous thread is here .

Anyone with any type of cancer (female or male) is welcome. And we will hold your hand if you're waiting to find out whether or not you have cancer at all.

If you've got a loved one with cancer then your best place for support is probably on the Life-Limiting Illness board.

Please can I invite current members to reintroduce yourselves below for latest situations and stories so far.

In case anyone here hasn’t seen it, TQ has updated her thread this evening, to say that she will be moving to a hospice.

Glad that things are going fine bridget and I do hope the dire rear starts behaving soon

Welcome to new posters - sorry you find yourself here, but I hope we’re being of some use

and much love and thanks for TQ.

So sad for TQ and the things she won't get to do. 60 is no age.

Just read so many loving posts on TQ's thread. Feeling so sad for her and her family and friends.
I just had the unwanted call from the chemo ward, no go for me tomorrow, delayed for a week because of low neutrophils (again). Fuckitty fuck.

Bollocks to cancer, so sad about our TQ

Just a quick one for @WTF99 and your poor bum! Onc prescribed budesonide for me, which is a steroid that can help with the dire rear, another treatment (not a steroid) is colestipol. Both are taken with immodium. Not sure if you need any painkillers atm, but a useful codeine side effect is constipation. Also, it's possible to take more than the daily dose of immodium/loperamide stated on the pack (I think that says max 8 a day). Once I'd finished chemo and was just having herceptin, the dire rear improved but didn't go away. Sending you some and super soft loo roll!

Thanks fur that flippy ...I'll bear that in mind for my onc review appt next week. Bowels seem yo have gone into hiding now as no action at all today as yet. It has been brutal thought.

Sorry you've had a delay bridget. Not what anyone wants.

Yes....totally pants 're TQ. I keep thinking back to that post where she mentioned some of the things she'll never get to do.... horse riding under the stars was one of them I think....just such a shame...

Someone sent me this today. Can anyone think of a suitable response? -fuck off isn't allowed-

If they normally mean well, ignore it

There isn’t much you can do about well-meant thoughts which misfire badly.

If it’s a frequently tactless person, of marginal importance in you life, then quietly reduce contact

If good friend, then WTAF is spot on

I think that often people don't know what to say and so resort to platitudes or this kind of glib and cheesy facebook type message.

I think just one of the reasons I so appreciate this thread is because everyone here offers only real advice based on their all too real experience.

WTF after the week you have had I am sure you could have done without this message but I think iVampire has it spot on as far as how to respond goes.

WTF My first thoughts would be fuck off (and that is the first time in twelve years on MN that I have sworn).

I loathe those cheesy FB type things (is there a name for them?) at the best of times. However if it's someone you value in some way I'd just ignore.

I have a FB account which I seldom use, perhaps to search for tradesmen or such. I have friends on there but I "unfollow" them all because the rubbish they post annoys me at the best of times. However someone on here mentioned a FB breast cancer group. I found one and joined it. I can't decide what I think. Obviously lots of caring people going through the same thing but some of it is harrowing and some of it is of the nature of WTF's friend.
What do others think?

I'm afraid my response was probably somewhat waspish and either nothing or something humorous would have been better. This person has clearly never tried dancing with chemo induced dire rear!

She meant well, but it just reinforced to me how a lot of people just don't really get it (why would they) and emphasises that sense of isolation. Sometimes i think I'm just a horrible person and I should get my dancing shoes on and learn the like the vile music that's playing at the moment.

With regard to groups or any kind of contact or support, I'm trying only to do things and be with people who make me feel ok, good, better in some way, so skap I would judge the FB group on that. Bit more difficult when something just lands in your phone unasked for, like the little ditty I shared with you all.

My rear behaved perfectly yesterday until 10.30pm when I had a relapse. Nothing today so I think I'm generally improving. Will keep taking the Imodium and this will be top of my discussion list with the oncologist next week

WTF You are not a horrible person and you need to do what you need to do to get through and if that treads on someone else's toes a bit so be it. I think you are right about surrounding yourself with things and people that make you feel better or at least not worse.

I hope the sings of improvement with the dire rear is a sign that it is clearing up at last.

Hi Everyone, I'm still around. Just trying to get through the 6 weeks of hell that is the summer holidays (well, it is when you're not your usual self). Thankfully I've had lots of support from my parents.

I've skimmed the thread but will read more later. So sad to hear about @TwitterQueen1. Cancer is a twat.

My treatment has been a bit up and down. The good news is I have completed all of my chemotherapy now. My scans have not been fantastic though with the tumour shrinking, then growing again, then a bit more shrinkage, then it was the same. I have another scan next week. Joy of joys. Then it will be surgery maybe next month and radiotherapy. Dreading it all but glad the worst of it is over. And looking forward to my hair growing back.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

I am In Remission after colon cancer earlier this year. That also coincided with a friend being diagnosed as terminally ill with cancer.
It’s like an elephant in the room and I don’t know what to say to her. Yes I know what a cancer diagnosis feels like, but her journey is going to be very different to mine.
I really dont want to put my foot in it, and I now understand why some people have ignored me since my diagnosis- they just have no idea what to say.
Hugs to everyone x

I agree it's hard to find the right words, yet you know when you hear them, and when you don't. I guess for me it's about being genuine, even if that's clumsy or unpolished. That's why the inspirational meme shit really annoys me....it's meaningless and lacks authenticity.

I've told meme friend that she was a knob....she agreed....we had a laugh....I feel better.

I think sometimes all you can say is that you don't know what to say and I agree with WTF it can be clumsy as long as it is real

WTF you obviously hit exactly the right note in you response to your friend and being able to laugh about it together is the best possible outcome

Today my hairdresser phoned to see how I am doing and we made an appointment for a trim for next week. Not really much she can do yet as I am still shedding after the chemo but it feels like the first normal thing I have done since diagnosis in February

WTF glad you were able to tell your friend she got it wrong, that meme or whatever it's called is a load of crap. And I'm sorry the dire rear hasn't completely stopped, you must be exhausted from it, hopefully it's on its way out.

I was irritated today when DP said she knew I was fed up about my chemo being delayed, but we'd had a nice day anyway, hadn't we? And then her sister phoned and said the same thing, grrr. We did have a nice day, I'd still far rather have had chemo, just let me have my feelings! I said that to DP this evening and she was hurt and defensive, so then I felt guilty, and crosser. Bah.

Born I am very sorry about your friend, there is no right thing to say, you can't fix it for her but you will be there, you won't avoid her or pretend it's not happening.

meercat, great to have done something normal! Hope you will be pleased with your haircut.

Diary, that stage of scans and tests and results must be very hard, I'm certainly not looking forward to it. Congratulations on completing chemotherapy, and good luck for the scan and the rest of your treatment.

DP and I talked this morning and are ok now.

Afternoon everyone, so sorry to read about TQ

I've been keeping a low profile, think I'm just feeling sorry for myself, the underarm nonsense is still going on and now this morning after my shower a huge leak from the lumpectomy site, I have an appointment during week so hopefully they can sort it.

Have to see two oncologists in the next couple of weeks so my treatment should start then, I really need to know as I have to make arrangements for ds2, I haven't told his school or his special needs assistant, maybe I should though.

Ah I don't know what's wrong with me, we had a lovely few days away and now I feel a bit deflated.

I hope everyone is as well as they can be, sorry to be such a whinger, some of you are going through such a hard time and you are all in my thoughts.

ellen you really aren't whinging...and even if you are it's ok...we all of us here have our challenges to face and they feel horrible when you're going through them. What a pain that you're still leaking....you must be really fed up with it. It will slow down and stop eventually but reassuring for you to have an appt next week where you can discuss it. Let us know what cunning plan the oncs come up with for you. There's bound to be someone here who's been through something similar to help you along the way.
bridget I'm glad you got things straight with your partner.
I found the meme discussion really helpful to sort out why I was feeling so grumpy and help me deal with it, so thanks for that guys. I also took the chance to have a 'need to have' conversation with someone I hadn't seen for a while who randomly got in touch with me. I was kind but direct and it felt good. I'm trying not to hang on to bad feelings if I can help it as there's enough to be dealing with atm without taking on baggage that s not mine.

In other news, and in the interests of balance, I thought I'd share with you that I have managed an almost properly formed poo for the first time in a week. I knew you'd want to celebrate with me I promise I'm not the poo troll

ellen that is horrible, no wonder you are feeling glum. Don't ever apologise for having a moan here, it's a safe place for it and we're all going to sympathise.

Congratulations on your nearly perfect poo, WTF! That's definitely something to celebrate! And well done for being honest with your friend/acquaintance. I guess we're all trying to handle personal relationships with care and clarity.

ellen you poor thing, I do hope it settles soon. I'm sure once you tell DS's school they will do their best to help. It's difficult telling people though isn't it?

Bridget just let me have my feelings! That is a phrase I'm going to remember. Last week I got an unexpected appointment letter and was mentally catastrophising. When I got a call back from BCN saying it was all a mistake I burst into tears and DH just didn't get it and was slightly cross with me

WTF99 good to hear about the poo improvement .

My lumpectomy surgery is on Thursday. I'm feeling fit and well and want it over with. Any tips for hospital? I'm told I may be kept in because of my heart / lung conditions so have managed to find front fastening PJs. I'm not a fan of bras and can't imagine fastening one over a sore boob but I will take one. The hospital is an hour away so it's a very early start.

WTF Congratulations!! Lets hope that is the end of the dire rear.

Bridget Yes, yes yes to "Let me have my feelings" I get so tired of being told how I must/should be feeling or reacting.

Skap Good luck with the lumpectomy next week. I haven't bothered with proper bras since surgery (except when properly going out) I have been wearing soft crop top things. Stops any rubbing and gives a little bit of support but without causing any discomfort.

Hello all

Glad to hear about your textbook poo WTF! Onwards and upwards now I hope. That meme from your friend was just the sort of tone deaf, banal, meaningless shit I absolutely abhor - like others I’ve unfollowed friends aplenty who post rubbish like that and think they’re being original or insightful. Fortunately no one has tried aiming anything like that specifically at me. I do mentally deduct IQ points from people when I see them.

The Fb group recommendation upthread may have been me, Skap. I joined a specific TNBC group and would say it’s a curate’s egg. There are unfortunately lots of memes and gifs to scroll past, but worst of all is the constant ‘you’ve got this’ replies by people to each post, and the ‘I’m kicking cancer’s arse’/‘cancer picked on the wrong person’ bullshit that some people really seem to trade in. I suppose if it works for some I shouldn’t really criticise, but I am just not the type to anthropomorphise cancer and treat it like an enemy.

Where the group is good is on comparing notes with treatment plans and side effects. The moderator is incredibly assiduous at replying to posts and has a lot of knowledge and understanding for a group like that. But many of the posts I have to scroll past and ignore for the reasons above!

Really sorry to hear of the disappointing delay in treatment Bridget. It is aggravating when the mind is willing but the flesh weak. Like you, I am impatient to progress towards the light at the end of the tunnel and delays in doing that just mean more time stuck in the tunnel. Let’s hope Friday brings a return to good blood levels. Are you doing injections meanwhile?

Born I can’t imagine you of all people will put your foot in it with your friend if you talk to her. One of the things this and other life experiences has taught me is that saying something is way better than saying nothing (there are obviously exceptions!) Maybe don’t send her WTF’s friend’s meme though...

Ellen I really hope you can get that wound sorted once and for all next week. It does not sound good for it to be leaking and must be making you feel yucky.

I think I’ve lost even more hair just lately, the stubbly bits on my head have reduced and the whole thing feels really egg-like. I also think eyelashes are thinning again. Hurry up and finish chemo, so it can start growing again!

Hope everyone has something nice happening over the weekend. We are off for a night away in Kent tomorrow, the most mini of mini breaks before next chemo on Tuesday.