Not sure if this helps or not, but this is my own experience of depression - although I know that no two individuals are the same.
I do not suffer from depression but my mum does.
She suffers from nervous breakdowns - the first one I can remember was when I was 11 - I am now 37. When I say a nervous breakdown, I meant that she just backs out of life as far I can see it. Had no interest in every day life, doesn't go food shopping (I do this for her), doesn't drive any of her 2 cars (one of which is brand new, has 7 miles on the clock and has not been driven for a year - she became ill this most recent time a week after picking up her new car), doesn't do any of the things that every one does on a day to day basis.
Looking back to when I was 11, I can't really remember how poorly she was, but I do remember her going into hospital (awful memory for me).
She became well after about a year and was well until my first born daughter came into the world - I was then 25. My first-born was 10 days old when I could see my mum was not her "normal" self. I had forgotten about my mum being "poorly" when I was 11 and didn't really know what was wrong with my mum - I could just see something was not right.
She was "poorly" (as I still call it) for 18 months. The only good thing was that my DD1 was still young enough that when my mum became better my DD1 was able to accept the loving and caring from someone who had had no interest in her for the first 18 months of her life.
After she became well after that 18 months she was absolutely fine until February 2000 when my dad died suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 56. I remember coming into work (I work at the same company as my dad) and being called home by my mum. My dad had not come into work that day - was feeling a bit under the weather (my mum's words), next thing I had a phone call saying my dad was unconscious, not breathing, etc. I left work in London and got home within 1 hour. I went straight to the hospital where he was being taken - I got there before he did as the paramedics tried to do the best for my dad at home to stabilise him but I believe he was already dead. I remember my dad (and mum and brother) arriving. They took my dad into resuscitation and within 5 minutes came into the relatives room and told us he had died.
I could see straight away that my mum was going downhill. She went downhill so rapidly it was scary. She was totally "out of it" at the funeral 2 weeks later - had to have a post mortem because he was not ill before the heart attack hit.
This time she was poorly for 4 months - the shortest yet.
She was well for just over a year until my youngest DD was born. When my DS was born 7.5 years ago, she was fine, but again when I had a daughter she went downhill. Again, my DD was about 2 weeks old. This was October 2001.
She was poorly until August 2002.
When she is well, she is very well - fit for her age - goes to gym 3 times a week, slim, good looking, looks after herself, wears nice clothes, smells nice - I feel proud of how lovely she is.
When she is poorly, it hurts me to say this, but she looks rough as hell - hard to get her to keep herself clean, wear clean clothes, etc.
The difference in her is amazing.
Each time she goes downhill, it happens over a period of 2 weeks or so. When she becomes well it happens over night - honestly, it is that sudden.
When she became well last time, she met a lovely man. I was pleased for her - she is now only 59 and I don't want her to be on her own forever. Nothing against my dad, but I know he wouldn't want her to be sad and lonely for the rest of her life.
My mum and B had a lovely time together - going on holidays, having meals out - generally just have a great time.
Me and my mum went on holiday last year for 2 weeks to Majorca - my husband had taken the children for 2 weeks on holiday to Zakynthos with his girlfriend - long story but a brief overview ... Me and J would have been married 13 years in September, got 3 children together (girl of 11, nearly 12 - boy 8 in February and girl - who has global developmental delay - 3 in October. Not divorced, just separated and don't live together.
B and my friend came out for our middle week in Majorca and we all had a wonderful time together.
When we came home I could see, once again, things were not right with my mum.
On 3rd October last year (funny how dates stick in your mind - I had to take 2 weeks off work to find childcare for my 3 children for the 3 days I work in the office) - she went downhill again and, once again, is still there.
I feel I am very understanding of depression but I can't take hardly any more of it.
In the last few years, I have lost my dad, had a new baby, had a mum having a breakdown, had my husband saying we were no longer going to be together.
I can no longer be the "strong" one for my mum. Whether I am there for her or not (she lives on her own in a 5 bedroom house which she just rattles around in) it doesn't make any difference to her mental state.
If I could wave a magic wand to make things better for her, I would but at the end of the day there is nothing I can do to make her come out of it.
She sees a psychiatrist and is on anti-depressants. I tell the doctor this is the 4th or 5th time my mum has been like this and she doesn't get better gradually by taking the ADs, it really does happen overnight but who knows when that night will be.
The sad thing for me is that
(1) It seems the older she is getting the more often it is happening which scares me a bit.
(2) I know how good a life she could be having.
(3) I honestly believe she should be on ADs, even when she is well - perhaps a low dose - to stop her getting that "low" again.
Sorry "Muminamillion" if I have waffled on a bit, but I suppose I am saying that if ever you find a way to conquer the depression that you suffer from (and suffer you do, I am sure), then I would love to hear how you overcame it so perhaps I could help my mum in the same way.
Sorry if I have waffled on, sometimes it is just nice to put down into words what I am feeling.