Is it possible to 'kick' depression for good?

[MUMINAMILLION]

Was going to change my name, because I dont tell anyone I suffer from depression, infact most people remark on the fact that I am always smiling! But, its time to be honest now. I have suffered on and off with depression for the last 11 years and as a result have been on and off prozac in that time. PND was horrendous too. Yest I went to the doc with a completely unrelated problem, and had total hysterics in the office!! He was very good, talked to me for ages (before putting me BACK on prozac!). He also gave me a book to read - 'Good Mood' by Julian Simon. I was wondering if anyone had read this book and did it help? Or has anyone used any other method and has managed to conquer depression once and for all? Need some hope - need to know that Im not going to be like this for the rest of my life, please.

Good news - mumsnet will start a new board for us! They are going to look into the best name for it but have it up and running asap.

Feeling a bit better today - back to the feeling nothing stage, which is better than the depth of despair stage I suppose.

The book is proving to be very interesting though. Something I read in it last night really struck a chord. It's something new I have to think about and need to get it straight in my head.

Hope you are all ok today.

MUMINAMILLION, glad you are having a good day.
Great news about the board. Will probably be the most used on mumsnet !

The book I was recommended by my consultant is "Overcoming Depression" by Paul Gilbert. It's a self-help guide using cognitive behavioral techniques. I haven't read more than a couple of chapters so can't tell you if it's any good. Anyone else read it ? Once our board is up and running we can have threads on good books on the subject.

MIM, think the new board is a great idea. Have been treated for PND for a about 18 months now and have probably been having depressive episodes since my early teens.

Kizzie, was so, so glad to see your post on this thread. Have been wondering how you were since you posted about changing medication. As for taking up too much time, nonsense! Keep talking to us. Please feel free to contact me if you ever need to chat.

Glad you're having a better day too MIM. I woke up this morning feeling absolutely shit, a real head under the covers sort of day. But it got dramatically better thanks to a bit of good company and a trip to carluccio's for a hot chocolate in the sunshine

I'm also glad to hear about the depression board

You don't know how glad I am that you have started this thread Muminamillion...have posted on here before going on about being really down and then almost euphoric and have always thought that I am just not being positive enough and should engage myself more, find more friends, do more hobbies so don't feel so on my own with thoughts going round and round in my head...in my family they are always going on about cheerfulness....even at my own father's funeral I was naturally not able to sing the hymns and my younger sister looked at me almost to jolly me along and looked like she would say "Come on sing, keep your chin up"..(btw was never like this as a child it started in teens as looking at photos I look really grumpy sometimes)..what I'm trying to say is like other mumsnetters on here am very jolly/positive/sunny for a lot of the time but sometimes I feel this moodiness coming on and don't know how to deal with it/if it's because I don't occupy my time well enough or because am a person who gets depressed at times....it's like sometimes I find it really hard to know what to do when all the children stuff has been done, like can't make decisions....anyway thanks for starting to this and look forward to helping each other along with problem that is really as common as anything really...

Hope you're okay today Muminamillion

MumInAMillion, thank you so much for being brave enough to start this thread. I know how hard it must have been to stand up (so to speak) and own up to having a problem with depression. My own depression had been quite mild and didn't need treating until I had my dd three and a half years ago. At the time I went for help I was breast feeding and refused medication so was basically left on my own to struggle along. I chose not to be open about the problem, which of course makes it harder to deal with as there are so few shoulders to cry on. Finally it dawned on me that life doesn't need to be so crappy and I went back to the doctors a month ago and am now taking Cipralex. I don't feel any better yet but am hopeful that, in time, life will start to feel worth living again.

I wish I had discovered Mumsnet before. The support and warmth which exudes from the screen when people cry out for help is humbling and heart warming. Perhaps if I had been more honest and looked for support earlier on, I wouldn't be suffering so much now.

I have noticed recently that there seem to be so many MNers suffering with depression. A dedicated board for us to cry on each other's shoulders can only be a good thing for all of us.

So glad you have all had the courage to post. I think that is half the battle. Glad you are feeling a bit better spacemonkey. Lavender - I know exactly what you mean. Each day I wake up wondering how I feel. I very very rarely feel calm (only when on Prozac really). The rest of the time I am either ridiculously high, ridiculously low, or feel numb - neither good or bad. And isnt it strange how it goes right back to our teens for many of us? Fab, Kayleigh, 2gorgeous, kizzie, ghengis, mummytosteven, susan and all of you without exception (sorry if I missed your name, certainly didnt miss your thoughts), thanks so much for your experiences. It really is hard to speak out and be honest about what we are feeling. I am looking forward to the support and encouragement I know we can give each other. Just knowing there is somewhere I can be honest without being judged is such a relief. And heres hoping that together we can try and pull ourselves up and out of the big, black hole.

Been through the thread and Traceyp, moniker, solange, papillon, sophable, iota, bumblelion, moodyme - you are now all named for your bravery and honesty. Thanks.

Thanks Muminamillion, up until now noone has known anything about this, not even dh as am too embarrassed.....thanks

Isnt it mad lavender? Im the same. One of my sisters knows as Ive mentioned it to her. But Ive really played it down, not told her exactly how I feel. She will know now tho, shes a mner! But today, I actually talked about it with dh. He has had experience of depression in his family with his mother, and I think he worries secretly that I am going to be as ill as she was. But it has definately helped to be open about it after all this time. I hope you will feel the same.

I haven't told anyone either. I can't imagine telling dh or anyone else. I don't know why, but I can't. Dh just thinks I'm stroppy!

I haven't read all of this thread but hugs {{{{}}}} MIAM and everyone else who has been brave enough to post.

I didn't know whether to post as I know MIAM in RL and didn't know if it would appear a bit strange. However I did want to say firstly if you had asked me to guess who started the thread I would never in a million years thought of you MIAM you are always so cheery and smiley any time I see you (although I do realise that this is no indicator of how a person feels on the inside). I also wanted to say, and I don't know if you would be aware of this or not, that my DH has suffered from depression and found cognitive therapy a great help. I don't know if he will ever be 100% ever again but he has been off medication for a few years now and he was taught good mechanisims for dealing with his feelings of anxiety/depression and when these feelings have come back so far he has been able to deal with them.

Hugs again {{{{}}}}.

Solange, Ive been married 12 years and have only today talked about this to dh. Now Ive done it, Im so glad I did and have no idea why I didnt do it before! Very good therapy.

Demented, I have been feeling sick all day wondering if you or Artyalex would have read this and what you would think of it. Its really hard for some reason to talk about it to people you are close to. Ive no idea why, possibly because we worry you will look down on us somehow. Thanks so much for your post - its really put my mind at rest. Yes, Im a master of disguise - years of practice! And, strangely enough, Im not that surprised about dh. I just had a feeling - I think he does well to cover it, but I suspected. Must take one to know one or something. Really glad that he is better now though - it gives me hope. Im really going to give the therapy a go. Thanks again for being great about this (smile)

Ooooops, meant !!!!!!

I don't in anyway look down on you for feeling this way, I think you are brave for being able to talk about it and I'm sure that has to be a great big step in the right direction.

FWIW I don't know you as well as I know Artyalex and when you started posting on Mumsnet I looked forward/and still do look forward to reading your posts with great interest as they have been witty, interesting and intellegent so please don't stop posting, I've seen how others on Mumsnet have taken to you and I think in just a few short weeks you have become a well liked and respected Mumsnetter who would be greatly missed!

Dont stop Demented! You may cure me if nothing else does!

My DH also has his own problems and is working on them with some help now. I have had to be the strong one and it has taken its toll over the years. I am really looking forward to the boards being up and running and am hoping that our discussions will help me/us to have a happier future.

Have a good day everyone.

It is a lot easier to bear if you have the support and understanding of your loved ones. I'm really glad to hear you've spoken to your dh MIM xxx

Thanks spacemonkey. Ive always been wary of talking to him about it because his mother suffered from severe depression. She eventually committed suicide because of it. So obviously it is a very difficult thing for dh to talk about. He has admitted that he has feelings of depression (understandably), so its really good that it is now out in the open. We can help each other.

I started an art class today because I want to change my style of painting. I ended up painting this really mad, wild painting - loads of reds, blacks and yellows. Looked like a disaster to me but the art teacher seemed to like it! Depression is good for something apparently!!!

I actually have posted about my problem before, but it always helps to know that I'm not alone in this. Had PND initially and have just been diagnosed with PN PTSD. DS's mum had bipolar disorder and refused to seek treatment. He has lots of bad memories of his childhood because of that. I feel guilty for putting him through something like this again, even though I know it is not my fault, sometimes I feel like I should be able to control it better or should have been strong enough not to succomb in the first place. Of course, the rational part of me realizes that this is not something I can control anymore than I could control getting any other disease, but sometimes it is hard to stay rational.
The Zoloft helps, therapy helps, but just when I feel like I'm "over it" something triggers me all over again and I have an anxiety attack or one of those sinking days.
It's so hard sometimes. Just yesterday we were discussing ds's jabs and dh said, "Well, I figured you were on top of everything but then I felt that I had to ask because you haven't been yourself since the PND." I know it's true but it hurt to hear that I have lost myself somewhat because of this. He also has said that he knew having a child would be a lot of work, but that what's harder is losing his partner. In the early days sometimes I just couldn't cope and had to basically turn ds over to him for the day. (DH works at home).
Sorry to go on so long. I think it is wonderful that MN is going to dedicate a board to this. And I agree that a lot of the cause is what we have to deal with just living in today's society. Incredibly difficult sometimes just to do what needs to be done.

Woodstock, really feel for you and dp. One of the worst bits of depression is that, even when you are on a high, at the back of your mind you are wondering when it is all going to slip again. Its the not being in control, then all the additional guilt of the fact that it affects everyone around you and there seems to be nothing that you can do to stop it.

On a more positive note, however, this book Good Mood is practically promising results if the therapy is worked at. He seems to be saying that we learn patterns of behaviour and thinking patterns from early experiences, and it is possible to change those thinking patterns. Talks a lot about our own expectations of ourselves, and says depression occurs when we feel we are not meeting this 'desirable' image, whatever it may be and feel helpless to change it. Havent read yet how this can be changed, but Ill post what he says when I come to it on the depression board. Love all the names that are being suggested for it!

I'll be sure to look for your post on that. I'm willing to try anything that may help.

MIAM, I'm always amazed at how many of us try to keep a brave face on things. Why do we do this to ourselves? After I finally admitted that I was not well, the relief was overwhelming. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to kick depression for good, as I recognise, with the benefit of hindsight, that I have been having bouts of depression for over 15 years. I do, however, feel that I can manage my depression now. I refuse to be embarrassed by it and am happy to talk about it if it ever comes up. I don't think that I could ever get as bad as I did before seeking treatment. And that's got to be as positive as kicking it forever.

MIAM - I have suffered for years, in fact I'm sure that I was depressed when I was a teenager, but things were not really talked about, even then (1980s). I wish that I had got help then, but I did not really know about depression until my Mum was diagnosed. I used to think that I was just moody, but looking back, things seem much clearer.

I have been on and off ADs since 1995, ans spent most of 2000 signed off work with stress related depression. I too have begged my gp to tell me that it is not a life condition, but he could not promise anything. He has even gone so far as to say that it is likely that it will keep re-ocurring. Like Spacemonkey, mine seems to be in 2-3 year cycles, and I have always felt that I am a dramatic person. I am always aware that things are always 'about me', and have to try really hard to remember to ask people things about themselves, otherwise I beat myself up mentally for being a horrible person

I seem to muddle through each bout of depression, getting close to ending it all, and making it through somehow. I have just weaned myself off the latest pills, because I was fed up of being on chemicals (since January 2003 this cycle). I reallt don't think that my depression is something I will ever escape, and am going to have to rely on drugs every couple of years. It is something that I have not completely come to terms with, and, when I am getting better (as now), I hope that this bout will be the last.

I'm still hoping...sorry not to be more positive. You and I, and all the others on here, are still here on this earth, which I suppose is the thing to be thankful for.

Fab, I have no idea why so many of us find it so difficult to talk about. And yet, this has been the best thing I could have done. I think thats why the new topic will be great. It hopefully will encourage others to be open about their feelings without being judged.

Really glad that you have a handle on things. Would be interested to know what strategies you use (if any) to manage your depression.