Im in hospital and my husband wants me to discharge myself

[chocolateorange93]

He wants me to discharge myself so he doesn't have to take any time off work if we cant get help with childcare

I do get where he's coming from but that means looking after 3 kids and going to work also still with the issue I'm at hospital for as the treatment they tried yesterday hasn't worked so they unsure where to go from here so waiting on a specialist who should be here later who may discharge me but I've said until they discharge me I'm not discharging myself

I get his point of view with childcare etc
But why should i have to physically and mentally suffer by discharging myself to save him the hassle.

[MadAboutWands]

I get it and I also get your DH reaction.

What I think you REALLY need if/when you go back home is a system in place if you need to be back in hospital at short notice (eg the pain has got much worse again or one of the dcs caught the lump etc...)

I appreciate you only have acquaintances atm but could you organise something so that one person has one child, and another the other child is you need to be hospitalised again?

[chocolateorange93]

@OhTheRoses they wont help until you are actually homeless.

i rang them the other month when hubbys company shut down rapidly and left us 1 paycheck away from loosing our PR house and they said same as council did that they cant help before anything happens its already gota have happened

[chocolateorange93]

@Freudianslip1 its an ongoing issue over last few months since 3rd baby was born im usually seen as outpatient but been in once for 2 weeks and once for a week since but besides that it's outpatients

Im very weary of who looks after them as you say as they are a mega handful

[Margot33]

Do not discharge yourself! He is being selfish. He will have to book time off work.

[OhTheRoses]

To arrange temp foster care while you are in hospital.

[Margot33]

Ok crossed post. Your update made me realise that your husband is worried about his reduced not covering the rent. I understand where he's coming from.

[INeedAFlerken]

Local FB post asking for all the names of recommended childminders in your area to see if any have temporary space?

[chocolateorange93]

@INeedAFlerken i have messaged all the same ones i asked recently who are local to see if they have temp space

( i messaged last week to see if any had spaces in general) x

[chocolateorange93]

@OhTheRoses my mumbis sorting it with her boss she is going to either take day off or work from home depending how many people in office etc
She had some saved up holidays

[Freudianslip1]

Laughing at the foster care suggestion. There are children living in very unacceptable home situations because SS do not have adequate resources to remove them and find foster carers. The OP's dc presumably are not at risk, they have a logistical issue that is thankfully likely to be resolved very quickly.

[OhTheRoses]

If the op needs essential treatment, and it doesn't sound as though a discharge would be safe, and if her DH has to go to work or the family will be homeless, the system needs to join up its dots and support this family in the short term to prevent higher long term costs.

The OP needs to speak to the ward manager and make the family's situation v clear. The OP needs to see a senior dr today and threatening discharge might just make it happen. OP have you seen a consultant maxillo facial surgeon? Insist.

IME hospitals aren't always spit spot about organising care/treatment efficiently or facilitating anything quickly to increase throughput.

Stand firm OP.

[chocolateorange93]

I have a Face and neck specialist on the way to me soon as been moved to said ward

Still talk of me going home and coming back as outpatient for scans but unsure what the plan is yet

With it been bank hol everything has been slower and more waiting than usual and each person has apologised that there isnt as much staff on with it been bank hol

S

[Starlight456]

i would call all the local childminders and see if they have space if needed.

you can get a list of all the local ones from county council website.

Hope the specialist helps

[chocolateorange93]

Already messaged them as i contacted all our local last week

[BertieBotts]

Don't put a random post on FB, FFS who would do that? Among your own friends maybe, not on a group.

But yes ring (don't message, call) around childminders, nannies, babysitting agencies - ie people who have checks. Ideally if DH could do that rather than you - you don't need the stress, you need to rest and recover. Good that your mum can be there today.

You would not fit criteria for emergency foster care as DH could take time off work even if this did result in job loss.

Could 9yo go to a school friend's house? That would mean only 2 to worry about. If you find a very generous friend they may even be able to take one/both little ones too.

Sorry you're in this situation, sounds horrendously stressful

[BertieBotts]

If you cannot afford emergency fees for nanny/childminder/babysitting see if you can pay them in instalments.

[EdtheBear]

Bertie not everybody has 100s of vague acquentences on FB.
You know your own list of friends you know who you'd you'd maybe not want to put on the spot by asking but you'd happily accept if they offered.

[BertieBotts]

Yes I said that, but someone suggested posting in a local group bonkers.

[chocolateorange93]

@BertieBotts its not affording its that no where has places even for temp

[chocolateorange93]

I have no one like that although i do know everyone on my times list from one point in my life or another but no one i could ask

[EdtheBear]

I wouldn't ask on a group of complete unknowns but putting a post on your own wall in the hope a friend or neighbour might offer is different.

[nevertol]

Wtf. My husband can be a selfish fucker.but seriously. Is he insane?

[SnuggyBuggy]

I wouldn't want to have to ask strangers for help but it doesn't look like the OP has many options

[Offallycheap]

Gosh that sounds tough.

[chocolateorange93]

So we had a pretty horrible time just before our wedding with venue cancelling just before and rushing to find another etc

So we said we'd have a 1 year party
We booked in decemeber a lovely venue
Booked food and music and all that in January - i sent invites a couple months ago too

Then recently sent invites to people id not invited yet ( eg family i am now inviting ) i sent them 3 nights ago ( literally thursday) i told my husband this and he helped me do address/stick stamps on-

Tonight he wants to cancel the party and apparently has said this for a while according to him but this is the first i l know of it ( unbeknown to me).

I don't know what to do. A) if we do cancel we will loose full deposit of venue/caterer and DJ.

Ive said like il still do party as its mostly all paid and he doesn't have to attend but thats super weird a 1 year anniversary party without one of the pair. 🤷🏼‍♀️