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Original poster

Im in hospital and my husband wants me to discharge myself

101 replies

chocolateorange93 · 06/05/2019 08:39

He wants me to discharge myself so he doesn't have to take any time off work if we cant get help with childcare

I do get where he's coming from but that means looking after 3 kids and going to work also still with the issue I'm at hospital for as the treatment they tried yesterday hasn't worked so they unsure where to go from here so waiting on a specialist who should be here later who may discharge me but I've said until they discharge me I'm not discharging myself

I get his point of view with childcare etc
But why should i have to physically and mentally suffer by discharging myself to save him the hassle.

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 06/05/2019 09:04

Is he for really?!?!

You stay there OP and I hope you get better soon

Jesus, this is quite something

Original poster
chocolateorange93 · 06/05/2019 09:04

I probably made this sound bad hes far from lazy hes had them the past 4 days his work and has them very night while i work but work are saying he may loose his job if he cant turn in this week which is why he is saying this as hes on agency.
We are strained for childcare anyway with me working etc
I have made it clear we will have to deal and ive recruited people to help us.

OP posts:
Original poster
chocolateorange93 · 06/05/2019 09:05

And still on probation

OP posts:
BlueMerchant · 06/05/2019 09:05

Do not discharge yourself. Regardless of whether the doctor's do discharge you later he MUST sort out childcare or stay off work himself.
Tell him you will not be responsible for childcare straight away when you are discharged. It's not fair and you need some time to recover- be that physically or mentally.
The selfish selfish man.

mintbiscuit · 06/05/2019 09:06

Totally agree with other posters.

But out of interest, what job does he do that is so important that he cannot take time off to care for his kids when his wife is in hospital?

isabellerossignol · 06/05/2019 09:07

You sound kind of worn down to even be saying 'I see his point of view'. If you are sick enough to be in hospital you are certainly sick enough to not be able to look after children, so even if you discharged yourself it would be ridiculous of him to expect you to do the childcare.

He is a parent too, and it sounds like what he is saying is that you're not allowed to be ill because it's inconvenient for him. Is he like this in general or is this a one off?

Original poster
chocolateorange93 · 06/05/2019 09:07

I meant hes had them past 4 days and has them all time im at work*

His work are threatening to let him go which we really cant cope with* *

OP posts:
OhTheRoses · 06/05/2019 09:09

Why are you in? Not necessarily my experience that hospitals don't keep you there for the sake of it. Have you asked whether you cd see the dr in outpatients if that's what you are waiting for before discharge?

Holidayshopping · 06/05/2019 09:09

but work are saying he may loose his job if he cant turn in this week which is why he is saying this as hes on agency.

He is clearly worried he is going to lose his job. What’s wrong with you-do the doctors know or are they running tests still?

ive recruited people to help us.

Who? Does your DP know this? Is he unhappy about who they are or something?

Original poster
chocolateorange93 · 06/05/2019 09:09

@isabellerossignol its a one off really

We really stressed money wise as he only just got this job ( 5 weeks in and hes already taken time off which docs said id be home and better by monday) which he told work but ovbioisly now im not and if he looses if which they are threatening we will end up homeless in the very near future

OP posts:
Bamb00 · 06/05/2019 09:09

With the huge shortage of beds in hospitals does he honestly think they're keeping you there for a jolly?! They're the professionals who are using a hugely limited resource to care for you, so they obviously think/know you need to be there right now, at least until you've seen the specialist and got their opinion. Don't discharge yourself, you need to get better. Tell him to figure something out. I'm sure he could arrange some help with childcare if needs be, just sounds like he doesn't want to deal with it all while you're in hospital. Hope you get better soon. X

ohapples · 06/05/2019 09:10

Don’t discharge yourself, stay where you are. It’s time like this when friends and family drop stuff to help.....if you don’t have family and friends close school acquaintances and neighbors and work will be very happy to help

BlueMerchant · 06/05/2019 09:10

Seen your last post.
Life happens. Surely he can't loose job in these circumstances. He needs to go and have an honest conversation with his boss. These are exceptional circumstances.

sighrollseyes · 06/05/2019 09:10

What a twat! He needs to step up to his parenting role! Hospital hasn't discharged you yet because you aren't ready - simple! If you self discharge and end up worse you'll be back in for longer!
I've been in hospital for 2 weeks in 2017 and 2 weeks in 2018 and 2 weeks in Jan this year. My DH did everything that was needed to sort DS out. Tell him to man up and be a father and a husband!

Original poster
chocolateorange93 · 06/05/2019 09:12

@ohapples

We havent really got any but my mum. No one else helps as our grandparents/his parents are too old and struggle to keep the 2 youngest so we never get help from them and his work are telling him they will terminate him if he cant come in this week

OP posts:
Original poster
chocolateorange93 · 06/05/2019 09:13

@BlueMerchant as hes still on probation and through an agency for 13 weeks til hes taken on properly through the company he really doesnt have a leg to stand on as they will just replace him

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 06/05/2019 09:13

Honestly my first reaction was WTF, what an abusive bastard.

But it sounds less like he just doesn't want to take time off (which your OP sounded like) and more that he is panicking about the situation as a whole.

That can't go on long term. Who have you asked to help, have they got back to you? Don't discharge yourself.

Boomsk · 06/05/2019 09:13

Tough call. But you say you've managed to find someone now ye?

Cottonwoolmouth · 06/05/2019 09:14

Can you put them in nursery?

OrdinarySnowflake · 06/05/2019 09:15

Can you speak to your mum, explain he'll lose his job if he cant go to work tomorrow and you are still in hospital, ask if she can have the dcs or help arrange childcare.

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 06/05/2019 09:17

Your update throws a different shade on things.
If you are in hospital you’re in for a reason and if he will lose his job because of it then surely the only choice you have is to pay for emergency childcare, nobody else being available isn’t er smof firmeds or family.

Hope you are home soon

Omzlas · 06/05/2019 09:17

If you leave before a Dr has said that you're fit to be discharged, you may well end up back at square one, risk your own job and him taking even longer off work. Is there a friend you trust who could help out?

He's being selfish but sort of understanding. He's trying to keep his job (and therefore your home etc) but surely your health should take priority. Even if you are discharged, that doesn't mean that you'll be up to looking after your kids.

Plus, the NHS doesn't admit you and then keep you for shits and giggles. You read every day aboit people being discharged too early or not being admitted when they should have been. There are obviously concerns for your health, you both need to take them seriously.

Original poster
chocolateorange93 · 06/05/2019 09:17

My mum is trying to wrangle to help currently but unsure if she can

And oh deffo just stressing about situation he loves having the kids on weekends im off hell take them all out so i can sleep/relax etc hes really supportive

I think he deems what im in for as abit stupid but obviously as its causing me trouble i dont

I am in and out of hospital for weeks at a time sometimes but back then he was with a company who couldnt do anything if he took weeks off etc as he had his unions backing but at this place he has no support and they will just replace him

My original post i wrote in haste as was upset in general due to the pain meds not working

OP posts:
formerbabe · 06/05/2019 09:18

I think some of the comments are uncalled for. If his job is in jeopardy, then perhaps he is feeling desperate and worried about money rather than just can't be arsed to look after his kids.
No, I don't think you should discharge yourself. You're obviously there for a reason.

Are the children school age? Breakfast club, after school club? Do you have money you can throw at the situation? Emergency nanny?

MadAboutWands · 06/05/2019 09:19

From your updates, you and only you can take the decision of this is a good idea or not and how much your ur health is likely to suffer.
Pushing through might well make things harder and for you to take longer to get better, which will help no one.

I get the lack of support and the issue with money coming in.

BUT, will you REALLY be able to look after the dcs (how old are they?) and what if you suddenly need to be rushed back to hospital?

If your dcs are old enough, what about enlisting/paying a teenager to take them to school and bring them back home at the end of the day?

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