Come on Ohdear, you have the strength to get through this. Shit happens in life, you've been given a raw deal lately but you are still here and that's through to your determination and strength. I shall quote to you a friend who was told this by her psychiatrist when she was at the lowest ebb a human being could ever get to; "your children are very lucky, they are seeing you now with your face in the dirt but they will watch as you pick yourself up, dust yourself down and carry on with your head held high, and from that they will learn about courage in the face of adversity and they will be able to face anything life throws at them, they are lucky children indeed!" I hope you can take that same advice. You might think that there is no ending to your suffering, that you will feel like this forever, but you won't, life changes and a month, 2 months, 3 months, a year from now you will feel differently, you will be in a different situation. When I was pregnant less than a year ago and feeling that life was not worth living, if anyone had told me that just 8 months down the line I would be starting a new life in France I would have laughed in their faces just before throwing myself off the nearest bridge! And what a waste that would have been because here I am trying to live my dream. Be strong, live life, there isn't another chance, this is it, you make your own dreams so go and make them!