A glass of water - the self-optimisation thread

[pigmcpigface]

Let me start by saying this is an experiment, and I have no idea if it will work!

I made a thread called 'Shit, I'm obese'. It was about getting onto the scales and finding out that I was far more overweight than I had realised. A bunch of other Mumsnetters joined in, very sympathetically, to say they'd been through the same thing, but had lost weight and I shouldn't despair. Others posted that they were in the same place as I was, and that they wanted to lose weight too. Some said that they didn't have problems with weight loss, but they had other goals they wanted to reach.

This has just made me think- rather than having weight loss threads with a one-eyed focus on pounds and ounces, why don't we have a thread devoted to wellbeing more generally? That means fitness, healthy eating, happiness, self-development, and generally feeling comfortable and at peace with ourselves. It can mean learning to run or to do yoga, or fulfilling a life ambition, reaching a career goal, or getting a qualification. It might mean anything from tidying and sorting the house to huge emotional steps - leaving a bad relationship, or finding a good one.

It can, in fact, mean achieving ANY goal that is related to self-care and that can be reached by steady baby steps each day, with the help of a supportive bunch of people.

I also thought it would be good if we had a kind of "base" activity. This is a first step, but also something to do when things get overwhelming. When everything feels too much and you feel like giving up. When you're having a really bad day and are tempted to do something that doesn't care for yourself. It had to be something simple, straightforward, quick and accessible to most people, but that would be a tiny thing to look after yourself when the chips are down. So I settled on the idea of drinking a glass of water (hydration is important, right?!!). The point is that if you take even a little step, like drinking a tiny bit more fluid, you can feel just a bit better - and that this makes taking other steps a bit easier too.

Anyone with me?

So many great achievements here, so many amazing women!
My self-care today has been two-fold: giving my stomach a rest (after some poor food choices) by only having kefir & Slimfast shake. And taking my daughter & friend shopping for 2 whole hours (my mobility issues makes this a rarely tried challenge).
I also moved out of my comfort zone by talking to a stylist about what suits my body shape, when normally I would just shuffle off & look for another sack!

Hi all

Yes @morphene, I reckon I’d struggle to heave myself up the climbing wall at the moment! Luckily, the course doesn’t start till June. I may actually do the course after that so I don’t miss any when I go on holiday in June.

So, yesterday was a super healthy day diet-wise , but I didn’t actually do any of the planned exercise... Today I did a workout at home with some weights, then dc1 and I went for a nice walk in the woods and played in the play area for a bit. Diet hasn’t been so good though and I’m clearly a smart phone addict! I might lock it away tomorrow as I can’t leave it alone.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

I’m trying to plan some nice, healthy meals for the week, which my family will also eat.

I really wish I had a live-in chef who could plan and prepare lots of lovely healthy food. Meal planning and cooking is the bane of my life. I really don't enjoy it at all plus fussy eater children don't help so it's much easier to just go for the stuff that's easy to cook but not good for you. If I win the lottery, employing a chef would be top of my wish list!

So, apart from not doing very well food wise, I'm doing ok with the exercise. Had a day off today but for the last 5 days I have cycled, either on my exercise bike or on my actual bike. Exercise bike has been 5k in 20 minutes each time, actual bike has been 15min to and from work (not sure of distance - maybe about 3k?)

I always drink quite a bit of water anyway but a couple of times over the last few days I have stood still by the sink having a glass when I've felt particularly anxious and thought of this thread and it's really helped. So thank you for the idea of such a simple act - it really helps.

YY @wenchelda. I have two fairly fussy eaters here, (dc1 and dh)? and it does make for fun and games at mealtimes.

Very well done on the cycling. That sounds brilliant.

@Rosey I meant to say that I’ve heard about the resting your stomach thing and it does sound like there’s something in it. I know someone who swears by doing various sorts of fasts, as a sort of gastric reset. Do you find it useful?

Random question mark there^^

Am waking up early tomorrow for a run, as my DD is I'll and not going to school tomorrow. I can run pushing one child in a buggy, but not two!!

Think of me as the sun is going up! I hope it's dry at least.

I'm also putting my name in the random ballet entry for the London marathon. The website opens tomorrow so I'm doing it before I chicken out. The odds of me getting a place are slim but why not. I can do a different marathon next year instead. (She says, with reckless abandon)

Well it’s Monday morning here, and the start of my ten weeks. I have set myself a challenge for each week. This week is a bunch of challenges from YouTube if anyone wants to join me (Sally up squats, Butt challenge sorry song, Sally up leg raises, Thunderstruck burpees, Sally up push ups) they’re no more than 4 minutes or so each, but my hope is something like this releasing the endorphins to push me more through the day. Today is a day of tidying, hopefully we’ll get out for a mini day trip in the afternoon, and the kids are back at school tomorrow. I always start well, it’s in a week or two that I still need to be this positive.

I agree with what Xenia (I think it was) said that we all have our own ways and opinions about what works. Fasting definitely works, and I can get behind the science of it, but for me I get too hangry, and that isn’t fair on everyone else, I also end up feeling really bad about myself because I’m such an ogre. I know I can eat well, clean etc, and lose weight, it’s just life gets stressful and the wine come out, with all it’s extra useless delicious calories. I need less wine, and to be able to get back to the plan if I do have an occasional evening with the vino. (Again for me I know denying myself becomes a psychological minefield, I end up doing well, and then gorging on the forbidden food as a reward )

@DanceDisaster kudos to you. I remember breastfeeding with a difficult feeder, have a glass of water and be kind to yourself. As with everyone else the incidental exercise can have a massive impact. DH started riding to work, an hour each way, which was the same amount of time if he drove, or took the train. When we watched the diet too he lost 8kg (bastard).

@Wenchelda we had a food box delivered the company was tied in with weight watchers so the meals were really well balanced. The company went bankrupt so I’ve been lost in the quagmire too. I hate the planning part, but am more than happy to cook.

@RoseyOldCrow congratulations on your achievements, realizing the benefits we get from stepping outside our comfort zones far outweigh the fear. That is something I’m going to keep in mind this week.

@Morphene I started the c25k just by timing the walk and runs as per the nhs timings and a watch, I’m not great with counting! But it is doable, I won’t lie though I found it much easier with some woman in my ear telling me when to walk and when to run.

@Marmitesoldiers yes self care, it’s always the last thing on the list, for the next 10 week (at least) it is going to the top, the rest of the stuff will still get done, just by a better happier me!

And @pigmcpigface thanks again for starting this

I’m going to check in at wine o’clock here, so early morning with you guys.

Only one of those YouTube things a day (Just did the squats )

Ran this morning, got out the door at 5.10am. Twas lovely to watch the sun rising. I've also meditated with the DC before they've gone to school this morning so it's a good start to the week!

Off to drink more water. :)

Shiny I was a bit agog that you were doing all those exercises in one go!!!

Mornin' all!!

I had a decent weekend. Some real slipups (a curry on Saturday night!!) but I did a ton of pretty intensive physical activity too. I am feeling so much better for eating a bit less and doing some exercise, it's unreal. I'm also really proud of myself for sticking to 350ml of wine two nights a week - for me, this is a big reduction as I tend to use going to the pub with friends as my sole means of relaxation. Have spoken to friends (with trepidation) and they are joining me in going for walks instead, which is really lovely of them!

Morphene - the couch to 5k programme is really simple. You don't need an app to do it, just one of those digital watches that has seconds on it. There are written instructions here:

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/c25k/Pages/couch-to-5k-plan.aspx

All the app does is to play you some muzak and bark these instructions at you as you go.

This is one of those strange coincidences that sometimes happens - I am in the same boat as you wrt publishing in a new area of research. I don't think I can talk about this yet on here - but it's one of the major reasons I started this thread. I am utterly paralysed with terror, to the point that I'm not going forward with anything work-wise, and I feel utterly ashamed of how stupidly afraid I am of the new challenge. I'm actually having counselling to try to help me, it's awful.

On a lighter note, rock climbing gives me the willies, I am NOT good with heights! DH loves hills, so he wanted to watch that Mountain documentary yesterday. I viewd the whole thing from behind hands held in front of my face, while silently mouthing "Noooooooo!".

Rosey - that's absolutely fantastic that you asked a stylist. I strongly suspect that part of this whole thing is about NOT FEELING ASHAMED. Accepting - and loving - who you are is a much better place for being able to sustain improvement than feeling low and awful about yourself.

shiny - I like the sound of these challenges (especially, if I am honest, the 4 minute bit)! What Youtube channel do I go to?

athing - the marathon?! OMG, you crazy, mad, wonderful, brave thing you! That's totally inspiring.

dance - know what you mean about the smartphone! They are SO addictive! The only saving thing for me is that I'm really forgetful and often leave it at home by accident.

wenchelda - 5k in 20 minutes sounds great, go you! I really feel you on the chef thing. Part of the problem is that I'm not the kind of woman who is a great cook - I find it difficult to do, and I often fail, which is disheartening. I think when you have fussy eaters, that adds a whole new hurdle too. One thing I'm finding helpful is that I was given a couple of cookbooks for Christmas - Fresh India by Meera Sodha and A Modern Way to Eat by Anna Jones, both of which are quite healthy. I'm forcing myself to do a new recipe each week (and to walk to the shops to get any additional ingredients I need to do this). I double the ingredients and then freeze the rest for a "free pass" reward day where I can just defrost a healthy homemade readymeal.

Ooooh! Thanks for the written instructions! That was exactly what I was after!

Oh crap - now I have no excuses....

Although my ears are gummed up and I feel sea sick lying in bed which may do it.

Badminton and C25K tomorrow though!

Oh no, morphene - you sound properly sick! Are you able to take some decent rest today? Hope you feel much better soon.

Man - I didn't even read the rest of your post I got so excited about c25k.

Do you work as an academic then? If so I completely an utterly get the terror issue. Its just awful the pressure you get which has no other effect (as far as I can see) than seizing up all the internal workings of the mind! I think I had my academic mid life crisis early...I've already mourned the fact my academic career was very unlikely to be anything like that which I dreamed of before getting the job and accepted that glittering success was more chance than anything else. Since then I have been relaxing into a state of accepting mediocrity as a possible way to exist and spending a lot of time pointing out to colleagues that we only get paid 2/3rds the salary of a train driver...and they don't have to put up with constant BS about being world leading all the fecking time.

This has freed up substantial emotional resource which I am at least in part using to be better at doing my job than I was when I was paralysed with the pressure I was putting on myself....although mostly I am using it to feel happier and enjoy my family more....

Morphene - I'm academic precariat - RA work, a bit of teaching, trying to write in my own time to get my career restarted. I was a full-time lecturer for a very short while, but had to give up the job because I got really physically unwell and the NHS did absolutely fuck all about it until it was far too late (then, when they did take action, it was at hte cost of primary infertility). I'm still fighting to come back from that double whammy to be honest. That's a whole different story, though. A lot of my issues go back to the thought of "I worked so hard, and it all got taken away, so what's the point trying at anything any more?" This thread, this way of thinking, is an attempt at reaching escape velocity from those feelings.

DH is a very successful academic. I've learned a lot watching his career progress. And one thing I've learned is that actually it IS possible to do the thing in a 50 hour week, you just have to be really canny about where you cut corners. (The new REF framework helps).
So don't write off your academic career just yet - you may well find that not giving a flying fuck actually benefits you.

I'm so sorry to hear that you were so badly let down. A physical shock like that - and potentially losing a future you had always seen yourself can be very traumatic. I'm not surprised you are battling yourself at the moment.

I think the key insight I have had about academia is that it really is just a job. People like to think it isn't...that its some sort of gift, or privilege or calling or something, but when you come down to it its just a job. When you strip away all the aspiration and world leading emotional baggage, you are left with spending your time doing something for money...and if you don't actually enjoy it then what, as they say, is the point? If you are smart enough and have the skills to get where you are already then there are a million and one things you could be doing...if getting a career going in academia feels like stabbing yourself repeatedly in the eye with an icicle then you are absolutely allowed to do something more joyful with your life instead!

The things I am good at and actually enjoy about my role as an associate professor are not the things I thought I would enjoy...they also aren't the things the university most values...but screw it...they need doing. So I guess for me it has been about finding a way I can contribute without destroying my mental health...and valuing my contribution even if others don't always.

But honestly, if the atmosphere were ever to take a turn for the more hostile or pressured (I'm looking at you Brexit) then I wouldn't stay. There are easier ways to earn the money, some of which would probably give me more personal satisfaction...

I'm certainly not saying you shouldn't pursue an academic career...but I am saying you should do a proper unemotional weighing of the pros and cons. It could be that your anxiety is holding you back from something that you would love...but it could also be that you are driving yourself toward something because its what you always thought you would do, and actually it'd just be quite shit when you got there....

We are all doing so well with this, thank you pig for the inspiration & lovely comments.
(Not writing any more as my phone is being disruptive - however because I'm a capable lass, I'll go into Settings & try to fix it!)

If Morphene is sick I think rest is usually the best thing and I would aviod any exercise until better and just concentrate on eating a bit better. All fine here - weighed self this morning which I haven't for a while and it wasn't too bad and the no breakfast and veyr late lunch is working for me.

Good luck to everyone else. Now my children at university I must say there really should be no excuses here. I am not cooking for anyone else. I've more time despite working full time and I'm not ill like some others. Just like food though....

I'm shivering under covers with a pot nearby. Is Morphene to blame?!

I thought I'd just overstretched myself with my run this morning but I'm properly feeling rough. Leaving everything to DH while I hide.

Oh no @morphene and @athing! I thought flu season was behind us now. Hope you’re both ok.

@op for you. That story re your treatment by the nhs is awful. You sound fab and I love that you started this lovely, positive thread.

Oh dear - sorry its catching!

If it helps I'm feeling much better now so hopefully you'll be on the mend soon too :)

athing - you poor thing. Rest, rest, rest! Sometimes I think that when we make a decision to look after ourselves, the body does a huge sigh and thinks "I can get this out of my system now"... and we get ill. Hope you feel much better soon and that today's sunshine cheers you up. I think Xenia is spot on about you and Morphene resting until you feel a lot better. Be gentle!

Xenia - I'm in the same boat with not having any valid excuse and Just. Liking. Food. The trouble is, I have no off switch unless I'm very disciplined.

I changed my alcohol intake 2 weeks ago, and my diet a week ago and I haven't lost four stone yet. It's SO unfair! In fact, the scales haven't moved at all - but I do know from past experience that this is because I'm really premenstrual (sorry for TMI) and I am basically a huge water-filled balloon right now. Despite knowing this, however, it still made me feel a moment of grumpiness that the needle hadn't moved .

morphene - I don't really have any large ambitions for an academic career (and I'm very lucky that I'm in a position to be able to say that); I just want to be able to write what I want to write without feeling this paralysing fear. At the moment, I wake up at night feeling frustrated with how little I've done - and panicky that I don't seem to be able to sort it.

The weather here is glorious today - hope it is just as lovely for you all, and that you can get outside for a bit of a walk in a lunch hour or after work.

I have a full 1.5 kg weight bump associated with menstrual water retention...its a right bugger.

I will go to badminton tonight! I will do whatever day one is on C25k as well.

I hope you will all give me a proper kicking in the tomorrow if I have to admit I didn't...

op sorry for dumping loads of career angst all over the thread...I think I protest to much because I'm not as over it all as I wish I was!

morphene - this thread shouldn't be all about weight loss or body image; it's totally about career goals, educational goals etc too! So far from having dumped on the thread, you've just opened the envelope for people to talk about a different aspect of their objectives! I, for one, really appreciate it.

Badminton and C25k is a lot! We are definitely not gonna give you a kicking if only do one of those!

My good friend has helped me with the DC all day, so I've been able to properly rest. I'm feeling better this evening, but I haven't really eaten today so that is still a test to pass. It's hard for me to sit here listening to life going on downstairs, though, even if I know I need to leave them to it.

athing - your friend sounds like a gem! So glad you are feeling a bit better, keeping my fingers crossed that you get that lovely rush of energy that comes from food, and not a rush of... something else.

I know what you mean about wanting to be down amongst it, but take some time for YOU! Read something trashy. Watch some crap TV. Sleep.