A glass of water - the self-optimisation thread

[pigmcpigface]

Let me start by saying this is an experiment, and I have no idea if it will work!

I made a thread called 'Shit, I'm obese'. It was about getting onto the scales and finding out that I was far more overweight than I had realised. A bunch of other Mumsnetters joined in, very sympathetically, to say they'd been through the same thing, but had lost weight and I shouldn't despair. Others posted that they were in the same place as I was, and that they wanted to lose weight too. Some said that they didn't have problems with weight loss, but they had other goals they wanted to reach.

This has just made me think- rather than having weight loss threads with a one-eyed focus on pounds and ounces, why don't we have a thread devoted to wellbeing more generally? That means fitness, healthy eating, happiness, self-development, and generally feeling comfortable and at peace with ourselves. It can mean learning to run or to do yoga, or fulfilling a life ambition, reaching a career goal, or getting a qualification. It might mean anything from tidying and sorting the house to huge emotional steps - leaving a bad relationship, or finding a good one.

It can, in fact, mean achieving ANY goal that is related to self-care and that can be reached by steady baby steps each day, with the help of a supportive bunch of people.

I also thought it would be good if we had a kind of "base" activity. This is a first step, but also something to do when things get overwhelming. When everything feels too much and you feel like giving up. When you're having a really bad day and are tempted to do something that doesn't care for yourself. It had to be something simple, straightforward, quick and accessible to most people, but that would be a tiny thing to look after yourself when the chips are down. So I settled on the idea of drinking a glass of water (hydration is important, right?!!). The point is that if you take even a little step, like drinking a tiny bit more fluid, you can feel just a bit better - and that this makes taking other steps a bit easier too.

Anyone with me?

Morning all! I was woken up at 6am by DH this morning . I could have done with a bit more sleep, as yesterday's exercise has left me quite tired, so feeling a bit discombobulated and fuzzy-headed. I'm sitting here, sipping my glass of water, and remembering that it's baby steps, and that if I tackle one thing at a time I can still avoid today being a right-off.

Congratulations on the wedding woozles! You have loads of time before December to lose that weight. Totally doable. I guess you'll be doing a lot of detailed planning in the next few months too - we are here to support and hand hold!

As feelslike so perceptively says, I think most of us have a series of goals that are psychologically interconnected. Perhaps cracking things one at a time, and persisting at it, is key? I'm impressed with how ambitious your goals are -five full-on workouts a week is a recipe for being really, really fit!

I love Xenia's idea that it's not a diet, but rather the creation of new, positive habits for a happier life... forever. I do think that she's right that different things work for different people too. It would be so much easier if there were a one-size-fits-all approach rather than having to do this difficult and bothersome self-discovery stuff on top

On reporting back: I wonder if it's a good idea if we report in fairly regularly in the first instance, then less if people are finding it a burden. I've seen other kinds of support groups do this - you basically start by trying to be VERY conscious of the decisions you are making, and then ease off when it gets a bit easier and more habitual. This is what helps me, anyway. I don't think anyone should feel that they have to do anything that will add stress/strain to their life though - it may be that others find a different pattern helpful.

Oh, and for those wanting to lose weight or eat more healthily, I watched the documentary that was recommended on my other thread - Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall on obesity and it's really good. It's not hectoring at all, but it has made me more conscious of the need to read the traffic light labels in the supermarket.

Lovely idea OP. I’m not one of those change everything overnight people. I’ve realised I have to introduce healthy habits bit by bit and let them bed in before taking on the next task.

So I started yoga eighteen months ago, then added Pilates and now I’m doing a dance class to get some cardio in. I’ve toned all my muscles which makes my body look much better but am struggling to actually diet.

Meanwhile I’m gradually sorting out the house, decluttering room by room. Like other habits, it’s taking ages but I’m persevering.

Then I want to start my own business from home. It’s taking me ages to get going and people are getting frustrated with me because I’ve got all the training but it takes me a while to take that final step. I’ve still got to sort out the paperwork I need before doing it. I’ve got most of it done but can’t quite finish it off. I’d like to get it done in the next couple of months.

I love this thread!

I'm in, I've realised I need to practice a bit more self love (as wanky as that sounds) after years of low self esteem, anxiety and depression.

I have put on half a stone since Christmas, and whilst I'm only officially only 1lb overweight, I would like to lose at least a stone to put myself back in my comfort zone. I started yesterday, cutting out bread and tracking my food through my fitness pal.

Also started couch to 5k so definitely going to sign up to a race to give myself a goal.

So my goals (aiming for to do this by September as going on holiday)
Lose 1 stone
Complete a 5k
Pass one unit in a professional qualification I am studying for
Drink more water
Better skincare routine.

Looking forward to reading everyone's updates - need all the inspiration I can get!

Yesterday I was given a box of chocolates. I ate some, but not the whole box! I went running last night, not as a punishment for eating the chocolate, but because I really wanted to. Ran a personal best, too.

I'm sitting waiting for my dd's school awards ceremony and they are playing that song "what have you done today to make you feel proud", which is apt for this thread.

Marmite - Yay, go you! You've made so much positive change already. I know what you mean about taking a deep breath before that final plunge into setting up your own business. I used to run my own little freelance thing, and I can remember how scared I felt to 'register' it and get going. The process is really easy, though - much more straightforward than I had imagined, and it felt like an amazing milestone when I had done it! It'll be the same for you, I'm sure!

Golden - 1lb overweight is nothing, really - I'm actually quite envious of you and I wish I'd been as wise as you are in tackling this while it's still a minor and quick issue to sort out! But, in saying that, I'm not for a second diminishing how much even a small change in weight can affect your mood and self-esteem. I'm sure you'll shift that stone!

I think part of the problem is that self-care and self-love DO sound wanky, don't they? But women especially are really bad for thinking "Oh, I can't take time for me, I need to look after everyone else", like there is a diametric opposition there. But really, you can care for others better if you care for yourself properly first. Someone once gave me a (rather disturbing) analogy about a situation in which oxygen masks come down on a plane. You put your mask on first, so that you can help others as effectively as possible. Because if you try to help others first, and there's a problem, and you end up passing out because you have no oxygen, then both you and those depending on you are in deep, deep shit - and you've created a huge mess for others too. I think self-care is a bit like that: putting yourself first isn't selfish or self-centred, it's self-optimising.

athing - Oh my God, that's a huge test. Well done you and doubly well done for the PB.

I have that song going round my head now. It's a much better earworm than Wild Cherry's Play that Funky Music, which has been stuck in my head since a shop yesterday morning!!

Thanks pig. Is it just me but do we women minimise our efforts? If you were a bloke you wouldn’t say ‘little freelance thing’, you’d be talking as if you’re Rupert Murdoch and Richard Branson combined! As you say it’s an amazing milestone, so thanks for the support, it’s another step on getting me going.

I think self care is a big issue for women. Maybe we have to name it because it doesn’t come naturally and guys wouldn’t even have to think about meeting their own needs first, they’d just do it. I find I have to consciously do things for myself, like pig says, so I’m not spread so thinly when helping others. My things are making time for exercise classes and having an occasional massage. Also having nights out and occasionally going to bed early with a book. We all need to find the things that top our energy reserves and make ourselves feel good. Love to hear what works for others - may get some ideas and also it’s a good way of making sure you prioritise them.

Love the idea of this, I struggle with motivation and can find myself weighed down with anxiety.

Next week sees the beginning of the new school term for us so I was planning to use that as my new start point, it’s a ten week term so aiming for 10kg which is just under 2.5 pounds a week.

There is definitely a mix of personal achievements, healthy and weight and motivation, which I think a glass of water makes for a great start.

I’ll explain more when we’re over the school holidays and I have a keyboard not my phone (I’m also normally a lurker type rather than verbose)

marmite - I reckon you're just about spot on there! One of the things I've realised is that I struggle to even think of activities that I'd actually find relaxing for me in myself (as opposed to "Oh I'd feel better/less guilty if that job were out of the way).

shinty - That sounds like a great timescale to think in. 10 week blocks feel doable, don't they? For me, it's 10 weeks til I'm off on holiday (first proper holiday in a very, very long time), so that's focusing my mind a bit. I would like to feel a bit more energetic and elegant for it.

Energetic and elegant sounds like a great motto.

I want to feel stronger, in my body I know I can be, not sure emotionally, but I’m going to fucking try

What a lovely inspiring and thoughtful thread. Thank you for starting it Pig. My main issue I need to tackle is my weight. I’m on day 3 of the 16/4 diet and frantically reading Jason Fung for increased motivation and bamboozlement 😁.

No.........
the 16/8 diet. Only 4 hours of eating would be pure torture.

Welcome teta and what on earth is the 16/4 diet? Just that phrase makes it sound complicated

shiny - for you. Somoene I know who is very much wiser than me always says "Start with small things, and the emotional side will follow, slowly but surely".

I'll join you if that's alright, was watching your other thread too. I am 32, a first time mum (baby is now just over 2 months old) and classed as obese on the bmi scales at 160 cm and 83.5 kg. This is the same as my pre-pregnancy weight as I was not able to keep any food down during pregnancy and I kind of got in a habit of eating whatever tasted nice and provided energy quickly (chocolate!) as I knew it would come back up. Unfortunately since baby arrived I am finding it hard to cut out the chocolates now! So me and DH decided to cleanse our diets. I have started doing the C25K (downloaded the app) and on the days I am not running I try to get out for at least 30 minutes with baby in the pram. I am finding it very hard to leave the baby atm so one goal is to become more emotionally stable so I don't feel guilty leaving baby to go running/shower/go to toilet or whatever. I also need to start going back to my counseller to address issues from my childhood that have really come to the forefront of my mind since becoming a mum myself. Also I obviously need to lose weight but moreso I want to get fitter and be able to run around after my DC and enjoy spending time with them. My plan is to be able to run 5K or 30 mins non stop by the start of June, then move on to extending that distance or doing 5K faster. Once I work on my guilt issues I would like to spend more time by myself (hard with a little one!) and spend more time reading, I love reading but when babba is asleep there is always something else to be done. So I have a lot to work on but will get there eventually. Thank you for starting this thread OP

What a good idea!
Water is so important, and I'm amazed by how many people I know who just don't drink anywhere near enough.
I buy the 17p Tesco own brand 2L bottles of water (sometimes sparkling as a treat), pop one in the fridge the night before and make sure to drink it all the next day.

I lost 110lbs 5/6 years ago and have kept all but a stray stone off. I did it through gradual lifestyle changes and a focus on health and happiness. Years of fad diets may have helped me lose weight (which usually crept back), but eating healthily made the big difference.

You're going to have to live in your body for your whole life, so look after it well! Now I won't let anything pass my lips unless it nourishes my body and offers nutritional benefit. You wouldn't put the wrong fuel in your car, so I can't comprehend why I used to put the wrong fuel in my body.
Don't look to food to treat yourself - look for activities you love that lead to self improvement!

Count me in.

Mine are

Declutter and unpack (just moved, post Divorce settlement) and create the lovely home that I want it to be.

Move on emotionally from Divorce, feel happier, calmer and healthier.

Lose 2stone when I can, but in the meanwhile get a bit fitter and start taking a bit more care in my appearance, get enough sleep, etc.

Drinking water agree is a very good step.

I have been clearing long stored boxes of stuff and old clothes over the last few months (as youngest children just went to university) and it's a very nice feeling to get rid of things you don't need. I've still got a lot of sorting out left. I actually found the periods of very heavy lifting, 3 consecutive trips to the council tip with full cars of heavy wood and other junk made me feel very good not least for all the heavy lifting, same as when I used to carry twin toddlers around or heavy shopping.

I do drink water (tap water) (and also cocoa with just hot water in it).

What you will always find on threads like this is everyone has their own ideas of what works and that is fine. I suppose the bottom line is just about everyone loses weight if they eat fewer calories than they expend but getting to that we can do it in different ways. hat works for me in no breakfast and then a big lunch which is my main meal as late as possible in the afternoon and no snacks and just eating loads and loads of veg, fish, eggs, loads of good oils, olive oil, avocado etc. and it makes me feel good (and no processed food). However you would equally lose weight on 1000 calories a day of junk food although I doubt it makes people feel good.

andbabymakes - I have heard so many women talk about that guilt you describe, and it sounds quite overwhelming. Do remember that it's not a your needs versus the baby's needs, but a synergy. By being happier and healthier and the best you that you can be, you'll be more able to fulfil your baby's needs, not less.

tp4 - if I forget to drink water (and sometimes I do), I'm always amazed by how fuzzy-headed and lethargic I feel. It does pep you up, surprisingly. Utterly in awe of your 110lbs weight loss. Thats 50kg! WOW!

anapple - I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce. But also glad that you are moving on, into a new chapter. Congratulations on your new house! You'll have to tell us all about it, so we can envy your new pad! I am unpacking myself at the moment - trying to sort out a house after building work, and constantly asking how there can be this much dust in the world and why all of it is in my home. Maybe Xenia can share a few tips with us? Sounds like she's got organisation nailed!

Morning all!

Just checking in.

So progress so far has mainly been on diet. I’ve tried to hugely reduce all processed food, including sugar, bread, pasta etc. I had a busy morning yesterday as ds had to have his tongue tie released at hospital. It was supposed to improve breastfeeding, which it has, but we’re still having some problems.

Anywho, I managed to just have eggs with tomatoes and cheese for breakfast, but was ravenous by the time we got back from the hospital, so instead of making a salad I made a sandwich, though only used one piece of bread with no butter and some avocado and chicken breast on top. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start. I have to confess to still taking sugar in the odd cup of tea - a bad habit I picked up in pregnancy which I need to cut out.

I’m also making some switches, like no more cheese and biscuits, but will have an oatcake with hummus or nut butter instead. Switched to red wine instead of white or beer etc, (I’m not drinking a lot anyway at the mo due to feeding). Also have bought some very dark chocolate in case I get desperate for filthy, sugary chocolates or cake.

Exercise has been less successful, though it’s early days... I’m still trying to figure out breastfeeding, (at 3 fecking months postpartum ), so ds and I didn’t leave the house at all after our appointment. But I am planning some yoga today and possibly starting C25K.

I was also checking out our local climbing wall. I’ve never tried it and I wouldn’t expect it to help me lose weight tbh, but I’d love to find a sport I really love doing. I love horse riding but can’t afford classes where we live - it’s outrageously expensive here. Anyway, the climbing centre runs beginners courses which I might sign up for.

Still no further re education / training courses. I have some money set aside for retraining to get back to work, but don’t really know what direction to go in yet.

What else? Hmmm I had one green tea and one decaff coffee, but the lure of my builders’ brew was too strong so I had a fair few of those too.

Sorry this is so long btw. I’m planning to update only this thread today and then stay away from mumsnet for a while as I’m trying to avoid using my phone so much and mn seems to keep me glued to my phone!

I managed to eat mostly healthily yesterday and actually got to bed at an almost reasonable time. So today going to be more productive this morning than my usual Saturday then a C25K session later. And not get sucked into reading AIBU

Dance, climbing is great fun, might not make you lose weight but is very good for toning. Go for it!

DD, that sounds like a very good start and good luck with the feeding. Luckily none of mine had tongue tie but it sounds like you've sorted it out. On the training I suppose think about what would most help your career, what kind of areas (I haven't read up above to see if you are on maternity leave and going back to work or not).

All fine here. Day 6 of no more hot cross buns (they had become an afternoon thing and had to be eaten 4 at a time.

(On organisation it is only because my youngest left for university so it's a very different picture even though I work full time in terms of time at home - lots more time to sort things out which is not possible for most people with small children)

Thanks both!

Well done on the early night and C25K session, not to mention breaking the hot crossed bun habit! We always have them in the house as Dh loves them. They’re very moreish...

@xenia

I’m a sahm and have been since having my eldest, three and a bit years ago. Before that I had a bit of a career in arranging corporate travel, but it wasn’t something I was especially passionate about and it also wasn’t wonderfully well paid, so I’m not planning to go back to it. Though, if a job somewhere really interesting cropped up and they wanted me, I could be tempted iyswim.

I’d really like to totally retrain. But I can’t decide what I want to do.

And thank you, yes, feeding has been very tricky and still is really.

Better late than never I hope.

I do need to lose weight, I really want to be able to do indoor rock climbing but I'm not strong enough, or fit enough.

I want to do a couch to 5 k, but don't own a smart phone or ipod so I don't know how to access it.

I also need to find the courage to start publishing in a new area of research. I'm finding it scary to face the possibility of rejection!