Here it is - the ultimate emetophobic thread - please come and read if you have 5 mins. Long. Sorry.

[twoisenoughmum]

This is my situation:

I suffer from emetophobia (fear of vomiting).

Last Thursday I went out for the evening with my girlfriends. During the course of the evening I discovered one of these friends had had a throwing up bug on the Tuesday.

On Sunday I spoke to another of these women - she had a throwing up bug on Saturday.

Both of these women's daughters are friends of my DDs at school and play with her all the time.

On Monday my DS and I went to lunch with another friend. Her middle son is friends with my DS and plays with him at nursery all the time. Her baby son had been ill with a tummy bug all through the weekend and had terrible diahorrea when we were there at her house.

Today, Wednesday, her middle son wasn't at nursery, I phoned her, he has gone down with the same stomach bug as her baby son.

I have since discovered that several other children at nursery have had stomach bugs and been off for days.

Took my DS to his art class today and the teacher cheerfully told me that her husband has the stomach bug. They also have a son in my DS's nursery.

I went to the Dr today to try and start the ball rolling in getting treatment for my phobia. Sobbed for ages in her room before I could get any words out. She has referred me to psych for CBT and meanwhile prescribed valium to calm me down short term.

Both my DCs have been closely exposed to stomach bugs very recently.

My DH who normally deals with such things because I can't is away Friday evening to Saturday evening.

They are both going to get ill when he is away aren't they?

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? I am going to have to run away from the house and call social services to go and rescue the children, aren't I ?

they won't if hey get the bug it will be around now. Is there anyone you can ask for help should you need it over the two days your dh is away???

I sympathies, close friend suffers from the phobia, so have seen it's effect.

Fuzzy - I wouldn't dream of asking anyone to help if either of my DCs was being sick. Mainly because if anyone asked me to help them out when stomach bug was in their house I wouldn't go near them with a bargepole! Would hate to pass it on. Its the ultimate in bad manners, as far as I'm concerned.

I can acknowledge the fact I am a good mum most of the time. I am just shite when they are sick. But this is when they need me most. Guilt. Feeling inadequate. Hating myself. I am an expert in this particular circumstance.

What a twunt I am.

Oh love, you're not a twunt. I was trying to explain this to dp last night - it's a (not totally irrational) FEAR. I don't know what to say other than the best thing I find in these circumstances is somehow trying to take your mind off it. If it happens YOU WILL COPE. This is horrible isn't it? I really feel for you xx

You will manage. You will. If you have to, you'll find you can, even if any sicked on stuff gets shoved in a bin bag (got one ready?) till your oh comes back to deal with it.

Get ready for minimising the impact, that's what I'd do. Boxes of tissues and buckets by kids beds overnight just in case (but sound cheerful when you're putting them there, don't make them nervous about it - faking lack of concern about sickness bugs and being sure they'll be fine is really important so you don't pass on the anxiety IMO), bin bags for clothes and bedding and tissues handy, rubber gloves handy, things to tie back long hair, boxes of tissues (handy for grabbing in a hurry and chucking away quickly), etc.

Don't interrogate kids every 2 mins about whether or not they're feeling sick - bad idea, again will make them anxious. Just watch out (quietly!) for warning signs of lack of appetite etc. Have loads of clean towels ready - good for spreading on floor under bucket or over bedding on bed. Be ready to cover up anything you'll hate cleaning, even with old sheets or whatever - miles easier to bundle up something and push it into the machine than to scrub carpet etc.

Basically get ready for it practically (even if kids don't realise you've done it), then sod's law will mean you don't need it anyway, and if you do it will be easier.

Oh definitely agree with being prepared - loads of towels everywhere

Message withdrawn

I have suffered with this phobia and I am now approaching the end of CBT with the therapist! What she has taught me is to reason with my thoughts, in a way turn them around. Rate them, how much do you believe it is really going to happen? After an hr rerate them did they come true? write them down give them an intensity out of 10 and then again when you rerate them. I must admit I have been fine all the time I have had this councillor but my last app is on Friday and Im really dreading it!

The way I went into my councilling(sp) I told her right at the beginning what I hoped for and that was not to be cured but to be given the tools to help me overcome this fear! she has and also a lot more, I have dealt with 2 vomit bugs and a flu bug that made DD sick a lot!

Good luck, a word of advice keep badgering the GP as I did , quite often the waiting list are horrendous - I had to wait 9mths!

Hope you're doing ok Twoisenoughmum

where are you in the country, two?

Hiya twoisenoughmum, your twin is here!

Now look, calm down. Your sons are not going to get ill when dh is away. It is far more likely that they will get ill in the next day or two and if they don't, you can surely rest a bit easier by the time your dh is about to go.

Oh and well done for going to the doctor btw. I went and did the hysterical sobbing thing too and got nowhere, so well done that you got referred to CBT. Try to pat yourself on the back for that. You have taken the first step to facing up to this phobia and defeating it. That is really brave of you. Tell yourself this. You need to know that you are not as weak and incapable as you think you are.

I am here virtually every day. I will look out for you because we emetophobes need to stick together!

Message withdrawn

Also just had a positive thought- not everyone always get the bug! look in a typical family, some of DC get it, some dont and quite often Parents tend not to get it, so I would say go and buy some of those disposable gloves and if it does happen then make sure you keep washing hands. Good luck I hope everything is ok for you!

and please at least every 2 wks go back to GP! Dont let them forget you!

Bubb - that is so interesting. What I want from my CBT is to learn how to stop putting my life on hold every time there is some hint of sickness in anyone who me or my family comes into contact with. With children of 6 and 3, this happens on an everyday level, so I am constantly WORRIED, borderline panicking, about vomiting in me or someone close to me. For example, I have been watching my kids like a hawk since last Thursday. They have both been fine so far - they may get sick - but I can't act like a nomral mum even when they're well because I'm constantly anticipating the time when they DO get sick. Its crippling and not doing them any good either. But I guess you know that!

Pruni - so kind of you!!!! But am in London, not Scotland. I have a dear friend who lives nearby who offered any help she could when she heard of my present dilemma. Also, my neighbour - said if DS gets sick over weekend, she would happily have DD for the day. You people amaze me! For my best friend in the world I wouldn't look after a sick child, or even the sibling of a sick child, this is what makes me feel like such a heathen.

I feel sorry for my DH who has a phobia of heights. So any trip we go on he can't go to the top of a tower or cliff to get the best view. Also phobic about needles, so every blood test or dentist trip is a problem for him. But, as he very sympathetically discussed with me today, he can avoid heights, whereas I can't avoid vomit in small dependents who need me to look after them.

Phobic: I read your post on the other emetophobic thread last night and am lovin your name!!!! Yes, I am ahead with washing, have buckets, clean muslins, old towels, lots of kitchen roll, bicarb of soda, dettox spray - all at the ready.

Just feel it is inevitable now. Am facing one of the biggest tests of my life!

Good God! My daughter spent 3 days in hospital with bronchiolitis when she was 8 months. Would rather go through that/any amount of snot/nose bleed/chicken pox/concussion/temperature/astham/excema/
diahorrea issues (all of which I can cope with perfectly well) issues than a single incidence of vomit!

I AM a twunt!

But thanks for listening.

Message withdrawn

Twoisenoughmum, so much of what you say could be me speaking that it is hard to pick out examples. You probably don't do hugs for fear of catching bugs and I don't like them either for the same reason but I think cyber hugs don't count so
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Message withdrawn

DDG - we are connected in so many ways. Not sure you know this, but we even had children in the same hospital (Kings) and even though I have got it bad I can accept ((((())))) and indeed gratefully receive them. Thank you so much.

HappyBigGirl - I saw your swimming pool thread the other night. Might have even posted on it. Sending you all my best wishes. And you are quite right - the previous incidences of stomach bugs in my house have come completely out of the blue! And what's more, the children have been less seriously ill than with other viruses. They have been happier/perkier (in between chucking up!) than with certain coughs/colds/infections I could mention. My DH reports that my DD can vomit into a bucket without ever taking her eye off the tv if required.

I would lay down in front of an express train if needed to save their lives. So why this problem???

Hey twoisenoughmum, if you could spend any time in Kings and escape without a major bug, you must be a strong woman! Was it not the filthiest place you had ever seen?

Also, that reminds me, you said on another thread not so long ago that we went to the same college too. Did we?

Come and chat to me! take your mind off your worries for a while!

You can't rationalise it though can you? Dp is scared of spiders. He knows they are (generally) harmless but it doesn't stop him shaking when he sees one. I would give anything for us never to be ill again.

Two, i know that feeling well.I still have it now, my DC are 7,9 and 12. I constantly worry if they are near people that have been ill, but please think positive- you are still letting your DC mix with these people, you dont realise how strong you are by letting them do that! keep posting , I am thinking of you!

Off to bed now - night all. And thank you. For some reason my DH came home very grumpy from his evening meeting and started an argument with me over being on Mumsnet and not wanting to drop everything and sit with him as soon as he got home - so we have had an enormous "this relationship just isn't working" sort of row and I'm thinking "no it isn't and if I just up and leave and somehow find a way to start a new life in another town I won't have the vomiting issue to confront and it would just be so much easier all round, even for the children, who would be better off without a dysfunctional mother like me".

Fucking hell. Sorry. Feeling a bit irrational maybe.

Also know that feeling too, have often thought that one as well, but when you wake later you will know that its not a rational thought- could you really leave your DC?

Hope you wake up feeling a bit better about things tomorrow, twoisenoughmum. I don't suffer from emetophobia but I just wanted to post a message of support as you've offered me very helpful advice on another thread.
I have a terrible fear of spiders (not just irrational but boringly commonplace - I couldn't have done much worse!). I am constantly frustrated by it and, at times, it is totally debilitating. I'm sad to report that my two-year-old DD is already showing signs of arachnophobia too, so i've obviously not done a good job of hiding it.

Well done for going for the CBT - I've heard it really works for stuff like this.

Message withdrawn