Here it is - the ultimate emetophobic thread - please come and read if you have 5 mins. Long. Sorry.

[twoisenoughmum]

This is my situation:

I suffer from emetophobia (fear of vomiting).

Last Thursday I went out for the evening with my girlfriends. During the course of the evening I discovered one of these friends had had a throwing up bug on the Tuesday.

On Sunday I spoke to another of these women - she had a throwing up bug on Saturday.

Both of these women's daughters are friends of my DDs at school and play with her all the time.

On Monday my DS and I went to lunch with another friend. Her middle son is friends with my DS and plays with him at nursery all the time. Her baby son had been ill with a tummy bug all through the weekend and had terrible diahorrea when we were there at her house.

Today, Wednesday, her middle son wasn't at nursery, I phoned her, he has gone down with the same stomach bug as her baby son.

I have since discovered that several other children at nursery have had stomach bugs and been off for days.

Took my DS to his art class today and the teacher cheerfully told me that her husband has the stomach bug. They also have a son in my DS's nursery.

I went to the Dr today to try and start the ball rolling in getting treatment for my phobia. Sobbed for ages in her room before I could get any words out. She has referred me to psych for CBT and meanwhile prescribed valium to calm me down short term.

Both my DCs have been closely exposed to stomach bugs very recently.

My DH who normally deals with such things because I can't is away Friday evening to Saturday evening.

They are both going to get ill when he is away aren't they?

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? I am going to have to run away from the house and call social services to go and rescue the children, aren't I ?

Thinking of you twoisenoughmum, and sending you positive vibes.

Thinking of you too

Thanks Tatties, DDG, Pregnabrain (I remember you from that nursery thread ), Happybiggirl (hope your DC not been ill since vomiting at the pool-side incident).

Quick update: have been at work all day. DD at school - both the girls whose mums were ill last week have been there every day, so they don't appear to have acquired the bug so far, so perhaps DD will get away with it.

DS at nursery - his little friend was off yesterday and today with stomach bug. We were at their house on Monday. The baby got sick on Saturday, the little friend (baby's brother) got sick on Tuesday, I'm not going to consider DS free from chance of catching it from them until Saturday or Sunday.

A day at work has done me good - away from the home issues etc.

Last night DS woke at midnight (from bad dream, I think). He came to bed with me but of course I was thinking all night he would be sick, so not much sleep.

Am beginning to think if I stop describing myself as emetophobic and telling every last person I meet about this problem all day every day then perhaps I can become a person who is NOT emetophobic, just a normal, regular person.

Am a qualified Life Coach and one little catch phrase I've learned in training that keeps popping up into my conscience is: if you are not quite the person you want to be, act "as if" you are that person as much as you possibly can. "Fake it until you make it". Tell yourself that you are what you want to be.

Now I am home with my large medicinal brandy under my belt (someone told me this helps you avoid catching bugs from your family, so take note everyone) I feel I could contemplate this theory of "faking it until I make it" with regards to emetophobia.

Is it possible to pretend vomit doesn't bother you, even if it does?

This is, ultimately, what we have to do for our children, isn't it? Even parents who aren't phobic can't possible like it when their kids are sick. But they have to pretend all is well, so kids keep calm etc. Its just a question of degrees by which we can manage it.

Message withdrawn

you most certainly are not a twunt. I've seen how this phobia effects my friend and I wouldn't dream of asking her to return the favour of taking care of sick kids for me....might ask her to bribe me with cocolate though....

twoisenoughmum, I try that positive, "let's pretend I am normal" thinking too. It kind of works for brief periods of time when there is no real threat of vomiting. Then a child coughs or moans unexpectedly in the night and I stiffen and feel my heart thudding 1000 times a minute and I realise I still have a long way to go! But I think the idea is a good one. Keep practising it.

Well I know things have moved on - but quick reply to DDG and anyone else still with me - DS still well. DH has now gone off for his 24 hours away. I'm about to put them to bed. I have the valium handy if I need it.

DS was mixing with the virus on Monday and Tuesday. Its now Friday night. Of course I don't consider myself (or him, bless his little heart) to be out of the woods.

Just like you DDG, we will never be out of the woods. The other day I calculated how many more years of this I might have to contend with - at least 15 years until DS leaves home!!!

How terrible to be wishing one's DCs childhood away.

I am appalled by the attitude of your Dr DDG. Can you go back and have another try? Or go private for the CBT? Or demand valium (like me) for emergencies when someone actually IS ill in your household?
Would your Dr have had the same attitude if you were agoraphobic? I don't think so, he/she would have felt it was affecting your life too much esp as you have 4 children and presumably need to go out occasionally. So why not with this phobia which is ALWAYS an issue with young dependents. Am on your behalf.

Happybiggirl - how are you all?

That was my old doctor Two. I am pleased to say I have moved now and the doctor I saw a few weeks back when I went into complete melt-down when dh went away for 2 weeks was very sympathetic. Still not much practical use, but he is supposed to have put me down for a relaxation course which I will try (though feel )

I think you are in the clear now with regards to the bug that was going round. When is dh back? Tomorrow night? I am out tonight but I will check in again here tomorrow.

No worries Belgian. Hope you're feeling better now.

Do you feel in the least bit improved (re. your phobia) when you went through it with DD recently?

I do think that exposure helps. You learn that you do survive at least! But none of us would ever volunteer to be exposed would we? Which makes recovery a little bit tricky ...

Message withdrawn

Had to add my twopenneth as I too am emetophobic - the doctor gives me a regular supply of antiemetics as I can make myself feel sick with just a minute amount of stress.

Can totally empathise with the cough / moan in the night. I totally freak, start feeling nauseas and spend the night listening to the thud of blood rush around my ears.

No-one understands me (well, they understand me, but not the phobia) but I don't dwell on it - it's one of those things. I am learning to live with it especially now that summer's on the way! Winter's the worst as that's when all the vomiting bugs come out and I spent this winter on edge throughout.

I'm also fastidious with my handwashing, and against my principles, I have antibacterial handwash thoughout the house.

Having said that, ds had 2 vomiting bugs last year - neither of which I caught.

Just keep your immune system healthy with a bit of exercise, and some good vitamins (as opposed to Boots' own brand...) and, well, take deep breaths...

I'm in walton on thames if ever you need some moral support.

That sounds like a lovely day HBG. It would appear the chlorine did its trick! Hooray! Does your DH always deal with all vomiting? Mine does (if he's here) so I do appreciate him sometimes. LOL.

oh, and natural nutritionist friend said that cider vinegar is fantastic for keeping your stomache healthy...

Oh hello Oatcake. Not seen you around before. Lots of emetophobes on Mumsnet so you should always find one of us around with a sympathetic shoulder should you need it.

I quite understand the winter/summer thing you describe. My dcs have only ever been ill between October and March (so far!) so the cloud of doom starts to descend on me during the Autumn. Which is awful because until I became a Mum I always preferred the Autumn and Winter to Spring/Summer.

This year I have given my DCs a probiotic yogurt drink every day and make sure they have lots of live yogurt. I didn't know about cider vinegar though, thats interesting, not sure how to get a 6 yr old and 3 yr old to take it.

My friends with older children assure me that they do get stronger as they get older and therefore not always guaranteed to get every bug going round!

I can't believe prescribed antiemetics work! Do they really? I was given tablets then injections when feeling nauseous after a general anaesthetic. I still threw up (sorry!) which is a truly rare occurrence in my life.

Am so impressed that your Dr prescribed them for you. You must be a serious case (and I mean that in the nicest possible way ).

oh, I've been here for 5 years but have sporadic episodes of many postings before retreating to RL.

I can't remember how I initially got them (Buccastem 3mg) but the time before last that I asked for them, I admitted to the doctor my fear of vomiting and he looked totally unfazed and said "fine." but didn't offer counselling and said that he didn't have funding for hypnotherapy.

Anyway, they work for me because a lot of the time, it is psychosomatic, but when I have felt queasy when ds has had vomiting bugs, it has definitely helped so I can't say whether I had the bug or not as nothing transpired.

I start work as a midwife in a few months and I plan to disclose, during my medical, about the emetophobia, as I want special dispensation not to be allocated women with diarrhoea and vomiting...

I can trace it back to having hyperemesis during pregnancy, then 9 weeks post birth, the most horrific bug (3 times an hour, for 6 hours) that I have ever experienced, followed by a couple of years of vomiting biannually!

Sad thing is, I'm not having another child mainly because of it...

but yes, you ought to try them! I carry them everywhere! God, listen to me! It is the only thing 'wrong' with me... honest!

Belgian - I'm in SE London. Close to where Dumbledoresgirl and I had children (King's, Camberwell). I had both of mine there. In fact, I am strangely proud of the fact that my first DC was born under life-threatening traumatic circumstances so I had to have C/S under General Aneaesthetic and was not sick after. I was sick after another GA for surgery on broken ankle, but that was some years before.

I am an emetophobe but have managed to have more than 1 child. DDG has 4. TrinityRhino has 3.

I do hope and pray (as someone said on an earlier thread) that this problem doesn't stop you from having another DC if you want one .

hello towisenoughmum. Another emetophobe here... Have 2 DSs, and the youngest (7 months) had a bug a couple of weeks ago. Horrible projectile sick. I am ashamed that my first reaction was to not want to hold him, even though he was really distressed. Had to really fight to cuddle him (did manage it and that felt like a victory). Even though it was only baby sick really. I would be stressed in your situation too. It's odd isn't it, I could cope with shit, blood, but not sick. My post natal group had a 1st birthday party for all the children a couple of years ago, and they all got sick after it. We couldn't go, and afterwards I was so relieved. It really does make you feel crap doesn't it, like you said, you'd throw yourself under a train for them, so why is it we can't deal with them simply bringing back their stomach contents?

I am dreading the teenage drinking nights. Have already told DH that he has to deal with that. I am going to be shutting my door and putting earplugs in. And I am never going to pick them up from a party. It makes you sound like terrible parents. [shame emoticon]

I always thought that the period you need to be watchful for was 48 hours after being around an infected person?

You need Califrau's big towel tip - you wrap yourself in a HUGE towel, so that no sick can touch you I think, and there are no buckets - with your (gloved) hands, you can put the towels straight in the washing machine. Hopefully someone else can remember better what it was.

Sorry, long rambling post.

Thank you for that Clairemow.

I have a notion that what I need to do for all my fellow emetophobes is share the therapy I get (when it finally happens) through Mumsnet. So I will post weekly what my therapist says and, hopefully, we will all get a little bit better together.

There ARE more terrible phobias we could have. And we could be worst parents in so many ways, emetophobia is not the most dreadful thing in the world for our kids. We could be terminaly uncaring, unfeeling, neglectful parents who never do anything right by our children.

Lets all remember this, shall we?

Dearest dearest Belgian - I had the most unspeakable morning sickness with both my children all the day right through both pregnancies. Right up to 40 weeks. Was I actually sick? Was I buggery! Not once, with either of them (a girl, then a boy, if thats of interest)

We are never sick unless its an absolutley life or death situation. We have the strongest stomachs in the world. We will be fine through pregnancy, stomach bugs, you betcha. (we might throw up through food poisoning, but that's just our bodies taking care of us and making sure we are not made life or death ill through toxins we have inadvertently taken into our system).

But that minor medical blip they call pregnancy - we emetophobes can take it!

(Incidentally, and in all seriousness, female babies are more likely to make you sick than males, so if you have already got through one female baby pregnancy without nausea, then I'm sure you can do it again).

I'll keep posting re. the CBT.

Hello Califrau, you back home? did you get your socks from Next?

I was lucky in my four pregnancies in that I had only one brief moment of morning sickness and that was with my last child (I was carrying twins, unbeknownst to me, and felt a bit sick for a week or two before losing the twin). I have to say that if I had felt as sick as you girls during any one of my pregnancies, I would never have had another one.

I am interested Two, when you say that this is not the worst phobia in the world. It feels like it to me! I look at people with spider phobias, say, and think, well, all you need is a bit of desensitisation and you will be fine. Spiders don't actually threaten us (in this country anyway), they are not dangerous or offensive in themselves and people without a spider phobia are not repulsed by them. But having a vomiting phobia is not so simple. I feel I can't face any therapy because I don't believe I will ever be able to face vomiting with an easy mind. Even not emetophobic people shy away from getting ill, being sick, seeing people be sick, etc. So that makes me feel I could never be cured.

Anyway, what phobia would be worse in your opinion? It would help me to get some perspective if you explained a bit more. I suppose severe agoraphobia, in which the victim was unable to leave the house, would be a lot more debilitating. I feel so insensitive to other people's problems saying this, but I find it hard to think of any phobia worse than emetophobia!