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Original poster

Smokers or ex-smokers - what could someone have said to you when you were first experimenting with cigarettes, to make you stop?

99 replies

FrannyandZooey · 17/03/2007 18:55

I have a friend who is 17 and just starting to have the odd cigarette when out with friends. She feels bad about it, and doesn't want to become addicted, but enjoys trying them and wants to "live life to the full" - experimenting being part of that.

She confessed this to me and I think she partly wants me to have a go at her and make her promise me she won't do it again. What can I say to her? I don't feel that promising another person not to smoke will have any effect, but just worsen her self-esteem if she chooses to smoke again.

I told her I personally wished I had never smoked - told her she WILL get addicted if she keeps having the odd one - and talked about the thousands of pounds I have spent on cigarettes, the wrinkles she can plainly see I have from smoking, and the fact I seem to have some kind of asthma now and for all I know, I will get lung cancer one day.

I also told her it makes you stink and that men that smoke can't get it up so well

I don't see what a lecture will achieve here but I would dearly like to be able to say something that will strike home with her and dissuade her from years of addiction that I had.

I worked as her nanny for several years and now we often go out together as friends so I think she sees me in a sort of big sister type role. What could anyone have said to you, that would have made a difference? Is there anything that can put young people off from experimenting, if they have a mind to?

OP posts:

charliecat · 17/03/2007 18:58

I dont know...TBH, But ive told my dds that you can see the smokers in the street and in the pub, but hidden away from you are the dead people and thier relatives grieving for a lost someone who went too early.
Its not worth it, and its not living life to the full, it WILL make her slower and less healthy and its not worth the risk.
whyquit.com has a story about a girl called noni, she died way too young.

beansprout · 17/03/2007 18:58

I think the one thing that stuck in my mind, was not all the threats (cancer, stinky breath, poverty etc) but the throwaway comment of "you'll only have to give up anyway so it's not worth starting". As all smokers these days know that it's a mug's game, it was quite a good comment. When you are 17, it's impossible to imagine that you will be a wheezing, middle aged person one day.

I'll put my cards on the table though, I really struggle with parents that smoke and I say that as someone who has given up drink, drugs, fags, the lot, so I do know how hard it is to give up.

hunkermunker · 17/03/2007 18:59

I don't think there's anything anyone could have said to me. I enjoyed it when I did it. I don't think I was addicted as such either, as I gave up so easily (despite smoking between 20 and 40 a day).

Greensleeves · 17/03/2007 18:59

Tough one, Franny . I smoked for 15 years and it horrifies me to think that my boys will almost certainly try it one day.

I think all the things you've told her are pretty good, I can't think of anything better - all I would say is KEEP telling her, because probably even more influential than the facts themselves will be the fact that someone she thinks highly of thinks smoking is crap.

It is upsetting though, isn't it?

charliecat · 17/03/2007 19:00

Years of addiciton, its really hard to give up, some people die trying...

Blandmum · 17/03/2007 19:00

not a good look if you are on the pull

Tell her that the tobacco companies are so happy that people like her start. They need 340 new smokers in the UK to start every day to replace the ones that they killed today.

hunkermunker · 17/03/2007 19:02

I am SO glad that it's being banned though, because when the boys are old enough to go out to pubs, clubs, etc, it won't be the norm to have a pack of fags on you - I am hoping that it will be seen for the disgustingly anti-social thing that it is.

Franny, I'd tell her it's up to her, it is her body, but it will affect her future negatively - there is NOTHING positive about smoking.

WideWebWitch · 17/03/2007 19:02

I wish I knew, there have been some good ads aimed at young women recently, is that what mb has linked to? Oh, just looked it isn't hang on will see if I can find it.

oxocube · 17/03/2007 19:02

I would have just said similar to you Franny. My DH is a heavy smoker - about 30 - 40 a day and I really hate it. The house stinks, he smells of fags, the kids and I smell of smoke, I am embarrassed to invite my friends home because of the smell of fags, it is so ageing, looks cheap (sorry - I will be hung for this but it is only my opinion), is bloody expensive and obviously bad for you. What more can I add?

hunkermunker · 17/03/2007 19:03

Oh, Oxocube Can you ask him to smoke outside? It's SO bad for you all to live in a house that smells so awful

beansprout · 17/03/2007 19:04

I absolutely found that it played havoc with my (already slim) chances of pulling. There are many, many people out there who just don't want to snog a smoker.

fryalot · 17/03/2007 19:06

I gave up late last year at about the same time that that Russian bloke was poisoned with polonium.

I was to discover that cigarettes contain polonium. Also, lots of pesticides that are banned are present in cigarettes, because the tobacco is grown in developing countries where there aren't the same regulations.

I smoked for 25 years and never thought I would be able to give up, I am really, really proud that I did give up but if I had my time again, I would not have put myself through any of it. Giving up was HELL.

There is nothing that you can say to stop her from taking this up if she wants to, but without sounding like a reformed smoker, please urge her from one who knows..... Don't

Bobalina · 17/03/2007 19:06

Nothing, unfortunately, would have made a difference to me. I was definitely someone who wanted to 'live life to the full' and in some bizarre way, at 15 that meant smoking!

brimfull · 17/03/2007 19:12

I think everything you've said is what I would've said.
Also tell her that there isn't a smoker alive that will tell you they are glad that they started smoking.
Also it looks really unattractive .
And it rots your gums so your teeth look really crap when you're older.

Shame the young think they are invinsible.
My dd is thankfully still extrememly anti-smoking,she's 15 and in her peers it's really uncool to smoke.It all depends on your peers really.
Roll on July !!

WideWebWitch · 17/03/2007 19:13

here's one ad can't find any more.

3sEnough · 17/03/2007 19:14

Bad breath which stops snogging would have done it for me.

Aloveheart · 17/03/2007 19:15

that you won't be able to stop even though you probably think you can now. You'll be addicted, and smoke more and more each year to get your fix. I wish i never started.

WideWebWitch · 17/03/2007 19:26

God, I just found some awful stuff about lung cancer sufferers who STILL smoke AFTER surgery

hunkermunker · 17/03/2007 19:31

Tell her if she continues smoking, she's at far higher risk of going blind in later life.

hunkermunker · 17/03/2007 19:31

Oh, that's not just being nasty - it's true. Some kind of macular degeneration that's MUCH more common in smokers.

fryalot · 17/03/2007 19:34

My bil died of lung cancer last year. He was on oxygen in the front room. The hospital had no room for him so a nurse came to stay with them 24/7. My sil was holding his cigarette for him as he was too weak to hold it himself.

I gave up because I didn't want to be that person.

Washersaurus · 17/03/2007 19:53

Sadly, I don't think anyone could have stopped me when I started smoking - I enjoyed doing it and that was that! When I was ready to listen to advice and warnings etc (10 yrs later) I gave up immediately.

nickytwotimes · 17/03/2007 20:00

i'm an ex smoker. i don't think anything would have stopped me to be honest as when you are 17, you are indestructable! the only thing you can do is make it difficult for her to smoke when you are with her by letting her know how unpleasant it is. you never know, there are some people who CAN just have a few and leave it at that?

NorksBride · 17/03/2007 20:16

Franny - I think that's as much as you can do. The fact that she's asking about you about it is quite positive.

We had lots of information about smoking at school - the biology lab had that poster of the test tube of tar being poured out . And yet I was smoking 10 a day before I left school even though I could barely afford it, it ruined my sporting career, I had to wash my hair everyday because of the smell, I was foul-tempered if I didn't have cigarettes. I didn't even quit when my father died of cancer (various types inc. lung). I only stopped when I became pregnant, after 20years of smoking. It's the best thing I've ever done

Original poster

FrannyandZooey · 17/03/2007 20:22

Oh she wouldn't smoke in front of me. This is just when she is with her peers, at a party.

I don't think being told it can kill you and other things that could happen in the future sinks in very much when you are a teenager. YOU are never going to get old, or ill, or wrinkly - it's inconceivable.

Oh she did say "I do like my teeth and I don't want them to get disgusting." Maybe her appearance is the most effective thing to think about?

I almost think that I am providing a BAD example to her here, because she knows full well I smoked heavily for years and yet now here I am, happy and healthy and not actually wizened, although a little wrinkly I expect she will think "oh when I get sick of it, I can just give it up, like Franny"

OP posts:

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