Smokers or ex-smokers - what could someone have said to you when you were first experimenting with cigarettes, to make you stop?

[FrannyandZooey]

I have a friend who is 17 and just starting to have the odd cigarette when out with friends. She feels bad about it, and doesn't want to become addicted, but enjoys trying them and wants to "live life to the full" - experimenting being part of that.

She confessed this to me and I think she partly wants me to have a go at her and make her promise me she won't do it again. What can I say to her? I don't feel that promising another person not to smoke will have any effect, but just worsen her self-esteem if she chooses to smoke again.

I told her I personally wished I had never smoked - told her she WILL get addicted if she keeps having the odd one - and talked about the thousands of pounds I have spent on cigarettes, the wrinkles she can plainly see I have from smoking, and the fact I seem to have some kind of asthma now and for all I know, I will get lung cancer one day.

I also told her it makes you stink and that men that smoke can't get it up so well

I don't see what a lecture will achieve here but I would dearly like to be able to say something that will strike home with her and dissuade her from years of addiction that I had.

I worked as her nanny for several years and now we often go out together as friends so I think she sees me in a sort of big sister type role. What could anyone have said to you, that would have made a difference? Is there anything that can put young people off from experimenting, if they have a mind to?

eeeeeuuuuww

eeerm, no offence meant though. but the idea of lippie, fags and saliva did just give me a funny turn.

don't blame you, Aitch - my mum is the wrong side of 70 and smokes like a chimney - I love her to bits but she honks

My answer isn't very helpful - had the odd one every now and then when I was out.

Met (now) DH - he hated it with a passion... stopped

Zookeeper - the warnings stuff certainly isn't true any more (not sure about the historical accuracy, but it seems unlikely). In the UK, the warnings are mandated by law, and hopefully soon we'll get picture warnings too - the Government is consulting on which pictures to introduce.

I have never heard of the tobacco cos arguing that worried smokers consume more, although they might. Overall, the evidence shows that clear health warnings do promote quitting.

(Which is why the tobacco cos resist attempts to introduce them or try and persuade governments to adopt unclear or wishywashy warnings - compare the UK's "Smoking Kills" in HUGE letters with the US "Surgeon General's warning: Smoking causes lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema, and may complicate pregnancy" in much smaller letters. or even better, Japan's "Tobacco may be harmful to your health. Avoid excessive smoking.")

Now this is going to brand me as a complete loony, but I have read a LOT about subliminal imagery in cigarette and alcohol advertising and I found it absolutely compelling and convincing. More common than implanted sexual images are horrifying images relating to death and suffering - because it is quite true that a stressed smoker or drinker consumes MORE of the product.

I know it sounds completely paranoid but if you look into it the images are there to see.

that doesn't surprise me Franny - why else do we all keep smoking and start smoking even though we know it's madness? Why do I get the odd craving years after I've stopped? It's more than physical addition.

Nothing. I had my first cigarette when I was 9, stopped when I found out I was pg at 22.

A person has to want to stop smoking for themselves. I'm sure she knows all the risks.

I think most teenagers go through a phase of smoking and most do stop by themselves.

what do you mean, franny? That a lot of smokers and drinkers actually like the idea of death?

there really isn't anything anyone can say.

is there anyone nowadays who doesn't know that smoking may give you cancer? or asthma? emphysema? heart disease? that it makes you stink? makes your teeth yellow? that a non smoker giving you a kiss will think he's licking the carpet of a pub at closing time?

i know all this and i still have the odd one from time to time, although i gave up being a regular smoker yonks ago.

because while you know it as a fact in your head, the same way you know it's about 238900 miles to the moon, eating a packet of crisps a day is the same as drinking 5 litres of cooking oil a year and the egg came first, you don't know it as a reality in your life until you've got the hacking cough, the wrinkles and the shadow on your xray. and by that time all you can say is "i know i should quit but it's too hard, i'm stressed, i need it" or my other favourite "i could stop if i wanted to, but i enjoy it"

No, more than that pointy (although I think at some level smokers and drinkers might have a death wish?)

but the fact that their bad habit is possibly going to kill them / injure their health, is likely to get them reaching for the cigarette packet to try and calm themselves down. If you make smokers nervous and anxious about smoking, you make them initially likely to smoke MORE not less

I really don't think anybody could have said anything to stop me. I was 18 and I knew it all - I even knew about the tobacco companies' crappy practices and was outraged by them, and still I started up! The need to be cool and in with the in crowd really is that strong.

I gave up (for good I hope) at xmas. I have given up 3 times in the past (twice when pg and once for 18months. But for some reason, that 18months time, I never felt like a non-smoker, just someone who was trying to give up. This time, my mindset is totally different.

I think I hated the fact that I could feel superior for having been 'strong' enough to not be tempted to try hard drugs, but not strong enough to not smoke....
I hate the idea of feeling weak-willed.(when I believe myself to be a strong person...)
does that make any sense? I think that's helped where 20 years of knowing health-risks etc has failed.

'do you really want something as silly as cigarettes to have a control over you?'

i didnt drink tea for years with that thought (eh???). i started smoking fags at 16. old enough to know better. and i started smoking weed earlier... dont ask.

sorry F&Z, only just read your OP... agree you should emphasize point that one or two will certainly lead to addiction... and does she really want to be controlled by something so trivial? so passe? so common? so fecking ugly? (scratch that, shes 17, she doesnt see the ugliness yet)

that the stinking part... well, i now know i must have stunk to high heaven for so much time and i am embarrased about it now. i really truly had no idea.

fwiw - i think my smoking was always linked to a self destruct instinct... dont know how that may help though??

Most people who smoke start under the age of 18.

Most smokers want to stop, but can't because they are addicted,

The tobacco companies play the most cynical game of conning kids into thinking that smoking is the act of a rebel.

It isn't . It is the action of a lamb to the slaughter. 1 in two smokers will die as a result of their habit.

ohhh, I see. Yes, I see your point.

(that was to franny)

mb - you are spot on.

and yr post reminds me what made me stop for over a year when i was 17... an interview with the owner? big sheese anyhow of british and american tobacco (the biggest co?)... he was asked if he smoked and his answer was a derisory laugh and 'er, no. smoking is for the poor, the black and the stupid.'
certainly hardened my resolve never to line that mans pockets. well, it owrked for a year anyway (a long time to a 17yo, no?)

In my case - no, there is nothing you could have said.

I started at 13 as a very occasional (impress the mates) thing. I smoked properly from about 15 years old until I was 26. Gave up for 3 years started again for about a year then gave up for good when I was pregnant with DS2 3.5 years ago.

I so wish I had never touched a cigarrette

"i'll give you £4,000"

the amount to cover the mortgage we couldn't pay, beg borrow or steal. after the twins were born and think seemed tobe going to shit.

i went and bought a packet of fags.

actually, thats a good point custardo... good old fashioned bribery might do it! say 'if you dont have any fags ever for a whole year, ill take you away for a w/end or something' you do have to trust that she'll be honest about it tho...